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Apple to produce iOuijaBoard 4
hughesroland 3 years

In an attempt to tap into the lucrative market of dead teen technology fans, Apple are considering bringing out a touch-screen Ouija Board. An internal memo from Apple chief executive Tim Cook...

Falkirk MP Eric Joyce suspended by his 'party equipment', not by his thumbs 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More (Whips' punishment) soon OR MP Eric Joyce suspended by his 'party equipment', not by his party...

Adele Cordoned off. 15
MADJEZ 3 years
Read tomorrow's NewsBiscuit jokes today in the new edition of Private Eye 3
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years

Only £1.50...

Rain God tells England to ‘dance for it proper.’ 2
malgor 3 years

‘You want rain? You gotta show me your dancin’ feet!’ was the message earlier today from Rain God Steve. Directed primarily at the south-east corner of the UK, Steve’s booming voice caused...

Astronomers warn that a sequel to Costners 'Waterworld' may exist 2
simonjmr 3 years

Astronomers have claimed the existence of a sequel to the 1995 Kevin Costner turkey "Water-world" could exist with its trademarked thick, dense and incomprehensible script. Astronomers and...

Lansley: "OK to abort if neither gender is wanted but not if ...err...hold on.." 0
dvo4fun 3 years

More [joined up thinking] soon...

Other people definitely arseholes, say scientists 7
Teddy 3 years

Scientists at the Public Research Institute of Clinical Knowledge believe they may have finally proved what many have long suspected, that other people are definitely arseholes. Lead author Dr John...

Financial crisis deepens - AA Milne downgraded to just A 1
Ian Searle 3 years
CERN scientists forgot to carry the one 1
tomholder 3 years

Evidence of faster-than light particles was quashed today when it was discovered that the lead scientist, Dr. Osborne, forgot to carry the one on the calculations.Cern released a statement today...

Gypsy woman puts curse on people who stereotype gypsies 10
paddyparkinson 3 years

A local gypsy has cursed the makers of Channel 4 program “My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding”. The woman, who insists on not being named due to legal reasons, has stated that the program demeans and...

Depressed frog kermits suicide. More soon. 5
Haywood Manley 3 years

Got to get these off my chest. I have more...

Strait of Hormuz admits to 'having doubts' 2
Ian Searle 3 years
New chainsaw safety course could cost 'an arm and a leg'. 0
writinginbsl 3 years
Recently discovered Victorian wig weaving machine is important heirloom 5
Haywood Manley 3 years
Tributaries continue to pour in for River Phoenix 1
Gourd Almighty 3 years
Faster-than-light Nissan Micra ‘may have been down to timing fault’ 11
Vertically Challenged Giant 3 years

Two friends from Romford, who last year claimed to have exceeded the speed of light in a modified Nissan Micra, have admitted that the surprise result may have been caused by ‘Dave forgetting to...

Italian Plumbing Firm Draws Record Numbers Of Complaints 0
Textbook 3 years

A plumbing firm run by a pair of Italian brothers has seen virtually all of its customers contacting consumer protection services. Albert Brekky has a typical story. "They turned up to unblock my...

Straits of Gibraltar deny homophobia allegations. 3
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

More soon. Hat tip to Ian Searle...

Department of Health inquiry as Cameron seeks advice on aborting Andrew Lansley 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
'Sorry, we thought she was a Somali pirate' say Syrians. 3
Dickens or Shakespeare 3 years
Press Divided on Gillard/Rudd Power Struggle 1
Textbook 3 years

Australian media is divided over who to support in the brewing struggle between prime minister Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd, the man she ousted but who is widely believed to be plotting a comeback....

Long term unemployed man 'lifted' by his new crane operator job 0
Perks 3 years

Long term unemployed father of three, John Small, has been talking about his joy at finding the perfect job. Mr Small has been employed by a construction firm as a 'tower crane operator'. This is the...

Snob attacks 'snobby' attacks on snobs 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
America apologises to President Kharzai for burning Afghanistan 0
Mandy Lifeboat 3 years
Scientists discover first non-psychiatric patient who finds Noel Fielding funny 0
JohnA 3 years

Definitely a Nobel Prize for that...

Clapitoil Secretcorns ... Political Correctness gone mad ? 8
Gourd Almighty 3 years

.. Edited on the advice of a wiser head than mine...

A million ex-private sector pensioners to have houses frozen for another year 2
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Somalis claim they have 'no choice' but to take part in Talk Like a Pirate Day 4
Haywood Manley 3 years
Vicar loses Sunday working case 1
Duncan Biscuit 3 years