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An idiots guide to... Death

Death - we've all heard of it, and some of you may have experienced it first hand, but do you really understand what it is and how to use it? Death, or death metal, to give its full chemical name,...

6
bonjonelson 17.07.12 3:03pm
bonjonelson
Panic As GM Crops Escape From Research Station

There was alarm at the John Innes Centre in Norwich yesterday when it was announced that biosecurity had been breached and some genetically modified vegetables had managed to escape into the wider...

4
Actual Size 17.07.12 2:41pm
Actual Size
Original Thatcher Cabinet to reform for lucrative, one-off gig

Following successful reunions from Take That, Steps, and most recently The Stone Roses, Margaret Thatcher has ended years of speculation with the news that the original conservative line up from 1979...

10
17.07.12 1:27pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Watchdog star and rogue traders were 'all in it together' 0
ronseal 17.07.12 1:19pm
ronseal
Greece flogs off bits of philosophy to cover debts

Greece; with support from the IMF and the Germans is selling off bite- size chunks of its massive contribution to western thought in a bold attempt to meet some of its debt payments., ‘There’s a...

5
Chris Hitchcock 17.07.12 1:14pm
acwanaut
Olympic Village Opens to US and Chinese Condom Crisis

Within hours of the Olympic Village opening it's doors to thousands of excited athletes, an international crisis developed over the controversial supply of free condoms. After early trials, first...

0
17.07.12 12:20pm
Boss actually sticks employee's job up his arse

Stoke mandeville hospital situated right in the heart of extra toe country, is quite used to its fair share of unusual injuries. But staff at accident and emergency were rather taken aback this...

10
The Masked Frog 17.07.12 11:30am
Oxbridge
Bolt Snr out of the Dad's race following positive trace of Sanatogen in sample 1
charlies_hat 17.07.12 11:19am
writinginbsl
Syrian President 'delighted' to achieve Investors in People 'Civil War' status 6
dvo4fun 17.07.12 11:18am
Ironduke
IOC issues copyright warning to Onion Ring manufacturers 3
Scronnyglonkle 17.07.12 11:15am
rustytruss
Earth landing “totally faked”, claim Martian sceptics

Scientists on Mars faced fresh allegations last night that video footage of the famous 1985 Earth Landing, in which astronauts from the red planet landed their flying saucer next to a service station...

4
NewSuburbanDad 17.07.12 10:25am
umfuli
It's only a crap novel, everyone is reminded

There is growing concern in government circles that large numbers of ostensibly sane BRitish adults are devoting too much time to reading and even discussing 50 Shades of Grey, an inexplicably...

0
Oxbridge 17.07.12 10:01am
Oxbridge
An Idiot's Guide to ... Canada

As the old song goes, "It's big, it's bare, it's somewhere over there". This sums up succinctly what most people feel about the great nation of Canada. Well, we are here to help, with our rough guide...

8
seymour totti 17.07.12 9:15am
writinginbsl
Dastardly & Muttley paint tunnel on wall at Tour de France (v2)

Following Dick Dastardly's dastardly plan to pop everyone else's tyres yesterday, the leader of team "Le Batard" has today painted a tunnel on a brick wall. To everyone's amazement, the peloton...

6
grottymonty 17.07.12 9:13am
writinginbsl
Lone synchronised swimmer arrives by sea for Olympics

As competitors begin to arrive in London for the Olympic Games, one athlete has had an epic journey having swum all of the way from her home in the distant Pacific Ocean quite literally to the shores...

1
Stan 17.07.12 9:12am
writinginbsl
Little surprise Yahoo’s search for its new boss took so long 5
Duncan Biscuit 17.07.12 9:09am
Psycadelic Squirrel
Traditionalists attack Scottish cabinet plans for same-sex Gay Gordon couples 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.07.12 8:33am
Duncan Biscuit
MPs draft in Theresa May after GS4 boss fails to turn up to answer questions 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.07.12 8:33am
Duncan Biscuit
First Olympic swimmers find German team’s towels already at pool side 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.07.12 8:32am
Duncan Biscuit
10 year waiting list for Bash Street school

Frustrated parents in Beanotown have complained about the admissions policy of a local school. "It' ridiculous; some pupils have been held back for the past 70 years so there are thousands of kids...

0
apepper 17.07.12 8:10am
apepper
Noah 'humiliated' as all ark occupants revealed to be male. 0
kimllfixit 17.07.12 8:00am
kimllfixit
Population growth down to migrants brought in to carry torch

Britain's population boom is solely down to the train loads of migrants brought from Eastern Europe to haul a fire round the highways and byeways of the UK., "To be fair, who in their right mind...

0
grottymonty 17.07.12 7:31am
grottymonty
Extinction fears as Britain's milkmen down to last 3 breeding pairs

Once an abundant sight in the early hours of the morning on the Streets of the UK, the indigenous populations of milkmen have declined, to almost extinction. Some observers even report that there are...

11
simonjmr 17.07.12 7:29am
nickb
Sexed Up Versions Of Classic Novels On The Way.....

Gives a whole new meaning to "Wuthering Heights."...

0
Jesse Bigg 17.07.12 7:00am
Jesse Bigg
Texas death row inmate revises “unachievable” travel bucket list

Condemned murderer Jed Murray accepts his incarceration in the Texas State Penitentiary made his “50 places to visit before I die” bucket list unachievable. “I managed a side trip to the Grand...

3
Yikes 16.07.12 9:37pm
The Masked Frog
Beatification may be just down the road for the Olympic Flame

With a little over a week to go before the games’ opening ceremony, the Pope is to fast-track an application for recognition of the Olympic Flame as a Saint. “Technically, there needs to be at...

10
dvo4fun 16.07.12 9:33pm
The Masked Frog
Inverdale may be off the hook after gaffe.

A leading sports presenter at this weekend’s athletics Grand Prix in London may face a BBC professional conduct enquiry, after asking an athlete a question that was neither trite nor predictable....

6
dvo4fun 16.07.12 9:24pm
custard cream
Bradley Wiggins carried round on dais when not cycling

It has been revealed tonight that Britain's maillot Jaune shoe in Brad Wiggins is carried round on a dais by his teammates when not actually cycling. Not content with being lead up hill and down dale...

1
grottymonty 16.07.12 9:23pm
custard cream
Olympic flame - now just buggering about waiting for Olympics to start

LOCOG officials have confirmed that the torch has been everywhere they wanted to go and are now just "hanging about in the Home Counties"...

0
grottymonty 16.07.12 7:46pm
grottymonty
FA Respect Committee fails to agree on correct spelling of (k)nobhead. 1
Catch32 16.07.12 7:12pm
grottymonty