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'Immigrants are breathing our air' claims Daily Mail

Since border controls were recently relaxed, record numbers of immigrants from Eastern Europe have been coming to the UK and using up air intended for hard-working British families. Hospitals have...

Smart Alex 21.02.14 3:06pm
Smart Alex
Man surprises woman with genuine show of affection

Doncaster, Yorkshire, At 5.42pm on Wednesday the 19th of February a man by the name of Dave Goodwich surprised his girlfriend of nearly 4 years with what some onlookers have described as “the...

fabled_able 21.02.14 2:46pm
Atos declares itself unfit to work 0
Bigglesworth 21.02.14 2:38pm
Wayne Rooney’s ‘image rights’ licensed to Potato Marketing Board... 3
Tripod 21.02.14 2:15pm
Slante Dangle
The Ukrainian's pain falls mainly in a vote again 0
Not Amused 21.02.14 2:14pm
Not Amused
GB ladies curling team 'delighted at being second best losers' 0
custard cream 21.02.14 2:06pm
custard cream
UK rain in Ukraine blamed for floods of protesters

“This degenerate activity clearly proves there are far too many gays in the area” said Vladimir Putin...

farmer giles 21.02.14 1:54pm
farmer giles
To fight obesity, McDonalds to sell only kid's meals 1
Dumbnews 21.02.14 1:07pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Britain's Got Talent: English votes to be limited to English acts (and so on)

In an apparent step to provide clarity around who may offer an opinion on Scottish issues without receiving threats of having their head kicked in ITV has revealed that only Scotland resident...

m4x 21.02.14 12:51pm
NHS to Blackmail Patients by Leaking Personal Details

It was revealed today that the proposed patient database has intentional inbuilt errors that may lead to the identification of people with embarrassing conditions. These defects can be adjusted out...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 12:49pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Traffic Warden uses Common sense

The Town Clerk admitted that something had gone seriously wrong, whilst also stating that they normally weed this sort of person out at an early stage in the selection process. He further added that...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 12:12pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Pedant stands by "strawberries aren't fruit" claim despite vicious beating. 0
dominic_mcg 21.02.14 11:34am
Norwegian curling team suspected of ball tampering

The extreme housework ice discipline of curling was rocked by controversy today, after accusations that the Norwegians had used illegal trouser tactics....

Kevin the Swan 21.02.14 11:22am
Somerset to be frozen to create curling rinks

Prime Minister David Cameron has today jumped on the Winter Olympic bandwagon to announce an ambitious plan to freeze flood-hit Somerset and turn it into thousands of curling rinks. ‘I’ve always...

ianslat 21.02.14 10:56am
Referendum forces Britain to face prospect of being sh*t at tennis again

The worrying prospect of Britain returning to a status of national tennis shame has topped a list of concerns in the results of an online poll issued to England, Wales and Northern Ireland today,...

Jesus H 21.02.14 10:56am
Midfield Diamond
Birth of 'rare' West African giraffe excites Danish lions

While a Cumbria Zoo has been celebrating the arrival of an animal normally only seen in the wilds of Niger, predators in Copenhagen have been hard pressed to restrain their salivation. Since their...

Wrenfoe 21.02.14 10:49am
Midfield Diamond
Spin Doctors Open New Website for Politicians ‘Not Me .guv’

After the fall of Tony Blair, unemployed spin doctors have clubbed together to form a website full of excuses to be used by politicians in an emergency. Rather than offer simple lies that can be...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 9:19am
Slante Dangle
Instant Excuses Website for Criminals ‘Search Me . Guv’

This website offers a range of simplistic instant excuses to be used by criminals on arrest, until a better ploy can be worked out with their defence council. Immediate one liners include : It must...

Guillermo De Snookio 21.02.14 8:42am
Guillermo De Snookio
Technology behind driverless cars unable to solve most captchas 0
Dumbnews 21.02.14 6:22am
Blairs advice to Brooks: Do a Hutton

it is the safest way to bury phone records. The way he hid the whereabouts of Kelly by drowning out the questions about his mobile phone tracks is priceless - and with the current floods you get away...

4ty2 21.02.14 6:08am
Salmond fights back against dictionary definition of the word ‘independence’

Alex Salmond has stated that he will not be bullied by the “anti-Scottish” Oxford English Dictionary with their "overtly English" definition of the word 'independence'. “Under my definition of...

Slante Dangle 21.02.14 12:30am
Slante Dangle
UK police amazed as forensic scientist slays ruthless gang of criminals

Detective Allan Johnson of the West Midlands Police expressed his force's gratitude today to Perry Barr Forensic Scientist Warwick Stokes who, after using advanced scientific insect analysis to...

blacklesbianandproudofit 20.02.14 11:35pm
Lib Dem front bench "wettest on record" 0
DorsetBoy 20.02.14 10:41pm
Bristol's wobbling, says spokesperson Mr. Benny Hill. 0
Maverick 20.02.14 10:21pm
Malt extract video goes Virol 0
Smart Alex 20.02.14 9:56pm
Smart Alex
Demand for erotic fiction makes 2013 'wettest on record' 0
Underconstruction 20.02.14 9:28pm
Bondage Society admits inaction: "Our hands are tied" 0
DorsetBoy 20.02.14 8:51pm
Scottish ex-hairdresser admits being "shit at curling" 0
Underconstruction 20.02.14 8:27pm
Salmond plays down talk of future Kingship

Standing at the mantelpiece in the great hall of his residence at Scone, the Scottish leader Mr Salmond refused to be drawn on suggestions that once Scotland was free from the English yoke, he would...

blacklesbianandproudofit 20.02.14 7:58pm
Met Police on exchange visit to Ukraine show how it's done

World War Three soon...

vulture1 20.02.14 6:48pm