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Whale washed up on beach. Dolphin dried up and porpoise put away. 4
Not Amused 11.01.14 11:59am
UK flood defence system ‘as right as rain’ says Cam

In a broadcast to the nation from the nuclear submarine HMS Astute just off Aberystwyth, where he has set up an emergency cabinet room, Dave said: “I want to assure the public there is absolutely...

farmer giles 11.01.14 8:01am
farmer giles
Y Did a chciken go to Tihland? - 2

It was a pedo. FOR CHIKS!!!!...

FDubois 11.01.14 12:25am
Al OPecia
Allardyce recalls Hitzlsperger to Irons to "stiffen up the back four". 0
Al OPecia 11.01.14 12:22am
Al OPecia
Government to introduce unicorn cull

NFU contractors have been awarded £27 million to cull all the unicorns from North Devon. A spokesman said they are confident that a 70% reduction in unicorn numbers over the next 6 months...

apepper 10.01.14 9:49pm
Ref Minor
Sugar dealer Poppins accepts role of heroin in latest sickly sweet film 0
irreverendJ 10.01.14 9:44pm
Schumacher 17th on the grid at Belfast hospital

Michael Schumacher will need to display all of his tactical guile to ever get to theatre, after failing to secure a front of grid place at Belfast's Royal Victoria Hospital, according to surgical...

Underconstruction 10.01.14 9:13pm
Ashley Young faces diving ban after pleading guilty to spelling offences 0
irreverendJ 10.01.14 9:13pm
BBC broadcast most boring weather forecast in 60 years 0
Kevin the Swan 10.01.14 6:29pm
Kevin the Swan
Buzzfeed list changes man's life

More soon....

David K 10.01.14 6:04pm
David K
Armed officers to be issued with "eZ wipe" memory cards.

The Metropolitan Police announced today that all armed response officers would be issued with specialist memory cards to enable them to more easily store the hours of footage they are recording with...

Bigglesworth 10.01.14 4:25pm
Parking enforcement officer wins Street Photographer of the Year Award

A parking enforcement officer from Cardiff has won the coveted International Street Photographer of the Year Award, beating off worldwide competition from acclaimed photographers. When Reginald...

Dick Everyman 10.01.14 3:06pm
Dick Everyman
Chirping smoke alarm shortlisted for Brit Award

What began a series of barely audible warning noises, has quickly become a front runner for the prestigious music prize. Beeping Smoke Alarm (B.S.A.) is set to be the most downloaded act of 2014;...

Wrenfoe 10.01.14 2:35pm
Herman Goering: 'invasion of foreigners' is a populist myth

Berlin, 1940: Herman Goering, head of the German Wermacht, says 'invasion of foreigners' is a populist myth spread by politicians. Claims that there are there are hundreds of thousands of German...

steve_l 10.01.14 2:29pm
German police to introduce HelmutCams 0
Smart Alex 10.01.14 1:57pm
Smart Alex
Qatar “will be moved” to hold Qatar World Cup, says Fifa official

Fifa has played down claims from its own general secretary that the 2022 World Cup can take place in Qatar only if the country is transported, sandbag by sandbag, somewhere else. Other senior...

nedge 10.01.14 10:37am
Osborne: Getting rid of car tax discs will allow the repair of a pot-hole on M4

Chancellor George Osborne has delighted motorists by promising that a tiny fraction of the millions of pounds raised through car tax will be spent on road maintenance before the end of 2015. In a...

Midfield Diamond 10.01.14 10:37am
Midfield Diamond
Swiss army knives to include tool for getting priests out of Swiss Guards 1
pere floza 10.01.14 8:29am
$epp Blatt£r £xplains r£a$on$ b£hind Qatar d£ci$ion 11
Jesus H 09.01.14 11:39pm
Henry the Hoover criticises onslaught of immigrant vacuum cleaners 0
David K 09.01.14 11:29pm
David K
Porn film director announces intention to try out helmetcam. 0
weematt 09.01.14 9:19pm
Sand bag manufacturer looks forward to record year. 0
Ian Searle 09.01.14 8:58pm
Ian Searle
Daily Mail : Why was unemployed father of six not shot earlier. 4
MADJEZ 09.01.14 8:25pm
Met Police launch 'Helmetcam' TV channel

Met Police Commissioner Sir Bernard Hulk Hogan, has formally launched its new Helmetcam TV channel in a bid to improve ratings for his beleaguered service., Officers will be required to have the...

Underconstruction 09.01.14 7:20pm
Hitzelsperger comes out - admits he played for Aston Villa 1
blacklesbianandproudofit 09.01.14 6:51pm
Met "balanced policing" to shoot young white men without warning

Addressing complaints that the Metropolitan Police was racist, the police commmander announced that for every young black or asian man they shoot in the city, they will shoot a white man. The...

steve_l 09.01.14 5:37pm
Lawyers Protest In Demand For More Plebs In The Courts

"We want their money" said Rupert Hornby-James QC "Or rather, the legal aid money the riff-raff bring. Rolls-Royces, yachts and country estates don't run themselves you know. Even the most...

Titus 09.01.14 4:44pm
Homosexual man comes out as footballer 1
David K 09.01.14 4:36pm
Lords issue ASBO to MPs for being a persistent bally nuisance. More soon.

In their debate on the Anti Social Behaviour, Crime and Policing Bill last night the Lords declared MPs as well as everyone else should be subject to ASBOs for being just really irritating. More...

marymole 09.01.14 4:02pm
Red Bull in crown green bowls sponsorship deal

When Ron Davies, chairman of Chirbury Bowling Club (CBC) announced that the club had got a new sponsor, there was celebratory cake and strong tea all round. In recognition of CBC’s meteoric ascent...

Dick Everyman 09.01.14 2:06pm
Dick Everyman