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Water sports fans say they have had enough of it pissing down 0
davetwojackets 23.12.13 11:06pm
Severe weather warning - Chris Rea advised NOT to drive home for Christmas 9
Ian Searle 23.12.13 10:42pm
farmer giles
Whistleblower Snowden reveals NORAD doesn't really track Santa.

NSA man Edward Snowden has shocked the world with the revelation that millions of tax payer dollars spent tracking Santa's sleigh each year are siphoned off to shady intelligence operations. He...

MADJEZ 23.12.13 10:18pm
Move on, nothing to see here Saw this and set about writing the NB version. Hadn't seen what was on the front page. [Sound of cupboard...

Oxbridge 23.12.13 10:12pm
Marks & Spencer to excuse religious people from any rational activity...

Mike Sangster, HR Manager for Marks & Spencer, has clarified the company’s position on employees who, on religious grounds, refuse to serve customers buying alcohol, pork or any other products...

Tripod 23.12.13 9:50pm
Mancunian communist refuses to sell owt. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 23.12.13 9:16pm
Ref Minor
People with same name as serial killers to sue Twitter and Google

Jeffrey Dahmer from Sittingbourne and Charles Manson from Macclesfield set to pocket millions. Hundreds more to cash in by changing names to serial killers’ and falsifying birth certificates. The...

farmer giles 23.12.13 8:28pm
farmer giles
Dr. Who invents the re-Tardis.

Now idiots can go back in time and make the same mistake twice...

Maverick 23.12.13 8:24pm
Rising rail fares more traditional than Auld Lang Syne

British revellers have decided that increasing the cost of train tickets is more in keeping with a New Year's Eve than any old Scottish poem. At the stroke of midnight, commuters will link hand in...

Wrenfoe 23.12.13 3:43pm
Paddy Berzinski
Bethlehem Inn receives official One star rating

Described as a once in a lifetime experience, "Stable Relationship Tours" is proud to announce or even annunciate that its latest property "The Inn" in Bethlehem has just received an official One...

irreverendJ 23.12.13 12:36pm
EU migrants may disguise themselves as Santa

As wind and rain hit, panic has swept the nation in anticipation of 8,000 'Bulgarian accented' Kris Kringles flooding UK borders. The Home Office has warned that Saint Nicholas may be more than...

Wrenfoe 23.12.13 11:49am
UK's most incompetent sycophant dismissed for licking boss's elbow 3
blacklesbianandproudofit 23.12.13 11:31am
Lindy Moone
Jesus to appear on "I'm one of the Holy Trinity, get me out of here". More soon 3
Al OPecia 23.12.13 11:16am
Lindy Moone
Family plans 'best Boxing day dump ever'

The Spencers, a loving and close family from Mansfield, enjoy every last thing about Christmas, from hanging up the decorations to listenign to the same old festive hits on the radio, carol singing...

Oxbridge 23.12.13 10:22am
Rolf regrets getting Crown Prosecution Service in the secret santa. 0
MADJEZ 23.12.13 10:20am
Saatchi & Saatchi launches new poster campaign: ‘Nigella Isn’t Working’

Queue of drug dealers outside front door. Nigella retaliates by publishing new seasonal kid’s recipe – how to prepare the perfect Christmas joint in 2 minutes flat...

Damien_H 23.12.13 8:44am
Pope forgot it was Christmas admits Vatican

A Vatican official has apologised to large crowds gathered in St.Peter’s Square saying the Pope had forgotten it was Christmas and had gone off hill walking in Umbria, The Pope had muttered...

Gerontius 23.12.13 8:36am
Father Christmas To Be Replaced By EuroSanta

Under a forthcoming EU directive, exisitng different individual national Father Christmases are to be swept aside to make way for a standard, pan-European version, yet to be given a...

Titus 23.12.13 8:25am
Graeme Swann announcement "just the tip of the Titanic" says Boycott

Reacting to the unforseen resignation from all forms of cricket by spin bowler Graeme Swann, Geoff Boycott believes there is more to come. "Swanny resigning, not surprised. I think it is just the tip...

weematt 22.12.13 11:37pm
Graeme Swann wins award for "Most Epic Flounce in Ashes History"

Darren Lehmann leads tributes...

AReader 22.12.13 11:33pm
Vincent Tan quits after it was revealed he was born in the year of the twat 0
godly1966 22.12.13 9:36pm
Joseph Unhappy About Pregnancy But Says 'At least We're In A Stable Relationship 1
Titus 22.12.13 9:35pm
Only 26 sleeps till Christmas says cat lover 0
Sfox 22.12.13 9:35pm
Migrant cap will be available in all sizes, says Cameron. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 22.12.13 7:53pm
Santa Claus "must be seeking work for 3 months" before he can claim benefits. 0
Al OPecia 22.12.13 6:52pm
Al OPecia
Omo shortage looms as shepherds indulge in orgy of sock washing. 0
Maverick 22.12.13 6:02pm
Guardian decides not to publish everyone's Incognito browsing history after all

The world let out an enormous sigh of relief today as Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger announced publicly that the paper has decided against publishing everyone's browsing history on Google Chrome's...

D 22.12.13 5:40pm
Joseph & Mary Post Poor Feedback For Bethlehem Inn On TripAdvisor

"Squalid accommodation, and we were continually disturbed by intrusions from members of the public...

Titus 22.12.13 5:29pm
Shoppers asked to remove shoes before entering M & S

novelty "pigs in prayer mats" idea put on hold...

A.A.Arkwright 22.12.13 3:10pm
Nigella becomes the New Face of Cocaine as Columbian cartel drops Abbey Clancy. 0
MADJEZ 22.12.13 2:07pm