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Santa Claus to step down: markets respond positively 2
Des Custard 3 years

Stock markets have responded positively to news that Toyland's Prime Minister Santo Nicalosi, better known as Santa Claus, or Sugar Daddy Christmas to his closest female admirers, is to step down...

There's no historical evidence of Sartre's existence claims Sentamu 0
tedweasel 3 years
Man arrested for not having Facebook account. 12
DavidBlame 3 years

A 37 year old Brighton man was held overnight by police yesterday after being arrested for not having a Facebook account., Sussex Police confirmed today that the man, who was questioned for over 16...

Burlesconi resignation leaves satirists in turmoil 1
apepper 3 years

The world of satire has been thrown into chaos by the resignation of Silvio Burlesconi. "First Sarah Palin and now this, if it wasn't for Boris Johnson, I don't think I could carry on.", said one...

Metropolitan Police posts plastic bullets to protestors 0
nickb 3 years
X Factor contestant confesses "I wasn't on a journey, just in a singing contest" 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Now lawyers vow to seek prosecution of Michael Jackson’s plastic surgeons 2
Stan 3 years

Following the successful conviction of Michael Jackson’s doctor, Conrad Murray, by a Los Angeles court, prosecutors have confirmed that they are intending to bring the pop star’s plastic surgeons...

Barking dog employs writers to produce "new material" 0
Nick McCarr 3 years

woof woof woof woof woof woof howwwwl!...

GPs complain patient appointments interfere with social engagements 13
vertical 3 years

As average salaries top £106k, GPs are finding it increasingly difficult to fit in patient appointments between trips to the opera and games of golf. 'We do like to see the odd one when we can but...

Government cuts "We just won't creosote it this year" says Minister of Defence 5
dvo4fun 3 years
Simulated Mars mission ‘Real’ claim conspiracy theorists. 11
JETFAB 3 years
Berlusconi - "Can I have a leaving party?" 0
bonjonelson 3 years
Prison officers 'disappointed' by discovery of drugs and prostitutes 0
vertical 3 years

As scrawled signs reading 'pussy loans at reesonibble rates' and 'dons discount dope den' were being removed today, prison officers were denying that Ford Open Prison's new regime is way too lax...

Poor transfer market activity blamed for European financial crisis 2
kga6 3 years

Ex-footballer and pundit, Mark 'Lawro' Lawrenson, has today presented his analysis of the European financial collapse in the SunSport analysis column. Blaming a lack of constructive activity in the...

Blake gets the needle as Amy Winehouse's personal effects go up for sale. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Hajj up date - as Muslims throw stones at Satan, asteroid heads towards earth 0
medici2471 3 years
EU meltdown, UKIP's Farage determined to keep feet on the ground 0
medici2471 3 years
Papandreou blames low self-esteem for vote of no confidence 0
kga6 3 years
‘Carbon Dating Agency’ coming to Britain. 0
DavidBlame 3 years

A new Dating agency with a unique twist is preparing to propel itself into the UK market., Already a success in former Soviet states and France ‘Carbon Dating Agency’ takes a DNA sample from all...

Jacko doc's treatments 'beyond the pale' says Judge. 0
MADJEZ 3 years
Nick Griffin blackballed over White's membership 0
reforse 3 years
MINI begins production of rival to US Army’s Abrams tanks 11
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

BMW MINI have confirmed that they have started work on a range of main battle tanks in an attempt to break into the lucrative defence market. CEO Ian Robertson is delighted with what he is calling...

Mexican court sentences prostitute to six months of freedom. 7
bonjonelson 3 years
Newcastle 'Poppy Appeal' hit as Mike Ashley statue fund continues to grow. 0
Bryan with a Y 3 years

The Royal British Legion expressed dismay tonight, as this years 'Poppy Appeal' collection in Newcastle was well below expected figures. Capt Newbridge put the shortfall down to the 'Ashley' effect....

Eurozone typo: Trillion Euro cheque payed into an Athenian geek's bank account 0
dvo4fun 3 years
Martin McGuiness latest to promote Team GB football shirt. 0
Bryan with a Y 3 years

more to follow...

3 French Hens,2 Turtle Doves and Partridge in Pear Tree found in Mexican Prison 0
Mathna 3 years

Search likely to continue for at least 8 more days, possibly until Christmas say Police...

Daily Mail to help Theresa May with immigrant numbers missed by Borders Agency 6
dvo4fun 3 years
Italy to be twinned with Shit Creek 1
virtuallywill 3 years

Possibly deeper later...

Clothing torture caused by barbed wire labels, retailer finally admits 8
Clarky 3 years

In a sensational move, an anonymous high street retailer has broken ranks and confessed that clothes labels, as many consumers had suspected, are manufactured from a fabric that is 97.5% barbed wire....