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Buckingham Palace denies using CGI effects in Queen's Speech 0
custard cream 24.12.12 7:56pm
custard cream
Jamiroquai to choreograph Queen’s dance routine for 3D Christmas message

Warbling pop sensation and Top Gear favourite Jamiroquai has been chosen to put the Queen through her paces for a 3D dance routine she plans to pull off during her address to the nation on Christmas...

DustyBinLaden 24.12.12 7:41pm
Dad charges family £480 for IT support

A father of 2 in Hinchley Wood has drawn up a price list on the fridge for providing IT support over the Christmas period. Based on gifts already purchased, his family could face a £480 bill. He...

Boutros 24.12.12 5:03pm
Cameron Seeks Apology for Viking Atrocities

David Cameron made an impassioned plea today for a formal public apology from Scandinavian nations for the atrocities committed by the Vikings between the 8th and 11th Centuries. "We are calling on...

Denis Dijon 24.12.12 3:52pm
Chris Thomas
Shane MacGowan too drunk to realise he's dead, say doctors

As the music world celebrates the twenty-fifth anniversary of the release of the popular Christmas classic, A Fairytale of New York, there has been increasing speculation about how the song's writer...

jamsieoconnor 24.12.12 3:42pm
Buckingham Palace says Queen 'will revert to 2D as usual on Boxing Day'

more dimensions later...

dvo4fun 24.12.12 3:36pm
Message to news reporters - we know what rain looks like, move on please 1
custard cream 24.12.12 3:28pm
Mammoth-riding Hobbits found in Crete

Archaeological excavations in the caves of Matala on Crete have found the remains of a hobbit with an elephant handler's hook. Professor Merryweather of Oxbridge University's Archaeology &...

Chris Thomas 24.12.12 3:18pm
Chris Thomas
Viewers warned 3D, high frame rate Queen's speech 'may cause nausea' 2
Idiot 24.12.12 1:23pm
Guardian correction: Queen in 3d, not Queen spending Christmas with JD

Shot glasses later...

virtuallywill 24.12.12 12:42pm
'A god is for life, not just for Christmas' warn CoE.

Every year without fail, on the 25th day of December, hundreds of thousands of normal thinking people chose to dismiss their common sense approach to sky beings, and join other churchgoers to...

button 24.12.12 12:21pm
Uproar as Queen’s speech to be broadcast only on Sky Sports

Buckingham Palace as confirmed that ‘It regrets’ the decision to allow Sky News to film this year’s royal address following the announcement by the broadcaster that it will be only available to...

antharrison 24.12.12 11:52am
E-card charm offensive offensive, warn police

A public warning has been issued of an unsettling new trend sweeping people's inboxes and 'freaking them out' this Christmas. It has been reported that people are messing with one anothers heads by...

Squudge 24.12.12 11:47am
Ghost of Christmas Future 'in despair' after visit to George Osborne

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come has admitted that it feels ‘despondent’ after failing to convince the Chancellor, George Osborne, of the folly of his miserly ways or to infuse him with a...

The Paper Ostrich 24.12.12 11:47am
A hoover isn't just for Christmas

Jackie McDonald, reformed slattern, is giving motivational speeches at her local community centre (round the back of Spar in Kettering) to preach her Christmas message. After a 'road to Ikea' moment...

Squudge 24.12.12 11:15am
Missing hospital patient was 'completely off his trolley' 2
Smart Alex 24.12.12 11:05am
Chris Rea still banging on about Christmas traffic jam 0
Smart Alex 24.12.12 10:00am
Smart Alex
Queen's Christmas Broadcast to start with "Calling all Plebs". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 24.12.12 9:57am
Al OPecia
‘One Pound Fish Man’ goes into hiding

A fish seller from north London has gone into hiding after people living in a Cornish village took out a contract killing on him., Local turkey farmer Keith Harvey said the people of Lostwithiel had...

Gerontius 24.12.12 7:00am
South Yorkshire Police to train Police Federation on evidence fabrication

Bloody amateurs...

antharrison 24.12.12 5:46am
‘Moroccan rollers’ tipped for chart success...

After the success of the ‘One Pound Fish’ guy, Abdul from Tangiers has cut a single, based on the standard rug-selling spiel he uses on tourists. The song - [i]Come in, my friends, sit down and...

Tripod 23.12.12 10:53pm
Three Wise Men tax avoidance scheme unveiled

A mysterious group of financial investors known as the Three Wise Men were exposed today as fraudsters by the Financial Services Authority (FSA). FSA spokesman, Ned Schneebly, said "It appears that...

custard cream 23.12.12 9:52pm
custard cream
Top-rated disaster movie for Christmas is the News24 weather report

more rain soon...

Squudge 23.12.12 9:07pm
Andrew Mitchell calls police "plebs" for framing him

The story of "Plebgate" has taken a bizarre twist as former Chief Whip Andrew Mitchell has reacted to stories of a police frame-up by calling them plebs. "How dare those plebs make me look as though...

apepper 23.12.12 7:56pm
Norovirus goes viral

a surprise Christmas hit...

Squudge 23.12.12 7:02pm
"Con-Men Up In Arms As "Cameron's Big Society Wheeze...

takes over the deception crime field," says a police spokesman...

Jesse Bigg 23.12.12 4:48pm
Jesse Bigg
Egyptians looking forward to making their New Year revolutions 0
Dick Everyman 23.12.12 2:45pm
Dick Everyman
“Christmas every day” voted more frightening prospect than “end of world”... 0
Tripod 23.12.12 12:54pm
Paralympics began as 'arse-kicking party’... 0
Tripod 23.12.12 12:33pm
Recent Floods may be linked to sightings of "Four Ducks of the Apocalypse" 0
Rowly 23.12.12 12:29pm