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Government unveils plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce 0
suepersonic 3 years

The government have unveiled their plans for a dribbling, incontinent workforce by removing the statutory retirement age and raising the state pension age to 95 The upper classes have welcomed the...

Wally with the Brolly ends Reign 1
Midfield Diamond 3 years
Council houses to be frozen once more this year 3
spoole2112 3 years

Following an upturn in hypothermia related deaths in late 2010, Chancellor Gideon Osborne has announced plans to freeze council houses for a second year in succession, a move that he hopes will...

Workers on minimum wage welcome new-style £50 note 0
roybland 3 years

Workers who are paid the minimum wage have warmly welcomed the newly designed £50 note to be introduced next month. 'It'll make life so much easier for me,' said care worker Jane Bradbury....

New Kate Moss cosmetic line fees not to be sniffed at say City experts. 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Redundant wedding-cake factory workers ‘break down in tiers’. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
Restaurant called couple at home to ask 'is everything still all right?' 11
roybland 3 years

As John and Nicola Williams prepared for bed, they were astonished to get a phone call from the restaurant where they'd dined earlier that evening. 'I was just about to get into bed, when the phone...

Marr's ears a curse and a blessing. 1
Rogertrout 3 years

Whilst on his way along London's Thames embankment to present his Sunday morning news programme at the BBC studios Andrew Marr was sucked out through the open roof of his car by a freak gust of wind...

X - Factor judge breaks down in tears 1
Rogertrout 3 years

As the X Factor judging rolled on in the various 'houses' across the world, Gary Barlow of 'Take That' fame burst into tears when one of his winning contestants refused the offer of a place in the...

Greece Fail to Hit Debt Repay Targets Despite "Definitely Posting Cheque" 0
thisisall1word 3 years

Greece has apologised for missing debt repayment targets which were agreed as part of the loan arrangements with the European Central Bank and as set in its austerity measures. Greece told the EU...

Ageing ‘Who’ fan witnessed all their early gigs. 2
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

Saw Moon., Hat tip to nickb...

Every TV show in the Autumn schedules “to feature Stephen Fry” 4
Mathna 3 years

The BBC, ITV and Sky joined forces last night to announce that every single programme to be shown on British television over the next six months will, on pain of death, feature Stephen Fry in some...

Gove to promote English as a modern foreign language in English schools 0
Rogertrout 3 years

Michael Gove has shown his enthusiasm for the teaching of languages by promoting the teaching of english as a modern foreign language in selected primary schools., 'Some schools have pupils who...

New cuts: Navy ordered to use Cat 'o' Seven Tails and reduce to Five by 2013. 2
Iscariot 3 years

More cuts are expected...

X -Factor loser donates whole body to science 0
Rogertrout 3 years

August May, one of the losing finalists in the X-Factor has offered her body to science. This is more surprising that it seems in that she wants this to take effect immediately. Miss May, who...

UK's first Cannibal Restaurant closes after losing Head Chef 2
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Brand Refused Canada entry: Documents incorrectly stated profession "comedian". 3
Al OPecia 3 years
Grandpa recounts vivid tails from his younger days as a jerk 0
Dumbnews 3 years
Olympic Stadium confirms it will cater for mixed-races. Jessica Ennis pleased. 0
kga6 3 years
yuri_nahl 3 years

Before I became the Fuhrer ,, To lead the German masses,, I had to wear a monocle,, Because I couldn't afford real glasses...

yuri_nahl 3 years

The Lord also said, "For those who hath forsaken Me, (because of the boil on my nose,) I curse thee to having a boil on thy anus, and the boil will have an abundance of redness, large diameter and...

yuri_nahl 3 years

While I explained the apparent similarity of Father Damien Karras's name and Father Damien Karras's name, Father Damien Karras is actually the father of Father Damien Karrras. The Father having...

No bailout of Greece, Met Office warns 0
roybland 3 years

 ,  ,  ,  ,  , As Britons bask in October temperatures higher than in Athens, the  Met Office has warned that the UK will not bailout Greece as that country's sunshine reserves fall.,  ,...

Cricketer with gun goes for a duck 4
kga6 3 years

more soon (Edit from, Cricketer with gun out for a duck) Vote now...

Summer to stay as Met Police/Office team up to predict daylight robberies 0
kga6 3 years
Nicorette to offer menthol patches 0
nickb 3 years
Current generation claim "Sudoku puzzles were harder back in our day" 0
kga6 3 years

Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, has come under fire today amidst further claims that the sudoku puzzle has been "dumbed down". The claims look certain to force a Government U-turn on...

Long John Silver to rethink underwear choices 0
nickb 3 years
'I never was the egg man' reveals Walrus 0
nickb 3 years
Ministers to consider raising the speed of light 7
Screenie 3 years

When the speed was first 'discovered' it was thought that nothing would even get remotely close and evidence has recently been discovered that suggests the scientists in question simply wrote down...