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Mary gets restraining order against stalking lamb

In the courts today, a girl identified only as Mary was granted an injunction against an ovine minor who cannot be named for legal reasons. "Everywhere I went, he was there, right behind me. He...

1
sydalg 08.06.13 2:35pm
Arthur
Royal Family a source of Shale Gas

Exploratory abdominal surgery on the Duke of Edinburgh has exposed gas reserves much 'bigger than first thought'. The operation, under general anaesthetic, has revealed upwards of 170 trillion cubic...

3
Wrenfoe 08.06.13 2:06pm
sydalg
Star Wars fan devastated to discover saga riddled with scientific inaccuracies.

A lifelong Star Wars devotee has found his life in disarray after discovering that the blockbuster saga is riddled with scientific inaccuracies and implausibilities. Tony Mathews, 46, had been a...

3
sredni vashta 08.06.13 1:01pm
sredni vashta
Prince Philip's expecting gaffe transplant

Doctor's are preparing for a pioneering gaffe transplant operation. "Prince Philip is a 91 year old upper class man who's had nothing to do for the last 70 odd years than unwittingly insult people;...

0
apepper 08.06.13 11:57am
apepper
Lance Armstrong wins Sense of Entitlement award again

Glorious day today, hope you are all enjoying it...

0
gaijintendo 08.06.13 11:05am
gaijintendo
Suspicions raised when GCHQ 'liked' our selfies, say Facebook users 2
cinquecento 08.06.13 10:11am
Lindy Moone
I can't retire on this paltry pension, says Napoleon from Elba

The former ruler of France is reported to be shocked at the cost of living on Elba, and sees no way he can stay there without the benefit of his emperor's salary or war booty. His aides have...

3
sydalg 08.06.13 8:57am
Arthur
Graffiti Yob Becomes A Millionaire From Reporting His Own Crimes

Western Australian Youth Justice advocates defended their decision today not to increase fines for criminal damage in light of an infamous graffiti artist becoming a millionaire at the age of 19...

4
brianflan 08.06.13 8:53am
Arthur
Mormon Defence League holds protest outside Starbucks

Shoppers in Liverpool got more than they bargained for yesterday when their morning coffee stop was interrupted by a rowdy demonstration from the Mormon Defence League. Around seven demonstrators...

2
NorthernGravy 08.06.13 8:27am
NorthernGravy
Man with very thick glasses claims he's been doing “selfies” for years 0
weematt 08.06.13 8:17am
weematt
Phillip gives update on mid east to Chinese nurse: "they're Syria and Syria"

No more stereotypically bad gaffes soon...

0
Not Amused 08.06.13 8:15am
Not Amused
UN launches record appeal. 78's or 45's accepted. 0
weematt 08.06.13 8:14am
weematt
Germany to leave the Euro

The IMF, and ECB (and everyone else), have declared Latvia insane for wanting to join the Euro in January 2014. Following the announcement Germany has decided to leave the Euro and takeover the...

0
rgk 08.06.13 6:37am
rgk
Enough is enough says French chicken farmer 29
Dick Everyman 08.06.13 1:38am
Arthur
Vladamir Putin announces divorce ahead of Russian vote on gay marriage. 3
raudus 08.06.13 12:05am
Ref Minor
Government think tank bursts leaving cabinet deep in thought. 1
weematt 07.06.13 11:55pm
sredni vashta
Fears for coalition as Nick and Dave go to ballet together 0
sydalg 07.06.13 11:39pm
sydalg
Underground Solar Panels To Compete With Indoor Wind Turbines 0
Titus 07.06.13 10:18pm
Titus
Think tanks now expect austerity to outlast posterity 0
weematt 07.06.13 10:08pm
weematt
Arrested Trappist loudly demands right to silence 0
sydalg 07.06.13 7:02pm
sydalg
Half of UK population "will die in the future"

At least half of the current UK population will die of something fatal at some point in the future, a stark new medical report has suggested. Eternal Life Research Group Plc., which commissioned the...

3
jamsieoconnor 07.06.13 7:01pm
sydalg
Ed Miliband promises a cap on life expectancy

In an increasingly desperate attempt to prove his credibility with right wing voters, Ed Miliband has promised to limit the lengths that people will go to avoid death. Buoyed by the recent...

2
Wrenfoe 07.06.13 6:57pm
sydalg
BBC Announces New Dragon for Dragons Den Series

Today the BBC have announced the latest replacement Dragon for its prime time series Dragons Den. Simon Brown, unemployed bricklayer from Newcastle will be the latest Dragon seeking to invest in...

0
Deimos 07.06.13 6:54pm
Deimos
Teachers to troops initiative rejected by armed forces

Government plans to fast track teachers into the armed forces have been attacked by military leaders as 'Short sighted and dangerous.' The scheme, which will see secondary school geography teachers...

0
antharrison 07.06.13 6:21pm
antharrison
Epidemic of sexual inadequacy prompts calls for panda cull 2
cinquecento 07.06.13 5:49pm
cinquecento
"Can I be a groom of Christ?" asks monk after same sex marriage bill 6
Dick Everyman 07.06.13 3:53pm
FlashArry
Domino pizza drone crashes. Potato wedges in rotor? 0
weematt 07.06.13 2:55pm
weematt
Army introduce waterboarding and beasting to schools

Army officers who have retrained as teachers have introduced new levels of discipline to schools, it was revealed today. At schools across the country, waterboarding is now accepted as a suitable...

1
John Wiltshire 07.06.13 1:24pm
Titus
25 years after first attempt, The Queen gatecrashes the BBC News

"Who's laughing now Sue Lawley?" http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/68037000/jpg/_68037573_queenstudio.jpg...

0
Kramaring 07.06.13 1:21pm
Kramaring
Camberwick Green to get massive inshore windfarm windfall

Residents of Camberwick Green are celebrating on the news that Windy Miller's mill is to supply power to the national grid. As a result, the village hopes to benefit from a substantial inshore...

6
Boutros 07.06.13 12:45pm
Boutros