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Drunken Tory Minister tells drivers "Store your Petrol & Diesel in a Jeroboem"

Majestick reports queues...

0
Scronnyglonkle 29.03.12 6:57am
Scronnyglonkle
Maude clarifies "..keep fuel in Jerry CARS in your garage; I've a Porsche & BMW"

more later...

2
dvo4fun 29.03.12 7:35am
Perks
Government advice for accident witnesses; "crowd around, plenty to see"

The government has changed it's advice for accident witnesses. "Have a good look, there's lots to look at. Why not get on your mobile and call your mates round to get a real crowd going."...

0
apepper 29.03.12 6:50am
apepper
Greggs admits supplies have run dry after politicians panic buy pasties 3
ronseal 29.03.12 8:34am
ronseal
How to drive men crazy in bed!

See thread below...

0
Theodore Sprangshaft 29.03.12 5:18am
Theodore Sprangshaft
How to drive women crazy in bed!

Fart, snore and grind your teeth...

0
Theodore Sprangshaft 29.03.12 5:17am
Theodore Sprangshaft
Want to hang out with beautiful young ladies..

travel the world and party in the very best 5 star hotels whilst being paid a boat load then the IMF is waiting for you!...

0
Theodore Sprangshaft 29.03.12 4:53am
Theodore Sprangshaft
If Only IKEA made nuclear missiles..

then we could offer North Korea an alternative to testing.provide them with an 'off the shelf' solution tried and tested? It would be shipped flat-pack with assembly instructions in Turkish and by...

0
Theodore Sprangshaft 29.03.12 4:39am
Theodore Sprangshaft
Fueling financial hiccups is a piece of pastry.

In a bid to lighten the dark cloud sitting over the March budget Prime Minister Dr David Macaroon decided that an early April Fuels joke was in order. Sick and tired of hearing complaints about the...

0
kondorish 29.03.12 12:25am
kondorish
Face Transplant donor is unknown UK politician

Impossible to tell which as they all still seem to have at least two. More later...

0
RickH 28.03.12 11:40pm
RickH
Whose Heart Was Transplanted Into Dick 'Darth Vader' Cheney's Chest Anyway?

News information services have informed us that former President-Of-Vice Dick Cheney has had a heart transplant. The former Halliburton head man had to wait almost two years to get his new ticker...

0
28.03.12 10:46pm
COBRA meeting on fuel strike

On emerging from the COBRA meeting today, David Cameron said. "While it was unsafe & even illegal for people to hoard fuel at home, they could always do what he & the cabinet had done. Buy...

0
mikesmifff 28.03.12 10:11pm
mikesmifff
Big Business advises Cameron to top up their coffers

Big business advises Cameron to top up their coffers...

0
Mr Normal 28.03.12 9:33pm
Mr Normal
Petrol strike fears cause millions to cancel Easter visits to in-laws 16
Mandy Lifeboat 30.03.12 3:40pm
Ironduke
Osborne to combine VAT on hot food with increase in postal rates

to be called Pasty Parcel Tax...

0
Tomfinger 28.03.12 8:37pm
Tomfinger
Pope urges Cubans to search for non-existent deity 0
Mandy Lifeboat 28.03.12 8:28pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Cameron advises big business to top up Tory Party coffers 0
Mandy Lifeboat 28.03.12 8:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Aliens land in Old Trafford

When interviewed one alien said that they would be leaving as there is no atmosphere...

0
GillsImp 28.03.12 8:02pm
GillsImp
Britain's Got Talent Hopeful to Invent Sob Story In Bid to Win Public Votes

Peter Blyth, a moderately talented pub singer from Aylesbury has engaged a top PR Consultant to aid his audition on ITVs Britain's Got Talent., "My problem is, I had a very happy childhood, was...

1
deluca 28.03.12 8:08pm
Computer Programmer of the Year delivers acceptance speech in binary

01001101 01101111 01110010 01100101 01110011 01101111 01101111 01101110...

4
grumblechops 29.03.12 10:03pm
grumblechops
The past, the present and the future walked into a bar...... it was tense 5
grumblechops 29.03.12 4:55pm
writinginbsl
Two Men Walked into a Bar

You would have thought the second would have realised?...

0
GillsImp 28.03.12 7:33pm
GillsImp
Henry IV denies responsibility for enciting warfare

So shaken as we are, so wan with care Find we a time for frighted peace to pant,, And breathe short-winded accents of new broils, To be commenced in strands afar remote. Henry denied to comment...

0
GillsImp 28.03.12 7:19pm
GillsImp
Conspiracy Theorist Fails to deny Conspiracy

A conspiracy theorist has denied reporte that conspiracies are just a theory. This has puzzled various groups including the illuminati who believe that this is lights the fire of confusion...

0
GillsImp 28.03.12 6:42pm
GillsImp
Train carriage evacuated as passenger sets phone to "silent but deadly" mode. 0
Haywood Manley 28.03.12 6:19pm
Haywood Manley
Climate change denier refuses to admit the lawn needs mowing in March 4
Lucy4 29.03.12 8:59am
JohnA
Dignitas to introduce new Gift Vouchers and Loyalty schemes

This journalist asks is there an Exit strategy...

0
Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 5:36pm
Scronnyglonkle
Petrol Stations reporting Nectar points shortages 0
Scronnyglonkle 28.03.12 5:32pm
Scronnyglonkle
Maude Bullish about petrol storage ideas

Minister for the Cabinet Office, Francis Maude has defended his plans for the public storage of fuel today. Speaking outside the Houses of Parliament, Maude was bullish about his suggestion that...

0
monkeechicken 28.03.12 4:10pm
monkeechicken
Scientists discover new 'heat' description

Up until now there have been three different colours to describe heat: Red Hot (just hot), White Hot (very hot) and Blue Hot (extremely hot). But now a group of scientists from London University...

0
Exiled Royal 28.03.12 3:43pm
Exiled Royal