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BBC confirms it will unveil the next Doctor Who last Thursday. More soon. 0
The Paper Ostrich 02.08.13 10:19am
The Paper Ostrich
Met Police Tweets LHBL (lessons have been learned) to victims of latest cockup

The Met Police has appointed a digital apology guru in response to etc [MORE SOON] THEMES, Sympathy as a service, Automated token gesture system fit for the 21st century, Platitudes at your...

2
ronseal 02.08.13 10:09am
ronseal
Training for teachers and social workers to include hand-wringing

The government will introduce compulsory training in hand-wringing for all teachers and social workers from now on. Introducing the changes, the health secretary, Jeremy Hunt, said: 'It is important...

0
John Wiltshire 02.08.13 9:50am
John Wiltshire
Schrödinger's Cat Protection League Protests About Cruelty To Non-existent Cat

"But it [i]might[/i] exist" said a spokesman for the League "Even though the Protection League does not - probably."...

0
Titus 02.08.13 9:31am
Titus
EDL furious after job to drive Immigrants Go Home van scooped by Afghan warlord 4
ronseal 02.08.13 9:29am
beau-jolly
25% Of Zimbabwe's Voters Threatened With Arrest After Mugabe Only Gets 75% Vote 2
Titus 02.08.13 9:15am
Titus
Tables turned on 'annoying customers' with launch of RateThatCustomer.com

Businesses across the UK have welcomed the launch of the website RateThatCustomer.com, a platform for retail outlets of all kinds to rate and review their experiences with individual customers - in a...

11
Jesus H 02.08.13 9:01am
Jesus H
Interviewer Sacked For Not Interrupting And Failing To Argue With Intervewee

"We recognise that viewers and listeners are too stupid to judge for themselves if an intervewee is lying or being evasive, so it essential that a responsible interviewer should interrupt promptly...

0
Titus 02.08.13 7:47am
Titus
Government announces new Boris Johnson to be built in Thames estuary

and old one closed, .. fill in as required .., I'm a bit busy - sorry...

2
scribbler 02.08.13 6:53am
scribbler
Wanted: |dead>, |alive> or 1/sqrt(2)(|dead> + |alive>): Schrödinger's cat 12
Smart Alex 01.08.13 8:37pm
sponge finger
BBC apologises for William penis pic. We thought it was Harry, says spokesman. 1
dominic_mcg 01.08.13 7:09pm
Squudge
Einstein gets off stationary train as his station pulls up outside 0
Smart Alex 01.08.13 6:57pm
Smart Alex
Abortion law doesn't cover William Hague, MPs insist 0
sydalg 01.08.13 6:26pm
sydalg
UK Wellbeing Index downgraded by Moody’s

In a shock announcement, the measure of the nation’s happiness, the Wellbeing Index, has been downgraded by the emotional ratings agency Moody’s from ‘OK’ to just ‘Don’t Ask’. ‘This...

19
Ludicity 01.08.13 5:23pm
godly1966
Mugabe furious as bumbling aides mistakenly announce 2020 election results 2
sydalg 01.08.13 5:19pm
Lindy Moone
Criminals to need licenses

More to follow...

6
apepper 01.08.13 3:02pm
beau-jolly
Patients Told To Dial .000,000,000,001 for Homeopathy Or 777 For A Witch-Doctor 7
Titus 01.08.13 2:54pm
beau-jolly
Daily Mail deny that 'Randy Travis Has a Stroke' was a reference to DLT 1
medici2471 01.08.13 1:31pm
beau-jolly
The MP, his appalling posture and a Podiatrist named in bad gait scandal 1
ronseal 01.08.13 1:14pm
A.A.Arkwright
UKIP Wins Zimbabwe Election. "Didn't See That Coming" Admits Mugabe 0
Titus 01.08.13 1:11pm
Titus
New plans for troubled Ambulance Service

Troubled East of England Ambulance Service which has been recently criticised by the government for failing response times is set to turn the tables by a newly planned merger. Bosses are reported to...

0
Steve_Essex 01.08.13 1:11pm
Steve_Essex
England v Australia - third test of bull****ting

The English and Australian cricket teams were today locked in a fierce battle to see who can talk the biggest amount of b*ll*cks. First up was Australian captain Michael Clarke, who said: 'I am...

4
John Wiltshire 01.08.13 11:48am
John Wiltshire
Dignitas launches new Hampstead branch, renamed "Ciao"

More unoriginal musings later...

0
Skylarking 01.08.13 11:35am
Skylarking
Heisenberg successfully appeals speeding fine

"You can prove how fast I was going, or where I was, but not both" he argues in his defence...

5
NewBiscuit 01.08.13 11:26am
Skylarking
Scientists say plans to clone mammoth "wooly" 1
CulchaVulcha 01.08.13 11:04am
beau-jolly
New site launched for businesses to review customers 4
Dumbnews 01.08.13 10:46am
beau-jolly
Brighton shock at £15 parking fee - "It's far too low"

Brighton council have promised immediate action at the revelation that they charge up to £15 to park in the town. "That's far too cheap.", explained a council spokesman. "People think the council is...

0
apepper 01.08.13 10:34am
apepper
Stafford hospital to become a branch of Dignitas

It was revealed today that Stafford hospital has been sold to Dignitas for an undisclosed sum (but not very much). A spokesman for Dignitas said: 'It's brilliant! We just put Dignitas stickers over...

1
John Wiltshire 01.08.13 10:21am
Yikes
Mugabe predicts he will win by 247,681 votes

'Just a rough guess,' he says...

0
John Wiltshire 01.08.13 9:55am
John Wiltshire
Cat wonders why the Earth is round

"Are you a clever dick?" says pointless fat ugly nobody Anne Widdicombe in her usual irritating voice...

0
farmer giles 01.08.13 9:50am
farmer giles