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NewsBiscuit contributor exorcises angst from soul with unfunny contributions

Contributor O, who requested to remain anonymous, confessed that her contributions weren't exactly rib-ticklers, but they helped her get things off her chest. And didn't make her feel as dirty as...

0
Miss Hegas 02.07.12 10:12pm
Miss Hegas
New "Face of Colonic Irrigation" sought after Gillian McKeith resigns

The Colonic Irrigation Society of the UK (CI SUK) today passed a motion removing "Dr" Gillian McKeith as the face of Colonic irrigation. "Frankly we couldn't put up with her faxe qualifications,...

1
simonjmr 02.07.12 9:47pm
Sir Lupus
Robert Peston fitted with solar panels and flywheel to stop mid-sentence silence

BBC bosses have confirmed that correspondent Robert Peston has been fitted with solar panels and a flywheel in an attempt to stop him appearing to enter embarrassing silences whilst mid-sentence....

0
antharrison 02.07.12 9:17pm
antharrison
Healthy seaweed pizza 'no threat' says Pizza Express

Pizza Express says it is 'unfazed' by the launch of a healthy seaweed pizza by a Scottish nutritionist. 'We researched the market and found that seaweed was an interesting new ingredient', said...

0
roybland 02.07.12 8:14pm
roybland
Governmemt raises maximum welfare benefit cap to £33m

The maximum amount a family can receive in welfare benefits a year has been raised to £33 million, Work and Pensions Secretary Iain Duncan Smith has announced. The cap was set at £26000 but Mr...

0
roybland 02.07.12 8:11pm
roybland
Police called after bondage party descends into fistycuffs. 3
wallster 02.07.12 7:59pm
writinginbsl
Greece to adopt eight day week

In an attempt to show the EU it is serious about solving its economic woes, new Greek Prime Minister Antonis Samaras has announced the radical policy of adopting an eight day week. Every day of the...

0
grumblechops 02.07.12 7:18pm
grumblechops
Homeopaths claim to have found "a minute fragment" of the Higgs Boson particle 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:34pm
nickb
Bowel cancer screening centre "a pile of shite" say critics 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:29pm
nickb
Banks downgraded from bastards to Clarksons 0
nickb 02.07.12 5:28pm
nickb
Bob Diamond and James Murdoch short-listed for post at GlaxoSmithKline 0
weematt 02.07.12 4:42pm
weematt
Sales of Veet plunge as UK women prepare to join “La Barbe”. 0
weematt 02.07.12 4:20pm
weematt
"Jeremy Kyle Roadshow" to offer door-to-door chav baiting

TV judgementalist Jeremy Kyle is set to offer his services door-to-door as he and the team spend the summer visiting the housing estates of Britain in a tour bus. "Traditionally we waited for people...

0
grumblechops 02.07.12 3:10pm
grumblechops
I Bought My Computer, But Bill Gates Still Owns It.

I bought my computer, but Bill Gates still owns it. At least that's the way it seems., I bought my Sony Vaio Mini (which I am happy with except for its unfortunate affiliation with the a fore...

0
02.07.12 2:53pm
Bob Diamond partial 'Murdoch-Amnesia' shock "I forget where I left my integrity"

more soon. Hope you've all got your beer in for his appearance at Westminster on Wednesday...

0
dvo4fun 02.07.12 2:01pm
dvo4fun
Match fixing scandal at London inter-bank 5 a side football tournament 0
charlies_hat 02.07.12 1:54pm
charlies_hat
No Cock Shock on Embarrassing Bodies

The switchboard at Channel 4 rang red hot last night after hoards of viewers phoned to complain about the distinct lack of tenuous Penis and vaginal related illnesses on the latest episode of...

0
Njinski 02.07.12 1:48pm
Njinski
John Terry changes into his kit ready to lift the cup for spain 3
Perks 02.07.12 1:37pm
dvo4fun
Olympic flame action replay due to start in 19 days

The BBC is launching a dedicated channel for the slow motion action replay of the Olympic flame journey from Cornwall to London "the long way". The new channel, BBC Paintdry HD, will start...

2
apepper 02.07.12 1:32pm
dvo4fun
Usain Bolt tests positive to a Morris Oxford

In the biggest scandal in Olympics history, world’s fastest man, Usain Bolt, was found to have significant amounts of chromium in his blood after having ingested an entire Morris Oxford, Series Six...

1
Yikes 02.07.12 1:24pm
dvo4fun
M.I.5 To Begin Monitoring Wasps

Embarrassed security chiefs were caught napping on the job when it was revealed Britons are more at risk from wasp attacks than from Al Qaeda terrorists. ‘Fuck me’ said M15 Boss Jonathan Evans....

3
daneade 02.07.12 12:49pm
kimllfixit
Katie Holmes misspelt statement: "Cult won't get my Suri"

Educational experts have attacked Katie Holmes for an obvious misspelling in her statement of "That cult won't get my Suri"...

1
apepper 02.07.12 11:01am
Scroat
Spain puts Euro 2012 trophy on E-Bay 2
seymour totti 02.07.12 10:53am
kimllfixit
EU Directive calls for Holdall renaming

The common or garden Holdall has today come under pressure to be renamed after the EU Directive for clearer naming of goods came into force. The term "Holdall" under the new guideslines is deemed to...

0
simonjmr 02.07.12 10:45am
simonjmr
Royal Mail attributes 400% profit increase to rise of hate mail

The debate over gay marriage has proved to be a godsend for Royal Mail as surging hate mail pushed their 2012 profit from GBP 39m to GBP 211m. Royal Mail CEO Moya Greene said the stellar result...

0
Yikes 02.07.12 10:44am
Yikes
Waterstones creates "Sloppy fan fiction" section after success of 50 shades 0
simonjmr 02.07.12 9:22am
simonjmr
Athletes to strike for extra pay during Olympics 2
jp1885 02.07.12 9:00am
daneade
2.6m unemployed accused by Daily Mail of massive scale tax avoidance 0
charlies_hat 02.07.12 8:43am
charlies_hat
Film breaks out on set of new Jackie Chan movie 8
simonhansen 02.07.12 8:37am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Khan Noonien Singh brands Klingons 'creepy and evil' 0
Ian Searle 02.07.12 8:12am
Ian Searle