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Navigation chaos as Saville tomb alters Magnetic North 5
Newsquelch 3 years

“We’d always though the variation in magnetic North was a natural occurrence caused by the shifting mass of molten Iron at the Earth’s core” said an expert from the Royal Observatory. “but...

UN to interview Einstein about possibility of time travel. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Doctors should no longer 'declare patients dead' 2
Perks 3 years

Following an increase in the death rate among people forced into poverty, the government has announced plans to take the responsibility of declaring people dead out of doctors' hands, and give it to...

Gadaffi's son found Saif & well. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Saif al-Islam Wonders If It Is Too Late.. 0
mr blue 3 years change his name to something more likely to elicit help from the USA., 'I wonder if they'll go for Uncle Sam Bible-Hugger' mused the son of Gaddaffi...

Commons Debates To Be Broadcast In 3D 8
mpaterson 3 years

A plan to 'sex up' BBC Parliament will see Steven Bercow's pointy finger leaping out of the screen and Ed Milliband's nose sniffing around the living rooms of the nation. Despite huge leaps forward...

'Ability To Work' To Be Assessed By Independent Television 8
mpaterson 3 years

People's fitness for work is to be judged by Independent Television (ITV) hosted by Jeremy Kyle. Tasks will include 'standing up from a seated position' and 'rubbing your tummy whilst patting your...

Image of whey faced Chancellor found on pizza. 0
reforse 3 years

More to follow...

Gok Wan: 'Solar Flares Are Bang On Trend'. 0
mpaterson 3 years
Teacher hit golfballs at kids and says "they soon knew the 'fore' times tables". 0
Bryan with a Y 3 years

There was outrage today at the controversial way that one Scottish school teacher 'fused' science, sport and maths to enrich the lives of the troubled kids under his care. Mr McEnemey (H'cap of 18),...

Chief Rabbi blames little gizmos for flaw in human nature. 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

Nothing to do with God, then...

Vince Cable Stolen For Scrap 5
mpaterson 3 years

MPs attending an evening debate on welfare reforms were delayed for four hours last night after thieves risked life and limb to steal Vince Cable outside Kings Cross. The rise in this type of crime...

D'Oliveira falls short of his century. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years

RIP Basil. A cricketing genius...

......tumbleweed....... 0
Al OPecia 3 years
EU bans ‘alcohol makes you drunk’ claim... 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

after announcing that water could not be used to treat dehydration...

Comic Sans used to prevent bank note fraud 1
kimllfixit 3 years

Chief Cashier for the Bank of England Chris Salmon was proud to announce the latest tool in currency fraud prevention at the recent release of the new £50 note; the use of Comic Sans for all text. ...

Man who shook hands with Sepp Blatter apologises ‘for causing offence’ 10
Long Distance Clara 3 years

A man who yesterday shook hands with embattled FIFA president Sepp Blatter has sought to downplay the significance of his actions and apologise for any offence he may have caused. ‘It was never my...

Music industry declares victory in battle against home taping 7
Gong of Fur 3 years

After thirty years of bitter struggle, jubilant music industry representatives today claimed a final victory in the battle against home taping. Their campaign, with its slogan "Home taping is...

Jimmy Savile book of euphemistic tributes to be launched for Christmas 14
Clarky 3 years

Inspired by the outpouring of indifference and thinly disguised insults voiced by former colleagues and acquaintances of the late DJ and TV presenter, Sir Jimmy Savile, Oxbridge University Press is...

Tobin Denies Tax Proposal 0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 3 years

Serial killer and rapist, Peter Tobin, has denied suggesting the imposition of a transaction tax, now supported by the Merkel-Sarkozy axis. "I may be a perverted psychopath", said Tobin, "but I'm...

Cameron and Merkel talks end in night of unbridled passion 7
Darkbill 2.0 3 years

Talks between UK PM David Cameron and German Chancellor Angela Merkel over the Eurozone crisis spilled over into a night of furious lovemaking. Initially, relations between the two leaders appeared...

Physicists measuring speed of light set to confirm existence of flying pigs 2
kga6 3 years

Physicists measuring the speed of neutrinos at CERN today have reported another case of the speed of light being exceeded. However, this time during the tests, members of the team witnessed what they...

Norfolk Police helicopter grounded as locals 'no longer point'. 4
Perks 3 years

Police in Norfolk have today announced the disbanding of their force helicopter. The move comes as the local criminal fraternity have discovered what the 'magic flying thing' was. 'The force...

Government announces meerkat cull after nationwide nausea epidemic. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Ken Livingstone: "I didn't vote in the last series of X Factor" 0
mpaterson 3 years

Ken Livingstone has admitted that he didn't vote for Matt Cardle last year, claiming to have "never heard of him"...

Archbishop disappointed with same-sex wedding plans; wants to get married now 0
apepper 3 years

The archbishop of Westminster has expressed disappointment at government plans to introduce same-sex marriages in March 2012; "I don't want to wait; like many clergymen, we want to get married to our...

Jimmy Savile's grave topped off with concrete 0
Scroat 3 years

"That's fixed it for him," says undertaker. "We just want to be sure he doesn't come back."...

Neutrino found to have taken artificial stimulants, record wiped from books. 0
Immunis 3 years
Blatter - "I'd never say anything racist as most of my best friends are racists" 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

more handshakes later...

Farmer to pay back subsidies after EU discovers he planted his wife. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years