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FA to investigate Mansfield Liverpool match

The FA is to launch an immediate enquiry following the FA cup tie between non-league Mansfield and premiership Liverpool in which multimillion pound Uruguayan international Luis Suárez scored the ...

0
glass90 07.01.13 12:45pm
glass90
Lord Strathclyde steps down: to be replaced by larger peer

More girth later...

0
virtuallywill 07.01.13 12:23pm
virtuallywill
Atos declare Humpty Dumpty fit for work

More on Jack, Jill, the three blind mice later plus updates on Georgie Porgy's trial...

0
Not Amused 07.01.13 11:48am
Not Amused
Totally blind mice get sight back. Will have to move to Leeds for tails 0
simonjmr 07.01.13 11:07am
simonjmr
Government starts a campaign to show the levels of fat and sugar in Eric Pickles 0
Ian Searle 07.01.13 9:05am
Ian Searle
Transplant man gets “jazz hands”...

As the first recipient of a double hand transplant, Bob Fisher waved - frantically - at the journalists and photographers assembled at yesterday’s press reception. He praised the surgeon, the...

0
Tripod 07.01.13 8:41am
Tripod
Rail passengers complain as extra carriages are added to the wrong end of trains

Commuters at Stevenage, were who were looking forward to additional seats on their morning train, were shocked to discover their Train Operating Company, First Capital Connect (FCC), had added the...

2
PeterB 07.01.13 2:49am
Paddy Berzinski
President Assad vows to continue his fight against the Muppets. 0
MADJEZ 07.01.13 12:36am
MADJEZ
French linguists agree, correct translation of 'depardieu' is 'Russian twat' 0
medici2471 07.01.13 12:29am
medici2471
Mr Punch denounces Syria's Assad as 'puppet' of the Middle East

British seaside comedian Mr Punch has delivered a rare sea-front address denouncing Syrian President Bashar al-Assad as a mere “puppet of the Middle East". Speaking from the promenade in...

1
Dick Everyman 06.01.13 11:00pm
Squudge
Queen ‘to be removed’ as head of Church of England ‘for being a female’

“We thought she was a man in drag like all the other Bishops” says spokespaedo...

2
Reg Herring 06.01.13 8:25pm
Boutros
Staffordshire NHS win prestigious prison contract

synergy, right there...

0
Squudge 06.01.13 7:48pm
Squudge
Ulster estate agents fly white flags

negative equity a riot...

0
Squudge 06.01.13 7:05pm
Squudge
Army on riot alert as English Heritage blue plaque scheme suspended

more satire!...

1
custard cream 06.01.13 7:03pm
Squudge
Car stuck in a queue of Bic lorries caught in stationary traffic

Booooooom I'm getting good at this...

18
Bourbon 06.01.13 6:54pm
Bourbon
Critics describe soapstar's pantomime performance as "wishy washy". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 06.01.13 6:44pm
dominic_mcg
Transport cafe patron hospitalised after set-to 1
Idiot 06.01.13 5:32pm
Ironduke
Elephants apply to Russian circus to escape Brigitte Bardot. 0
Boutros 06.01.13 3:25pm
Boutros
Lewd phone shop manager sacked for offering customers Everything Everywhere. 0
Boutros 06.01.13 3:18pm
Boutros
Bardot to follow Depardieu to Russia

French screen icon Brigitte Bardot has threatened to follow compatriot Gérard Depardieu to Russia, who was granted citizenship for tax exile, unless all gays, lesbians and Muslims are expelled from...

0
mahesh 06.01.13 1:46pm
mahesh
Coalition to privatise the moral high ground

Sources within government say the Conservative Manifesto for the next election will include privatisation of the moral high ground. One senior minister who preferred not to be named, Michael Gove,...

1
nickb 06.01.13 1:41pm
Squudge
“We are totally obsessed with sex”, admits churchman...

“Churchmen are totally obsessed with sex and sexuality”, admits the Rt Rev Simon Hathersage, Bishop of Leamington Spa. “Since our own sex lives tend to be dreary and dessicated - there’s a...

3
Tripod 06.01.13 10:41am
Tripod
Investor interest in Northern Ireland flagging 3
medici2471 06.01.13 1:23am
nostra da mouse
Hand Transplant Man challenges his consent form...

"I clearly stated I wanted Jodie Marsh's or Cheryl Cole's right hand "...

0
misterjingles 05.01.13 11:02pm
misterjingles
New ‘pet onesies’ make rabbits look like little naked men

A craze for people-shaped ‘all-in-one’ sleep suits designed especially for rabbits is finally putting some fun into the lives of pet owners. The rubbery, pink, wrinkled ‘human onsies’ make...

12
Dawsons creek 05.01.13 10:28pm
nickb
NHS to hire cruise ships to provide accommodation for patients with Norovirus.

Or should that be the other way around?...

0
deskpilot3 05.01.13 9:51pm
deskpilot3
Octogenarian F1 Supremo to wed octogenarian

In a shock announcement, Bernie Ecclestone has ditched Brazilian beauty Fabiana Flosi and is to marry a woman his own age. 82 year old Rolls Royce engineer, Mabel Dawson, who was controversially...

2
Dick Everyman 05.01.13 8:47pm
Dick Everyman
Frontline MoD scientist develops formidable legal high

A scientist working for the Ministry of Defence has invented a legal high so powerful, the users believe they can piss rainbows. Dr John Timpkins worked alongside soldiers in Kandahar for 3 months,...

0
Dawsons creek 05.01.13 8:22pm
Dawsons creek
C of E Tells Gay Bishops Not To....

.stick it up their mitre...

1
Jesse Bigg 05.01.13 7:37pm
Jesse Bigg
Excited team of medieval anthropologists arrive in Belfast 0
medici2471 05.01.13 7:04pm
medici2471