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Disgruntled Dec says he can cope with most things

Neat-o finish it off yourselves...

beau-jolly 03.09.13 6:40pm
Congress warned - all the 'cool war names' will be taken

President Obama has cautioned that further delays on Syrian intervention will seriously restrict the Pentagon's choice of 'military monikers'. Unscrupulous 'patent trolls' have already reserved the...

Wrenfoe 03.09.13 5:55pm
Obama to consider each and every online comment before striking Syria 0
Dumbnews 03.09.13 5:40pm
Home Office planning "nostalgic Seventies-themed prison" for Yewtree celebrities 0
sydalg 03.09.13 5:04pm
BBC announce Strictly Yewtree Special with Harris, Davidson, Travis, Starr

Max Clifford, Jimmy Tarbuck and special 'beyond the veil' appearance by Jimmy Savile!...

custard cream 03.09.13 4:26pm
Salmond scraps early release for Scottish prisoners due to housing shortage.

More the noo...

Al OPecia 03.09.13 4:16pm
Al OPecia
Julian Assange selected for Strictly come dancing

Julian Assange will be a celebrity guest on Strictly. He will compete from the embassy. They will just move the furniture out if the way and his camp bed...

tonyhill 03.09.13 4:07pm
Birmingham opens largest colouring book repository in the world. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 03.09.13 4:05pm
Al OPecia
Coronation Street in Short Storyline Shock

In what will come as a shock to fans of the Manchester based soap, and blessed relief to the husbands of fans of the long running er, ordeal; Coronation Street producers have announced that they will...

Flugelbinder 03.09.13 4:04pm
Gareth Bale wins Euro high diving competition

Yesterday it was announced that Gareth Bale, formerly of Tottenham Hotspur, had completed the greatest Euro dive in football history. His dive, from the top of the Bernabau stadium in front of...

AReader 03.09.13 4:02pm
Reports of my death were no exaggeration, quips Zombie

A Zombie had reporters at a news conference in stitches when he told them that reports of his death were no exaggeration. But the briefing rapidly turned sour, when he bit into a reporter and began...

ronseal 03.09.13 3:49pm
Nephew with diabetes refuses to accept aunt's peach 3
AReader 03.09.13 3:34pm
Al OPecia
Middlesborough win battle of the big name signings with "Konstantopoulos" ...

meanwhile Arsenal only got "Ozil"...

Kramaring 03.09.13 2:49pm
Former Animal Hospital patients to bring charges against Rolf Harris 0
simonjmr 03.09.13 2:47pm
Attempt to swim from Switzerland to Luxembourg ends in failure

Experts are investigating the failure of Diane Nyad's attempt to swim the 300 miles from Switzerland to Luxembourg. Ms Nyad is recovering in hospital from mysterious bruising on her hands and feet...

apepper 03.09.13 2:35pm
Mr Target
Microsoft to buy Accrington Stanley FC

Steve Ballmer, Chief Executive of Microsoft, announced today that Microsoft have bought Accrington Stanley FC for a reported $5.7 billion. Ballmer made the announcement soon after it was revealed...

John Wiltshire 03.09.13 2:16pm
John Wiltshire
Walkie-Talkie: Hot Property

Police are hunting for a man who is said to be armed with a golden gun, carrying a solex and blue prints for a mushroom shaped rock. He is also believed to have an accomplice who is described as...

bsp123 03.09.13 1:48pm
Housing boost as parents move house without telling children

Estate agents across the country are expecting a surge in house sales as parents take the opportunity of their children returning to school to quietly move house. "The six weeks, [i]six weeks![/i],...

apepper 03.09.13 12:43pm
Tired of your old car? Park in London and get a new "Hot Hatch". 0
Kramaring 03.09.13 12:38pm
Apologies for double post - ignore 0
Midfield Diamond 03.09.13 12:25pm
Midfield Diamond
Eh? Three posts? What's happened here?! 0
Midfield Diamond 03.09.13 12:25pm
Midfield Diamond
VW release Yorkshire version of its best selling super mini - the E-UP 1
custard cream 03.09.13 11:54am
Police searching for stolen goods after management consultancy Is burgled

Partners in a Mayfair-based Management Consultancy firm are said to be 'devastated' following a break-in at their offices just off Berkeley Square in the heart of one of the wealthiest parts on...

quango 03.09.13 11:52am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Frost denies dying to secure first ever posthumous interview with Mandela

although he does have a great first line plannned: "Halo, good evening and welcome", hat tip to Coco...

nickb 03.09.13 11:40am
God confirms new highbrow entertainment show this autumn

The Almighty has unveiled a new Saturday night entertainment show to go head to head with the X-Factor and Strictly Come Dancing on his Heavenly TV channel. "I've listened to the prayers of...

Coco 03.09.13 10:09am
Microsoft to install fucking annoying automated paper clip on all Nokia phones

Nokia handset users are to be confronted by a fucking irritating automated paper clip each times they try to make a phone call, as new owner Microsoft brings its own brand of cool and user...

ronseal 03.09.13 10:08am
New feature on Strictly Come Dancing: 'Name the "Celebrity"'

This year's Strictly Come Dancing will include a new feature, in which viewers are invited to name any of the 'celebrities' except for Vanessa Feltz. The show's producer, some kid on work...

John Wiltshire 03.09.13 10:02am
John Wiltshire
“Yes.” 0
FOAD 03.09.13 9:51am
Reputation audit on concludes "censored" 0
ronseal 03.09.13 9:41am
Sophos, Norton and McAfee in race to claim new Animal antivirus market

no more please...

Not Amused 03.09.13 9:37am
Not Amused