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UK renounces territorial claims to the Isle of Wight

Shocked residents of the Isle of Wight were said to be disappointed last night as the British Government finally agreed that the island should be returned to Argentinian control. One local resident,...

Smart Alex 04.01.13 8:57pm
Smart Alex
X Factor Winner 2012 Pencilled In For Dancing On Ice 2016

X Factor Winner James Arthur revealed how he has mapped out his future career., The pop star who used to have a proper job that I can't be bothered to look up said "I don't want to drift aimlessly...

Sexton A Blake 04.01.13 8:47pm
Sexton A Blake
Gay-bishop basher sect allow gay bishops, if they only bash own bishops.

Choir boys are reserved....

olddoc 04.01.13 8:43pm
Hand donor named as "Luke Skywalker"

Grateful Mark Cahill has thanked Luke Skywalker for donating his hand after a "work-related" accident...

apepper 04.01.13 8:17pm
Cliff Richard’s todger, described as "like new”, used in first penis transplant. 0
Tripod 04.01.13 8:05pm
Alex Ferguson’s gum-assistant leaves after row over pre-chewing technique

Mario Baronelli, Alex Ferguson’s famously headstrong chewing gum-preparer has quit Manchester United after a disagreement over mastication strategy. Baronelli, rarely seen away from Ferguson’s...

nickb 04.01.13 8:05pm
custard cream
NHS appoints Fat Controller as Obesity Tsar 0
custard cream 04.01.13 7:39pm
custard cream
Gay community votes to admit Anglican Bishops but only if they repent

In an historic move the gay community has voted to extend membership to Anglican Bishops as long as they repent of their beliefs and take a vow of promiscuity. The move has caused controversy among...

Matt T 04.01.13 7:15pm
Promiscuous evangelicals warned about getting "happy clappy" 0
nickb 04.01.13 7:06pm
Bishopric: A seat of a bishop. Not to be sat on by anyone else.

No more recycled definitions soon...

Not Amused 04.01.13 6:33pm
Not Amused
UK's first hand transplant welcomed by nation's wankers

UK Surgeons who have given a man a pioneering hand transplant have been hailed as heroes by single men up and down the country. The new technology, which allows a donor's hand to be attached in...

Perks 04.01.13 6:14pm
Saudi arms dealer denies contract with Leeds hospital. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 04.01.13 6:14pm
Official: church dislike gay men slightly less than women

The Church of England has published it's annual "figures of hate" list and in a surprise change, gay men have moved down the chart to be below women. "Obviously, the bible gives us quite a list of...

apepper 04.01.13 5:50pm
BBC defend scheduling of 'Jim Davidson's Intergenerational Game' 11
charlies_hat 04.01.13 5:46pm
Grandad banned from singing "feeling groovy" when he wears corduroy jacket 0
nickb 04.01.13 5:31pm
Mild mannered reporter’s lack of superpowers leads to woman’s death

A local reporter from the Sheffield Telegraph is being blamed for the death of a 23-year-old woman after his lack of superpowers saw him fail to perform an heroic rescue. Paul Jenkins, a rookie...

Vertically Challenged Giant 04.01.13 4:34pm
Midfield Diamond
Friends of Leeds infirmary launch second hand shop

Coat, door etc...

beau-jolly 04.01.13 4:21pm
Ulster tipped to enter Celebrity big brother house

The Irish province of Ulster is due to reform for a one off appearance in the celebrity big brother house. Ulster consists of the parliamentary counties of Antrim, Armagh, Down, Fermanagh,...

simonjmr 04.01.13 3:09pm
Hand transplant complications. "Just finger trouble" says surgeon. 0
weematt 04.01.13 2:44pm
Football news: Ba? Humbug! 1
sigmund 04.01.13 2:00pm
Argentina rejects British ad demanding return of Isle of Wight

Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has categorically refused to negotiate over the sovereignty of the Isle of Wight, despite the provocative behaviour of Britan's right-wing...

Oxbridge 04.01.13 12:53pm
Depardieu denies that bid for Martian citizenship is just a tax dodge

"I have always thought that Mars is a great democracy" said the actor who is also said to be glad that pissing in a bottle on flights to the planet is likely to be standard procedure...

gregle 04.01.13 11:49am
Health Minister slams Leeds General Infirmary after NHS funded hand-job

Savile-free version for coeliacs...

dvo4fun 04.01.13 10:54am
Child custody disputes to be settled via national newspaper adverts 0
charlies_hat 04.01.13 10:48am
Indonesia accused of sexism, no ban on men being straddled by bikes 0
medici2471 04.01.13 10:44am
Pippa Middleton’s arse "going solo"...

After the embarrassing sales of her book, [i]Celebrate[/i] - which recommended turkey “for large family gatherings”, and kitchen cupboards as “useful for keeping things in” - Pippa Middleton...

Tripod 04.01.13 10:21am
New parasol inventor put's everyone else in the shade 2
Ian Searle 04.01.13 10:07am
Newspaper columnist laments public's inability to spell yoyo correctly Y-O-Y-O-Y 0
Ian Searle 04.01.13 9:44am
Ian Searle
Mr Kipling arrested after raid on office uncovers Pie Dough File

Acting on the advice of Jon Gaunt, the police federation (the showbiz wing of the Association of Chief Police officers) have released information that could find Mr Kipling convicted in the court of...

ronseal 04.01.13 8:30am
2013 Big Brother contestants "wettest since records began"

More to follow...

apepper 04.01.13 8:30am