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Usain Bolt is morbidly obese

The recent branding of British heptathlete of Jessica Ennis as ‘fat’, days before she broke a UK record, has sparked criticism of other sports stars. Jeremy Clarkson, not known for his...

Mark Gregory 01.06.12 8:38am
England squad to take ukes to Ukraine

It’s the ukulele capital of the world. They love them so much that after the visit of their favourite film star George Formby in 1958, they actually put the “uke” in Ukraine by changing the...

nickb 01.06.12 8:22am
Isle of Wight to celebrate Victoria’s diamond Jubilee this weekend.

Cowes residents hoping to see sail-past of Dreadnoughts...

Thor 01.06.12 7:28am
Hodgson loses another player 'too embarrassed to play for England'

Frank Lampard has become the latest England player too embarrassed to play for his country at this summer’s Euros. He joins a long list of players that have opted to keep the little dignity they...

Perks 01.06.12 5:08am
Jubilee cancelled after Philip admits Queen isn't the original

The Duke of Edinburgh has sensationally admitted that the current 'Queen' is actually a replacement he hired to "keep the kids happy" when the original Elizabeth tragically passed away whilst they...

kga6 31.05.12 9:55pm
Greece to declare broken plates as legal tender in place of Euro 0
TheNewsWalrus 31.05.12 8:16pm
Japanese Workers Praised for 'Kendo' Attitude

More to follow...

Iggy Pop-Barker 31.05.12 7:23pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
George Osborne changes his mind about being Chancellor. 0
Tomfinger 31.05.12 5:45pm
Jeremy Hunt enters Cockney Rhyming Slang lexicon 0
roybland 31.05.12 5:02pm
John Terry Not worried by racist chants at Euro Championship 1
Scronnyglonkle 31.05.12 4:25pm
New "London Greek" Rugby team formed

With the success of Rugby Union's London Irish and London Scottish teams, plus the rise of London Welsh, the RFU is encouraging more ethnically based teams to be created. The first of these is the...

seymour totti 31.05.12 4:10pm
Doctors plan 'Day of Golf' in protest at pension changes 9
Mandy Lifeboat 31.05.12 1:11pm
Motorists delighted after Osborne U-turn on U-turn tax. 0
bonjonelson 31.05.12 12:40pm
Supper hopes 'slim' for lost Isle of Wight adventurers

Three intrepid pensionsers who set off to climb Shanklin Chine, a notorious natural gorge in the Isle of Wight, have not been sighted in the best part of two hours. According to experts, the chances...

Oxbridge 31.05.12 11:53am
Ayatollah Khomeini clinches nomination in Texas primary

Grand Ayatollah Ruhollah Musavi Khomeini has secured his place as the Republican challenger to Barack Obama in November’s US presidential election, following a decisive primary in Texas. “I am...

Old Hat 31.05.12 11:22am
Old Hat
Doctors strike, & play Golf, which is better than looking at 18 holes a day 0
Rowly 31.05.12 10:31am
Nations embarrassing illnesses to go untreated as Dr Christian and Pixie strike 0
simonjmr 31.05.12 10:28am
Queen to stay at home due to increased Diamond Jubilee and Bank Holiday traffic 1
thackaray 31.05.12 10:15am
Man Excused From Appearing at Leveson

Bob Simpson was overjoyed today to learn he will be the only person in Britain excused from appearing at the Leveson inquiry. The inquiry, due to finish in May 2042, has come in for criticism for...

daneade 31.05.12 10:13am
China Tells World ‘Call that a massacre?’

China has told the international community to stop being such big girls’ blouses when it comes to a bit of massacre-ing. Pressed for action against Syria after the Houla massacre China responded...

daneade 31.05.12 9:41am
Eddie Shah Arrest Latest: Iran to press for extradition.

more today...

Scronnyglonkle 31.05.12 8:24am
Church hit by bat droppings gives whole new meaning to the phrase......

'Bless the beautiful bride.'...

Jesse Bigg 31.05.12 7:34am
Jesse Bigg
United States Divides In Half For Good Following End Of Second Civil War

NEWS OF THE FUTURE- April, 2018, Many changes have come to America in the years since the second Civil War in 2017. As you well know the increasing partisan tensions between the Democrats and...

31.05.12 7:25am
Coulson was lying when he admitted to perjury

The arrest of Andy Coulson has been thrown into chaos by his claim that when he admitted perjury he was, in fact, lying. A police spokesman explained, "If it's true that he lied then he can't be...

apepper 31.05.12 6:09am
11-day British Summer 'Longest Since Records Began'

As the British summer draws to a dramatic close after a staggering 11 days, scientists from the Met Office are hailing it as 'the longest British summer since records began in 1865'., 'It really is...

thecritic 31.05.12 2:48am
Angry Facebook investors pacified by picture of kitten asking for ‘cheezburger’

A major revolt by thousands of private investors in Facebook has been nipped in the bud by a series of heartwarming and whimsical postings from the social media organisation itself. Shares in the...

Skylarking 30.05.12 9:14pm
'Heartless' Cheryl Cole slammed for not giving terminally ill teen a hand job

As he fought his brave losing battle with leukaemia, 17-year old Kyle Anderson knew what his last wish was. 'I want to be tugged off by Cheryl Cole. That would be the ultimate happy finish', he told...

Oxbridge 30.05.12 9:08pm
Ferry cross the Mersey takes evasive action to avoid island in the stream

News update: Coastguard reported to have taken new Liverpool manager Kenny Rodgers in for questioning...

Miss Hegas 30.05.12 8:04pm
Miss Hegas
Liverpool hope for a 3, 2 or 1 finish after appointing Ted Rogers as new coach. 0
dominic_mcg 30.05.12 7:29pm
Cameron to recruit new communications director from Wormwood Scrubs

PM David Cameron is to employ a convict as his new communications director; "It saves time.", explained a number 10 spokesman...

apepper 30.05.12 6:15pm