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Bond treated for PTSD after “Living Daylights” flashbacks

A spokesman for James Bond has revealed the Secret Service agent has been admitted to a secure hospital after suffering terrifying flashbacks, seemingly triggered by memories of a 1987 mission in...

grumblechops 29.08.12 3:21pm
Assad appeals for patience - “You can’t hurry genocide”

Syrian President Bashar Al Assad yesterday made a TV appeal for patience, as the state military continues to implement his plan of nationwide opinion-cleansing. Heavy shelling has been seen in...

grumblechops 29.08.12 2:49pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Clegg Emergency Tax is actually a 'whip round'

Nick Clegg was quick to clarify today that the proposed 'Emergency Tax on the rich' is actually a whip round. "We were just planning on, you know, passing the hat round. We promise not to ask...

Squudge 29.08.12 2:08pm
British Army to disband Royal Milk Tray Corps

"They have served no meaningful purpose since the Cold War, in the mid-eighties. We simply can't justify having a decadent regiment in the current political and financial climate." The army will now...

gaijintendo 29.08.12 2:07pm
Assange I was in the Embassy when woman's clothes cut off in prison 0
simonjmr 29.08.12 1:21pm
Clegg - Rich should pay more tax

Nick Clegg today has announced a more controversial tax policy aimed at men named Richard, under the new leglistaion men named Richard, Rick, Rich, Dick or Dickie will be forced to pay more tax than...

simonjmr 29.08.12 1:19pm
Twelve held after police raid interrupts violence-crazed computer nerds

Following a tip-off, police managed to prevent an orgy of violence between two vicious gangs of computer geeks in a London office last night, arresting twelve men. It is believed that all those...

Midfield Diamond 29.08.12 12:24pm
Midfield Diamond
County is now almost totally lion free, says Essex police chief

The head of Essex Police has hailed the force's superb handling of the big cat outbreak in the county, and promised that - with the odd exception - Essex is now safe for the general public with the...

ronseal 29.08.12 12:14pm
custard cream
Nick Clegg announces new lion tax. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.08.12 12:04pm
Kevin Pieterson to apply for vacant England captain role 0
custard cream 29.08.12 12:02pm
custard cream
Missing: Pet Clegg

[u][center]Missing. Family’s Pet Clegg[/center][/u] [center][/center] A rare pet Clegg has gone...

Perks 29.08.12 10:56am
Frying pan killer ‘inconsiderate’ claims judge

A judge at Exeter Crown Court has criticised a man for beating his friend to death with a frying pan, suggesting five minutes under the grill or even casseroled in a pot-roast would have been a far...

Gerontius 29.08.12 9:31am
"Olympic style dancing on NHS beds must stop" insist top doctors

Following the success of the Olympic opening ceremony, top NHS doctors are now asking patients, especially those with multiple fractures, to refrain from energetic dancing on their beds at all hours...

antharrison 29.08.12 8:03am
Para holds up Para Oylimpics

Officials from the British Para Olympic committee were today left red faced after the first day of athletics in the Olympic stadium had to be cancelled. The problems started after the first event...

godly1966 29.08.12 6:37am
Squirrel Licking 2012 Olympic update:

With the Olympics now over and put back in its box, except of course for the ‘special’ Olympics, literally two or three people out there have been asking the question “What happened to team GB...

The All New Jeni B 28.08.12 11:28pm
Martin Shuttlecock
USADA strips Neil Armstrong of his moon landings: "it was all a conspiracy" 0
Gary Baldy 28.08.12 11:08pm
Gary Baldy
Doctor advises women to rehydrate every 10 minutes

A leading doctor is urgently advising all 'women about town' to take water on board every ten minutes. In a shocking report, women who regularly use public transport are now told they'll rapidly...

28.08.12 10:57pm
Gruffalo sighted in Essex 2
Ian Searle 28.08.12 10:40pm
Piers Morgan to take the 'Indian Miracle Cream' challenge 0
FlashArry 28.08.12 10:39pm
Julian Assange To Release Album of Cover Versions.

In a desperate bid to raise funds for a new life in Ecuador, Julian Assange is alleged to be working on an album of cover versions, Wiki-Leaks founder Julian Assange has been making good use of his...

The All New Jeni B 28.08.12 10:34pm
American storm chasers commence Hurricane Isaac hunt 0
antharrison 28.08.12 10:24pm
Richard Branson spotted applying "Indian Miracle Cream" to West Coast Main Line. 0
Pabst Blue Ribbon 28.08.12 10:22pm
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Cameron support extension to Heathrow runway 2 that doubles back on itself...

So that's no to runway 3 AND a u-turn...

deskpilot3 28.08.12 9:35pm
Branson bid: "Choo-choose me!" deemed 'frankly annoying' 0
Squudge 28.08.12 9:32pm
Mr Bell fancies his chances after Apple wins legal battle over Samsung... 0
deskpilot3 28.08.12 9:28pm
New Orleans not looking forward to rumoured return of Katrina & The Waves

Obscure or what?...

Al McHogan 28.08.12 9:27pm
Unfair that Gove was elected in 2010, but would not be elected now.... 0
deskpilot3 28.08.12 9:26pm
Schools complain that it was much harder to buy GCSE answers this year. 0
deskpilot3 28.08.12 9:25pm
Rogue Essex Girl Sparks Terror Among Locals In Kenya

Masai Mara National Park, Kenya: Terrified Masai tribespeople were today taking emergency shelter following the sighting of what appeared to be a rogue Essex girl, lurking in the undergrowth, deep in...

Martin Shuttlecock 28.08.12 9:08pm
Martin Shuttlecock
"Build another runway, if your hard enough!" Yeo goads Cameron

Timothy Yeo goaded to David Cameron saying "build another runway if your hard enough", going on to add weight to the depth of his political arguement by adding, "show us if you are a man or a mouse...

Ian 28.08.12 8:03pm