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60-Watt Bulb Ban To Ruin Prison Cell Feng Shui 6
UnoEye 3 years

Long-term Feltham Prison inmate Dave 'The Chainsaw Butcher' looks up at the shade-less light bulb hanging above his head. 'The circle is extremely powerful and encloses the inconspicuous after...

Cowell Unveils Plans For The Next Generation Of Reality TV 0
Duff 3 years

It's art imitating life imitating art. Broadcaster ITV has revealed plans for TV mogul Simon Cowell's latest reality show due to be screened in the run up to this Christmas. [i]Let's Do The Whole...

Unprecedented demand amongst male IT workers for cosmetic scars 20
3 years

Soft-skinned men in the IT industry are flocking to cosmetic surgeons for the latest 'vanity' treatments. Tired of being accused of 'never doing a hard day's work in their life', computer operatives...

Reith Would Of Blown A Gasket If He Had Of Seen This 12
Duff 3 years

A leaked BBC memo is about to drive linguists wild and throw the grammar police into a right tizz. Because in sensational new guidelines it appears that top brass within the corporation have approved...

Fuhrer-ious chancellor Balls denies deathcard accusations 0
vertical 3 years

http://tinyurl.com/3ldgc6c Rumours that shadow chancellor Ed Balls retaliated against Tory critics of his 'fag-packet' economic policies by leaving deathcards on ministerial car windscreens, were...

Dale Farm Travellers to be charged with misrepresentation 0
LittleSpender 3 years
Save BBC4 petition validity challenged after Only Way is Essex cast signed 0
simonjmr 3 years
Wolf makes comeback in France 1
simonjmr 3 years

Michael Van Wijk the professional sportsman, bodybuilder, actor and TV presenter, most famous for as Wolf on British TV endurance sports game show Gladiators, has made a surprising comeback in France...

Darling admits Gordon Brown was nicknamed "Melchett" during his time in office 0
Iamthestig 3 years

Maaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh...

Journalist hopes for protracted peace in Libya to maximise Hotel loyalty points 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Tony Blair lands role as Michael Sheen in new Biopic 0
Mr_Johno 3 years

In a press release earlier today Warner Brothers confirmed the long speculated rumour that Tony Blair had landed the lead part in a new biopic about the life of actor Michael Sheen. At a press...

Churchill the dog treated for depression over constant accusations of lying 1
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

A source close to the nodding bulldog from Churchill insurance’s adverts has revealed that the iconic star has checked into a clinic to deal with severe depression. The condition is believed to...

Conan the Librarian Cert 18 1
Family Guy 3 years

A dark disturbing thriller about a body building,sword waving bisexual librarian,suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.Brilliant a must see., ...

Cache of flint weapons ‘stashed by gangs for future riots’ claims Sky reporter 0
jp1885 3 years

A recently unearthed hoard of prehistoric flint arrow heads and axes had been secretly stored by a criminal gang of youths in anticipation of further rioting in the nation’s capital, Sky News...

"Flashmobs gone wrong, main cause of UK riots" say Government 0
simonjmr 3 years

Ken Clarke today has called for the immediate banning of "Flashmobs" as he has prove that they are directly linked to the cause of the recent UK riots. Writing in Fascism Today , he said the...

Alternative Cliche Hunt Begins as Forth Bridge paintathon concludes. 9
f0zz 3 years

Scottish parliament sounded the death knell of tiresome task metaphors this week as the cushiest number in contracting finally came to a tacky end. Patrons of the bridge had a belated epiphany, after...

Tim Cook Announces Iphone6 3
Textbook 3 years

In a bold move, newly appointed Apple chief Tim Cook today announced that the hotly rumoured iphone5 was in fact the iphone6. "It was developed as the iphone5 but towards the end of the development...

Edinburgh University introduces staggering fees. 5
Boutros 3 years

Students attending the Scottish university were shocked to learn they could soon be paying as much as £9,000 a year in fines if found 'straying left and right', 'wandering about aimlessly', or...

Arthur Scargill is Carol Thatcher's secret godfather 3
antharrison 3 years

Following revelations that Tony Blair is godfather to Rupert Murdoch's daughter Christina, it has been revealed that former prime minister Margaret Thatcher was successful in her efforts to persuade...

Scottish Tories chose name for new party: New Labour 0
arnied 3 years
New Zealand Unveils New Rugby World Cup Slogan 0
Textbook 3 years

"Yes, people still play it."...

Free schools made of Lego easily dismantled when policy changes next year 2
dvo4fun 3 years
Worlds oldest woman reveals secret to longievity 6
gaijintendo 3 years

1. Not being in serious accidents, 2. Cooking with olive oil, and not engine oil, 3. Drinking excessive amounts of alcohol over a prolonged period rather than binge drinking., 4. Driving a Volvo,...

Google plan major re-launch of Google+ 0
Dumbnews 3 years

Whatever happened to all the hype around this? Surely there is a good joke somewhere...

World Record Brussel Sprouts Demand on Christmas Day May Cause World Shortage 0
Plantarian 3 years

Uber-Vegetarian Paul McCartney has denied ordering staff at his homes in the UK and USA to stockpile Brussel Sprouts for his family to eat this christmas following fears of a world shortage caused by...

Milky Bar Kid "responsible for obesity crisis". 5
nickb 3 years

He was strong and tough, and only the best was good enough, but now The Milky Bar Kid faces widespread condemnation for singlehandedly kicking off what experts say could be a crisis of epidemic...

Martin Handford admits he never actually put Wally in any of those pictures. 2
Ian Searle 3 years
Blair Is Made An Offer He Can't Refuse 0
Duff 3 years

Veteran film director Francis Ford Coppolla is to remake the Godfather trilogy and this time round the mumbling Don is to be played by none other than former Prime Minister, Tony Blair. Speaking...

20yrs on, Celebrity UrnWatch confirms: Quality of Mercury Not Strained. 0
f0zz 3 years
Woman considered 'unlucky in love' revealed to be irritating insensitive cow 1
dicky37 3 years

[More soon..]...