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Captain Schettino wins Splash! 0
antharrison 12.01.13 8:19pm
Army defends camouflage scandal; "It's not what it looks like"

More to follow...

apepper 12.01.13 7:34pm
"Lets run this up the flagpole and see who salutes it", says Belfast mayor

That Belfast brainstorm could have gone better...

custard cream 12.01.13 5:46pm
After lunch watching Oscar nominations John turns up at Chelsea training ground

pinxit 12.01.13 5:38pm
Anne Hathaway’s husband to change name to William Shakespeare

Actor Adam Shulman, husband of American actress Anne Hathaway, is to change his name to William Shakespeare the couple have announced. The move is seen as a stunt to publicise Hathaway recently...

Reg Herring 12.01.13 4:43pm
Reg Herring
Belfast Union Flag Will Only Be Flown to Celebrate British Royal Birthdays

"We are delighted" said a Nationalist spkesman. "Oh hang on a moment "...

Titus 12.01.13 3:09pm
Obama's hint at accelerated pull out leaves Karzai high and dry...

More to come...

Joe Reynolds 12.01.13 2:35pm
Joe Reynolds
New laptops to dispense milk

The prospect of UHT milk dispensed through USB ports on new laptop computers inched nearer to reality as tech giants Samsung unveiled their prototype “iMoo” computer, which can download milk in...

nickb 12.01.13 12:56pm
News headlines over exposed to photography puns

Shutters come down on Jessops., Customers zoom off to Curries., Amazon snaps camera business away from high street., Families' picture of desperation., Jessops blames over exposure to online...

Boutros 12.01.13 10:39am
Tess Goes
GET HIM OFF MY TELEVISION!!! - says everyone

A class action is being filed on behalf of the British Public against BBC, ITV and C4 jointly to redress trauma and distress of seeing 'that bastard' every time the news is broadcast. Or any BBC...

Squudge 12.01.13 9:45am
Ryanair to be design consultants for proposed new high-capacity prisons 1
Titus 12.01.13 5:30am
'Prune-like' wet fingers evolved to wank off dolphins, reveals scientist

A scientist who specialises in aquatic mammal research has discovered that 'prune-like' human fingers 'almost certainly evolved' to better provide hand relief to dolphins. Dr Gert Schneider tested...

Dawsons creek 12.01.13 3:42am
boil before reading - random jottings of the feverish

[center]-, It must be great to wake up as Christopher Walken, particularly if you went to sleep as Adam Sandler., To catch a frisson of this thrill I used to wear a Walkenmask to bed, so it would...

FlashArry 12.01.13 3:04am
Shutters come down at Jessops 2
Iscariot 12.01.13 12:53am
What’s On TV tonight

BBC1 09:00 The Graham Norton Show, Chat show in which host Graham is joined by Alan Carr, Jonathan Ross, Frank Skinner and Rob Brydon, BBC2 10:00 The Alan Carr Show, Chat show in which host Alan...

Geraldine Wiley 11.01.13 11:01pm
Kate portrait confirms link with Vigo the Carpathian from Ghosbusters 2

custard cream 11.01.13 10:36pm
Dick Everyman
Britain tipped to win gold in bottle throwing at 2016 Olympics. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.01.13 7:49pm
"P45? That'll do nicely," say 5,400 AMEX employees. 2
Boutros 11.01.13 7:44pm
‘Benefit cap could decimate holiday industry’ warn operators

People on job seekers allowance say the proposed cut in their benefit will almost certainly mean taking the whole family on that fortnight’s break to the Maldives is now out of the question., Most...

Geraldine Wiley 11.01.13 7:39pm
Ugly, penniless sex-addicts to be downgraded to mere wankers.

more later...

Joe Reynolds 11.01.13 6:58pm
Joe Reynolds
Trouble brews over the title of Jimmy Savile's newly discovered memoir...

'Children should be seen-to and not heard'...

Joe Reynolds 11.01.13 6:50pm
Joe Reynolds
Savile inquiry a 'touching tribute'


Bourbon 11.01.13 4:23pm
sponge finger
Job Cuts at Trumpton Fire Brigade

Details of job cuts at the Trumpton Fire Brigade were made today in the following statement from the town clerk, Mr Troop: "I regret to announce that firemen Cuthbert, Dibble and Grub will be...

custard cream 11.01.13 4:03pm
Savile named Paedophile Laureate 0
DustyBinLaden 11.01.13 3:33pm
Bunk beds double oyster production 0
Dick Everyman 11.01.13 3:24pm
Dick Everyman
Kate portrait revealed ahead of six-month stint on Thunderbird 5

Paul Emsley's portrait of the Duchess of Cambridge represents the final stage of preparation before she leaves Earth to pilot Thunderbird 5. 'The flashing eyes go in this weekend, and then it's off...

DustyBinLaden 11.01.13 3:00pm
'Still more comfortable than Ryanair' says snake with dying breath 0
Idiot 11.01.13 2:21pm
Isle of Wight still in black and white

Following on from news that 13,000 people still only watch black and white television, it's been revealed that the entire Isle of Wight is operating in black and white. A council spokesman explained;...

apepper 11.01.13 12:28pm
Rail Minister sacks train driver for dropping him off at Liverpool St. 9
Lucy4 11.01.13 12:27pm
Midfield Diamond
UK Prisons Service to buy Costa Concordia and refit as new prison

The prisons minister Jeremy Wright announced yesterday that in order to speed up the closure of 7 old damp prisons, they were to refit the ill fated Costa Concordia cruise ship as a floating prison....

rogerg 11.01.13 11:40am
Geraldine Wiley