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Worldwide silk shortage blamed on the size of footballers ties 0
Mrblacker 3 years

Weather and climate change is not to blame for a worldwide shortage of silk, according to a report from the Silk Producers Council. Instead, footballers with wearing neck ties with fat knots are...

Police cuts mean Roxanne has to put red light back on 0
Ironduke 3 years
Cameron sends Clegg to persuade Gaddafi into coaltion government... 0
deskpilot3 3 years
Product placement marks the end of the road for the Acme Corporation... 7
Doylem 3 years

“It’s a sad day for this famous and fictional old company”, said Frank Kerfuffle, long-time CEO of the Acme Corporation, which is currently filing for bankruptcy. “We have had a long and...

Libyan regime struck off for using performance enhancing thugs... 2
be reasonable 3 years

I've been Tim Vine and goodnight!...

Doctors discover vacinne for Bieber Fever 7
Milo Shame 3 years

Medical Officers at the World Health Organisation have announced that they now have the means to eradicate Bieber Fever within a generation. Since the 1960’s, virologists have struggled to keep...

BBC commissions new programmes on porn, pain, pools and profanity... 0
Doylem 3 years

Jacqui Smith was commissioned by the BBC to look at the, ahem, ‘adult entertainment industry’, on the flimsy pretext that her husband rented a couple of films, which, embarrassingly, found their...

Newsbiscuit confessional, part II. 12
DrTurmoil 3 years

Readers discuss their own personal personal lives, personally.This week's topic:, What do you think you’ve inherited from your parents? 'I've got my dad’s dodgy old feet. Funny thing to leave...

Teenager Drowns in Wet Dream 3
OldThingy 3 years

Distraught mother says he must have been overcome in the night., Father says he will be sadly missed, especially when they've cleaned up all the mess in his room. The police are not treating this...

E & J Gallo “not murdering monsters” 3
beau-jolly 3 years

Speculation around the origins of E&J Gallo’s wine empire has finally been laid to rest just a few years after the untimely death of Ernest Gallo, aged 97., Throughout their long careers it...

Women leave used teabags in saucers ‘as distraction technique’ 1
Des Custard 3 years

Researchers at Goldsmiths, University of London, investigating into why women leave used teabags lying around in saucers, have turned existing thinking on its head. Professor of Psychology Joydeep...

Bookmaking night launched with free bets 0
Tammy Flugh 3 years
Wild eyed shouty man from New Statesman set to appear on every TV programme ever 2
ronseal 3 years

Whatsisname, the wild eyed shouty man from the New Statesman, has achieved a new milestone in his mission to appear on every television programme on the entire broadcasting spectrum. Last night he...

Man appalled to find "assisted conception" involves other men sleeping with wife 5
OllieP 3 years

Hopeful father, Steve Newman, has today spoken of his horror upon learning of NHS plans to select fertile men to impregnate his wife. Having found out he would be unable to have children in the...

Natalie Portman claimed as property of the Queen after portrayal as swan 9
wulfin8 3 years

Buckingham Palace has today shocked Hollywood by claiming Crown ownership of Oscar-winning actress Natalie Portman following her lead role in the film, The Black Swan. The Queen, who owns all...

Welsh fed up with sheep-shagging jibes: “We have in-breeding too”... 0
Doylem 3 years
LSE to be renamed Libya School of Economics 1
Tammy Flugh 3 years
First law to be passed by Welsh assembly will be ban on sheep-shagging jokes... 0
Doylem 3 years
Slugs for sale 5
OldThingy 3 years

and a few snails...

CBS reveal autumn schedule with ‘One and a half men’ 0
MADJEZ 3 years

'We've taken the Sheen off it' said a spokesman...

Ashley Cole's shooting holiday in Somerset angers Terry Pratchett 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Prince Phillip to be unleashed. 0
3 years
Prince Philip to be unleashed against the Irish 1
Scroat 3 years

Suggestions for outlandish conversational gambits please...

Reasoned and sensible protest by British Rational Party angers religious groups. 3
Qoxiivi 3 years

Radically sensible atheist group, the British Rational Party, today managed to unite whole segments of the religious community in condemnation of their outrageously well-organised and reasonable...

Charlie Sheen passes yet another drug test and the really good news is 0
3 years

he is pregnant...

Queen to tour Irish Republic - John Deacon spotted buying Euros. 2
tl72uk 3 years
Gloom as Welsh campaigners concede: "Either way we'll still be living in Wales". 5
The Paper Ostrich 3 years
Outed: Man City player exposed as 'footballer with a fat bird' 0
Ironduke 3 years

A tightlipped, emotional Man City player outed himself today, admitting he had an overweight girlfriend. Whilst such Premier League luminaries as Wayne Rooney and Peter Crouch sport top-notch totty...

Handcart shares rocket as Westminster Council announce ban on homeless 0
pinxit 3 years
Newsround's Libya Reporter Suffered Chinese Burn From 11yr Old Loyalists 0
thisisall1word 3 years