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New welfare plans leave Jeremy Kyle worried 0
dannyboy206 3 years

Jeremy Kyle is fearing for his future as the front for "chav-TV" amid government welfare plans to get the unemployed into work...

'Moon On A Stick, My Arse!' Says Martin Shuttlecock 0
Martin Shuttlecock 3 years

Failed satirist, Martin Shuttlecock, currently of no fixed abode, today heaped scorn on David Cameron's "perfectly clear" yet somewhat obfusticated announcement that he would deliver the British...

Chinese physicist discovers plasma TV 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Mathematician wins beauty contest for looking good on paper 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Petrel sales fall as motorists tern to alternative henergy sources... 10
be reasonable 3 years

moorhen soon., Yep, back on the bird puns...

Scientists prove conclusively that letter G is unlucky for fast food chains. 2
deskpilot3 3 years

Which explains "I'm lovin' it" and "Finger lickin' good"...

Punctuality reputation tarnished with "The Late" Stobart livery refresh 3
QorbeQ 3 years
Irish economy close to collapse after no pot of gold found at end of rainbow 0
bonjonelson 3 years

[more soon]...

Gaddaffi's regime crumbles... 1
be reasonable 3 years

not as good as Aunt Bessie's apple crumbles...

Eddie Stobart resting on hard shoulder in wooden layby 0
ronseal 3 years
In A Surprise Move Paul Burrell Has Supplied All The Items Requested 0
3 years

On Kate and Will's Wedding List, And This Is Now Closed...

Cameron: UN Resolution Includes Kitchen Sink 2
pineapple incident 3 years

David Cameron suggested, last night, that the UN mandate regarding Libya could include the kitchen sink. Cameron's comments emerged in light of news that the Libyan rebel's positions were becoming...

New state pension will start at 155. 0
deskpilot3 3 years

No, not pounds...

Bin Laden tells Taliban "You're not as good as the original" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

Through a translator he says "Taliban today, just like the Sugababes, same name, no discernable connection to the original. Worse than Eternal without Louise Nurding. She was glad to get married I...

Crime surge in private jail catchment areas 0
Milo Shame 3 years

Scotland Yard has released figures today that show criminals are by-passing the ‘state’ jail post-code lottery and committing crimes in areas that will better guarantee a place in one of the...

Elephant in room defends itself: "You're at the bloody zoo". More soon. 0
Mary Evans 3 years
People who put "Jedi" as their religion in 2011 census all born on May 4th 4
Iamthestig 3 years
Moussa Koussa "hoped for meeting with Duke of Hamilton" 0
BillyBitzer 3 years
Corridors of Power to be replaced by Ramps of Incapacity. 0
malgor 3 years
Farewell then Eddie Stobart: 'No longer articulated' 0
pinxit 3 years
Alternative Vote Campaign To Be Abandoned..... 2
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.As 'run through' test shows that, surprisingly, only winners are nouveau riche, council recount and recount and recount clerks...

Prince Harry: 'We thought William couldn't pull a bird in a brothel” 0
beau-jolly 3 years

The 26-year-old said "we all thought that it was never going to happen for him" when asked about the impending royal wedding. “but then Uncle Ed surprised us all by not only marrying a bird but...

Olympic stadium under guard after Millennium Dome shot by White Elephant hunters 0
jp1885 3 years

Security in and around the new 2012 Olympic stadium in Stratford, East London, has been stepped up today after fears of an increase in white elephant poaching were confirmed following the discovery...

'I'm Feckin Defeckin,' says Moussa Koussa; 'can I join your Libby Dibbies?' 2
malgor 3 years

More rhyming couplets soon...

House that Looks Like Hitler gets planning permission for Sudetanland Annex 11
ronseal 3 years

The House that Looks Like Hitler has built an annex in the Sudetenland, furious neighbours have learned. Their protests have fallen on deaf ears, because planning permission was granted, with the...

Life in the fast lane catches up with Eddie Stobart 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Taxman to boost coffers by not only fining for late returns but early ones to 0
Basil_B 3 years
Man claims to be able to use PC immediately after switiching it on. 0
dandare70 3 years
Prof Brian Cox wins ‘Face you would most like to slap’ award. 10
Des and Stan 3 years

There was unanimous approval at the tenth annual Nivea Awards ceremony last night when Professor Brian Cox was the runaway winner of the male category of the prestigious ‘Face you would most like...

Police to be given Sherlock Holmes training to improve detection 4
Basil_B 3 years

Home Secretary Theresa May announced plans today to improve the detection rate of police officers by making them read up on the complete works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's famous detective character...