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"Ukraine has WMDs", claims mysterious new Russian Defence Minister

Ukraine has the capability to wipe out the whole of Russia in less than twenty minutes, according to newly appointed Russian Defence Minister, Alxandr Campblov. At a press conference at the Kremlin...

0
jamsieoconnor 04.03.14 11:05am
jamsieoconnor
"Balaclava's on", say Putin. 4
Adrian Bamforth 04.03.14 10:36am
Adrian Bamforth
Man nobody knows found at the centre of government

"Who's he?" Was the question on everybody's lips as it turned out he might have been there for years. "Never heard of 'im" one Old Etonian was heard to enunciate. When told he might have been a...

0
vulture1 04.03.14 10:23am
vulture1
Militant Mail Readers seize lorry load of pedometers intended for Sport Relief

A new group calling itself The Militant Wing of the Daily Mail Readership (MWDMR), is believed to be behind the hijacking of a lorry late last night on the M25 that was carrying 50,000 pedometers to...

0
Duff 04.03.14 9:29am
Duff
All Ukraine news reports to have "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" soundtrack. 0
Al OPecia 04.03.14 9:28am
Al OPecia
Dyslexic man who destroyed vagina-shaped trifle charged with gelatine mutilation

God help me...

5
Underconstruction 04.03.14 9:20am
Sinnick
Coprophiliac community found to have own language - stool pidgin 1
sydalg 04.03.14 9:18am
deceangli
Nick Ross's proposed Ukrainian TV comeback cancelled as there is no Crimea 0
irreverendJ 04.03.14 9:16am
irreverendJ
Florence Nightingale moved to "a state of readiness". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 04.03.14 9:08am
Al OPecia
Commercial

The situation in Crimea is threatening to lead to a remake of "The Crimean War", this time starring Vladimir Putin as the arch villain. This new blockbuster will be much better than the 1853 version,...

0
GingerClive 04.03.14 9:05am
GingerClive
Poll reveals Nicola Sturgeon's hair as number 1 issue in independence referendum 0
bookiesfriend 04.03.14 8:50am
bookiesfriend
Hague to deploy imperative adverbs unless Russia withdraws immediately 2
blacklesbianandproudofit 04.03.14 8:45am
deceangli
Nuclear Response To Russian Military Threat Advocated

"The West could bring Russia to heel immediately" said a givernment advisor yesterday "If the West stopped buying their gas. For this to be feasible, we should be building more nuclear power...

1
Titus 04.03.14 8:33am
deceangli
Justin Timberlake releases anti-war song 'Crimea River' 1
Psycadelic Squirrel 04.03.14 8:00am
GingerClive
Shiftless, Idle, Job Stealing Immigrant Seen Reading Daily Mail

There was confusion today when a man who was clearly not white, middle aged or even irrationally angry was spotted reading the latest edition of the Daily Mail. The editor of the popular...

2
throngsman 04.03.14 7:43am
throngsman
For first time ever, Winter Paralympics ignored. 0
phil_smith 04.03.14 7:31am
phil_smith
Carlton Palmer new favourite to be next England captain.

The betting market for "Next England captain" is very volatile this week following the sacking of Steven Gerrard amid FA fears of being branded racist for appointing the best man for the job., A...

0
GingerClive 04.03.14 7:17am
GingerClive
Berwick-upon-Tweed checking archives regarding last Crimean war

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berwick-upon-Tweed...

0
DorsetBoy 04.03.14 7:01am
DorsetBoy
Oscars promise better security as Liza Minnelli gets in again.

Christ does she even qualify for an Equity card any more., And down the front ! It's not what you know it whose uterus you came from...

0
MADJEZ 03.03.14 11:39pm
MADJEZ
Leader of Russia seeking one monk sidekick. Preferably Mad. 0
Bigglesworth 03.03.14 11:31pm
Bigglesworth
Salmond commissions Large Hadrian Collider to fill black hole in economy 1
Kevin the Swan 03.03.14 11:31pm
Titus
UK Foreign Secretary, Ready To Help Russian Crisis….

…With offer of twin bed...

2
Jesse Bigg 03.03.14 11:22pm
Jesse Bigg
Ukraine says it's the "Safest country in Eastern Europe" - we have no Crimea.... 3
ianrbland 03.03.14 11:17pm
Ironduke
Mail Switches Sides In Russian Conflict...

…To have another go at Harmon...

2
Jesse Bigg 03.03.14 11:17pm
Jesse Bigg
Indecisive mammal publishes memoirs in run-up to independence vote.

The secret diary of Hadrian mole...

0
Underconstruction 03.03.14 11:10pm
Underconstruction
Putin sent in troops having 'heard screams' from 200 miles away 0
Boutros 03.03.14 11:03pm
Boutros
Nail biting start to Pistorius trial... obviously not the toes.

[url=http://news.sky.com/story/1220194/oscar-pistorius-trial-has-nail-biting-start]Nail biting start to Pistorius trial[/url] More soon...

0
MADJEZ 03.03.14 10:56pm
MADJEZ
Britain to host International 'It's a Cop-Out' 1
Underconstruction 03.03.14 10:02pm
deceangli
Rebekah Brooks Pleads Guilty to Bad Hair Day

Asks for 2,541 similar offences to be taken into consideration...

2
throngsman 03.03.14 9:57pm
GrumpyCat
Construction companies in bidding war for "Hadrian 2" contract

English, French, Chinese and Israeli construction companies are already lining up their bids to win what could be one of the most lucrative contracts this century. With the Scottish independence...

2
ianrbland 03.03.14 9:55pm
Ironduke