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Putin wins 60% of the vote, Mugabe playfully mocks via telegram 0
SimonJJames 3 years

Vladimir Putin has won in Russia's presidential elections, returning for a third term after spending the last four years as the country's PM. Exit polls and preliminary results gave him about 60% of...

Abramovich claims Premiership victory despite claims that Chelsea "are 5th" 0
nickb 3 years

The owner of Chelsea football club says his team has won the Premiership "fair and square", blaming opposition claims of 'goal fixing' on "a handful of malcontent Fulham supporters.'  While some...

Rupert Murdoch's third Horcrux found in haunted mine in Sheffield 0
paddyparkinson 3 years
Conservative MEP defects to President Assad 3
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

Tory MEP Roger Mysister has quit the Conservative Party and joined the Assad regime. "In these turbulent times it's clear we need strong leadership like Winston or Margaret would have shown. ...

Catholic Priest's "bring your nephew to work" day an unprecendented success. 1
Sinnick 3 years

hat-tip to Al McHogan if this works, otherwise blame him/her...

English patriots will buy Scottish independence Yes votes in 'Jock Off' campaign 0
deskpilot3 3 years

"A calculated campaign that will appeal to certain stereotypical Scottish characteristics," said one commentator. "How much do I get?" ask Scots...

Man who keeps falling down holes in road suffering ‘repetitive drain injury’. 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

Hat-tip to smart alex...

Roberto Di Matteo's job in jeopardy 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Katherine Heigl's next film will not be audience-screened 0
paddyparkinson 3 years
AVB sacked after failing to improve points tally by 110 per cent 0
ronseal 3 years
Police unable to move now for Red Tape Cutting machines 0
ronseal 3 years

The police are being severely hindered in their jobs as their offices have been over run by a stifling number of red tap cutting machines. Many complain that whenever they try to come out from...

Man hit for second time by locomotive suffering from repetitive train injury 1
Smart Alex 3 years
Abramovich vows to get tough with successor to Villas-Boas .. 0
Gourd Almighty 3 years

Following the announcement that Chelsea manager Andre Villas-Boas has been sacked, the owner of the club, Roman Abramovich, has told a press conference : "Under-achievement is not what I'm paying out...

Bankers raise mortgage rates in revenge for not getting their bonuses. 1
Ian Searle 3 years

A spokeswoman for the banking industry said, "We'll get you and your little dogs too." Houses are expected to drop soon...

New policy announced to tackle teenage sobriety 0
Nathaniel S White 3 years

Government officials have announced a radical new plan to ensure that the nation’s position as the 'Drunk of Europe'is maintained following shocking figures showing an increase in teenage sobriety....

Germany denies starting the Occupy movement, in 1938 0
virtuallywill 3 years

No more later...

ISS astronaut owns up to flushing whilst in orbit over UK 0
Nails UK 3 years

Meteorite, my a**e...

Ex workmate at Clyde shipyards the last person to find Billy Connolly riveting 0
Smart Alex 3 years

Surely been done before but couldn't find anything on the interweb thingy...

Millions of Britons confused by ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky. 0
Perks 3 years

Millions of Britons have reported seeing a ‘great big bright burny thing’ in the sky. The object was seen yesterday and prompted thousands of below average IQ scorers to call the police, air...

'Happy Marriages transgress God's laws' says elderly Christian pedant 0
yussle 3 years
Yodafone denies owing billions in back-taxes to Jedi Council. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Credit Ratings: who really gives a FF? 0
Nails UK 3 years
Meteor 'God's anger' over gay marriages warns seventy-three-year old celibate 0
roybland 3 years

A fireball witnessed over Britain on Saturday night is a warning from God over David Cameron's plan to allow gay marriages, warns the most senior Roman Catholic cleric in the country. Cardinal Keith...

BBC accused of bias in celebrity dressmaking show 0
Nails UK 3 years
Frank Carson dies for the very last time.... 1
Jammydodgers 3 years

no more soon...

Decorator admits waiting to apply second coat was 'like watching paint dry' 0
Smart Alex 3 years
Catherine and Pippa agree to "Lez it up a bit" to help ailing newspaper industry 1
antharrison 3 years

HRH the Duchess of Cambridge and her sister Pippa are reported to have responded positively to a suggestion, from Daily Star owner Richard Desmond, to assist the ailing british newspaper industry by...

Cruise Captain 'not wearing glasses' whilst knobbing Moldovan dancer court hears 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

probably need to replace 'whilst knobbing' with 'during fumble'...

Poor Numeracy "Blighting the lives of billions" (or should that be millions?). 1
Al McHogan 3 years

How noughty can you get?...

Vatican's "Bring your daughter to work Day" a dismal failure. 1
Al McHogan 3 years