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The lady who sells sea shells on the sea shore has sadly shut her stall 6
Ian Searle 3 years

She blames the economic downturn, an increased availability of mollusks on the internet and a reduction in the number of practicing conchologists for the failure of her business...

Lazy office temp discovers secret of 'skiving in toilets' 1
3 years

Brian Small declared himself a 'genius' today, after discovering a way to pass time without working. 17 year-old Brian, a hardly-motivated agency worker from Bristol, was called into the offices of...

Brain scan reveals Miliband is controlled by Numskulls 2
Dick Everyman 3 years

A leaked document sent to the Labour Party HQ by a “concerned NHS employee” reveals that during a routine brain scan performed on Ed Miliband in 2001, the leader of the Opposition was found to be...

Police Advise Householders...... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years arm themselves with flip-flops in case pro-Tory burglars break into their homes and decide to do a bit of dusting instead...

Cameron defends new "Stab-a-hoodie" policy 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Schools Out 1
waggy 3 years

Warm welcome to all teachers with us today, if ever a bunch of folks deserved an extra day’s holiday I assume they will be marked absent, we will be checking the spelling on the picket signs...

Lady Gaga rejected by the Mighty Boosh 0
Christopher Frost 3 years

Lady Gaga’s hopes of landing a role in the upcoming Mighty Boosh film have been shattered, after Noel Fielding categorically ruled out any involvement for the pop sensation. During an NME...

British teeth are still the envy of the world, says goofy NHS spokesman 0
ronseal 3 years
Theoretical mathematician accused of eating all the taus 8
beau-jolly 3 years

go figure!...

Camelot to extend “stupid tax” to rural areas 2
beau-jolly 3 years

National Lottery organisers, Camelot, plan to install 800 additional terminals in rural areas and post offices in return for an extended franchise. The move will enable the rural stupid to waste...

Decline in pretentious flat owners blamed on loss of Habitat 0
beau-jolly 3 years

More closures soon...

Women's tennis: Correlation found between skirt length and popularity 0
Christopher Frost 3 years
Greeks to save on heating bills by lying in the sun all day. 0
Ostsee 3 years
Murdering a neighbour's dog 'totally acceptable' says senior police chief. 0
Leeboy007 3 years

It has to continuously bark after 9pm to qualify, he added...

Chocolate, cakes and beer good for you 0
Leeboy007 3 years

Nutritionists now claim. Fruit & veg 'make you fat and spotty' according to leading experts...

New suggested Headlines 4
Full Tilt Boogie 3 years

“The iPantyPad – Apple launch new 80Gig Sanitary Towel” “Facebook: ‘Grooming worked for Pets, so why not Kids?’” “Norway claims to have found the inspiration behind Munch’s ‘The...

Homeowners given green light to stab Jehovah's Witnesses 1
Christopher Frost 3 years
Wimbledon Championships relocating to Milton Keynes 0
Christopher Frost 3 years
Man Convinced Mentally Unstable Girlfriend is just “Quirky” 4
Fox100 3 years

Local man Gary Earnley spent hours last night attempting to convince himself and his remaining friends that his mentally unstable girlfriend was merely “quirky”. “She just has her own style,...

Stabbing burglars to be made compulsory 0
riesler 3 years

more householder arrests soon...

Hugh 0
waggy 3 years

So Mr Hefner, how did you meet this latest girlfriend? I just opened my wallet and there she was...

Newbury residents follow Glastonbury's lead and insist we call it 'Newbo' 2
dicky37 3 years

[Look out for Shrewsbo and, er, Canterbo soon]...

Angry motorhome drivers strike for right to be hated as much as caravanners 0
FraserWords 3 years

Angry motorhome drivers are planning a nationwide strike demanding equal rights with caravan owners., Reg Spode, leader of the motorhome drivers’ union, told journalists: “For too long drivers...

Lumberjack impaled on bear trap 'still not out of the woods' 0
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

House of Parliament to get Wimbledon style roof and further renovations 1
Iamthestig 3 years

Plans have been announced to envigorate the Houses of Parliament, in a bid to bring the MP's and Lords closer to the public, and re-connect with the people. The House of Commons is to have a...

Prince Harry comes second in Button's old model 0
3 years
Johann Hari Interview with Jimmy Pursey 0
LtFrankSlade 3 years

Pursey suddenly stood up and put on his short black leather jacket. He stared at me ruminatively swept back his thick locks and seemingly in a rush declared "Come on, come on, hurry up Hari, come...

Very large horses prompt mounting concern 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
new sign outside sperm donor clinic - 'Please Come Again' 9
Leeboy007 3 years
Striking teachers must bring a note from their parents when they return to work. 1
Ian Searle 3 years