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Graham Norton show replaces studio audiences with canned Woo Woo machines

A new invention could save television production companies hundreds of thousands of pounds by replacing live studio audiences with a machine that goes Woo! Woo! on cue. The new automated Whoop...

ronseal 03.10.13 11:03pm
Gravity, not Congress, to blame for NASA closure NASA administrator, Charles Bolden, has confirmed that the ongoing Federal shutdown was not the cause of the space agency's...

GordonChen 03.10.13 10:23pm
George Osborne ploughs ahead with plans to link Sterling to Bitcoin. More soon. 0
deskpilot3 03.10.13 9:06pm
News should take a day off says confused man.

It’s Thursday evening when I arrive at the flat belonging to Kyle Martin. The living room is in disorder, used take away trays are stacked beside his chair while a bedpan overflows near the door....

Hooch 03.10.13 8:31pm
Fear rife as new neighbors refuse to show their faces

Fear has gripped the residents of a street in Leek, as the new owners of number 23 have as yet refused to show their faces. Many believe the new residents are snobs who refuse to acknowledge their...

TobiasBV 03.10.13 8:11pm
Pro-cancer lobby strikes back

Pro-cancer lobbyists have finally hit back at anti-cancer campaigners. At their rally last night the lobbyists argued that the anti-cancer campaign was one-sided and that people needed to see both...

Sfox 03.10.13 7:14pm
Melanie arrested for stalking man with brand new key. 0
Maverick 03.10.13 7:01pm
Sress for rest of family as father 'on a roll' watching quiz-show

Stress today for members of the Banks family as Edward, the family's middle-aged father, answered an astounding twenty four questions correct in a row whilst the family watched 'The weakest Link'....

TobiasBV 03.10.13 6:10pm
Hitler was ‘a nice man who wouldn’t hurt a fly’ says Daily Mail

“What he did was simply a natural human vengeful reaction to being humiliated, but on a global scale” it asserted, before branding Ed and David Miliband ‘The Evil Marx Brothers’ in a 32-page...

farmer giles 03.10.13 6:00pm
farmer giles
Paul Dacre denies Yewtree claims that his father "had paedophile tendencies" 0
Ref Minor 03.10.13 5:38pm
Ref Minor
Qatar promises "White Christmas" for World Cup

Qatar will claim a first among Middle Eastern states with the promise of a white Christmas, to welcome the teams playing in the World Cup. The decision was ratified by the board of FIFA. They were...

nickb 03.10.13 5:37pm
Cameron: "From Now On, I'll Pronounce 'Proply' Properly" 0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 03.10.13 5:33pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Gove finally apologises as he is revealed as secret love child of Oswald Mosley 0
cinnahmon 03.10.13 5:03pm
One Direction to break up in bid for career longevity

One Direction, the global music phenomenon, are said to be calling it quits soon, in an attempt to prolong their fleeting career. 'Every year there'll be a new unreleased track to excite fans,' a...

TobiasBV 03.10.13 4:40pm
Mathematician’s Union expel Möbius for disgraceful behaviour in night club.

More soon., Hat tip to Areader...

FOAD 03.10.13 4:31pm
Man going to San Francisco refuses to wear flowers in his hair 0
custard cream 03.10.13 4:24pm
custard cream
Mail "should not apologise" for exhuming the corpse of Ralph Milliband says Gove 0
Ref Minor 03.10.13 4:12pm
Ref Minor
Noddy's Father Hated Toyland

The Daily Fairytale has revealed that Noddy's father, Bert Oak, despised Toyland regarding it as an authoritarian state propped up by the Plod Constabulary. He also advocated liberation for gollies...

paulo 03.10.13 3:55pm
Humpty Dumpty Receives Golden Sixpence In Work-Related Injury Compensation

Gross negligence was cited as the cause of the fall that led to a record Golden Sixpence pay-off from all the King's Horse and all the King's Men today. The claimant, Humpty Dumpty, received the...

SimonJJames 03.10.13 3:34pm
Sepp 'Brown Envelope' Blatter mystified: “Qatar hot in summer? Who knew?”... 1
Tripod 03.10.13 3:27pm
Man With No Television Puzzled By Lack Of Threatening Letters

Michael Wallace of Derbyshire, who has never owned a televion set, has stated that he is "worried and totally confused" by the fact that, for nearly a week now, he has not received one single letter...

Titus 03.10.13 3:08pm
Mathematician Who Complained Of His 'Complex' Life Is Told It's Mostly Imaginary

- perhaps a bit like his iPhone? If he bought the same 'phone twice, presumably he'd end up with -1 'phone...

Titus 03.10.13 3:04pm
Snooping husband discovers wife 'dull' and leaves

A paranoid husband of nine years from Kent has left his wife recently after snooping through her private computer, journals, and mobile, and finding that she is a deeply boring person. He says he'd...

TobiasBV 03.10.13 2:49pm
Right Angle Accused Of Arrogance

for claimimg that all other angles are wrong, and that many of them are obtuse - although conceding that at least one smaller one is a cute angle (Hat tip to Smart Alex)...

Titus 03.10.13 2:39pm
Irrational mathematician told to get real 1
Smart Alex 03.10.13 2:39pm
Relativity pioneer Albert Einstein "didn't know if he was coming or going" 0
AReader 03.10.13 2:37pm
Recently arrived Greek geometrist is the Euclid on the block 2
Smart Alex 03.10.13 2:35pm
'Locked' Mobile 'Phone Condemned As Anti-SIMitic.

Hat tip to sydalg...

Titus 03.10.13 2:34pm
German mathematician Felix Klein "mostly up his own arse" 4
AReader 03.10.13 2:32pm
Man Heading to Banbury Cross says "I ain't riding THAT!" 0
Flugelbinder 03.10.13 2:27pm