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British man wins Wimbledon.


Al OPecia 07.07.13 4:37pm
Al OPecia
Andy Murray blames Mel Gibson for Wimbledon defeat

World tennis number two Andy Murray has blamed Australian movie star Mel Gibson for his loss in Sunday's Wimbledon showdown with Serbian Novak Djokovic, claiming the actor's performance in the...

Jesus H 07.07.13 4:04pm
Jesus H
Novak Djokovic to sue Viagra after 5 hour semi 1
topfotogmw 07.07.13 3:47pm
Next Wimbledom champion 'May not have a silly name' 0
antharrison 07.07.13 3:18pm
Peter Andre accidentally deported to Jordan 0
custard cream 07.07.13 2:26pm
custard cream
Crewe players in alleged sex attack 'wanted to pull a train' 0
Oxbridge 07.07.13 2:12pm
Cryogenicist offers to 'freeze Nelson Mandela'

May God forgive me...

Oxbridge 07.07.13 1:54pm
Dominic Littlewood 'closing in' on cowboy trader Bob the Builder

The team at Channel 5's popular Cowboy Traders show have claimed they are 'close to a breakthrough' in their hunt for good guy turned rogue trader, Bob the Builder. Bob, who was famous for his...

Jesus H 07.07.13 1:20pm
Jesus H
John Inverdale's apology in full; "you can't help being a minger"

BBC commentator John Inverdale says he has written to Wimbledon champion Marion Bartoli to apologise for saying she was "never going to be a looker". He admitted he'd been very unprofessional; "a...

apepper 07.07.13 12:52pm
Bob the Builder rushed to Brazil to 'sort out' World Cup construction mess

With a little over eleven months until the opening game of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil, FIFA officials remain 'displeased and extremely concerned' with construction progress, which remains 'months'...

Jesus H 07.07.13 11:27am
Jesus H
NASA to send probe to Basildon

NASA today announced a mission to understand whether intelligent life could have once existed in Essex. The two year mission to send an unmanned rover ‘the Vomit Comet’ to the bleak English town...

suki 07.07.13 10:59am
Sir Tom Jones 'too sexy' to consider organ donation

Welsh superstar Sir Tom Jones has expressed his concerns today following the announcement that all Welsh people will be classed as ‘assumed donors’ after they die, unless they fill out an...

Jesus H 07.07.13 10:54am
Lindy Moone
Useless menopausal plumber connects boiler to loo - keeps getting hot flushes

More highly contrived news soon...

Smart Alex 07.07.13 10:19am
Smart Alex
Nothing to see here....

wrong room...

MADJEZ 07.07.13 10:10am
Tories To Draw On History......

.This time - The Great North Of England Job Famine...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:44am
Jesse Bigg
Northeast Council To Introduce New Bye-Law.....

Tory councillors to wear bell round their neck...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:33am
Jesse Bigg
New couch-potato web site launched - YouTuber

Can't believe this hasn't been done before, but search-engines don't lie (?)...

FlashArry 07.07.13 8:19am
The Great Magician, Abracadabra, Vanishes.......

To Jordan?...

Jesse Bigg 07.07.13 8:15am
Jesse Bigg
Christmas pantomime in jeopardy as main character served deportation order 0
irreverendJ 07.07.13 7:46am
Dismay As Abu Qata's Departure Leaves "Mr Angry" With Nothing To Fulminate About 0
Titus 07.07.13 7:43am
Egyptian military offer to resolve Falkirk candidate fiasco 2
FlashArry 07.07.13 7:35am
SNP announce Scotland will survive on 'Andy Murray and tennents lager tax'

Not sure if this is worthy of a good old fashioned beefing...

Jesus H 07.07.13 1:10am
Jesus H
Party poppers to be banned at Abu Qatada’s leaving party

The Home Office has announced that party poppers and balloons will be banned at Abu Qatada’s forthcoming leaving party at Belmarsh Prison on Saturday night. The radical Islamist cleric is to be...

Dick Everyman 06.07.13 10:18pm
Dick Everyman
Welsh Organ Law Strikes Discord

Following the Welsh Assembly’s decision to legalise organ donation unless a person has specifically opted out of the scheme, the music community in Wales has been engulfed by panic. ‘It’s...

Iggy Pop-Barker 06.07.13 10:09pm
Iggy Pop-Barker
Scotland's terrorist threat level raised to 'Jings, Crivens, Help Ma Boab'

The terrorist threat level in Scotland has been raised to 'Jings, crivvens, help ma boab', just one level below, 'We're fucked Morag, absolutely fucked'. The Scottish intelligence services would not...

andrewl81 06.07.13 9:43pm
Enslaved Israelites Threaten To Take Their Case Against Pharaoh to the UN

More later, for the next few thousand years...

Titus 06.07.13 7:41pm
Crash test dummy wins whiplash case

There was uproar in conservative political circles today, with demands that something be done about the “runaway compensation culture”, after a crash dummy known as D9 received £150 000 in...

sydalg 06.07.13 7:35pm
Prescott advises giving it 5 minutes after leaving Privy Council 1
pere floza 06.07.13 7:33pm
BP Withdraws Petrol from Forecourts

Responding to Poundland's removal of Chinese Lanterns from its shelves for reasons of public safety, BP announces withdrawal of petrol from forecourts. In a statement Retail Director, Catherine...

disarco 06.07.13 7:10pm
Upon hearing "House of Fun" elderly DJ asks "What Madness is this?" 0
sredni vashta 06.07.13 4:18pm
sredni vashta