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Al Qaida Kung Fu Fighters To Take Down Planes 2
Lawrence.Jesterton 3 years

Al Qaida planned to train its members in kung fu to enable them to hijack planes undetected, leaked documents reveal. The terrorist organisation's former number two told interrogators about a plot...

Facebook to use eHarmony algorithms to score compatibility of friend requests 0
Dumbnews 3 years
'Human cannonball' sadly missed 14
rickwestwell 3 years
Bill Oddie teams up with Tim Westward on new show, Pimp My Hide 0
Manifestations of Baboonery 3 years
British National Party outsources membership office to India. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Inaugural Gaza Marathon ends in race row 0
3 years

Today's inaugural marathon through the troubled region of Gaza ended in a bitter row. Whilst organizers and participants were quick to praise the event, most of the spectators described it as...

Standard & Poor downgrade Great Britain to Average. 1
Deacon 3 years

Asia Minor re-rated as Asia Even-Minorer., Giant's Causeway now a dirt-track for midgets., Micronesia disappears...

'Yes' to form coalition with 'No' 1
Golgo13 3 years

After the AV referendum count revealed no overall majority, 'Yes' has announced the controversial step of forming a coalition with the 'No', rather than their natural allies, 'Meh'. A defiant 'Yes',...

'Patient friendly' IVF centre opens... 1
be reasonable 3 years

and is immediately swamped by illiterate, violent Ulster protestants...

Clegg claims victory after coming second in AV poll 1
Des and Stan 3 years

Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg claimed victory last night despite the nation having apparently delivered a resounding ‘No’ to the adoption of the Alternative Vote for future Parliamentary...

Election officials employ poll dancers in a bid to boost turnout. 7
wallster 3 years

Well, it's alternative...

Met Police welcomes new "naked-only" surrender rule. 1
Deacon 3 years

and have cited a number of cases in recent years where this rule should be retrospectively applied...

Portugal to be rebranded "Germany-on-Sea" 7
Deacon 3 years
Overwhelming Turnout in Referendum 2
pineapple incident 3 years

Around the country, votes have got up off their back sides and actually gone to the polls, early indications show. Constituencies around England are reporting turnouts consistently above 90%. ...

Archbishop fears start of US-lead "Beardie Bloke Pogrom". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years

Fatwa issued against Mecca Bingo Halls. 0
Deacon 3 years
US Navy SEAL given life ban from hide and seek competitions 3
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

The World Hide and Seek Federation, governing body for professional hide and seek contests, has taken the unprecedented step of handing a lifetime ban to US Navy SEAL Lance Johnson. The ban is in...

Harry Potter defies super injunction to reveal He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to press 1
acwanaut 3 years
Gordon Sumner injured by US drone 0
Deacon 3 years

as Sting operation goes badly wrong., Queen expresses condolences...

Al-Qaeda's Anwar al-Awalaki: radicalised during the filming of Jewel of the Nile 0
simonjmr 3 years

James Bond resigns from MI5: too much paperwork 2
steve_l 3 years

James Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork and boring villan's lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable. He said "When...

US reassures doubters that secret death squads will only ever kill bad people 2
rickwestwell 3 years
Loads of piles rise and wank turnip bags on Discovery 0
Deacon 3 years
Contaminated Zam Zam holy water sold from Mecca really from the Thames Thames 0
Basil_B 3 years
Website moderators veto all internet references to Scunthorpe. 0
Deacon 3 years

Offa's Dyke is given 2nd written warning...

Voters told to cast vote in telephone boxes as alternative voting booth. 0
Basil_B 3 years
Shock victory for "meh" campaign 1
rickwestwell 3 years
Geography experts stunned by shock Israeli Eurovision win. 1
Deacon 3 years
US Attorney General says Bin Laden killing was lawful. 0
Deacon 3 years

In other news:, Turkeys have voted AGAINST Christmas;, Bears express a preference for shitting in wooded areas; and, Pope said to be "broadly not in favour" of Atheism...

Mary Whitehouse bequeaths house to American Diplomatic Assassins 4
OldThingy 3 years

Proviso: No bad language, sex or violence please...