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Mensa introduce associate member category “Lensa” for very attractive simpletons

In a move publically stated to be to combat elitism, but privately acknowledged to be to increase their chances of getting a date, Mensa has created an associate member category called “Lensa”...

Yikes 18.04.12 5:25pm
Trees in Rainforests to be felled in cute shapes, so it looks better from Space

The South American trade association that represents the many lumber and farming companies in the Amazon rainforest have launched a new initiative to improve their public image., SADIST (South...

virtuallywill 16.04.12 5:51pm
Midfield Diamond
Cameron and Pasty Saga- the story continues

"I am afraid that I may have inadvertently confused the public- it was a Cornish Pixy I ate in Leeds, not a pastie." admits Cameron, "I have to say the little buggers, though tasty, are full of bones...

Tom55 16.04.12 11:29am
Failed Kandoo wipe qualifies as teacher 0
Ian Searle 16.04.12 11:20am
Ian Searle
Iceberg asks 'Titanic' creator Julian Fellowes to write it out of next series. 0
Ian Searle 16.04.12 11:18am
Ian Searle
Man plans to press TV red button soon

A Wolverhampton pensioner is planning to press the red button on his television 'quite soon' after several years of thinking about the operation. Percy Wood,72, said that although he's often been...

roybland 16.04.12 12:15pm
BBC to broadcast controversial Antiques Roadshow ‘Titanic’ special

The BBC have been accused of a lack of taste over plans to broadcast a commemorative edition of the Antiques Road Show featuring quality items pillaged from the Titanic. The corporation have sought...

Gary Stanton 17.04.12 11:55am
Para-Grand National fails to produce a winner

The equestrian equivalent of the Paralympics has once again failed to return a winner, according to an Aintree spokesperson. The race, which is open to any horses who have died or broken their legs...

Zadok the second 16.04.12 7:27pm
Anders Brevik tells court "Jeremy Beadle's voice made me do it" 0
Scronnyglonkle 16.04.12 10:45am
‘Death curse’ Grand National sweepstake entrant strikes again

It has been revealed that Pete Jenkins, the country’s unluckiest sweepstake contestant, struck again at Saturday’s Grand National. Mr Jenkins, an accounts clerk from Basingstoke, has now...

Midfield Diamond 17.04.12 12:09pm
Midfield Diamond
Trees in Rainforests to be felled in cute shapes, so it looks better from Space

More later...

virtuallywill 16.04.12 10:59am
Blair tells Osbourne to remove cap for wealthy donors

A man who bought a £2.99 jumper from a charity shop in Keighley has been told he will still have to pay the basic rate of income tax on his regular monthly income despite foregoing the odd penny...

St.Cecilia 16.04.12 9:09am
Consolation for Spurs as they claim charity relief against cost of their defence 0
Duncan Biscuit 16.04.12 9:08am
Duncan Biscuit
Education Dept tells Truancy Tsar they don’t know where Michael Gove is 0
Duncan Biscuit 16.04.12 9:07am
Duncan Biscuit
Charity’s research into Parkinson’s expected to create hundreds of jobs 0
Duncan Biscuit 16.04.12 9:07am
Duncan Biscuit
Cameron criticized for keeping a monkey as a pet. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.04.12 8:50am
Dim-witted racist Anders Breivik gives Black-Power salute to court.

MADJEZ 17.04.12 7:22pm
BBFC and FA confirm plans to give football matches an 18 certificate. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.04.12 8:32am
“Bahrain GP will go ahead despite human rights abuses” - F1 boss from China 0
Yikes 16.04.12 8:29am
TfL announces plans to let black cab drivers use pavements at peak times. 1
dominic_mcg 16.04.12 9:12am
pere floza
Carjacker admits to ignoring Baby On Board stickers

A carjacker who left a Peugeot 306 containing two toddlers smouldering in a ditch has admitted that the Baby on Board stickers failed to have much of an impact on his decision-making process. The...

Gary Stanton 17.04.12 7:26am
Drought Minister advises: 'Dump petrol from jerrycans and fill with water' 2
pinxit 16.04.12 5:07pm
Dave Should Go To Euros Says Mate

After scoring the winning goal in the local Seven a side pub finals Dave’s mate has made the case for him to lead the line for England this summer. It continued his fine form this season, the peak...

Hooch 18.04.12 2:57pm
RSPCA concern for dumb animals as another footballer dies on the pitch. 0
MADJEZ 15.04.12 11:38pm
Make-A-Wish Deny Child's "Cure Me," Request 1
Hooch 15.04.12 10:20pm
Price of olive oil crashes as Jamie Oliver switches to rapeseed oil 1
quango 16.04.12 9:14am
pere floza
Actress still not on speaking terms with Bishop

Actress still not on speaking terms with Bishop, In a disappointing move for double entendre lovers everywhere, the Actress has confirmed she has split from the Bishop. Its though to be a 'big blow'...

yens123 17.04.12 10:49am
Midnight Dreary
Gadaffi issues rallying cry from beyond the grave

Gadaffi issues rallying cry from beyond the grave Reports have confirmed that Colonel Gadaffi has issued a statement to his followers through the man who was formally child star Haley Joel Osment. ...

yens123 15.04.12 7:45pm
Doctors unite to fight obesity with ridicule

Organisations representing nearly every doctor in the UK have come together to promote ridicule as the most effective measure in combating obesity. Royal Medical Colleges spokesman Prof Terence...

Mandy Lifeboat 18.04.12 1:47pm
Nails UK
North Korean Rocket Scientists reassigned to brain surgery

"Obviously, you're no rocket scientists," Kim Jong-un declares...

wwwiz 15.04.12 6:21pm