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Banking CEO finds good use for old quality street tin full of Coop stamps 0
button 19.07.12 8:34am
It's only a rubbish novel, everyone is reminded

The government is concerned that large numbers of ostensibly sane adults are devoting too much time on the internet arguing about '50 Shades of Grey', an inexplicably popular take on Jane Austen,...

Oxbridge 19.07.12 8:23am
Santa produces a vast range of new sleds - 50 grades of sleigh 0
Rootin Tootin 19.07.12 7:47am
Rootin Tootin
Madonna's first bra found in Austrian castle 0
Scroat 19.07.12 7:39am
Tinnitus sufferers dreading 8:12am, July 27th 0
FlashArry 19.07.12 7:18am
An Idiot's Guide to...The Dark Knight Rises

- Final film in The Dark Knight Trilogy following on from [i]It Shouldn't Happen to a Batman[/i], and [i]Batman: East of Java[/i]. - To bulk up for his role as the villainous Bane, actor Tom Hardy...

Carter 19.07.12 6:46am
The Masked Frog
New best seller for gardeners - 50 spades of clay. 0
Maverick 19.07.12 6:16am
Cameron vows to 'Go After G4S'

David Cameron has vowed to "go after" G4S for their role in the Olympic security debacle. Speaking earlier today after a visit to the East London main venue, David Cameron said "I've told my fag...

ginty 19.07.12 5:43am
50 Slades of Grey

Patricia entered the hotel lobby, escaping from the medium sized rain that had fallen the sky like her tears had fallen onto the pillow of her unshared bed the last 3 years, e.g. lots., She had...

thisisall1word 19.07.12 12:11am
Olympic opening ceremony shortened to stop it overlapping with closing ceremony

The Olympic opening ceremony, which included 10,000 dancing nurses, mime artists and the performance of every Shakespeare play, has been shortened in length. Lord Coe explained; "The problem was that...

apepper 18.07.12 10:15pm
OED under pressure from banks, security firms to redefine 'culpable', 'bonus'

more soon ?...

FlashArry 18.07.12 9:52pm
Laundry accident sees Bradley Wiggins retain the Pink Jersey 0
Perks 18.07.12 8:20pm
Peolpe too lazy to walk to the shops for tabs are fucked study suggests 4
button 18.07.12 7:04pm
GM Bamboo Shoots Turn Pandas Green

Pandamonium broke out today amongst anti-GM protestors in the West after it emerged Chinese scientists have developed a new genetically-modified strain of bamboo shoot and introduced it on a large...

Reg Herring 18.07.12 6:28pm
Reg Herring
Top NASA scientist still burns toast

Nasa's foremost rocket scientist, Marc Millis, has admitted he still doesn't know how to use a toaster correctly. "I tried it on 3 but the 'toast' just came out looking like dirty bread. When I...

Psycadelic Squirrel 18.07.12 6:07pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
World finally agrees on international distress sign 'AAAGH'.

In Britain it's 999. In America it's 911. On a submarine it's S.O.S. In the air it's Mayday, mayday. And in space it's 'Houston we have a problem'. Amid all this confusion, it's good to know the...

Boutros 18.07.12 4:46pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Lane Closures Adding To Olympic Chaos

Unscheduled lane closures are causing another headache for London 2012 Olympic Games organisers adding to the security and logistical nightmare that has already tarnished the games with delays,...

HIGNFY 18.07.12 4:01pm
God claims creation of Earth still on budget, despite overrunning 6 day estimate

God claims that the original budget was for the Light and rocky bits. He admitted that creating life had taken billions of years longer than expected, but the other budget for organisms already had...

gaijintendo 18.07.12 3:18pm
Editors Deny Spoof News Articles Sponsorship Deal

Editors of several spoof and satire news websites have angrily denied that they have “sold out” and will now allow corporate sponsorship of articles and submissions. One editor, sipping a...

HIGNFY 18.07.12 3:10pm
G4S in administration after default on unsecured loans 0
charlies_hat 18.07.12 2:40pm
Lady boys acceptable in surprise church compromise on gay marriage

In a surprise olive branch from the Church of England, Doctor Rowan Williams this morning announced that the church would support marriage between two men as long as one of them looked like a woman. ...

The Masked Frog 18.07.12 2:10pm
Nelson Mandela unaffected by his 27 years of inactivity 0
Rootin Tootin 18.07.12 12:23pm
Rootin Tootin
UK joy: BBC only set to cover Olympics up to 2020 "Thank F*ck! All over by 9 pm" 0
dvo4fun 18.07.12 12:16pm
BBC Rogue Traders presenter complains about the hard cell 5
charlies_hat 18.07.12 12:05pm
Tobacco company introduces 5kg cigarettes as "health fags"

British American Tobacco have introduced "healthy" cigarettes. Weighing 5kg, BAT claim they'll "give people a workout whilst they smoke". A spokesman for BAT enthused; "They could take off big time -...

apepper 18.07.12 12:01pm
FBI Investigation Launched as Meat Found In US Airline Sandwiches

HIGNFY 18.07.12 11:59am
Belgium excused Olympics after note from mum

Belgium will not compete in the 2012 Olympics because of a sore throat, according to an announcement made this morning. It's understood  Belgium's mother wrote the note at the request of the Benelux...

nickb 18.07.12 11:42am
Contract to Backfill Police Drafted to Cover Olypic Security is Won by G4S

Shortages within local Police forces are to be filled through a short term contract with private security form G4S., "This is a good contract for us to win and will more than cover recent losses we...

thisisall1word 18.07.12 11:42am
Coalition Offers Disfunctional Families a Fresh Start in Rochdale 0
18.07.12 11:36am
Olympic male escort shortage sees Navy called up

feel free to expand (hang on, that sounds sus)...

Yikes 18.07.12 11:20am