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Blight of superfluous punctuation described as "semicolon cancer" 0
sydalg 02.03.14 4:05pm
sydalg
Obituary: Lenny Sharples - Lead Guitarist The Topographic Sentinel

The death of Lenny Sharples, lead guitarist with 1970s progressive rock band, [i]The Topographic Sentinel[/i], was announced on the band's website last night. Sharples, main creative force within...

1
Duff 02.03.14 3:53pm
virtuallywill
Lifting gear company websites topple as 'new crane' becomes No.1 Google search 0
Duff 02.03.14 3:50pm
Duff
Russia reserves right to send troops to Knightsbridge to protect Russian peoples 3
bonjonelson 02.03.14 3:33pm
Ironduke
Followers of Richard Dawkins claim responsibility for suicide bombing

More to follow...

0
bookiesfriend 02.03.14 3:06pm
bookiesfriend
Russians Place Troops In FA HQ To Protect Their Citizens

"We need to ensure the safety of British soccer club owners while the Football Association continues to dispaly weakness and disorder" (Hat tip to bonjonelson)...

0
Titus 02.03.14 2:42pm
Titus
Polls Show Mediocre Party Is Moderately Popular

If there were to be a general election tomorrow, many voters say they might possibly be prepared to consider voting for the Mediocre Party, although they probably wouldn't be their first choice. ...

0
Titus 02.03.14 2:25pm
Titus
Russian Roulette needs regulation, says NRA, 'like it needs a hole in the head’

Amid calls for Russian Roulette to be regulated, ‘Pistol’ Pete Haggerty, battle-scarred spokesman for the National Rifle Association, plays down the dangers. “Men play Russian Roulette whenever...

0
Tripod 02.03.14 2:19pm
Tripod
Meerkovo invades Coronation Street

hang on <actually - I might build on this one - the Meerkat invasion thing anyway>...

0
Squudge 02.03.14 2:13pm
Squudge
Festival of Disabled Underachievement opens

The Festival for Disabled Underachievement got underway today - an event which runs parallel to the Paralympics to celebrate the human aptitude for failure and defeat. The ceremonies began with the...

3
Adrian Bamforth 02.03.14 2:03pm
Titus
Western Leaders Urge Putin To Put His Shirt Back On

Sorry, not terribly funny - more-or-less metaphorically true...

0
Titus 02.03.14 1:44pm
Titus
Man promises wife follow-up to the iPad - the jCloth

Surely been done but couldn't find it...

1
Smart Alex 02.03.14 1:44pm
Tripod
Coalition Olympic legacy 'not as memorable as Putin's'

David Cameron faced stern questioning during PMQs today when asked to explain why, two years on, the Coalition government has yet to take full advantage of the UK's Olympic legacy. Unfavourable...

7
Squudge 02.03.14 1:38pm
Squudge
Irony To Be Phased Out, Says PM

David Cameron, the coalition Prime Minister, has announced that irony is to be phased out. ‘Frankly we should have done it years ago,’ he told NewsBiscuit, suggesting that sarcasm should be...

0
throngsman 02.03.14 1:26pm
throngsman
Concerns mount over disappearance of Ben the Flowerpot Man

Ben the flowerpot man, one half of the kiddies’ iconic duo, Bill and Ben, has gone missing just days before the launch of their new series. A spokesman for Cbeebies commented, "We're all gutted...

0
Duff 02.03.14 1:10pm
Duff
Consumers Association Monopoly Should Be Broken, Says Which?

Which?, the consumer campaigning group run by the Consumers Association, has slammed its own industry in a scathing report out today. 'We decided to see if consumers were being offered enough choice...

0
throngsman 02.03.14 1:06pm
throngsman
Virgin Mary appears Before Children. Asks them if they’ve been mis-sold PPI 0
deceangli 02.03.14 1:02pm
deceangli
Pupils to Study Maths, English and Needlework Until Aged Sixty, Says Cameron

On the heels of the Labour Party announcement that all schoolchildren will have to study English and Maths until they are eighteen, even if it means leaving work to continue their education, the...

0
throngsman 02.03.14 11:39am
throngsman
Competition Authority to investigate size of Brucie Bonuses back in the 1980s

The 86 year old TV presenter Bruce Forsyth has denied any responsibility for the excesses of the decade. However he has admitted, “It’s true there was a lot of money to be made, if you played...

0
Ian Searle 02.03.14 11:33am
Ian Searle
Putin promises to be tough on Crimea, tough on the causes of Crimea. 11
MADJEZ 02.03.14 10:57am
ginty
France Surrenders "Just in Case"

Despite not being under any kind of threat, the French Government surrendered today. "It was all this talk of 1914, I suppose", said one minister. "Somebody said 'hey, what if the Germans or...

20
deceangli 02.03.14 10:14am
Yikes
Ghost Numbers Rise as Dead Return to Clear Emails

There has been a sharp rise in restless spirits roaming the earth, according to paranormal investigator Darren Hanson. “We know that a ghost or spirit remains connected to the mortal realm because...

0
deceangli 02.03.14 10:09am
deceangli
Deal or no deal? Tension builds as Noel in talks to bring back House Party

Beardy cosmic ordering barmpot, Noel Edmonds, is rumoured to have been in talks with The BBC to recommission the 90s Saturday evening prime time entertainment juggernaut, Noel's House Party. Wearing...

0
Duff 02.03.14 9:51am
Duff
Cameron uses Merkel photo op to win bet with Johnson

PM David Cameron showed his lighter side today during an informal meeting with Chancellor Angela Merkel in No 10's upstairs flat. Downing Street insiders say that Cameron had a wager with London...

1
pinxit 02.03.14 9:08am
Squudge
Ukraine: West Declines To Get Involved

Ikraine, Ukraine, Hekraines, Wekraine, Ukraine, Theykraine I protest, You riot, They cause constitutional upheaval, I put troops on standby, You engage in military exercises, They invade [i]And...

1
Titus 02.03.14 8:48am
BewsNiscuit
Putin Declines Obama Offer to Conjugate

Tip o't 'at t' Titus...

0
BewsNiscuit 02.03.14 8:47am
BewsNiscuit
Light Brigade probed by FSA for "hidden charges" 0
sydalg 02.03.14 2:11am
sydalg
Gove threatens teachers with genital mutilation

Intimidation by the Secretary of State for Education was ratcheted up this week, with the promise of graphic images of sexual disfigurement being sent to schools. One teacher reported having already...

1
Wrenfoe 02.03.14 12:41am
Ref Minor
Putin steadfast You-kraine if you want to, the lady's not for 'kraining. 0
MADJEZ 02.03.14 12:27am
MADJEZ
Many armed men seen near Chernobyl 10
Bigglesworth 01.03.14 11:41pm
GingerClive