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Riots To Go Ahead Despite Olympics Say Organisers

It’s been confirmed this summer’s traditional week of rioting WILL go ahead despite the real possibility of a national ‘feelgood’ factor provided by the Olympics. Blackberry Messenger...

5
daneade 27.06.12 12:11pm
beau-jolly
Coming soon... the new Rom-Com.... "When Marty met Lizzie"

Kept apart for years, their hands met across an empty room and they knew it was love...

0
Ian Searle 27.06.12 11:58am
Ian Searle
McGuiness to reporters : When I said I hated the Queen, I ment Bohemian Rhapsody

more later...

0
Scronnyglonkle 27.06.12 11:58am
Scronnyglonkle
Fixed Penalty Camera to be installed in Parliament Square to gain U-Turn revenue 1
DroleNoel 27.06.12 11:54am
bonjonelson
Pornstar 'Big' Ben accidently adorned with actual Olympic rings 'Prince Albert'

More piercing news one liners later...

0
thackaray 27.06.12 11:53am
thackaray
Queen's apology to McGuinness : "Mason's Grip" only meant in fun 0
Drylaw 27.06.12 11:48am
Drylaw
Bexley Man Discovers 50,000 Coin Hoard In Large Jar In His Shed

The archeological world was abuzz today as news filtered through of the discovery of a huge hoard of 1 and 2p coins in a shed in Bexley. Long-time Bexley resident Ted Johnson made the discovery in...

1
daneade 27.06.12 11:25am
Yikes
Queens complains that she asked for a Guinness not a McGuinness 0
Mark66 27.06.12 11:19am
Mark66
Bishop resigns after hugging woman in bikini

"I shouldn't have worn it", admitted the Bishop, "but when you wear a dress for a living, it just seemed so natural."...

0
apepper 27.06.12 11:05am
apepper
Prison sex study finds secret 'penal colony' instances between some inmates 0
charlies_hat 27.06.12 10:11am
charlies_hat
McGuinness due to meet Queen on return from Oldham 0
medici2471 27.06.12 9:47am
medici2471
Metal Detector Geeks Win The Right To Say ‘Fuck You’

Two metal detector saddos in Jersey today won the right to tell all the people who’ve slagged them off as sad losers to Go And Get Fucked. Until today Reg Mead and Richard Miles had wasted the...

0
daneade 27.06.12 9:39am
daneade
X Factor contest to choose future Monarch will end 'culture of entitlement'

Prime Minister David Cameron has today outlined proposals to make the royal family ‘more of a meritocracy’., Talking of the 'great scenes' at the jubilee, Cameron asked – “Wouldn't it be...

0
rufioriggs 27.06.12 9:07am
rufioriggs
Queen & McGuinness both plan to cross their fingers behind backs 0
charlies_hat 27.06.12 8:58am
charlies_hat
Queen & McGuinness to say 'make up make up never ever break up' 0
charlies_hat 27.06.12 8:57am
charlies_hat
Cameron refuses to condemn individual tax evading tory party donors.

did someone mention philip green?...

2
arthurminnit 27.06.12 8:57am
arthurminnit
Ballerina quartet to adopt a four tutu formation. 8
weematt 27.06.12 8:56am
Yikes
Germany accused of buying Euro 2012 as indebted competitors fall by the wayside 0
simonjmr 27.06.12 8:28am
simonjmr
Voluntary Financial Advisors "count for nothing" 0
seymour totti 27.06.12 8:20am
seymour totti
Bedford residents boycott of spaghetti hoops enters second day

Following on from England's defeat by penalties and the anti-Italian disturbances last night in the town centre racial tensions are high in Bedford today...

5
grottymonty 27.06.12 8:13am
arthurminnit
Rush of middle-aged men volunteer to study sex in prisons

The prison authority has been inundated by middle aged men volunteering to study sex in prison. A spokesman said that they had received many requests to study lesbianism in the prison kitchens and...

0
ironbridgeboy 27.06.12 7:35am
ironbridgeboy
Housing benefit to be cut for people having sex in prison.

more sex please, we're British...

0
ironbridgeboy 27.06.12 7:23am
ironbridgeboy
Hairdressing hit by pun shortage

British hairdressers are struggling to expand as they've run out of punning shop names. "To be honest, we've been scraping the barrel for a few years now - 'Hairitage', 'Hair Today', 'Do Yer Nut' - I...

1
apepper 27.06.12 7:14am
simonhansen
Discovering the dark truth of life on housing benefits.

In a sign of how our desparate age of austerity is pitching ordinary working people against each other, we spoke with a man, currently of no fixed abode. We'll call him David. David, 46, comes...

3
Miss Hegas 27.06.12 6:59am
simonhansen
Jersey votes to become part of Argentina

More to follow...

0
Denis Dijon 27.06.12 6:51am
Denis Dijon
The world wakes up to the sadness that Justin Bieber is still alive 0
simonjmr 27.06.12 6:32am
simonjmr
Former Vestal Virgin snatched 1
medici2471 27.06.12 2:53am
umfuli
Tight-fisted Djokovic sports UNIQLO tops because "they are two for £7.99".

Tennis superstar Novak Djokovic wears UNIQLO clothing on court because "I hate parting with money", he revealed today. The secret scrooge, who shops on Ebay for his socks, his shorts and his...

0
Boutros 27.06.12 2:05am
Boutros
App shows phone call content gets ever more banal as day goes on

Data recently compiled by Apple's iPhone app, Eve’sDropper, shows that people all over the world start their day with high-powered, meaningful conversations and then progressively descend into...

1
Nails UK 27.06.12 1:05am
Yikes
Internet Trolls demand faster connectivity beneath bridges

A spokesman for the Troll community today called on the government to improve network connectivity in their natural habitat, claiming data transfer speeds achievable beneath bridges often fall...

2
grumblechops 27.06.12 12:58am
Yikes