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'Hello. It's Ryanair Customer Services. Fuck off. Goodbye.'

More soon BTW there was a program on TV the other night featuring Ryanair's customer services director - my dream job...

8
antharrison 23.06.13 1:44pm
Arthur
Snowden seeks political asylum in Assange's wardrobe 0
medici2471 23.06.13 1:32pm
medici2471
Beautician admits there's a thin line between a bikini wax and a full Brazilian. 1
Ian Searle 23.06.13 12:11pm
Lindy Moone
Sham proctologist was 'just going through the motions', court hears 5
cinquecento 23.06.13 12:07pm
cinquecento
Bristol car thief claims he thought it was free car Sunday. 0
weematt 23.06.13 12:07pm
weematt
Typesetter criticised for disregarding punctuation 5
Arthur 23.06.13 11:57am
Arthur
Return of 80's style fashion - IOW retailers report a boom 0
sillybugger 23.06.13 11:42am
sillybugger
Isle of Wight now in colour.

My first IoW...

1
sredni vashta 23.06.13 11:41am
sillybugger
Andy Murray put on "That Joke" watch list. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 23.06.13 10:26am
Al OPecia
Wonga puppet millionaires flee with booty

Scotland Yard is on the hunt for a trio of extortionists and suspected money launderers following a tip off from a Wonga.com whistleblower. Using a TV advertising campaign as a front for their...

0
Dick Everyman 23.06.13 10:13am
Dick Everyman
Emotional ambulance suffers breakdown in SA

Expanding on the idea by apepper The South African health service has pledged to use more stoic and emotionless vehicles in future after the ambulance carrying Nelson Mandela from Johannesburg to...

1
irreverendJ 23.06.13 9:30am
apepper
On the run Snowden boards Aeroflot flight - could be anywhere 0
A.A.Arkwright 23.06.13 9:06am
A.A.Arkwright
Accountant emerges after 7 hours trapped in toilet cubicle

Mild mannered accountant George Thornby was finally rescued by colleagues yesterday afternoon after spending 7 hours in a toilet cubicle. George had already visisted Mr Ploppy and was about to wipe...

8
Richard is my real name says Wrenfoe 23.06.13 9:00am
Yikes
US trying to steal our mountains with Snowden extradition bid 0
irreverendJ 23.06.13 8:22am
irreverendJ
'Intergalactic recession' forced closure of UFO desk, announce MoD

The Ministry of Defence closed its UFO special desk because of a 'severe downturn' in economies across the universe, newly released files show. The desk was closed in December 2009 following an...

13
Jesus H 23.06.13 7:42am
Jesus H
Taliban bewildered by talks led by Kerry Catona. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 22.06.13 10:45pm
Dick Everyman
South Africans to use less emotional vehicles as ambulance breaks down

The South African health service has pledged to use more stoic vehicles after the ambulance carrying Nelson Mandela broke down. "It was understandable.", explained a spokesman, "Most of us were...

7
apepper 22.06.13 10:33pm
Titus
"The ghost of Mr Bronte saw us" claims paleontologist on lonely moorland dig 8
Dick Everyman 22.06.13 10:31pm
Dick Everyman
James Corden attempts "supermoon". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 22.06.13 10:30pm
Al OPecia
IT Dept refuse to change new Adult Dictionary Spam Filter for worker named Dick

. (Absolutely true story - colleague couldn't understand why all his e-mails got quarantined following an IT 'System Upgrade' until the No-Help-Whatsoever-Desk investigated the problem. They then...

7
Midfield Diamond 22.06.13 10:27pm
Dick Everyman
Male 'Morning-after' pill may still be decades away, claim scientists. 5
bonjonelson 22.06.13 9:31pm
Titus
Sumatra agrees to check if Singapore's washing is out before lighting bonfires 0
cinquecento 22.06.13 9:10pm
cinquecento
Charlie Watts' Moss Museum closes due to lack of exhibits 2
Ian Searle 22.06.13 8:41pm
virtuallywill
Paleontologists Discover Fossilized Writing, Suspect Brontesaurus 3
Jjeffries 22.06.13 5:17pm
Lindy Moone
During Violent Protests, Brazilian Leader Stresses Need for Cup

My second try...

0
Jjeffries 22.06.13 4:58pm
Jjeffries
"Super moon" best viewed near a Rugby Club

Space expert Heather Couper said "supermoons" were the result of coincidence., She explained that when the Moon was high in the sky, it looked normal., But by turning away from the Moon, bending...

2
sillybugger 22.06.13 2:55pm
sillybugger
BT (Who Else Would You Expect?) Win Crap Customer Telephone Helpline Award

"This is ScamCo. What the Hell do you want? Before selecting any options, listen to the following 40-minute lecture about our ethical and environmental policy and our committment to customer service...

1
Titus 22.06.13 1:00pm
Arthur
Some of my best friends are racists ...

but I wouldn't let my daughter marry one...

0
Titus 22.06.13 11:47am
Titus
Nigella's wedding ring stolen by metal thieves, Saatchi insists 0
sydalg 22.06.13 11:32am
sydalg
Obama regrets confusing the Cabinet with characters from Rainbow. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 22.06.13 10:19am
dominic_mcg