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My hips DO lie: admits Shakira

Colombian songstress Shakira has admitted to deceiving fans with the lyrics of her hit song ‘hips don’t lie’, ‘I’ve lost count of the amount of the times my hips have bull shitted’ said...

2
Chris Hitchcock 03.07.12 8:14am
Golgo13
LIE BORE: Bank deceit explained by Robert Peston 0
Des Custard 03.07.12 7:41am
Des Custard
Hitler steps down. "He did the right thing" says George Osborne 0
dvo4fun 03.07.12 7:28am
dvo4fun
Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle to release 'Diamond Alights' 0
V Riddoch 03.07.12 7:13am
V Riddoch
"Lazy" Phelps only targeting 7 golds 0
grumblechops 03.07.12 6:47am
grumblechops
Thatcher, Thatcher, Economy Snatcher. 6
Al OPecia 03.07.12 6:31am
Thor
Prisoners start being released into an 'HMP gift shop'

In an attempt to re-balance the public finances, the government have announced plans to help ensure crime does pay. Prisoners who finish serving their time in all UK jails, will be released from...

7
Perks 03.07.12 6:04am
Al OPecia
Shocking Reason Behind Tom Cruise Divorce

Rumors have been swirling all week about the reasons behind the Katie Holmes-Tom Cruise divorce. In an exclusive interview, Holmes tells us the truth in her own words: I was horrified when I...

0
btaylor 02.07.12 10:48pm
btaylor
Mr Softee to head inquiry into banking standards

David Cameron has defended his decision to set up an inquiry into banking under Mr Softee, widely known for his long experience in financial sector regulation and his delicious soft ice cream cones....

1
nickb 02.07.12 10:33pm
Yikes
Village fights to lose its Barclays.

In just a year the village of Nether Whitwipe on the edge of the Snipsdale forest has seen the closure of three pubs, the post office, the dry cleaners, the village school, a store where the old...

10
Boutros 02.07.12 10:29pm
Yikes
Government leaked media strategy reveals new 'diversion' tactic

In a Downing Street memo leaked this morning, the Prime Minister's Office is considering over-turning decades of media management thinking and adopting a surprising new 'diversion' tactic. In fact,...

1
Miss Hegas 02.07.12 10:27pm
Yikes
Man shot in Devizes solicitors

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-wiltshire-18678376 Is this cockney rhyming slang or is journalism getting worse by the day?...

0
BillyBitzer 02.07.12 10:14pm
BillyBitzer
NewsBiscuit contributor exorcises angst from soul with unfunny contributions

Contributor O, who requested to remain anonymous, confessed that her contributions weren't exactly rib-ticklers, but they helped her get things off her chest. And didn't make her feel as dirty as...

0
Miss Hegas 02.07.12 10:12pm
Miss Hegas
New "Face of Colonic Irrigation" sought after Gillian McKeith resigns

The Colonic Irrigation Society of the UK (CI SUK) today passed a motion removing "Dr" Gillian McKeith as the face of Colonic irrigation. "Frankly we couldn't put up with her faxe qualifications,...

1
simonjmr 02.07.12 9:47pm
Sir Lupus
Robert Peston fitted with solar panels and flywheel to stop mid-sentence silence

BBC bosses have confirmed that correspondent Robert Peston has been fitted with solar panels and a flywheel in an attempt to stop him appearing to enter embarrassing silences whilst mid-sentence....

0
antharrison 02.07.12 9:17pm
antharrison
Healthy seaweed pizza 'no threat' says Pizza Express

Pizza Express says it is 'unfazed' by the launch of a healthy seaweed pizza by a Scottish nutritionist. 'We researched the market and found that seaweed was an interesting new ingredient', said...

0
roybland 02.07.12 8:14pm
roybland
Governmemt raises maximum welfare benefit cap to £33m

The maximum amount a family can receive in welfare benefits a year has been raised to £33 million, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has announced. The cap was set at £26000 but Mr...

0
roybland 02.07.12 8:11pm
roybland
Police called after bondage party descends into fistycuffs. 3
wallster 02.07.12 7:59pm
writinginbsl
Greece to adopt eight day week

In an attempt to show the EU it is serious about solving its economic woes, new Greek Prime Minister Antonis Samaras has announced the radical policy of adopting an eight day week. Every day of the...

0
grumblechops 02.07.12 7:18pm
grumblechops
Homeopaths claim to have found "a minute fragment" of the Higgs Boson particle 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:34pm
nickb
Bowel cancer screening centre "a pile of shite" say critics 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:29pm
nickb
Banks downgraded from bastards to Clarksons 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:28pm
nickb
Bob Diamond and James Murdoch short-listed for post at GlaxoSmithKline 0
weematt 02.07.12 4:42pm
weematt
Sales of Veet plunge as UK women prepare to join “La Barbe”. 0
weematt 02.07.12 4:20pm
weematt
"Jeremy Kyle Roadshow" to offer door-to-door chav baiting

TV judgementalist Jeremy Kyle is set to offer his services door-to-door as he and the team spend the summer visiting the housing estates of Britain in a tour bus. "Traditionally we waited for people...

0
grumblechops 02.07.12 3:10pm
grumblechops
I Bought My Computer, But Bill Gates Still Owns It.

I bought my computer, but Bill Gates still owns it. At least that's the way it seems., I bought my Sony Vaio Mini (which I am happy with except for its unfortunate affiliation with the a fore...

0
02.07.12 2:53pm
Bob Diamond partial 'Murdoch-Amnesia' shock "I forget where I left my integrity"

more soon. Hope you've all got your beer in for his appearance at Westminster on Wednesday...

0
dvo4fun 02.07.12 2:01pm
dvo4fun
Match fixing scandal at London inter-bank 5 a side football tournament 0
charlies_hat 02.07.12 1:54pm
charlies_hat
No Cock Shock on Embarrassing Bodies

The switchboard at Channel 4 rang red hot last night after hoards of viewers phoned to complain about the distinct lack of tenuous Penis and vaginal related illnesses on the latest episode of...

0
Njinski 02.07.12 1:48pm
Njinski
John Terry changes into his kit ready to lift the cup for spain 3
Perks 02.07.12 1:37pm
dvo4fun