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"99 piece screwdriver set" contained 98 screws.

And no making up your own jokes now...

deskpilot3 02.03.13 12:49am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Labour signs pact with Elvis Loves Pets Party to beat Monster Raving Loony Party 0
sydalg 02.03.13 12:34am
Ross had 'sex with daugher in front of parents'

So called ‘edgy funny man’ Jonathan Ross has been at it again, bragging about his sexual conquest of an elderly couple’s daughter. Ross, 55, said that ‘he hadn’t had such a good night for...

shaggy 02.03.13 12:14am
Milliband: "Well, We Got 4,088 More Votes At Eastleigh Than The Greens" 0
Titus 01.03.13 11:36pm
Benedict's butler paroled

Paolo Gabriele has been released early from detention and will take up the role of butler to the Pope Emeritus. It was widely reported at the time of his conviction that on his release he would not...

Iscariot 01.03.13 11:03pm
Queen pulls a sickie to avoid visiting Swansea 1
custard cream 01.03.13 11:01pm
Cameron pledges to restrict gay migrants to win back disaffected Tories 0
custard cream 01.03.13 10:54pm
custard cream
John O'Farrell wins Eastleigh....deposit back 0
AReader 01.03.13 10:31pm
Axed Tulisa to replace Cardinal O’Brien on Papal election panel

In the wake of the shock decision by X Factor producers to axe female judge Tulisa Contostavlos from the Show, the Vatican’s College of Cardinals has come to her rescue. The self-proclaimed...

Dick Everyman 01.03.13 10:05pm
Paddy Berzinski
Potty Rocket Ronnie Returns From Extended Rest

more sooooon...

Slante Dangle 01.03.13 10:00pm
Pope Benedict working on 'kiss and tell' memoirs...

Many cardinals looking worried...

deskpilot3 01.03.13 9:44pm
Miliband worried that By-Election result will prompt leadership O'Farrell

Things can only get better...

deskpilot3 01.03.13 9:42pm
House price fall follows shock bye-election result - Daily Mail 0
Iscariot 01.03.13 9:13pm
Committee: diseased to the core (city's poverty), says committee

A committee has urged Boris Johnson to tackle London's poverty problems, it has warned. A 12-month consultation has ended with the emergence of a damning report, which might be a wake-up call. The...

Mik Bulk 01.03.13 8:58pm
Horsemeat traces still too high to be effective, advises Homeopathy Council 0
cinquecento 01.03.13 8:43pm
By-election result pronounced 'a great fat ball of bugger-all'

Voters today are counting the cost at yet another hyped election that fizzled into a complete let-down. Disappointed pundits have reflected that this one initially promised so much colour, then...

Squudge 01.03.13 8:34pm
Wide eyes in the Vatican - A journey

THE air here is thick - as they say, there is something transcendental about it. But this is the Vatican - the holiest city in the world. But why am I here? "That's what they all ask," an official...

Mik Bulk 01.03.13 8:31pm
sponge finger
Top Gear apologises for failed stunt

The makers of Top Gear apologised today for a failed stunt which resulted in a 2CV burning up in the skies over Russia and crashing into a frozen lake. Grand piano expected to fall to Earth within...

hero2zero 01.03.13 8:28pm
Garry Glitter to be appointed as interim Pope

Gary is said to be delighted with the Vatican's offer to act as Pope whilst elections for the top job are organised. "I guess I had the right qualifications being a leader an' that" said Gary...

bumtrinket 01.03.13 8:05pm
Nasty party tell Cameron - "Get Nasty"

Thousands of blue-rinsed Colonel's wives and thousands more tub-thumping old buggers who demand “Good Old Britain” dropped a stainless steel 'cordon sanitaire' across our borders today to advise...

01.03.13 7:31pm
Vegas Casino 'perplexed' as new player cleans up at poker tables

"We know the guy's cheating, but we just can't work out how."

pinxit 01.03.13 7:30pm
O'Farrell admits to being '100% stalking horse'

Imported from the East and 90.18% thought him inedible ('unelectable' surely Ed?)...

shaggy 01.03.13 7:29pm
Lord Rennard defence claims accusations 'a case of mistaken identity'

pinxit 01.03.13 7:28pm
Return to core Conservative values could trigger bubonic plague

A return to core Conservative values as a result of the Eastleigh by-election could so unsettle the natural order of things it could unleash a new outbreak of the bubonic plague, according to experts...

roybland 01.03.13 6:28pm
French horse burgers which contained turkey twizzlers which contained horse meat

It’s been a frantic 24 hours. First, the ironic twist of fate when French horse burgers were found to contain 20% of that great British food, the turkey twizzler. Confusion then reigned after it...

Slante Dangle 01.03.13 6:19pm
Lens Cap
Pope "pissing about for past fortnight" claim Cardinals

As well-wishers turned up outside the Pope's office to bid him farewell today, some Cardinals admitted the outgoing pontiff's high-spirits have created something of a nauseating working environment...

grumblechops 01.03.13 5:39pm
One Nation Labour discovered to be the wrong nation. 2
the coarse whisperer 01.03.13 5:32pm
sponge finger
Wessex Regionalists Suffer New Election Thrashing at Hands of Labour Party

A refreshed Labour Party has once again trounced the Wessex Regionalists in a by-election. Wessex Regionalists leader Dave Yarwood admitted that “the electorate has clearly given a message to us...

thisisall1word 01.03.13 5:09pm
Satan 'Ready for Power'

Dressed in an Armani suit with gold cufflinks and MCC tie, the Ruler of the Darkness looked every inch the modern business executive. I entered his massive penthouse suite apprehensively, but he...

shaggy 01.03.13 4:29pm
Chris Grayling defends child buggering

The justice secretary, Chris Grayling, has defended parents' right to bugger their children and admitted he did it to his own, it has emerged. Grayling says he buggered his own children when they...

fink 01.03.13 4:23pm
Slante Dangle