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The pope's new encyclical - Habebimus Malvinas

Here is the text of the pope's first encyclical, Habebimus Malvinas. Habebimus, Malvinas! Nos mos invadere in quattuor hebdomadas tempus et caedes omnis homo Jack Britannicae spumae! Nos mos...

John Wiltshire 16.03.13 9:22pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
David Cameron says "Vote for UKIP and get Labour"

To a packed conference of over 90 people he went on " Also Vote Lib Dem and the Tories will get in (cheers from audience) BUT Vote Conservative and The Monster Raving Looney Party might then be in...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 16.03.13 9:17pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Scientists find "Common Link That Makes People Criminals

Dr Heinrich Wolfgang Schumaker Err-Smith of University College Of Further Education An 'Ting believes he now sees the one thing criminals have in common., "It is undeniably the fault of bad...

Flash! Aa-aaaa! 16.03.13 9:04pm
Flash! Aa-aaaa!
Mathematicians find that eating too much pi gives you a large circumference 3
custard cream 16.03.13 7:35pm
Smart Alex
. 9
dvo4fun 16.03.13 6:34pm
godly1966 already a porn site 0
Dumbnews 16.03.13 5:07pm
Police charge insomniac with resisting a rest 3
custard cream 16.03.13 4:40pm
Study finds trying to write with a broken pencil is pointless 1
custard cream 16.03.13 4:36pm
Delicattesen counter: "Patè a la creme or terrine, blended or rustic?"

"I think we'll have the parfait, the coarse if I may."...

Ironduke 16.03.13 3:56pm
Black Death site may actually be buried protesters

Following the mysterious absence of any protesters at the Crossrail construction site, allegations are being made that the 'black death grave' may just be a sinister cover up; following the discovery...

JLeech 16.03.13 3:22pm
Traces of coffee found at bottom of Starbucks' cuppa-frotho 1
ronseal 16.03.13 3:17pm
Transatlantic Rower Sets Record, Says Bengal Tiger Was Key To Success 0
Kurt Degerstrom 16.03.13 12:49pm
Kurt Degerstrom
ATOS announces new motto. "Nos dare non poterat ... ATOS."

with apologies to Google Translate...

olddoc 16.03.13 11:19am
Ent rt nme t W rld Mourns D th of No man C llier 11
wallster 16.03.13 10:16am
Cop says horrible murder not the worst he's experienced in a 30 year career

'Oh,no, 'said Inspector Jack Watson from outside 49 Spring Gardens Blackburn where he had just examined the scene of a horrible murder. 'I wouldn't say this is the most horrible murder I've witnessed...

roybland 16.03.13 8:48am
Sperm smuggled out of Palestinian jails 'either swallowed or secreted in ass'

. (BBC Magazine article)[url][/url]...

thackaray 16.03.13 12:40am
Dick Everyman
Popular Potless Pill Popping Pope Pleases Piss Poor Papal Population

As white smoke above the Sistine Chapel announced the election of Jorge Bergoglio as the new pontiff damaging news reports began to emerge on how he is totally skint and pops pills while joy riding...

ipumpedthebutcherforbeef 15.03.13 10:31pm
nope 0
Squudge 15.03.13 10:15pm
Cold Syrian refugees thank France for sending US flags 'to burn and keep warm' 0
thackaray 15.03.13 9:57pm
Scientific breakthrough: 'everything in excess' is bad for you

We all know that 'everything in moderation' is a healthy mantra for life, but scientists have now proved that conversely, ‘everything in excess' will seriously bugger you up. It appears that...

Slante Dangle 15.03.13 9:12pm
Slante Dangle
It’s Red Nose Day, please help save the comedians

Comic Relief founder Richard Curtis has spoken out about the many comedians who rely on the aid of Red Nose Day to boost their careers and offset their tax liabilities. ‘We are asking people to...

Slante Dangle 15.03.13 9:10pm
Par for the course found to contain trace of horse

Neat-o, If I could use the 'up' its a good anagram...

Not Amused 15.03.13 9:07pm
Not Amused
Chris Huhne learns that a handjob is not a luxury car-valeting service... 1
Tripod 15.03.13 9:01pm
Famous Alcoholics chased with donations for Red Nose Day 0
camz 15.03.13 9:01pm
Sperm smuggled out of Israeli prison in a laundry basket. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 15.03.13 8:37pm
MP Eric Joyce leads protest against minimum price alcohol 0
custard cream 15.03.13 8:31pm
custard cream
Rapacious creatures to be culled in UK

The government today outlined plans for a cull of the most damaging creatures in the country. Following plans to curb bovine TB with a badger cull and strategic killing of deer to protect woodland...

johnnydobbo 15.03.13 8:11pm
Sir Ranulph Fiennes to head Top Gear expedition

The expedition aims to be the first ever to reach the South Pole in out door electric wheelchairs. Sir Ran is expected to lead the presenters, Jeremy Clarkson, James May and Richard Hammond on the...

hero2zero 15.03.13 7:36pm
PG Tips chimps come out of retirement for red arse day. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 15.03.13 7:04pm
Monday 8pm BBC2 Master Baker "cooking doesn't get any harder than this" 1
godly1966 15.03.13 6:37pm