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Mexican Government Announces Unconditional Surrender In Drug War

The Mexican Government has formally ceded control of Mexico to the Zetas Drug Cartel in an elaborate surrender ceremony at leader Carlos Jimenez’s luxury Cancun mansion. The Government fought...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:09pm
daneade
Muamba feeds 5000

Bolton Wanderers midfielder and possible returned Messiah Fabrice Muamba today enhanced his Jesus credentials by feeding 5000 starving, emaciated Bolton supporters with frozen Hawaiian pizzas from...

2
daneade 05.05.12 1:01pm
Thor
Somali Pirates Split Into Traditionalist Faction

A group of conservative Somali pirates have split from the mainstream complaining of a lack of recognition of long-established pirate conventions. Spokesman Mohamed ‘Long John’ Sabbelah said his...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:08pm
daneade
Apple Demands An End To The End Of Slavery

Apple today warned that its massively obscene profits would be in jeopardy of not being as massive unless the international ban on slavery was lifted at once. Top Executives have already drawn up...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:07pm
daneade
Secret Service Fails To Keep Whore-Mongering Secret

President Obama ordered a full-scale enquiry into the professionalism of the Secret Service after a group of them failed to do what millions of ordinary American men do everyday – keep their visits...

4
daneade 04.05.12 1:58pm
bonjonelson
Breivik says ‘It Was Self Defense.’ Norway says ‘You Fucking What?’

Mass killer Anders Brievik made one of the most unconvincing arguments of self-defense in modern criminal history at his trial in Oslo, Norway. When told of his defense strategy, the Judge – in a...

0
daneade 04.05.12 12:05pm
daneade
Chen Guangcheng to 'consider all options'

Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng can apply to study abroad, potentially indicating a way out of the diplomatic crisis with the US over him. The University of Cumbria is believed to be the UK...

0
Bonaparte Shandy 04.05.12 12:02pm
Bonaparte Shandy
Boost to UK fruit industry as gorvernment stockpile banana skins

The government has placed massive orders to replace deplenished stocks of banana skins...

5
apepper 05.05.12 8:08am
nickb
Chinese dissident "now fancies a world cruise". 0
Boutros 04.05.12 11:24am
Boutros
Rodeotherapy cures cowboy's cancer 3
Haywood Manley 04.05.12 3:37pm
MrBen
"It won’t bloody flush”, reports woman trapped in dinner party toilet.

Amy Higgins was in a race against time with the cistern of a downstairs lavatory in Surrey yesterday, after a single flush at an intimate dinner party for six proved itself not up to the job....

2
DrTurmoil 04.05.12 10:31am
DrTurmoil
Geography Teacher Chooses Pen For 2012 A Level Marking

Influential Geograpy teacher Dereck Jepson has made his annual choice of marking pen for the 2012 A Level examination season. Revealing the much anticipated choice on his blog 'Geography Makes the...

2
Bonaparte Shandy 04.05.12 10:12am
Gary Stanton
Government under pressure to consult wives on web porn opt-in measure 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:09am
Duncan Biscuit
Borrowers reject ‘downturn blame claim’ from the big people 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:09am
Duncan Biscuit
Man awarded OBE for "Services to stating the bleeding obvious"

Graham Swanson, a 46yd old mechanic from Swanley, has been rewarded for "Services to stating the bleeding obvious". His wife, Helen, said "Each year on the 4th of May, he wakes me up with a wink and...

3
seymour totti 04.05.12 3:11pm
cinquecento
Coalition to roll-out successful NHS ‘wash your hands’ policy across all depts 0
Duncan Biscuit 04.05.12 9:08am
Duncan Biscuit
NHS to update Waiting Room onscreen displays

[thanks to Midfield Diamond for the idea - maybe we can squeeze a collective Left Alert out of this ? or just have a laugh ] Following criticism that their Waiting Room displays are being ignored,...

16
Sinnick 04.05.12 6:01pm
Thor
Team GB Men: Cyclists and canoeists refuse to have 5 rings put on helmets. 0
weematt 04.05.12 8:30am
weematt
CIA reveal Bin Laden papers show Al Qaeda link to Rupert Murdoch and BSkyB 0
Scronnyglonkle 04.05.12 7:28am
Scronnyglonkle
New Samsung phone has eye-rolling technology for bored teenagers. 0
Maverick 04.05.12 6:58am
Maverick
Tymoshenko to run for office in Ireland.

A new Orange Revolution, and no need to change my name said Ms O'Shenko...

0
Maverick 04.05.12 6:35am
Maverick
Man who sold "The Scream" in Four Rooms for £50 now impersonating it. More soon 0
Al OPecia 03.05.12 7:22pm
Al OPecia
Brazil goes nuts in new anti-crime initiative

Mr T helps...

0
victimms 03.05.12 6:54pm
victimms
GP struck off for not telling patients to lose weight and drink less

A disgraced doctor in rural Cambridgeshire who neglected to advise some of his patients to go on a diet and cut down on their alcohol intake has been struck off the medical register. The General...

5
Midfield Diamond 04.05.12 9:10pm
Sinnick
Shampoo advert sets new record for ‘worst survey result to base a campaign on’

A new advert for Pantene Pro-V shampoo has set the industry abuzz after the small print revealed that the central claim of the campaign was disagreed with by over 90% of the ridiculously small sample...

5
Vertically Challenged Giant 04.05.12 9:07am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Fairground operators' inalienable right to fly-post under threat

It's a hallowed tradition that goes back hundreds of years, to a time when the only way to get punters along to your bear-baiting show was to nail handbills to trees. But MP Sydney Glee's private...

3
Boutros 03.05.12 4:35pm
Boutros
Victoria Beckham to star in new Spielberg film 'Clothes Horse'

Featuring the moving story of one woman's daily battle with what to wear, set in the rolling expanse of her walk-in wardrobe. The hard-hitting story highlights the plight of fashion victims on both...

1
MizAnnieG 03.05.12 4:08pm
victimms
Johnny Ball claims Bill and Ben were stoned.

And Pinky and Perky were porking in the dressing rooms...

0
Ian Searle 03.05.12 1:40pm
Ian Searle
police

Police in Northampton discover 72500 cannabis plants. Acting Detective Superintendent-Inspector Chief Whoopee Longname said, "The plants with a street value of 6.4 billion pounds were discovered...

1
03.05.12 1:24pm
wallster
UK fears invasion as low voter turn out points to a 'failing democracy'

With local election turn out figures expected to be below the 50% mark, the UK has been described internationally as a 'failing democracy'. This has led to fears that other countries may seek the...

0
Perks 03.05.12 1:13pm
Perks