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Rory McIlroy's Dubai World Championship hopes hit by Walrus 0
simonjmr 3 years

As Rory McIlroy seeks to top the European Tour's money list in Dubai this week Doctors have confirmed that is being haunted by a visions of an anthropamorphic Walrus. Psycologists fear that the...

FIFA Boss accused of Anti Anti-Corruption claim. 2
A.Parody 3 years

Celebration took place today in Switzerland at FIFA’s headquarters as unforeseen complications lead to delays in the publication of documentation naming and shaming official from the ISL. Blatter...

Ricky Gervais to make new disability comedy "Downston Abbey" 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years
Lathe operator wins Turner prize. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 3 years
Shock increase in 8-year-old Manchester City supporters 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Bell Pottinger to Rebrand as All Gas and Dictators 0
Drylaw 3 years
S & P put Swindon man on Negative Watch "just to be on safe side" 1
Drylaw 3 years
Eurozone launches its own ratings service 'Substandard & Pisspoor'. 0
Boutros 3 years

More substandard and piss poor tickers soon...

NASA withdraw claim of Earthlike planet; "telescope was upside down." 1
apepper 3 years

NASA have had to make a humiliating confession that the claimed new planet discovery was actually the Earth through the wrong end of the telescope. "It's confusing", confessed a spokesman, "The 'look...

Union boss denies concrete block dropped on car was "Clarkson revenge" attempt 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years
2011 Turner Art Prize exposed as a fake 1
Username 3 years

The British art world is tonight reeling from the shock announcement that since 1994, the UK’s most prestigious award for ‘up and coming’ artists has in fact been a carefully staged pilot for a...

Men around the world hail invention of the paracetamol-flavoured condom 7
bonjonelson 3 years

I'm going to get in trouble for this one, I can tell...

Kepler 22-b scientists use super telescope to observe the battle of Agincourt 4
charlies_hat 3 years
Duke of Edinburgh dies. Jeremy Clarkson applies for the job. 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years

More soon....

Insurance Company launches "Compare the Messiah" campaign for Christmas 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years "He'll save the world! Simples!"...

Pandas at Duke of Edinburgh zoo told to fuck off back to China. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
"Black Mirror" pig now a humanality sex addict, Charlie Brooker slammed 0
simonjmr 3 years

The pig used at the denoument of Sunday's "Black Mirror" has today claimed that they have become addicted to sex with human beings, and that since filming the scene has had not support from the...

Bankrupt landscape gardener blames NIMBYism 1
wallster 3 years
Shock as news emerges of rich middle aged white men running politics 0
Shandy 3 years

Recent news has emerged that groups of privately educated, well off, white individuals are exerting influence on politics behind the scenes. Until now, the general public were blissfully happy in...

SETI researchers give up as ET signal is decoded as 'The only way is Kepler 22b' 0
wallster 3 years
Pandas will comfort the visiting homeless, claims Edinburgh Zoo finance director 0
medici2471 3 years
Male giant pandas attempt image change 1
fernandomando 3 years

Male pandas today launched a PR offensive to try to reverse their ‘Bad Boy, Love them and leave them image’. Employing the services of a top Public Relations Company, today is the start of a...

Standard & Poor's threaten to downgrade Kepler 22-b credit rating 3
ianslat 3 years

Credit rating agency Standard & Poor's has today warned newly discovered planet Kepler 22-b that it may downgrade its AAA credit rating to AA if it fails to put appropriate measures in place to...

Appointment of Tintin as Foreign Minister breaks Belgian cabinet deadlock 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Border control concerns re-surface after two men in panda suits claim asylum 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Poets’ Corner memorial gives Ted Hughes fans something to crow about 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Edinburgh Zoo takes 2 pandas on a 10 year loan after Tevez fails to agree terms 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Teens concerned about "faxting epidemic" among parents 0
Dumbnews 3 years

Teenagers to face spot checks 7
nickb 3 years
Ex-Man Utd player's friend's mum's cousin sent to prison 1
kga6 3 years

in an otherwise uninteresting 'news' report...