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ITV4 schedulers to assist with dredging operation

Somerset council have recruited ITV4 schedulers to assist with with dredging. "We needed someone with expertise for pulling out old rubbish from the depths and they ticked all the boxes.", said a...

apepper 02.02.14 4:19pm
Woody Allen to star in film about a dysfunctional prisoner in NYC 0
Bigglesworth 02.02.14 3:08pm
energy saving bulbs at risk of diabetes

Doctors recommend a minimum of 150 lumens a week...

cleverandfunny 02.02.14 2:19pm
Norovirus garnish ill-advised admits Heston. 0
MADJEZ 02.02.14 2:18pm
Woody Allen & Roman Polanski to collaberate.... On a double-date not a film. 0
MADJEZ 02.02.14 1:47pm
Historic compromise agreed - teenagers to speak with sub-titles 5
Oxbridge 02.02.14 1:38pm
Mr Target
Weeding school grounds not as good as waterboarding, educationalists say

School punishments announced by Michael Gove will not be as effective as waterboarding or a good thrashing, according to educationalists. The education secretary said that unruly pupils should be...

roybland 02.02.14 12:50pm
Crowds warned to keep way from the Gove-rn Bore

Three severe warnings are in place, following a surge of propaganda from the education secretary Michael Gove, and there is still a risk from the high levels of bullshit flooding out of the mouth. ...

Ian Searle 02.02.14 12:27pm
Woody Allen’s family tree to be filmed... as a trilogy... 0
Tripod 02.02.14 12:24pm
England: “We’ve decided to stop playing cricket. No... no particular reason”... 0
Tripod 02.02.14 12:14pm
Inbreeding celebrated as Somerset family's webbed feet help movement in floods. 0
dominic_mcg 02.02.14 11:23am
Scorsese to film Michael Gove biopic

Martin Scorsese has confirmed that Leonardo DiCaprio will take the title role in his upcoming biopic of the charming, sharply-suited, psychotically ambitious Education Secretary Michael Gove,working...

blokefromstoke 02.02.14 10:50am
Ref Minor
Tory sympathisers united as Gove looks for final solution

Unrest is growing among labour and liberal supporters after reports emerged of a mass exodus of ‘their kind’ from public bodies, instigated by MP Michael Gove. The swift and brutal removal of...

kga6 02.02.14 10:46am
French writer tours garages in search of le MOT juste 3
sydalg 02.02.14 10:46am
Ref Minor
God criticised as update to Universe is 86 trillion terabyte download

Godsoft has faced a backlash from users of its widely used Universe product when the update to version 1.1 has been announced as an 86 trillion terabyte download which has been estimated will take 20...

apepper 02.02.14 10:41am
Gove: "Roles need from time to time 'to be refreshed'." Government sacked 0
Not Amused 02.02.14 10:28am
Not Amused
Somerset dredging programme intended to attract "floating voters". More soon. 2
Al OPecia 02.02.14 12:04am
Doctor who got patient's blood group wrong admits it could have been a type-o 9
Smart Alex 02.02.14 12:03am
January had most weather since records began

The Met Office today released it's analysis of the past month, confirming what most of the nation expected, that there had indeed been a lot of weather in January. 'Not since December 2013 have we...

John Roughty 01.02.14 11:30pm
John Roughty
Rich People are a cancer in Society says spokesman for Benefit's Cheats

In a dramatic escalation in the row over the 50p tax law, a spokesman for Benefit's Cheats has slammed rich people. In a statement released today it says, "All these individuals who have decided to...

Njinski 01.02.14 11:06pm
'Stop Moaning' - Environment Minister's advice to Flood victims

Environment Minister, Owen Paterson, has today told residents of Somerset to "Stop Moaning" and has labelled them hypocrites. Paterson said "They have very short memories. Only 8 months ago they...

Njinski 01.02.14 10:25pm
UKIP suggest quota on number Glaswegian football managers in England

The UKIP has suggested limiting the number of managers from Scotland’s First City that are allowed at English football clubs. A spokesman said ‘I’m no racist, I had a poster of Bill Shankly on...

Patrickmichaelkenny 01.02.14 10:05pm
Paolo Di Cano sets up PR firm

Disgrace former Sunderland AFC manager has set up his own Public Relations firm. ‘I will take on clients who want to mend their image, who want to tweak it slightly, who want to project themselves...

Patrickmichaelkenny 01.02.14 9:57pm
Man Utd Release Vintage Kit From 2005/6 Season

Adidas have announced they are releasing an old-school style kit for the Red Devils which which bring back memories of the glory years when they finished only 8 points behind Chelsea. It’s...

Patrickmichaelkenny 01.02.14 9:54pm
Lib Dems training day 'mainly watching Carry On Camping'

A surprised member of the Lib Dems inner circle said that a recent away day training event featured ‘watching lots of films staring Robin Askwith and Hattie Jacques’. He went on ‘When we were...

Patrickmichaelkenny 01.02.14 9:50pm
The New World Order to disband after years of clandestine failure

The New World Order has announced its immediate disbandment after years of failing to secretly control world events, according to its official facebook page. "We live in a chaotic world, and to think...

Bigglesworth 01.02.14 8:55pm
French writer ransacks wardrobe in search of le moth juste 2
sydalg 01.02.14 8:22pm
Police recover millions of missing bees in sting operation 0
sydalg 01.02.14 8:18pm
Man buys cushion

Andy Hopkins from Cheshire has been unveiled as the first British man to buy a cushion to adorn a bed or sofa despite such objects being renowned for their assistance in the prevention of sleep and...

antharrison 01.02.14 7:56pm
Iceland drops case against squatters stealing – That’s why bums go to Iceland 0
carlosmanwelly 01.02.14 6:05pm