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OAP Spends Annuity on Parker Pens

Widow, 82 year old, Gladys Frail told reporters that she would not be buying a sports car as she could not afford the insurance. She had decided to spend the money on a pre-paid headstone, funeral...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 22.03.14 12:34pm
Guillermo De Snookio
Plane fuselage photo was noodle on lense admit Chinese.

More speculation soon...

0
MADJEZ 22.03.14 11:55am
MADJEZ
Visitors still trapped in MC Escher exhibition

Emergency services have been called to Tate Modern after a number of visitors were unable to escape from a retrospective of the artist MC Escher. ‘I have been up and down these stairs for three...

19
Ludicity 22.03.14 10:21am
Al OPecia
Kate Bush cancels dates - 'I can't compete with Del Amitri' 0
Electrelane 22.03.14 10:20am
Electrelane
You and Whose Army Van Rumpoy Tells Putin

Herman Van Rumpoy today warned Mad Bad Vlad, that if he wanted to mix it with the 28 Crew, he was in for a hard time. In a statement at Brussels he said, ‘I got your number, Putin, I know where you...

1
Rumour Control 22.03.14 8:57am
Titus
Don Francis advises local business interests.

In a bid to re-establish authority over the Mafia the Catholic Church has stepped up their terror operations. Bishops Smyth, McCormick and a legion of other hardened exploiters and their lawyers...

0
Robert Koch 22.03.14 8:49am
Robert Koch
Pope Puts Frightners on the Mafia.

In a message to the Cosa Nostra, Pope Frances has said, [i]‘Maybe you boys think you is the bosses around here, but I know da Big Boss upstairs and you is goin straight to hell, no redemption not...

0
Rumour Control 22.03.14 12:52am
Rumour Control
Missing Airliner Found On Ebay

Do I win a prize for the most boring, tastless and tedious reptition of a completely worn-out theme?...

0
Titus 21.03.14 10:21pm
Titus
Fairy Dust to be zero rated, says Chancellor

Continuing his theme of allowing old people to realise their dreams by releasing their obligations to convert their pension funds into an annuity, the Chancellor George Osborne has unveiled further...

0
throngsman 21.03.14 10:11pm
throngsman
Church leaders condemn lazy priests who refuse to exorcise 4
blacklesbianandproudofit 21.03.14 10:08pm
Al OPecia
Missing man found 'alive and frightened' in John Lewis

A man who has been missing since Christmas Eve has been found in a John Lewis department store in Edinburgh. Roger Bould had been missing for almost 3 months after he had gone to do some last minute...

6
bookiesfriend 21.03.14 9:34pm
deceangli
Queues Form at Apple Store to hear rumours of rumours

'it's been nearly three weeks since I've heard any rumours of a product launch,' said one shopper standing in line around the London Apple Store, 'so I thought I'd pop down to see if there were any...

3
throngsman 21.03.14 9:25pm
deceangli
American Nutters Multiplying Faster than Louis Theroux can Interview Them

The BBC has launched an appeal to clone Louis Theroux in an effort to rescue even more American weirdos from obscurity. “The USA is a unique ecosystem”, explains Theroux, “with more psychiatric...

6
deceangli 21.03.14 9:20pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Police halve time to identify fingerprints

Police scientists have revealed today that they have developed a revolutionary new way to speed up the analysis of fingerprints. 'For years we've been following the protocols laid down by TV...

0
throngsman 21.03.14 9:19pm
throngsman
Sepp Blatter to ban poo tins from 2018 World Cup

FIFA boss Sepp Blatter today upped the temperature on the Ukraine crisis with an executive decision to slap a ban on poo tins during the 2018 World Cup in Russia. Responding to savage EU travel...

0
Lenny Bee 21.03.14 8:32pm
Lenny Bee
James Hetfield goes public on 35-year macaroni cheese addiction

[URL=http://imgbox.com/VXRIH8eA]http://t.imgbox.com/VXRIH8eA.jpg[/URL] James Hetfield (pictured left in the mid 70s aiming for a career in physics, and some time later with Metallica at the height...

0
camz 21.03.14 8:09pm
camz
Old sea dog's "barque worse than his bite" 1
sydalg 21.03.14 7:34pm
blacklesbianandproudofit
Meddling kids recruited to search for MH370 in long hallways with many doors 0
Bigglesworth 21.03.14 7:30pm
Bigglesworth
Max Clifford trial ‘cynical PR stunt’ to give false impression he has a large pe

Sadly, it just proved he is a big dickhead. “I have never had sex with anyone, so how anyone could know the size of my penis is laughable” said Lonesome George just before he became extinct....

0
Damien_H 21.03.14 7:11pm
Damien_H
Man caught watching Crimewatch without a TV Licence

'It's kind of ironic,' said Bill Evans of Basingstoke, 'but I was just watching Crimewatch to see who they were chasing this week and Doris, that's the wife, said "isn't that our front door?". Well...

0
throngsman 21.03.14 7:01pm
throngsman
Cameron - 'We're still missing an idiot in parliment

In an interview with comedian James Corden today the Prime Minister confided that his cabinet was like a village community but added that 'we still haven't got enough idiots on board.' He listed a...

0
throngsman 21.03.14 6:50pm
throngsman
Pastor Phelps' love of anal sex revealed in new documentary, 'Tight Said Fred' 0
sydalg 21.03.14 6:46pm
sydalg
Most people over 70 years old admit burying their parents 2
Bigglesworth 21.03.14 6:39pm
bonjonelson
"Mounting fears" for porcupines during mating season 4
Schoolboy 21.03.14 6:35pm
throngsman
Emperor Paid Tailor with Bitcoins 1
deceangli 21.03.14 6:34pm
throngsman
Journalists scour ocean for missing news

The story was last seen at the weekend, but is now thought to be adrift and bobbing around aimlessly out of reach. Journalists from all corners of the world have taken to ships and planes,...

5
Adrian Bamforth 21.03.14 6:21pm
Adrian Bamforth
Ukraine- After the Annexe Putin says he wants a Conservatory 1
Dun Dunkin 21.03.14 6:12pm
GrumpyCat
Creator of controversial anti smoking campaign Fred Phelps dies 1
Bigglesworth 21.03.14 5:47pm
Ref Minor
Scientists reveal new Occam's Razor with three blades

Researchers from the Applied Theoretics department of the University of East Cheam have hailed the invention of a new three-bladed version of Occam's Razor, claiming it can work up to four times more...

3
bonjonelson 21.03.14 5:43pm
Schoolboy
Head-injured grammar pedant slips into comma 0
sydalg 21.03.14 5:27pm
sydalg