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Kings of Leon to abdicate 2
virtuallywill 3 years

more later...

Sporting world shocked by unprecedented act of sportsmanship. 0
be reasonable 3 years
High Speed Musical 2 ‘may not now go ahead’ 1
Zadok the second 3 years

The government’s plans to deliver high-speed musicals between London and Birmingham have been dealt a severe blow. The results of a public consultation show that only 3% of people living next to...

Man charged with lacerating. Most got 6 out of 10. 0
jut1972 3 years
Tesco first to offer 24/7 prayer 2
jut1972 3 years

The supermarket giant have combined the power of prayer with the power of cillit bang. Catholics can find penitence in the wine and spirits section, with followers of Judaism allocated to fresh...

Eastern European woman 'not a sex-traffic prostitute' says incredulous policeman 0
roybland 3 years

Police who raided the home of a twenty-seven -year old Eastern European woman were astonished to discover she had not been brought to the UK from a poor village in Romania by an international gang of...

Glasgow police warn of more-fake money scam 1
Andrew 3 years

Police in Glasgow are warning consumers about a spate of even faker Royal Bank of Scotland £20 notes. The fake fake money is being used to buy goods from online adverts, mixed into piles of genuine...

After 150 years of weather forecasting Met Office hoping to get it right soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
TV comedy executives expecting record numbers of blowjobs at Edinburgh Festival 1
ronseal 3 years

Television executives with the powers of commissioning new programmes are set for a 'blow job bonanza' this Edinburgh Festival, according to a study. The situation has been created as fewer TV...

Mayor hails Olympics youth employment 'Look after your car mister?' initiative 0
pinxit 3 years
Humans NOT be replaced by automated Huffington Post blog machine 0
ronseal 3 years

The Huffington Post UK has scrapped plans to sack all its human contributors and replace them with an automated op ed machine that, its makers claimed, would be equally straight-jacketed, predictable...

Clegg calls snap Olympics. 'We're ready, so why not?' 0
Griffin 3 years
Everyone within a 50-mile radius of the hacking scandal to resign 1
Qoxiivi 3 years

Fallout from the hacking scandal has claimed yet more jobs following the resignations of everyone within a 50-mile radius of anyone potentially implicated in the practice. David Morgan, a vending...

Two badly burned after Salford plane crash they are charged 50 quid 0
guffaw 3 years

by local scallies to be pulled out...

Layman discovers new loophole in Celebrity Lawyer Mr Loopholes wife. 0
guffaw 3 years
Libyan Rebels Set up Embassy in London Concern 1
Dun Dunkin 3 years

The Foreign Office admitted that giving Libyan rebels a base in London the FO were 'batting in the corridor of uncertainty'. 'To be frank it could be a huge mistake given we really don't know who...

Dappy from N-Dubz to host ‘All Celebrity Question Time.’ 3
Corrigan 3 years

The BBC have denied accusations of ‘dumbing down’ today after it was announced that jockey-sized N-Dubz gang leader Dappy- real name Costadinos Contostavlos- is to host an all celebrity edition...

Channel 4 to screen 'Celebrity Embarrassing Bodies' 2
FraserWords 3 years

Channel 4 is to screen a celebrity edition of ‘Embarrassing Bodies’., In emotional scenes, premiership star Wayne Rooney tells the show’s resident experts Dr Pixie and Dr Christian how having...

Short man who claimed to be tall ‘tired of living a lie’ 27
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

24 year old Dave McFadden from Glasgow had always been short, as a schoolboy he was bullied and called names such as ‘shortarse’, ‘wee-man’ and ‘oi you, you little twat’. He hoped that...

Glasgow Kiss wins Appellation D’Origine listing. 0
the coarse whisperer 3 years
Carol Vorderman flies in to Washington to resolve finance crisis. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Ban on selling second-hand toilet books announced 0
Christopher Frost 3 years

Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has announced plans to ban toilet books from being resold second-hand. Explaining the motivation behind the decision, Lansley stated: ‘Each year, the millions of...

Oddball, Nazi, pervert wins libel damages 1
beau-jolly 3 years

Feelin' lucky, NB?...

Knot up your back, now but Brian! 0
beau-jolly 3 years
Geoffrey Boycott's mother to open batting for England with stick of rhubarb. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Retired Gurkha settlement area in UK "surprisingly crime-free". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Shock as wealthy professional sportsman weds 'ordinary looking' woman 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More later...

'I thought she said 'Set Fire to Lorraine', explains Adele fan arrested at GMTV 0
Oxbridge 3 years
John Barrowman quietens down following successful ear-wax op 8
Dick Everyman 3 years

Scottish-American singer, actor, dancer, musical theatre performer and media personality John Barrowman is recovering from an operation to remove 2 kilograms of earwax. The breakthrough operation...

Inspector Gadget arrested outside childs play area for showing kids his gadgets 0
thackaray 3 years

In the midst of a heatwave gripping the USA, Inspector Gadget was seen outside a children's play area in LA wearing a long trench coat and showing a group of female teens his gadgets. One concerned...