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Millions concerned over Rory McIlroy's apparent stroke in Santander advert 0
quango 19.03.13 10:20pm
Gunther von Hagens puts off crow-plastination til next week 0
Idiot 19.03.13 10:15pm
Pope Francis puts the Vatican up for sale

Determined to fulfill his ambition to 'see a church that is poor and is for the poor' Pope Francis has decided to sell off the Vatican, St Peter's Basilica and the Sistine Chapel. 'It's an...

roybland 19.03.13 10:12pm
Roache 'was credulous idiot in previous life' 1
Idiot 19.03.13 10:09pm
Al OPecia
Polar bears disturbed by large unopenable plastic lunch box of fresh human. 0
Al OPecia 19.03.13 10:09pm
Al OPecia
Odour-free GM Cannabis plants!

Order online...

hero2zero 19.03.13 10:06pm
Procrasting Radioactivity Convention can't confront ‘the element in the room.'

Laboured neato...

sigmund 19.03.13 10:01pm
Chancellor Merkel cancels Paphos holiday 0
custard cream 19.03.13 8:15pm
custard cream
Amateurcrastinater completes task too promptly 8
Yikes 19.03.13 8:08pm
“Make Work Free!” Now Government Policy

In a bold move, Chancellor George Osborne is to introduce a radical new economic policy with immediate effect. Expressed by the slogan “Make work free”, the new policy abolishes wages for all...

Iggy Pop-Barker 19.03.13 7:43pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Eric Pickles to be declared an SSSI later this week

It has been revealed by sources close to government advisers, Natural England, that later this week, MP Eric Pickles is to be declared an SSSI (Site of Special Scientific Interest). Details are...

Pat Mustard 19.03.13 7:40pm
sponge finger
Music world mourns as plot to kill Joss Stone is thwarted... 1
Tripod 19.03.13 7:29pm
Runner-up for pope gets trip to Disneyland 0
sydalg 19.03.13 7:26pm
If trials successful, scratch and sniff cards to be used to kerb prostitution. 0
Perks 19.03.13 7:19pm
"Oakey door key" says locksmith asked to help Human League singer get into house 0
Idiot 19.03.13 7:18pm
Golfer asked not to put off putting off puts off. 2
beau-jolly 19.03.13 7:08pm
Underwear catalogue publisher admits "We can't compete with Internet porn" 0
sydalg 19.03.13 6:26pm
Pessimist "really looking forward to being optimistic again" 0
Idiot 19.03.13 5:39pm
Keen birdwatcher Tony Blair confirms he was misquoted: "No egrets over Iraq" 1
Midnight Dreary 19.03.13 5:29pm
Osborne to re-introduce Elizabethan Poor Tax

Leaks emerging from No 11 Downing Street suggest that the Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, is to reintroduce the Elizabethan Poor Tax in his new budget. “It’s quite startling” he...

blacklesbianandproudofit 19.03.13 4:54pm
Osborne substitutes Jack the Ripper’s Gladstone bag for Budget Box

In a break from tradition, Chancellor George Osborne will pose for Budget Day photographs with Jack the Ripper’s black Gladstone bag instead of the traditional Red Budget Box. “With the amount...

Dick Everyman 19.03.13 4:50pm
Dick Everyman
Weston-Super-Mare under threat as Bridgewater boasts nuclear capability 1
beau-jolly 19.03.13 4:28pm
Not Amused
Mrs Slocum’s pussy now last surviving cast member of ‘Are you Being Served?’... 1
Tripod 19.03.13 4:11pm
Fans shocked to hear that Michael Owen used to play football...

Fans of the clubs where Michael Owen played are nonplussed at the news that he is to retire from football at the end of the season. ‘Frankly’, said Bob Stratton, a Liverpool supporter, ‘we...

Tripod 19.03.13 4:10pm
Apostrophe Liberation Front targets Mid Devon Council

Incensed at the apostrophe ban in Mid Devon, activists from the Apostrophe Liberation Front (ALF) have been gathering in large numbers in Tiverton. The first signs that things were getting heated...

custard cream 19.03.13 4:05pm
‘Chickens come home to roost’ as Blackburn looks for manager number four...

After just 15 games in charge of Blackburn Rovers, manager Michael Appleton has been sacked. Club owners, Venky’s, are now looking to appoint the club’s fourth manager this season. Candidates for...

Tripod 19.03.13 3:57pm
Stoners find ‘scratch ‘n’ sniff’ cannabis cards ‘make great roaches’... 0
Tripod 19.03.13 2:57pm
Lottery winner bids for Diana dress: ‘Now I can retire that old gym sock’... 0
Tripod 19.03.13 2:04pm
Michael Owen 'not already retired' shock 1
Midnight Dreary 19.03.13 12:58pm
Childcare providers to increase their charges by 20% 0
medici2471 19.03.13 12:44pm