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Reducing lead piping in conservatories results in drop in number of murders

According to research by Professor Plum and Dr Black. The findings have been welcomed by the church. "A great step forward" says the Reverend Green...

Ian Searle 13.03.13 1:05am
Papal conclave ring the changes by electing male caucasian pensioner 0
FlashArry 13.03.13 12:59am
Huhne thanks Clegg for backing him 'Training worked well, he broke me in' 0
antharrison 13.03.13 12:52am
Friends Of Green Eathpiece Condemn Vatican Smoke Pollution 0
Titus 13.03.13 12:37am
Deadlocked Conclave Decides To Contract Out Papal Appointment To G4S 0
Titus 13.03.13 12:34am
John McCririck taken ill 'in stable condition'

Actually this was a real report!...

topfotogmw 13.03.13 12:23am
Vatican crowd puzzled by BLUE Smoke

Vast numbers of the faithful were surprised to see blue smoke coming from the Vatican chimney this evening. Just afterward a blue coloured note appeared from under the door where they new Pope is...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 13.03.13 12:21am
Cannibals open Celebrity Restaurant 2
Ian Searle 13.03.13 12:18am
Argentina Says It Will Ignore Vatican Election And Declare Its Own Pope 1
Titus 13.03.13 12:13am
Queen "still a bit funny about cheese" 0
nickb 12.03.13 11:58pm
Chris Huhne to commence work on series of escape tunnels

Chris Huhne is to launch an audacious escape bid from Wandsworth prison after finding living conditions inside less than satisfactory. The disgraced MP had originally expected a five star hotel...

Gary Stanton 12.03.13 11:57pm
Sir Lupus
Urbane foxes a new menace - conning old ladies with their suave sophistication 1
Actual Size 12.03.13 11:54pm
Sir Lupus
First Black Smoke Seen As Cardinals Cremate African Candidate.

They have now been told by the Curia that chemicals will be used to colour the smoke in future and if they haven't elected an Italian Pope (Scola) by Friday, funding for the show "I'm a Cardinal, get...

Iscariot 12.03.13 11:49pm
Pope Election ends in Coalition

After white smoke eventually appeared from the Papal chimney, the next Pope was unveiled as a duo. For the first time in earth's 6,000 year history, the Vatican will be run by a coalition. Cardinal...

bootjangler 12.03.13 11:41pm
Queen cancels more engagements

Barry Dobbs and his fiance Leslie Smuggin who were due to marry later this year are bloody furious at her cheek...

irreverendJ 12.03.13 11:27pm
Necrophiliac claims partner 'unresponsive' in bed 2
Scoby Watson 12.03.13 11:22pm
Tess Goes
Highways Agency admit to using Shit Grit in East Sussex

Almost the entire population of employed people from Hastings were stuck on the A21 last night and had to endure a long trek home with smelly feet having abandoned their vehicles in an inch of snow.,...

Tess Goes 12.03.13 11:18pm
Tess Goes
Motorists advised to avoid Kent even after the snow has melted 0
Mandy Lifeboat 12.03.13 10:52pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Black smoke signifies cardinals passing round big spliff before bedtime. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.13 10:41pm
Cheltenham card: It's horses four courses

1. d'ouevres,, 2. starters orders,, 3. mane,, 4. dessert (orchid)...

blacklesbianandproudofit 12.03.13 9:20pm
Cost of prosecuting Chris Huhne 'a bargain' say public

The £79,000 legal cost of prosecuting Chris Huhne is 'a bargain' according to most taxpayers. 'Excellent value for money,' said Sid Wilshaw from Wolverhampton, while Angela Murdoch from Blackpool...

roybland 12.03.13 9:14pm
Huhne caught forming coalition with cellmate 0
Squudge 12.03.13 9:02pm
Pope to be chosen by Russian Roulette; Catholics wait for ‘smoking gun’... 0
Tripod 12.03.13 8:49pm
Black smoke billowing from Vatican actually coming from Benedict's 'bong room' 0
Scoby Watson 12.03.13 8:49pm
Scoby Watson
Black smoke sighted from Sistine Chapel: cardinals phone chimney sweep... 0
Tripod 12.03.13 8:42pm
Bookmakers Pontiff punt: "Pope will be some old guy" 0
Squudge 12.03.13 8:11pm
Papal smoke showing as fifty shades of grey

According to tradition this means the cardinals will need to work it out together through the night before we see some white stuff expelled...

Actual Size 12.03.13 8:02pm
Actual Size
Captured 'Las Malvinas 3' explain their motives

The three islanders who voted for Argentine rule of The Falklands in yesterday's referendum have been tracked down and unmasked. From the haven of Port Stanley prison they have given very different...

pinxit 12.03.13 7:11pm
As vote goes into evening, Cardinals send out for food & choirboys. 0
MADJEZ 12.03.13 6:33pm
Minimum alcohol pricing, ministers want “100% proof" it will curb binge drinking 2
theinvisiblecitychannels 12.03.13 6:27pm