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This pen is mightier than the sword, Bangladeshi woman tells police. 0
Mr Payne 3 years

Not sure whether this works, though...

Moth balls sales soar. Butterfly tits remain unpopular 0
3 years
Female copper butterfly 'avoids sex by marrying.' 3
Mr Payne 3 years

No more soon. Or ever...

Sepp Blatter cleared of all wrong-doing at FIFA by Sepp Blatter. 0
bonjonelson 3 years
9 out of 10 college professors don't know what irony means either 8
pthr 3 years

Academia was in uproar following the publication of a peer-reviewed study, which claims to show that 90% of college professors don't understand irony any better than the average Joe. We are waiting...

Gordon Brown wants £2.5 million compensation for being unfairly sacked from No10 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Removed 4
mongeese 3 years
Cucumber fear spreads to Eton, Harrow and Chaterhouse Schools. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years

See me in my room after Vespers, boy. Bring some bread and warm butter...

Online grocery firm e-Cauli 'not a total success' 0
3 years
US End Times envangelist planned "world's biggest Rickroll", claim sources 1
pthr 3 years

Last night, a spokesman for a high profile End Times crackpot - who cannot be named for legal reasons - hit out at claims that his client had been planning a prank to end all pranks. "It's absolute...

Sarah Palin Proposes Mandatory Helmets for All Americans, All of the Time 0
mbalton 3 years

Undeclared Republican presidential candidate Sarah Palin today asked Congress to replace Social Security, Medicare and other entitlements with a program that would provide a hardshell helmet for...

Bangladesh man stabs ex-lover in the fanny. ‘Hilarious’ – BBC website 0
newbietryer 3 years

more later...

Daily Mail warns Shoesmith pay-out will push Britain into 1929 depression 1
roybland 3 years

The Daily Mail says that the £2.5 billion that social services boss Sharon Shoesmith hopes to get in compensation for her sacking over the Baby P case could plunge Britain into a 1929 scale...

Father Christmas accused of attempt to buy the World Cup for Lapland 0
Smaug 3 years

Suspended FIFA vice-president Jack Warner has alleged that Father Christmas, a senior official in Lapland's footballing association, was at the center of a campaign of bribery and intimidation to...

Barnsley swearing ban leaves foul-mouthed speechless 0
roybland 3 years

A ban on swearing in Barnley city centre has rendered some residents literally speechless.,  , 'Fuck me', said Jim Wilcox (82), 'I've been fuckin' 'effin and blindin' in Barnsley city centre since...

Discrimination against posh bastards on increase, claims posh bastard 4
roybland 3 years

Discrimination against posh people is on the increase, according to Lord Fellowes, Downton Abbey creator and ghastly snob. And the evidence supports Fellowes’ argument. He points out that of the...

Ambassador for the game expelled after being unmasked as spy 0
ronseal 3 years

One of football's top Ambassadors for the Game has been kicked out, triggering a series of tit for tat expulsions, after he was allegedly caught spying. er...

NHS to contain binge drinking problem by installing pubs in A&E 2
ronseal 3 years
Vikings cleared of rape and pillage by FA inquiry 0
ronseal 3 years

Following the success of his inquiry into FIFA corruption, Lord Triesman has been commissioned to conduct a series of internal investigations into embarrassing scandals. Among the organisations...

Vigilante group of News Of The World readers attack courgettes 5
charlies_hat 3 years
Gaddafi survives assassination attempt as Spanish cucumber sent in post. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Repeat news: Ball passes between sticks. Some foreign men very happy. Some not. 0
be reasonable 3 years

Fashion sale: 11 chokers, unused. Contact AF at box No. 3-1, Manchester...

Corrupt officials form their own union, THIEFA 0
ronseal 3 years
Sesame Street left-wing bias 'caused Big Bird to fly in circles' 0
3 years
Media exaggerations set to double by 200% 4
Nick McCarr 3 years
Salad Days over for the humble cucumber 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Judge Dredd to replace Cheryl Cole 4
Milo Shame 3 years

Insiders at Fox television have revealed that the vacant seat on the panel for US X-Factor will be filled by Mega-City One’s leading citizen, Judge Joseph Dredd. Renowned already in sci-fi circles...

Volcano Lands a Three-Picture Deal… Grimsvotn Signed To Erupt with Laughter 1
mbalton 3 years

An obscure Icelandic mountain has captured the imagination of Hollywood executives. The volcano Grimsvotn has been signed by a major studio to star in three feature films scheduled to be produced...

Germany/France: Ecoli outbreak 'nothing to do with the cucumbers up our arses.' 0
SingingHinny 3 years
Twitter writers' names revealed by Wikileaks. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 3 years