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Journalist Reports "Bang on time, high tide arrived at 7:00am this morning"

(Actual statement from BBC reporter this morning) So: 'Shock As Tide Arrives At Exactly The Same Time As Normal Despite Massive Storms'...

Titus 03.01.14 8:17am
"If it wasn't shared on facebook, did it happen?", asks Philosopher 3
Dumbnews 03.01.14 8:09am
Mixed Reaction As Murderer's Sentence Reduced By 175 Years

The halving of multiple murderer Arthur Bludgeon's prison sentence, on appeal, from 350 years to 175 years has been greeted with outrage in some quarters. "A record reduction of 175 years is as good...

Titus 03.01.14 8:09am
Proof: Vegan Diet 'Gives People The Runs'

Titus 03.01.14 7:50am
Man asking questions on facebook unaware of Google 0
Dumbnews 03.01.14 4:00am
School places to be allocated on a ‘bagsy’ basis

An innovative way of allocating school places is to be trialled in Surrey to help alleviate chronic middle-class angst about getting children into the ‘right’ school. Parents will be encouraged...

Plot126 02.01.14 10:55pm
Operation Yewtree latest: Police look into new allegations about Sooty 0
ronseal 02.01.14 10:29pm
British Soldiers Accused Of 'Shouting Loudly' At Prisoners

British servicement should refrain from acting aggressively and shouting loudly at prisoners, a lawyer has announced. "Apart from being rude, this upsets the prisoners and makes them resentful. ...

Titus 02.01.14 9:58pm
Ian Brady 'Losing His Marbles' - But How Can They Tell? 3
Titus 02.01.14 9:17pm
Nissan tell Ford they've had a solar-powered car for years - the Sunny 2
Sinnick 02.01.14 8:25pm
EU Insists That Murder Sentences Must Be Reduced From 'Life' To Just 350 Years 0
Titus 02.01.14 5:59pm
Clegg models for new toy "Inaction Man". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 02.01.14 5:59pm
Al OPecia
Home Office to imprison dead people with new "beyond life tariff"

The Home Office has introduced a beyond life tariff where people would continue to be imprisoned long after their death. The Home Secretary explained; "some crimes are some heinous that locking...

apepper 02.01.14 5:41pm
Hot Air From COBRA Meeting to Be Used to Dry Flood Damaged Properties 2
Bigglesworth 02.01.14 5:29pm
British kids are best at hand-eye coordination.

Britain’s teenagers lead the world in hand-eye coordination, a survey revealed today. The in-depth study which was sponsored by leading software technology company Nintendo puts the UK’s youth...

Boutros 02.01.14 4:21pm
Concern as doctors confirm Schumacher still stuck in 2013

World renowned neurologist Dr Hans Schmidt confirmed there are growing fears about the 'stable but still critical' condition of Michael Schumacher., "When he wakes up it will be 2014, but he had his...

custard cream 02.01.14 2:20pm
After 'unacceptable' performance, Manchester United transfer list Howard Webb

More soon. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...

Oxbridge 02.01.14 1:25pm
Energy suppliers reduce number of ways to rip you off to just 4

OfGem regulations to simplify energy bills come in to effect today meaning the energy companies now have fewer tariffs at their disposal to rip you off. Most of the 'big six' have reduced the number...

James Pluside 02.01.14 1:02pm
James Pluside
IOW to send top GP to Schumacher's bedside

An emergency meeting of the IOW Family Practitioner Committee decided by a majority decision last night to send popular local doctor, Martin Pylegrove, 47, to Grenoble to support the physicians...

blacklesbianandproudofit 01.01.14 8:05pm
Denver police to weed out unofficial drug dealers in USA's legal mile high city 0
irreverendJ 01.01.14 7:59pm
2014 - and still no sign of affordable personal jetpacks

Middle aged geeks are anticipating another year of broken promises, as the mediocre reality that is 2014 falls short of our vision of cloud cities, time travel and cheese in a can. Despite a decade...

Wrenfoe 01.01.14 6:37pm
Wednesday: Wettest 2014 Day Since Records Began

However this has not been uniform throughout the country. Some regions report the hottest day so far this year, others the sunniest. However the farming community are unanimous that the weather is...

Titus 01.01.14 6:26pm
Facebook Self Deprecator of the Year reluctantly accepts award.

'Oh Lordy surely you don't want me to tell you my secrets of my daily bouts of wry Facebook self abasement?' wrote Jean Smythe in a tearful thousand word post this morning. Accepting the Facebook...

nickb 01.01.14 6:25pm
Bulgaria and Romania suggest Britain 'get over itself' 0
Squudge 01.01.14 5:54pm
Family distraught at lack of flooding

A family in Powys are today comforting each other since they awoke to find that theirs was the only house not to be flooded by the recent heavy rainfall. As the rest of the town were paddling through...

Plot126 01.01.14 4:58pm
Recession themed coins to enter circulation in 2014

The Royal Mint has released details of the new series of ‘recession’ themed designs that will feature on the 50p, £1 and £2 coins. The new design of the £2 coin will feature the Dickens'...

Dick Everyman 01.01.14 3:11pm
Man makes New Years resolution to complete prior years resolutions 0
Dumbnews 01.01.14 2:59pm
‘Nice Cop’ up for Oscars ©

Film critics have been shocked by the news that Merchant Ivory production ‘Nice Cop’ has been shortlisted for this year’s Best Film Oscar ©. The film features Lou Jung as a home loving,...

andymcrowe 01.01.14 2:32pm
Schumacher comes out of coma and reaches the pits 0
davetwojackets 01.01.14 11:56am
Northern Ireland Tourist Board declares inaugural Flag Day a runaway success

The Discover Northern Ireland website has announced plans to make national Flag Day an annual fixture in the country’s social calendar following the runaway success of this year’s event....

medici2471 01.01.14 10:42am