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EU Insists That Murder Sentences Must Be Reduced From 'Life' To Just 350 Years 0
Titus 02.01.14 5:59pm
Clegg models for new toy "Inaction Man". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 02.01.14 5:59pm
Al OPecia
Home Office to imprison dead people with new "beyond life tariff"

The Home Office has introduced a beyond life tariff where people would continue to be imprisoned long after their death. The Home Secretary explained; "some crimes are some heinous that locking...

apepper 02.01.14 5:41pm
Hot Air From COBRA Meeting to Be Used to Dry Flood Damaged Properties 2
Bigglesworth 02.01.14 5:29pm
British kids are best at hand-eye coordination.

Britain’s teenagers lead the world in hand-eye coordination, a survey revealed today. The in-depth study which was sponsored by leading software technology company Nintendo puts the UK’s youth...

Boutros 02.01.14 4:21pm
Concern as doctors confirm Schumacher still stuck in 2013

World renowned neurologist Dr Hans Schmidt confirmed there are growing fears about the 'stable but still critical' condition of Michael Schumacher., "When he wakes up it will be 2014, but he had his...

custard cream 02.01.14 2:20pm
After 'unacceptable' performance, Manchester United transfer list Howard Webb

More soon. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Oxbridge 02.01.14 1:25pm
Energy suppliers reduce number of ways to rip you off to just 4

OfGem regulations to simplify energy bills come in to effect today meaning the energy companies now have fewer tariffs at their disposal to rip you off. Most of the 'big six' have reduced the number...

James Pluside 02.01.14 1:02pm
James Pluside
IOW to send top GP to Schumacher's bedside

An emergency meeting of the IOW Family Practitioner Committee decided by a majority decision last night to send popular local doctor, Martin Pylegrove, 47, to Grenoble to support the physicians...

blacklesbianandproudofit 01.01.14 8:05pm
Denver police to weed out unofficial drug dealers in USA's legal mile high city 0
irreverendJ 01.01.14 7:59pm
2014 - and still no sign of affordable personal jetpacks

Middle aged geeks are anticipating another year of broken promises, as the mediocre reality that is 2014 falls short of our vision of cloud cities, time travel and cheese in a can. Despite a decade...

Wrenfoe 01.01.14 6:37pm
Wednesday: Wettest 2014 Day Since Records Began

However this has not been uniform throughout the country. Some regions report the hottest day so far this year, others the sunniest. However the farming community are unanimous that the weather is...

Titus 01.01.14 6:26pm
Facebook Self Deprecator of the Year reluctantly accepts award.

'Oh Lordy surely you don't want me to tell you my secrets of my daily bouts of wry Facebook self abasement?' wrote Jean Smythe in a tearful thousand word post this morning. Accepting the Facebook...

nickb 01.01.14 6:25pm
Bulgaria and Romania suggest Britain 'get over itself' 0
Squudge 01.01.14 5:54pm
Family distraught at lack of flooding

A family in Powys are today comforting each other since they awoke to find that theirs was the only house not to be flooded by the recent heavy rainfall. As the rest of the town were paddling through...

Plot126 01.01.14 4:58pm
Recession themed coins to enter circulation in 2014

The Royal Mint has released details of the new series of ‘recession’ themed designs that will feature on the 50p, £1 and £2 coins. The new design of the £2 coin will feature the Dickens'...

Dick Everyman 01.01.14 3:11pm
Man makes New Years resolution to complete prior years resolutions 0
Dumbnews 01.01.14 2:59pm
‘Nice Cop’ up for Oscars ©

Film critics have been shocked by the news that Merchant Ivory production ‘Nice Cop’ has been shortlisted for this year’s Best Film Oscar ©. The film features Lou Jung as a home loving,...

andymcrowe 01.01.14 2:32pm
Schumacher comes out of coma and reaches the pits 0
davetwojackets 01.01.14 11:56am
Northern Ireland Tourist Board declares inaugural Flag Day a runaway success

The Discover Northern Ireland website has announced plans to make national Flag Day an annual fixture in the country’s social calendar following the runaway success of this year’s event....

medici2471 01.01.14 10:42am
Bad spell of whether disrupts millions of New Years Google searches 0
Ian Searle 01.01.14 10:25am
Ian Searle
Schumacher out of coma, but now speaks with Welsh accent 1
custard cream 01.01.14 1:57am
sredni vashta
British flock to Bulgaria to find work

A great opportunity emerges for unemployed British workers as European barriers break down at the start of 2014. Thousands of British unemployees found themselves at gate 24 at Gatwick airport...

John Roughty 01.01.14 1:13am
John Roughty
Schumacher ‘piste off, going downhill fast’

“That’ll teach him to shunt me off the track” says Damien Hill “I hope he fucking dies”...

Damien_H 01.01.14 12:52am
Nice Admin Lady
Obama's "Anti-Terrorism Branch"

Hope was a dying ember in a decaying star. The populous was living in constant fear; they were afraid to leave their dwellings, afraid to trust anyone who wasn’t a white, heterosexual, Christian...

Szandor Menzies 31.12.13 9:27pm
Amazon unveil Prime Cannon

After the recent reveal of the Prime Air, which is set to deliver goods to customers within thirty minutes of ordering using airborne drones, Amazon have already unveiled their next project; the...

WatcherMark 31.12.13 9:17pm
Northern Ireland still divided on who Jesus wants as a sunbeam.

In a last ditch effort to win the 2013 “Schism of the Year award” Christians on both sides of the Northern Ireland divide have safeguarded the right to continue warring over who Jesus wants as a...

nickb 31.12.13 7:52pm
Airline passenger's hunger mysteriously fades after viewing food prices 0
Dumbnews 31.12.13 7:02pm
Parties in stalled N.Ireland talks wish each other a happy and prosperous 1614

Shouty guys with flags at 1...

blokefromstoke 31.12.13 6:34pm
Prince Charles upset Queen not attending Landsbury Ceromony at Cabot Cove 0
Scronnyglonkle 31.12.13 6:15pm