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Pete Tong tells journalists: "It's all going really well, actually" 0
Nails UK 01.04.12 11:05am
Nails UK
Shark attack victim "enriched lives of family and friends". And shark. 0
Nails UK 01.04.12 11:01am
Nails UK
Apple to sue god...

The Vatican is seeking legal advice after lawyers from Apple served a writ demanding that the Adam and Eve bit of the bible be removed as it infringed on the Apple global patent. Apple is also...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 11:21pm
Muamba baffles female nurses by successfully explaining offside rule

I'll get my coat...

Underconstruction 01.04.12 9:39am
Government to appoint Storage Tzar

David Cameron has announced that the government is to 'take stock' of recent criticisms and appoint a senior official to oversee all national storage-related issues. The role will address 'the safe...

Underconstruction 01.04.12 9:38am
police still have no clue in mysterious drug addict barn death...

When quizzed by local media on why the investigation team still hadn't found any evidence the chief forensic officer replied 'it's like looking for a needle in a haystack'...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 12:59pm
Journalist fury at government "April Fools"

Journalists have reacted with anger at the government's April Fool jokes over the last few days. "We expect government statements at least to have a basis in reality, but now they're taking the...

apepper 01.04.12 9:02am
MPs fail to ease sperm shortage.

Since progeny of donated sperm have been able to trace their fathers, donations have dried up. MPs decided to address the shortage by donating in a special mastabatorium in Westminster. The husband...

alanthetortoise 01.04.12 8:50am
Semi-coherent headline...

Weak follow-up pun...

Vertically Challenged Giant 03.04.12 6:29am
Vertically Challenged Giant
leading fabric conditioner manufacturer challenges nearby development

Apparently is was too close for Comfort...

Theodore Sprangshaft 02.04.12 3:52pm
PM refused to be drawn on stalking artist claim 2
Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 7:29am
Theodore Sprangshaft
Police demand more relaxation time...

A spokesperson reclined to comment...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 8:36am
Theodore Sprangshaft
Marylebone take down statue of it's most famous son..

Norman Wisdom after it fell over for the 5th time...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 4:43am
Theodore Sprangshaft
What is the point of 'The Midlands'?

So annoying when you are trying to get from Manchester to London or vice versa? Can't we move it closer to Norfolk so that we have all the really boring places in one spot?...

Theodore Sprangshaft 01.04.12 7:02am
Mr Target
North of England switched off during Earth Hour 0
Mandy Lifeboat 31.03.12 8:49pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Apple and Blackberry Crumble

Blackberry announce $125mil loss. Apple under investigation for "Working Practices" in China. Government worried that panic buying of custard will cause havoc in Tescos...

anhodika 31.03.12 8:29pm
Armed Forces strike: Government advice blamed for ‘panic’ Falklands Invasion.

The UK government has changed its advice for Argentina to, “top up your tanks”, after a panic invasion of the Falkland Islands. On Thursday, Prime Minister David Cameron advised...

HenroPlod 31.03.12 8:10pm
Former Monkey Mike Nesmith elected leader of Unionist Party.

MADJEZ 31.03.12 8:00pm
Scientist discovers ‘being a dog’ is key to reducing stress

An expert in making people worry about dying believes they’ve found a new weapon to combat one of Britain’s most popular killers. By concentrating a bit harder on becoming a member of the canine...

01.04.12 11:16am
Midfield Diamond
Vin Diesel unhappy about his reputation

Vin Diesel has threatened to sue the UK government over slurs that Diesel is in short supply. He stated that he is still available for work...

GillsImp 31.03.12 6:57pm
Petrol Heads Game Show to be Re-visited

the BBC are looking at bringing back the game show Petrol Heads hosted by Neil Morrissey., A BBC spokesperson stated that the time was right to bring back this fantastic show at a time of fuel...

GillsImp 31.03.12 6:18pm
New virus causing irrational and panic buying behaviour has been identified

A new virus has been identified causing a pandemic amoungst the population. The WHO (world health organisation) have released details of this virus, stating, "it causes irrational behaviour,...

Claire 31.03.12 6:10pm
Pasty Gate Latest

I built a gate out of pasties. Fell apart when I tried to open it. Smelt good though...

GillsImp 31.03.12 5:05pm
Cameron to feature in new Blockbuster

David Cameron is to feature in a new docu film highlighting his leadership of the coalition government. the film will focus heavily on his policies in particular his treatment of the elderly and so...

wilkieone 31.03.12 5:49pm
Jesse Bigg
Cameron demands ministerial announcements are subject to gaffe controls.

Following a long and difficult week Prime Minister Cameron has decreed that all ministerial announcements are checked for gaffes, and any escape is controlled quickly. Cabinet Minister Francis Maude...

weematt 31.03.12 4:42pm
Horse Survives Accident

Apparently, according to his owners, he's in a stable condition...

GillsImp 31.03.12 7:05pm
Runestone Cowboy
Labour "not insensitive to petrol injury woman" claims spokesman, Andy Burnham 0
LittleSpender 31.03.12 4:30pm
Secret committee about to make decision on UK name change...

Sources close to the government have revealed that an announcement will be made early next week regarding the re-naming of the UK should Scotland vote for independence. For the past three months a...

Theoldcrow 04.04.12 6:24pm
Shock Portas Pilot Town win for Mogadishu

The citizens of war-torn Mogadishu have erupted into a frenzy of celebration as news broke that their city had been picked to become a Portas Pilot Town. The Somalian capital was considered a rank...

flim-flam 31.03.12 1:25pm
"Big Society" To Be Narrowed Down To Two Divisions......

Division 1: Dave's mates., Division 2: Those who can see the "Big Society" in the 'all together.'...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 12:36pm
Jesse Bigg