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Costa Concordia's Captain Schettino returns to ship's bridge

Mamma Mia! What a lotta dials and buttons! Ouch I hitta my head on low roof! Hello pretty girl - you like jiggy jiggy? Whatsa this button here for? Can I press it? I going to pressa it anyway. ...

0
blacklesbianandproudofit 27.02.14 5:05pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Salmond has contingency plan to flee to London if Scots actually vote Yes 0
cinquecento 27.02.14 5:00pm
cinquecento
Harriet Harman "Deeply Regrets" 1970s Hairstyle

In a statement which stopped short of an apology, Harriet Harman has expressed "regret" for allowing a 1970s hairdresser to interfere with her hair. "With the benefit of hindsight, I think we can...

7
deceangli 27.02.14 4:39pm
custard cream
New app set to guarantee Appy Holidays for us all

Remember all those times in the past when a hideously dull and annoying person or family tried to strike up a conversation on holiday or in an aeroplane, and you’d really rather they hadn’t? Or...

0
27.02.14 4:21pm
Unite Russia forced to remove Bear from logo under gay propaganda laws

In a land mark decision in the Russian Supreme Court, Vladimir Putin's party Unite Russia lost its long running legal battle against its own anti gay propaganda laws. The Suprme court judge ruled...

1
Canvasectomy 27.02.14 3:29pm
Gerontius
Bill Gates on mission to improve billions of lives by ending Microsoft 0
Dumbnews 27.02.14 3:01pm
Dumbnews
Happy single middle-aged man terrified about spending rest of life alone 0
Dumbnews 27.02.14 3:00pm
Dumbnews
DOE regrets typo: "the powerful smell of penis prevents climate change".

A spokesman for the Department of Environment today apologised for an embarrassing press release issued yesterday. Blaming a mixture of human error and technological over-efficiency, Rufus Redwood...

2
Son of Barnabas 27.02.14 2:28pm
Son of Barnabas
"E7" shot man 6 times "because I ran out of bullets"

Old joke, new victim...

0
beau-jolly 27.02.14 2:12pm
beau-jolly
UKIP Spokesman: Global Warming caused by ‘Glee’ ratings spike

The UKIP spokesman for Energy Roger Helmer MEP announced a U-turn of his party’s long standing scepticism towards man-made climate change. The UK Independence Party has until this point been...

0
Canvasectomy 27.02.14 1:56pm
Canvasectomy
Thousands turn out for Albert Finney's funeral only to discover he's still alive 0
MADJEZ 27.02.14 1:51pm
MADJEZ
Janitor promotions into army leadership 'just a sweeping generalisation' 1
pere floza 27.02.14 1:44pm
beau-jolly
Three-headed baby plans announced

Plans to allow the creation of babies with three heads have been announced in the UK. The draft regulations will be reviewed as part of a public consultation and could come into force by the end of...

0
Son of Barnabas 27.02.14 12:05pm
Son of Barnabas
IDS - Child poverty redefined as 'looking like a scrubber'

In a bold move today, Work and Peasants Secretary Ian Duncan-Smith will attempt to radically redefine the way we look at child poverty. Instead of the old requirement that they live in a financially...

0
Electrelane 27.02.14 11:27am
Electrelane
BNP withdraws call for mandatory death penalty for violent fanatics 0
Bigglesworth 27.02.14 11:19am
Bigglesworth
Risk assessment forces Life Insurance company to quit Scotland

'What Independence vote?' replies confused claims team manager...

0
Ironduke 27.02.14 11:11am
Ironduke
Conservative Party to adopt new 'jackboot' logo in place of tree

The Conservative Party has decided to rebrand itself as 'The Workers Party,' following poor opinion poll ratings among low-waged workers in marginal constituencies. They have also been urged by...

12
Edward Knight 27.02.14 10:57am
blokefromstoke
BNP gallows 'not sturdy enough to support Nick Griffin'

Gallows exhibited outside the Old Bailey by BNP supporters waiting for the sentencing of the murderers of Lee Rigby, wouldn't support the weight of Nick Griffin, according to structural engineer...

1
roybland 27.02.14 8:55am
Oxbridge
NHS Leaders Demand Bonuses : "We Make Bigger Losses Than RBS"

NHS chief executives have responded furiously to announcements that RBS managers earned £576 million in bonuses on annual losses of a 'mere' £8.2 billion. "NHS Trusts regularly lose that much...

0
deceangli 27.02.14 8:50am
deceangli
Rapper Claims Credit for Shakespeare’s Plays By Humming Over the Words

Theatre critics are in uproar today after it emerged that an American rapper has been credited with co-authoring Shakespeare’s plays. “It’s an art form, what I do”, he told reporters. “For...

1
deceangli 27.02.14 8:49am
Duff
Congratulations! Sir Cliff to turn out for GB Davis Cup team

Following hot on the heels of 1D's Louis Tomlinson turning out to play for Doncaster Rovers Reserves, comes news that Peter Pan of pop, Sir Cliff Richard, real name Harry Webb, has been drafted in to...

0
Duff 27.02.14 8:46am
Duff
Harman DID complain about PIE - there were no women on the board of directors 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 27.02.14 8:13am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Harman claims she was too busy harrassing men in 1980s to notice paedophilia 0
blacklesbianandproudofit 27.02.14 8:11am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Mail criticize Blair for links to paedophile organisation 'The Catholic Church'. 12
MADJEZ 27.02.14 1:24am
MADJEZ
EU Campaign Forces New Design of Cigarette Packets

As a deterrent to smoking, cigarettes packets will now be forced to carry a series of anti-smoking logos on the front, with phrases such as ‘I am a Pillock’, ‘Only Stupid Turds Smoke’,...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 27.02.14 12:36am
Guillermo De Snookio
UKRAINE - Lavrov invites Kerry to Discuss the Situation over Tea.

Kerry has replied that unfortunately he will not be able to attend as his Geiger Counter is broken...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 27.02.14 12:34am
Guillermo De Snookio
24/2/2025 DLT finally cleared after 6 retrials. Celebrates with a quick grope.

Twelve years after he was first charged of indecent assault and sexual assault between 1976 and 2008, disc jockey Dave Lee Travis has finally been cleared of all charges. The first trial was in 2014,...

7
Son of Barnabas 27.02.14 12:20am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Unexpected find in handbag

Court security officers at the trial of Rebekah Brooks uncovered an interesting item during a routine search of a handbag. 'We believe there may be quite a few of these floating about all over Great...

4
pinxit 27.02.14 12:11am
blacklesbianandproudofit
Daily Mail: 45 year minimum sentence for Lee Rigby killer "too lenient" 3
AReader 27.02.14 12:00am
AReader
'To find happiness spend everyday doing uncomfortable things', says Dr. Phil 0
Dumbnews 26.02.14 11:42pm
Dumbnews