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Dyslexic songwriter shaves horse's mane, rides through desert 2
sydalg 09.03.14 11:43am
GingerClive
Man practising Tai-chi is run over by milk float

"It seemed like I was seeing everything in slow motion" said one witness, "but then I realised it was in slow motion."...

5
blacklesbianandproudofit 09.03.14 11:26am
Tripod
Russia has miscalculated, in its maths exam says Gove 0
Bigglesworth 09.03.14 10:32am
Bigglesworth
Islamic school takeover bid was attack-helicopter parenting 0
Bigglesworth 09.03.14 9:17am
Bigglesworth
Coop directors remuneration proportional to size of hole dug the previous year

Lots more soon...

0
Not Amused 09.03.14 8:22am
Not Amused
London to Impose Sanctions on Russian Oligarchs

Boris Johnson in association with TFL has today put in place regulations to prevent Russian Oligarchs getting Oyster Cards or using cycle lanes. Traffic Wardens will be able to impose on the spot...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 09.03.14 8:19am
Guillermo De Snookio
Russian Farmers Almanac

Now is the best time for planting mines along borders of land you plan to annex...

0
Dun Dunkin 09.03.14 8:11am
Dun Dunkin
OSCE Observers Barred From Crimea – Shots Fired in the Air

Two miles away, loyal comrade, Alexi Yermatov, had just finished repairing his rotovator, when a 7.62 armour piercing round smashed into his kidneys, dramatically changing his plans for the rest of...

0
Guillermo De Snookio 09.03.14 7:57am
Guillermo De Snookio
Men on diets demand to know when the potato 'stopped being' a vegetable

Frustrated males shamed into embracing a healthy regime have been outraged to discover that starchy, tuberous crops are not the route to a six-pack, female approval and eternal life as had been...

4
Wrenfoe 09.03.14 7:47am
Jesus H
The Whitehouse – Kremlin Hotline has now been Automated.

Press 1 for Pointless Negotiations, lies, deceit, denials, obfuscation, Press 2 for Abuse, swearing, personal insults, farting noises., Press 3 for WW III, Press 4 for Post Apocalyptic...

1
Guillermo De Snookio 09.03.14 6:00am
Squudge
Richard Branson announces plan to build new garden shed

Billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson has announced a radical new plan which will transform the garden of his house in Surrey and possibly emerge as a disruptive force which could change the...

0
antharrison 08.03.14 10:54pm
antharrison
Putin slam's Clegg's Lib Dem Mentality

In a public broadcast today president Putin criticised Nick Clegg's apparent Lib Dem mentality. 'It's clear that you are a Tory at heart and you're sending the wrong message to the people who inhabit...

0
throngsman 08.03.14 10:39pm
throngsman
Russian soldiers seen in drainpipes entering Crimean field? Putin on the stile?

Apologies to Lonnie Donegan...

0
throngsman 08.03.14 10:19pm
throngsman
GB athletes lose to Sweden in Winter Paralytic Games by only three steins. 1
AReader 08.03.14 10:16pm
throngsman
Cameron denies he is grooming Nick Clegg for next year's Crufts 2
sydalg 08.03.14 8:33pm
Squudge
Obama and Putin hour-long phonecall was 'gay hold music'

Details are emerging of the hour-long conference call between President Obama and Vladimir Putin this week. Official reports suggested Obama had urged Putin to embrace a diplomatic resoluion to the...

16
Squudge 08.03.14 8:31pm
Squudge
No coalition with the Lib Dems, promises defiant leader of Bus Pass Elvis Party 2
ronseal 08.03.14 7:58pm
Titus
Police call for more effective cover-ups... 1
Tripod 08.03.14 7:56pm
Titus
Szczesny to sue Kaboul over breach of "hand gesture to useless referee"copyright 0
GingerClive 08.03.14 6:53pm
GingerClive
UK Government makes contingency plans should Queen live forever 0
Schoolboy 08.03.14 6:26pm
Schoolboy
Outrage as convicted loan shark sentenced to "punch on nose" 0
Schoolboy 08.03.14 6:18pm
Schoolboy
Cameron to stand up for Ukranian People

"Standing up is a mark of respect. Its the least we could do" said a government spokesman...

4
Dun Dunkin 08.03.14 6:10pm
throngsman
Amazon to enter high street

Amazon, the international online retailer has announced that it is going to build a high street presence in all regions it currently trades in. Its CEO Jeff Besos said in a press conference today...

0
throngsman 08.03.14 6:08pm
throngsman
Punters want mention of 'steppes' and 'tundra' in Ukraine crisis reportage

The British public want the media to mention the Russian steppes and tundra in news bulletins about the current crisis in the Ukraine, according to Professor Bill Markova of Glasgow University's...

0
roybland 08.03.14 5:37pm
roybland
Is E-Type Jaguar discovered on Moon fly-tipped junk or genuine space debris?

Star gazers were amazed but divided in their opinion today following the appearance of a White 1968 E-Type Jaguar on the surface of the Moon late last night. The car, Reg No. MGT 243, discovered by...

0
Duff 08.03.14 4:54pm
Duff
Pistorius plans to "go out and get legless" if acquitted 0
sydalg 08.03.14 3:49pm
sydalg
Wilshire determined to be fit in time to get injured in World Cup

Jack Wilshire has vowed to do everything he can to ensure that he is fit in time to get injured again in this summer's World Cup in Brazil. The injury prone Arsenal midfielder told reporters today...

10
bookiesfriend 08.03.14 1:57pm
Wrenfoe
Russians flee Ukraine as Jim Davidson offers to fly in & entertain troops 0
blokefromstoke 08.03.14 1:52pm
blokefromstoke
Intruder in Bieber's house rings police "Get me out of here - he's singing"

More teeny twaddle at 1...

0
blokefromstoke 08.03.14 1:49pm
blokefromstoke
NSA Launches Public Website to Remind Users Of Any Forgotten Passwords 1
Schoolboy 08.03.14 1:47pm
Titus