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Euphoria as GB girls fail to win their races 0
medici2471 30.07.12 6:45am
medici2471
Soldiers step into replace missing athletes...

First we had soldiers stepping into to fill in the gap left by G4S and as if that wasn't embarrassing enough for LOCOG they then had to bring in extra soldiers to fill in the empty seats in many of...

0
hardev 29.07.12 10:30pm
hardev
Queen plays Helen Mirren. More soon.

Bit late, I know...

1
Al OPecia 29.07.12 10:16pm
hardev
ELITE ATHLETE PRAISES ‘DARWIN’ FOR HIS ATHLETIC PROWESS

Olympic hopeful Mark Jones, from Bournemouth, yesterday won the 400 meter hurdles at the Olympic Trials in a new world record of 46.5 seconds. Mark, a graduate from Cambridge University, was...

5
spur of the moment 29.07.12 8:04pm
Cheshire Cat
India storm to top the 2012 Olympics Offended Nations table

The entire Indian Olympic contingent stormed to the top of the offended nations table after a post-graduate woman from Bangalore gatecrashed the team's entrance to the opening ceremony procession,...

0
ginty 29.07.12 7:44pm
ginty
Acceptability of edgy comedy to be determined by Hawkeye

The Hawkeye system used in cricket and tennis is to be trialled in the world of comedy to establish definitively whether an attempt at a joke crosses the line or not. Each joke is automatically...

10
Midfield Diamond 29.07.12 6:29pm
quango
Olympic Games may close “as early as Thursday”

Olympic Games may close “as early as Thursday” Empty seats, indicating widespread public indifference, may bring about a premature end to the 30th modern Olympiad, with some commentators...

0
backwards7 29.07.12 5:38pm
backwards7
Dressage to feature land mines 'to make it more interesting' 1
Scroat 29.07.12 3:17pm
dvo4fun
Top Ram Causes Mass Bleatings and Sheep Stampedes

Top Ram Causes Mass Bleatings and Sheep Stampedes The Top Ram, known to initiate lots of bleatings such as “Wolves don’t kill sheep, sheep do, bleat bleat.” and “Sheep have the right to bear...

6
Cheshire Cat 29.07.12 12:48pm
Cheshire Cat
Many empty seats at Womens Beach Volleyball, though mens toilet cubicles full. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:53am
MADJEZ
Tony Blair : opening ceremony not a patch on Millenium dome. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:45am
MADJEZ
Rivals claim Lewis Hamilton used Olympic lane to get pole position. 0
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:42am
MADJEZ
Pooh Bear livid at opening ceremony snub. 5
MADJEZ 29.07.12 11:37am
GB Olympic grammar team; "Medalling is a big ask."

The British team for the Olympic Grammar Team have admitted that their chance of winning a medal is low, or to quote them "The team are giving 1000%, but to medal they have to give greater than...

0
apepper 29.07.12 11:24am
apepper
Archery contest moved to Bow and Harrow 1
Perks 29.07.12 11:00am
Additional 150,000 troops deployed to fill empty seats gap 1
tedweasel 29.07.12 10:33am
Perks
Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem

Team GB to donate medals to nations with low self esteem A disappointing first day at the Olympics for Team GB has been branded a triumph by UK organisers. Speaking from his throne room in...

0
backwards7 29.07.12 9:18am
backwards7
Outrage as Johnny Foreigner fails to let Brits win

Britain’s bicyclists were today crying foul after the beastly foreigners did not let Mark Cavendish win the bicycle race. A spokesman said “Our lads were doing really well till some foreigners...

0
PeterB 29.07.12 8:07am
PeterB
Amish community divided over invention of ‘corn doll’ jet engine

Amish leaders are locked in vigorous debate after a member of their community accidentally reinvented the jet engine. Hand-woven and finished off with a short length of ribbon, the three-stage corn...

8
29.07.12 8:07am
riesler
Pharmaceutical company takes early lead in Olympic constructors championship.

Pharmaceutical company EpoPharma has taken an early lead in the Olympic constructors championship after winning gold across a number of events on the first day of Olympic competition. The CEO of...

1
Ian 29.07.12 7:59am
Yikes
Geoffrey Hughes has kicked the Bouquet.

RIP,, Loved your characters,Eddie Yeats and Onslow...

2
Zen 29.07.12 5:32am
Gerontius
BBC criticised for reporting news not happening in East London

The BBC has faced criticism today for making the editorial decision to report on so-called ‘news’ that is not being made in East London. The BEEB has been labled as ‘unpatriotic’ after the...

0
Perks 28.07.12 11:16pm
Perks
New iPhone needs 6 fingers per hand

Apple are facing criticism from some users after it was revealed that the new version of the iPhone will require six finger gestures for some operations. One user grumbled, "It's ridiculous; I'm...

2
apepper 28.07.12 11:04pm
Zen
Olympics Q&A with Harriet Harman

With the Olympics finally getting underway after months of anticipation we caught up with Shadow Deputy Prime Minister, Harriet Harman, to find out what is exciting her about London 2012. Q: After...

13
Vertically Challenged Giant 28.07.12 10:16pm
Perks
"We should have used Robin Hood" admit team GB

Team GB admitted tonight that more of an effort should have been made to get Robin Hood into the men's archery team. The admission came after the men were knocked out of the competition by some...

0
Psycadelic Squirrel 28.07.12 6:58pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
G4S....

still looking for two mysterious parachutists last seen over the Olympic stadium last night...

0
ionb 28.07.12 6:14pm
ionb
Government outrage at Danny Boyle's 'protest' ceremony

David Cameron has called an emergency cabinet meeting this morning after Danny Boyle finally revealed an anti-government message to a worldwide audience of billions. The spectacular display included...

6
Actual Size 28.07.12 6:10pm
kga6
NHS bed shortage reaches critical levels during opening ceremony

more to follow...

0
Underconstruction 28.07.12 5:54pm
Underconstruction
Tyson Gay is an athlete, not an insult IOC confirms 0
custard cream 28.07.12 4:04pm
custard cream
Austerity Gone Mad!

Supporter of Japan football team to use shaving-cuts paper, in lieu of buying Japanese flag...

0
Jesse Bigg 28.07.12 3:26pm
Jesse Bigg