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People who write 'nom nom' on Facebook to be sectioned for own safety.

Not a joke, just a wish...

FOAD 26.11.13 1:14pm
East End Appeal to get Van Dyke Self Portrait out of the UK

Lovers of all that is holy in the East End of London are being asked to raise £12.5m to ensure the last self-portrait of Dick Van Dyke does not stay in the UK. The photo taken by the American...

Flugelbinder 26.11.13 12:12pm
Operation Yew Tree arrests 1200 year old man

The Metropolitan Police have confirmed today that Operation Yew Tree has arrested a 1200 year old man on suspicion of a number of offences over the past fifty years. "The suspect has been a master...

neformore 26.11.13 12:03pm
James May faces ultimate challenge - act like a grown up 0
custard cream 26.11.13 12:02pm
custard cream
Time to roll the credits says heartbroken husband

John Weathertop of Reading, has today left his wife of 8 years due to irreconcilable differences. In an emotional statement, John, aged 29 claimed he could no longer put up with the constant...

Flugelbinder 26.11.13 11:45am
Wales, Northern Ireland and England Demand Referendum On Freedom From Scotland 0
Titus 26.11.13 9:03am
How was it for you? Hang on, let me just update my profile

Checking one's iPhone for Facebook updates or following the latest tweet of a [i]fave[/i] celeb, has now surpassed the satisfaction of drawing on a cigarette post-coitus. According to a survey of...

Robopop 26.11.13 8:50am
Businesses complain that banks are acting like businesses

A shocking report exposing large Banks as centres of sharp business practices has been published. Other not-so-sharp businesses complained "We thought they were just there to give us the money. Then...

vulture1 26.11.13 8:42am
Al OPecia
SNP to compile new Scottish Constitution from "Pick'n'Mix" aisle. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 26.11.13 8:20am
Al OPecia
In the future every chav wannabe will be famous for 15 innits 0
Smart Alex 25.11.13 9:55pm
Smart Alex
Yorkshireman reckons vacuum cleaner works "cos electric goes down t'hoover wire" 1
Smart Alex 25.11.13 9:28pm
Rest of Britain says it would happily swap 150,000 Daily Express readers

for 150,000 Bulgarian doctors. Or 150 Bulgarian doctors come to that...

Beerboy 25.11.13 8:37pm
Daily Mail to take on H.P.Lovecraft as leader writer. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 25.11.13 8:19pm
Al OPecia
Citizen Smith arrested in Tooting in Maoist slave investigation. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 25.11.13 7:59pm
Al OPecia
HS2 Promoters Admit That 'High-Capacity Rail' Just Doesn't Sound So Sexy 0
Titus 25.11.13 6:19pm
I'm an innocent victim of a smear campaign says expense fiddle junkie banker 2
ronseal 25.11.13 5:38pm
Reunited Monty Python team enter debate on proposed EU immigration issues

What have the Roman(ian)s ever done for us?...

irreverendJ 25.11.13 5:36pm
Paul Flowers to present 'Songs of Haze' 1
antharrison 25.11.13 5:21pm
custard cream
England's barmy army diagnosed with 'long-standing stress-related condition' 0
custard cream 25.11.13 5:19pm
custard cream
Guinness Book receive complaint over Xmas lights record from a Mr Griswold.

MADJEZ 25.11.13 5:18pm
Confusion as White ribbon day doesn't mark those who surrendered to AIDS.

Next year they'll use four white feathers instead. More mixed charity messages soon...

MADJEZ 25.11.13 4:27pm
Esher announces Silvercrest service to tell pensioners whats for sale at Lidl. 0
MADJEZ 25.11.13 4:23pm
Isle of Wight votes for independence from Albion 0
Ref Minor 25.11.13 4:18pm
Ref Minor
John Kerry reports from Geneva: "I believe it is peace for our time" 5
Sinnick 25.11.13 4:17pm
SNP agree to look after Wales "every other weekend" if they gain independence.

The SNP has announced that should it split with England then it will look to the courts for access rights to Wales at least every other weekend and the first Tuesday of each month. It made no mention...

city123 25.11.13 4:13pm
Large sums of money hold press conference to express “joy” at Python reunion.

“I for one can’t wait to be joining John Cleese’s offshore bank account once again,” said a cheque for an estimated £1.72 million pounds, at a city press conference held by the celebrity ...

nickb 25.11.13 3:51pm
London slaves found in Parliament. "We call 'em work experience interns" says MP 0
pinxit 25.11.13 3:39pm
Co-op Funeralcare request "no Flowers" 0
medici2471 25.11.13 3:34pm
Royal Family finally granted Jennie Bond restraining order

The Royal Family have said they can 'finally rest easy' today, after a judge officially granted them a Restraining Order against Royal-super fan and now confirmed stalker, Jennie Bond. The legal...

Jesus H 25.11.13 2:42pm
Midfield Diamond
Left-Wing Commune Nutters Arrested & Charged With Being Left-Wing CommuneNutters 0
Titus 25.11.13 1:25pm