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White British "fleeing London for Eastleigh". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 20.02.13 8:01pm
Al OPecia
Axminster Carpets Laid to Rest

Goddam you guys have got me doing it now. Sodding pun Damn! Damn! Damn!...

scribbler 20.02.13 7:36pm
sponge finger
Carpet company goes into Axministration 1
victimms 20.02.13 7:34pm
sponge finger
Axminster carpets beaten


Squudge 20.02.13 7:32pm
sponge finger
Axminster rolled up


Squudge 20.02.13 7:31pm
sponge finger
Axminster unraveled 0
Squudge 20.02.13 7:28pm
Axminster bosses carpetted over collapse. 1
MADJEZ 20.02.13 7:27pm
One week on, many Chinese still writing "year of the dragon" on cheques

I'll be bringing this one out every year from now on...

Smart Alex 20.02.13 7:24pm
Three journalists injured after Wenger 'Wobbler'

Three sports reporters were 'stable' in an Intensive Care unit last night after bizarre scenes, when Arsenal's under-pressure manager turned a vivid green, burst out of his clothes and launched a...

pinxit 20.02.13 6:42pm
Jonny Shlep
Harry Styles Out Of One Direction Shoots Olly Murs Through Bathroom Door.

The world of pop music was in shock last night after police were called to the home of Harry Styles out of One Direction, following a shooting incident which left his chart topping rival Olly Murs...

Jonny Shlep 20.02.13 5:40pm
Jonny Shlep
Truebiscuit finally gets a joke! I’m sure he’ll see the funny side of this!...

lane-avenger 20.02.13 5:36pm
Lens Cap to update Guidelines for Contributors so as to encourage laughter

Talented contributors to return soon...

Audible Minority 20.02.13 5:06pm
Audible Minority
So Mrs Batey, would your husband prefer...

a) cremation, b) burial, c) to enter the food chain PS Derek Batey, the original host of Mr and Mrs, died yesterday...

lane-avenger 20.02.13 4:51pm
Ed Miliband forbids Andrew Marr from liking Labour policies.

I may write more but i havent got a stitch to wear...

Scronnyglonkle 20.02.13 4:13pm
Wenger blamed for Kings Cross delays and contraflow on M6 lastnight

more later...

Scronnyglonkle 20.02.13 4:11pm
Goth rocker sulks over Miliband's call for Manson tax

Marilyn Manson, the oddball rocker and spiritual leader of all goths, has threatened to “harvest the soul” of Ed Miliband following the Labour leader's call for a Manson tax. Under the proposal,...

Fred Bear 20.02.13 4:08pm
BBC Quiz Host Union Ballots for Strike Action

An outbreak of innovative BBC programming could spark industrial action after the corporation was accused of undermining British TV culture. Workers across light entertainment are to ballot on...

20.02.13 4:06pm
NewsBiscuit Science Correspondent reports that man has landed on the moon.

More website downtime soon...

Audible Minority 20.02.13 3:53pm
Audible Minority
Horsemeat in burgers "Major benefit to UK economy"

The recent horsemeat mislabelling scandal is a "major benefit to the UK economy" according to a government advisor, who points out that Romanian truckers are currently spending the equivalent of more...

Audible Minority 20.02.13 3:52pm
Audible Minority
Palace issues official reply from Kate: "Fuck off you fat cunt." 5
Boutros 20.02.13 1:53pm
FSA knows slightly less than ‘fuck all’ about your pie content.

The FSA have released new data showing exactly what they think they know about meat content in pies*. Ted Davies a spokesman for the under fire organisation said today that there were "some known...

theinvisiblecitychannels 20.02.13 1:22pm
Audible Minority
Universities apologise over Magdalene scandal

The Vice-Chancellors of both Oxford and Cambridge Universities have today issued joint statements apologising to all the victims of the Magdalene regimes over the decades. "We realise the hurt and...

jamsieoconnor 20.02.13 1:18pm
Garden divided into quarters 'looking forlorn' 2
Idiot 20.02.13 1:10pm
Blue Nun Wine Found To Be 92% Horse Piss

Another major brand has found itself embroiled in controversy as the investigation into horse-products in the food chain continues to deepen. The latest product to be associated with the scandal...

jamsieoconnor 20.02.13 1:04pm
Prosecutor claims artificial wings find shows evidence of Pistorius flight risk 0
medici2471 20.02.13 12:47pm
Gas Bills Set To Soar In Near Future!

Fracking Hell!...

Jesse Bigg 20.02.13 12:46pm
Jesse Bigg
Future of the Red Arrows "up in the air". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 20.02.13 12:38pm
Judge will accept majority verdict on Pryce as most of jury say they wouldn't 0
medici2471 20.02.13 12:27pm
Search for buried Spitfires turns to Leicester car-park

Archaeologists searching for buried World War II Spitfires in Burma have turned their attention to a car-park in Leicester., The Spitfires were believed to have been buried by the RAF towards the...

Gerontius 20.02.13 12:25pm
Store owner mistook robber for super-model

An armed robber who tried to hold up a liquor store in Pretoria was forced to flee empty handed after store owner Jake Crossier mistook the man for a supermodel., The licencee said the robber walked...

Gerontius 20.02.13 12:24pm