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New netiquette guidelines suggest ending all statements with IMO. 0
Dumbnews 3 years
As Abu Hamzas' PA hangs herself on one of his hooks, his botty becomes a no go 0
3 years

area and is taken off the no flies list...

Middle class housewive hocks amorous tales of her 25 stone Romany lover who 3
3 years

clears her garden of Ragwort.One feels one ought to have a catchy title...

Homosexuals complain about closure of Manchester's public toilets 3
John Wiltshire 3 years

'Now where can we go cottaging?' said a spokesman. 'We may have to use cottages.'...

World's oldest man still confident he will find "the one" 1
Dumbnews 3 years
Catholic fans call for head of manager; 'We wanna be a Big five religion' 5
StoopyDeGunt 3 years

After a consistently bad set of results, Catholic fans seem to have lost faith in their manager and are calling for his head. 'The Pope was alright for getting us out of the lower divisions of...

Banks sign lending deal. Unusual conditions apply. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
A Boy Named "It" definitely "Pro-noun", no sign of antecedents. 0
FormerlyAlOPecia 3 years
Mr Cannot Be Named For Legal Reasons ‘preparing to sue all the newspapers’ 8
malgor 3 years
Newfoundland declares war on Labrador... 1
be reasonable 3 years

my jokes are going to the dogs...

New pay study shows women now 88% as good as men 5
Oxbridge 3 years

Womens' groups up and down Britain have been celebrating after a new study into pay differentials showed that women are now performing only 12% worse in the workplace than men, which is an all-time...

Startling Revelation Re Cameron - Tory MP's Aghast 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

Prime Minister Cameron made a startling revelation today whilst being interviewed on ITN News - He used to be an East End barrow boy, until he met his wife., "I know that I've turned my back on the...

Rick Astley redux 1
Zadok the second 3 years

Rick Astley, the 1980s pop sensation is to be brought back in a newly-restored version, pop producer and train-spotter Pete Waterman confirmed today. “Digital Technology allows us to revisit some...

Apple to join the espionage game with the iSpy app. 0
Psycadelic Squirrel 3 years

Your dreams of being James Bond are one step closer...

[Remix] Labrador denies border-incursion accusation levelled by jack russell 5
CAC 3 years

A Cumbrian village is feared to be perilously close to all-out conflict following a terrier's angry accusation that a labrador is intruding "repeatedly and with clearly provocative intent" into...

Safer Internet Day passes without a hitch thanks to keyboard condoms 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Nokia "Not what I thought it was" admits new boss 0
beau-jolly 3 years

When former double glazing salesman, Stephen Elop, applied for the post he explained that he had been red hot with windows so didn’t imagine selling bricks could be that difficult...

Wikileaks to reveal damning evidence on Assange 0
AndyOverhead 3 years

In a truly spectacular miscalculation, Wikileaks looks to have shot itself in the foot after reports were leaked, by themselves, that they had uncovered damning evidence proving that the website is...

Julian Assange issues SOS 2
John Wiltshire 3 years

Julian Assange, founder of WikiLeaks, today issued an urgent statement about his extradition to Sweden., 'This is an SOS,' he said. 'The legal system in Sweden is such that the name of the game is...

Flashmob At Steelworks - 16 Dead, 40 Injured 11
jampot 3 years

A street dancing flashmob organised by T-Mobile was sprung on unsuspecting steelworkers yesterday, causing a spill of molten iron that has left 16 dead and 40 injured. Two workers and 29 bodypoppers...

General Election privatised - to be run by Ant and Dec 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

Ant and Dec have been given the responsibility of running the next general election., 'We're going to introduce phone voting,' said Ant or Dec. 'Calls from landlines will be charged at your standard...

Policemen to be replaced by old ladies with shopping bags 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

The Home Secretary has ordered the immediate replacement of all policemen with gangs of old ladies wielding handbags., 'Just think,' said Theresa May, 'if one old lady can finish off six armed...

Scientologists ‘give up’ 2
Zadok the second 3 years

The Church of Scientology has decided to throw in the towel, declaring the problems of the world ‘too tough to sort out by a bunch of sci-fi geeks’. In a statement issued by the Sea...

Home facelifts now a reality – Dyson 0
Zadok the second 3 years

Following the success of the Dyson Airblade – a hand-drying device which nearly strips the flesh from your hands – James Dyson has unveiled the FaceLifter, a revolution in diy cosmetic surgery....

BBC Radio 1 ‘alienates older and more intelligent listeners’ says report 2
Stan Laurel 3 years

A report issued by the BBC trustees has criticized Radio 1 for being too youth orientated. In the report, put together by BBC trustee David Liddiment, says the Radio 1 may be popular but needs to...

Gordon Brown finishes Angry Birds Level 5; demands more challenges. 0
Zadok the second 3 years
Londoners told sell-off will not affect their 'Right to Moan' 2
Gerontius 3 years

David Cameron has come under fire from Labour after announcing plans to sell off all publicly owned parks and open spaces in central London., Around 80,000 hectares of prime real estate in the...

Restaurants ‘looking forward to bleeding Valentine’s customer’s wallets’ 1
Zadok the second 3 years

Restaurant owners are looking forward to next Monday with glee, according to an article in The Publican. Valentine’s evening – known in the trade as ‘mug’s night’ – continues to prop up...

Scotland to gift two ‘NEDS’ to China 19
Fin Robertson 3 years

Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond today signed an historic agreement to send two giant Scottish neds (non educated delinquents) to the People’s Republic of China. It is the first time these two...

Markets React To Compulsory Organ Donation Scheme 0
lord_wingnut 3 years

Bontempi, Farfisa and Casio shares rocketed to a new high following the government's announcement that organ donation will be made compulsory "very soon". Organ owners also expressed delight at the...