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Leader of North Korea heads weight-loss initiative to improve own self-esteem.

Kim Jong-un, The Supreme Leader of North Korea, today announced an unprecedented weight-loss initiative, to be immediately instated across the entirety of the impoverished country. An isolated and...

0
MarmiteMedicine 11.10.12 10:04am
MarmiteMedicine
BEADS splinter into BAE EADS

More necklace news later!...

0
victimms 11.10.12 9:50am
victimms
Sponsored by Cash Converters, Liverpool fans sing “You’ll never walk. A loan”... 0
Tripod 11.10.12 9:34am
Tripod
Desperate Savile seeks asylum in Ecuador embassy

Following on from yesterday's vow by Metropolitan Police Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe to hunt down alleged serial sex offender Sir Jimmy Savile [i](see NB passim)[/i] and increasing demands that...

5
pinxit 11.10.12 8:48am
pinxit
Carter-Ruck Issues Profit Warning As Dead Celebrity Witch Hunts Continue 0
Nowherefast 11.10.12 8:33am
Nowherefast
Freddie Starr ate my beaver 1
Iscariot 11.10.12 8:17am
B.E.P.
Writers who failed to win July WOTM award call for their subs to be regraded 0
tedweasel 11.10.12 8:05am
tedweasel
Tow Law Town announce Big Dave sponsorship

Northern League Division 2 club Tow Law Town became the latest north-eastern football club to exploit the booming poverty and misery industry as they announced a sponsorship deal with Big Dave, a...

6
johnnydobbo 11.10.12 7:36am
Gerontius
BAE and EADS merger cancelled until pronouncable acronym can be found. 2
Boutros 11.10.12 6:34am
sigmund
Manfred Mann and Van Morrison to launch light removals business 2
Idiot 10.10.12 10:52pm
Boutros
Nigerian Prince baffled by inability to give away USD$6,000,000,000

Amateur philanthropist and Chair of the Nigerian Contracts Awards Service, Prince Joe Magunbani has spoken of his amazement at his failure to give away USD$600,000,000,000 to a total stranger. The...

3
BAJDixon 10.10.12 9:46pm
The All New Jeni B
Home Secretary seeks Savile extradition from Hell

The Jimmy Savile saga took an extraordinary twist today when Home Secretary Theresa May announced she is seeking his extradition from Hell. "In this country, the long arm of the law stretches much...

1
custard cream 10.10.12 7:55pm
Yikes
. 1
sigmund 10.10.12 7:02pm
brd888
Romeo's gravestone goes to Verona landfill as amends to his 13 year old bride 0
cinquecento 10.10.12 6:58pm
cinquecento
Boris Johnson To Digitally Replace Savile In Top Of The Pops Reruns

The BBC have confirmed that, as part of their frantic effort to expunge any archival record of disgraced former Disc Jockey & presenter Jimmy Savile, he will be digitally replaced in all episodes...

0
Nowherefast 10.10.12 6:10pm
Nowherefast
Guy Fawkes fingered my ruff and twirled my sparklers says strumpet.

Historical documents about Guy Fawkes have been found in an archive at the British Museum., Although a once popular figure in British society, it came to light after his death that he had a penchant...

2
philthefunk 10.10.12 5:43pm
arthurminnit
Sighting of Northern Lights in Bedford 'unconnected'...

to burning of enormous Cannabis plant. (Damn the heading restrictions!)...

8
The All New Jeni B 10.10.12 5:38pm
Idiot
“Passwords too easy for thieves to crack”, says IT boffin...

“Passwords are a pain”, admits Barry Noakes, head of security at Final Solutions, the well-known business-to-business IT company, “but they’re all that’s standing in the way of a hacker...

4
Tripod 10.10.12 5:12pm
Midfield Diamond
Following sponsorship deal, club renamed ‘Newcastle Sharks’... 8
Tripod 10.10.12 4:21pm
B.E.P.
90% pass rate examiner wins Ofsted ticker of the month award. 0
weematt 10.10.12 3:53pm
weematt
European Court of Human Rights condemns 'abhorrent' London Underground.

. "Standing up builds character." retorts Mayor of London...

0
MarmiteMedicine 10.10.12 3:10pm
MarmiteMedicine
Chinless wonder gives speech to chinless crowd in big hall

More details later if anyone is remotely interested...

0
philthefunk 10.10.12 2:32pm
philthefunk
Explosion at Russian military test site "not unusual" 0
philthefunk 10.10.12 2:26pm
philthefunk
Hucknall receives lifetime award for not putting any albums out recently 0
philthefunk 10.10.12 2:22pm
philthefunk
Savile headstone recycled: “There’s enough marble for two urinals”, say family. 0
Tripod 10.10.12 1:53pm
Tripod
Government to sell burglar cull licenses

More to follow...

0
apepper 10.10.12 1:29pm
apepper
Worker outrage subsides as announced 'pay slip downsize' proves literal.

Just the headline...

0
MarmiteMedicine 10.10.12 1:16pm
MarmiteMedicine
Newcastle United players in fatwa danger if they play in Wonga sponsored shirts

"Is that worse than a red card?" queries manager Pardew...

0
custard cream 10.10.12 12:53pm
custard cream
Home Secretary seeks Savile extradition from Hell

The Jimmy Savile saga took an extraordinary twist today when Home Secretary Theresa May announced she is seeking his extradition from Hell. "In this country, the long arm of the law stretches much...

0
custard cream 10.10.12 12:46pm
custard cream
Occasional Skype user surprised to find that 'Update is available' 0
antharrison 10.10.12 12:43pm
antharrison