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Thousands of outdoor smokers perish during UK 'Big Freeze'

Figures released today reveal that 15,436 UK smokers froze to death during the month of March - many perishing in broad daylight outside High Street coffee shops whilst sat down quietly minding their...

06.04.13 2:03pm
Al OPecia
National Homeworking Conference cancelled due to lack of attendees 4
custard cream 06.04.13 2:01pm
Al OPecia
UN throws in towel and dispatches Harry Hill to Korean Peninsula. More soon.

There's only one way to settle this...

Al OPecia 06.04.13 1:59pm
Al OPecia
Scientists “close” to an explanation of Gryff Rhys Jones

Astrophysicists and cosmologists may be close to finding a reason for Gryff Rhys Jones, after a successful initial experiment made by the $2bn Alpha Magnetic Spectrometer (AMS) on board the...

nickb 06.04.13 1:59pm
custard cream
Grand National entries down following news that injured jockeys will be shot... 3
Tripod 06.04.13 1:55pm
custard cream
Ikea Elk Lasagne a flop - "not Deer enough". More soon. 1
Al OPecia 06.04.13 1:54pm
custard cream
Psy releases follow-up single "Armageddon Style". More soon. 3
Al OPecia 06.04.13 1:52pm
custard cream
Philpott admits he'd feel safer in prison with Ann Widdecombe beside him 0
sydalg 06.04.13 12:34pm
Downton Abbey script nightmare as OFCOM demands all 7 social classes represented 0
Nowherefast 06.04.13 11:11am
Aintree punters relish horse meet 2
charlies_hat 06.04.13 9:57am
Midfield Diamond
Grand National won by stolen XR3i

Liverpudlians were delighted to learn that, as a result of 40 horses being found standing on bricks following the overnight theft of their horseshoes by local commodity dealers, the 2013 Grand...

antharrison 06.04.13 9:29am
Fluffy bunnies unexpected victims of the Bedroom Tax

It has been discovered that from April 2013, rabbits on the Downs will incur penalties for having less than 20 bunnies in a chamber. This has set the hares running with terrible results in some...

Squudge 06.04.13 9:15am
Tesco offers free removal of injured horses at Grand National. More Soon. 3
JoeBradley 06.04.13 9:00am
Osborne inundated with offers to help him qualify for disabled parking place

I know there's a good ticker up but I just, you know...

nickb 06.04.13 7:09am
£53 to live on a week? Iain Duncan Smith diary of so-called hardship - Day 3

Oh the ignominy of it. Tried checking the Times online for weather updates and the internet wasn't there. Popped on the TV to try Sky for their weather and that wasn't working either. Phoned them up...

thisisall1word 06.04.13 12:53am
Amish man found wandering around without a documentary crew. 0
Maverick 06.04.13 12:12am
Animal rights lobby says protesting jumps races is "like flogging a dead horse". 0
Maverick 06.04.13 12:10am
Voyeur to sue Facebook

'It's a travesty' claims Marcus Wild, referring to the popular social networking site's popularity. 'It used to be only skilled voyeurs could act in a deviant manner whilst looking at people's...

topfotogmw 05.04.13 10:55pm
Trident Deterrent To Be Replaced By Eric Joyce 0
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 05.04.13 10:15pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Traffic chaos as French chefs converge on roads near Aintree 0
AReader 05.04.13 10:10pm
"Unwarranted Concern" About The Number Of Bs In Britain

"Britain has just as many as Belgium, Bhutan and Zambia" said Roland Davidson, spokesman for the Toxic Chemical Corporation. "France, Germany and Switzerland have none at all, and they're doing just...

Titus 05.04.13 9:26pm
Children with measles easily spotted, says Chief Medical Officer. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 05.04.13 9:20pm
Osborne parking "a product of Westminster culture", says Mick Philpott 1
sydalg 05.04.13 9:15pm
1leonardo create 35 billion "winks" in latest round of quantitative teasing 1
1leonardo 05.04.13 9:01pm
Finish dishwasher tablets declared weapon of destruction 0
custard cream 05.04.13 8:03pm
custard cream
"Chavettes Day" scheduled for Aintree 2014 following huge success of 2013 pilot.

more chavettes soon, unfortunately...

BewsNiscuit 05.04.13 7:46pm
'Surgical paralysis? - I've already had my spine removed', says Clegg 1
custard cream 05.04.13 7:42pm
Al OPecia
Terrible news for Swansea kids: first measles, then they realise they’re Welsh 0
Tripod 05.04.13 6:45pm
Geordie Shore to be replaced by the classier Great British Shag Off, says MTV. 0
dominic_mcg 05.04.13 6:37pm
Kim Jong Un daring us to laugh at his haircut, say terrified South Koreans 0
sydalg 05.04.13 6:27pm