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HMV apologises in advance for X Factor winner’s single 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Britons ‘less likely to help others’ except when it comes to answering surveys 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Christian festival to be moved to avoid clash with Christmas 2
ianslat 3 years

The organisers of a worldwide Christian festival are to choose an alternative date for the event. ‘We accept that in hindsight choosing 25th December was a mistake’ said chief spokesman for...

Go compare? Compare the Monarchs? "No thanks" says Her Maj. 7
dvo4fun 3 years

A senior Government minister has refuted reports that insurance has been obtained to cover potential losses, should the Queen not live until her Diamond Anniversary celebrations in June 2012. ...

Kepler 22b, the 'new Earth', could already be moving out of recession - Cameron 1
bonjonelson 3 years
'Britain's Got Judges' edges ahead in TV ratings war 14
Gong of Fur 3 years

As Strictly and X-Factor slug it out for Saturday night supremacy, an unlikely challenger has punched its way to the top of the ratings – 'Britain’s Got Judges' – where wannabe judges vie for a...

Had an affair? Pickford's Removals of Richmond will help you 'Move Like Jagger' 0
ronseal 3 years
Teenage girls all in a tizzy as Eurozone duo announce plans to reform 2
simonjmr 3 years
Quentin Wilson and Channel Five issue tepid apology for benign TV show claim 0
thisisall1word 3 years

Fifth Gear presenter Quentin Wilson has issued a moderate apology for comments made on C5's magazine teatime show "Who's Watching?" when he claimed that some of the workers who withdrew labour during...

Elvis's sperm for sale on EBay 0
bumtrinket 3 years

Doris Postlethwaite believes she is set to become a millionairess with her latest business idea. The former cleaner at the Holiday Inn in Graceland Memphys, is the proud owner of an unusual specimin....

Jordan growing additional breasts - Doctors baffled 0
bumtrinket 3 years

Model and reality start Jordan, (real name Katy Price) had doctors scratching their heads ealier this week when it was confirmed that she was literally "busting out all over". The ever popular model...

FHM: "Rohypnol, the Christmas Gift that says more about you than cash ever can" 5
dvo4fun 3 years
Archbishop of Canterbury asks nation: 'what would Jesus loot?' 12
3 years

The Archbishop of Canterbury Dr Rowan Williams has addressed the nation's outrage over the summer riots, by claiming Jesus would have understood looters, and would probably have blamed the police....

Cameron stops daughter from listening to Lily Allen 1
John Square 3 years

"It's because she's bloody terrible" confirms spokesman...

Inhuman Resources 3
A.Parody 3 years

Dear ([i]enter your complete name here[/i]),, It seems this news could be awkward or queer,, And so we'd rather fire you by mail,, But cheer your spirits with this regale,, Of joyous rhymes all...

A Throne for Kings 1
A.Parody 3 years

Poised on a throne gleaming white,, The future spanned displaying right,, The lofty scale of''is disposition,, Marred by man in his position,, Be-cause he must release his stores,, According to...

Edwardian soft-porn to be shown on TV - 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

Downton Abi Titmuss...

Rioters warned the Archbishop of Canterbury “may happen again”. 0
nickb 3 years

They have been interrogated by the media, pursued by the police, vilified by politicians and cursed by their victims. Now, those who took part in the summer riots have been told that there may well...

Etiquette: Never ask an American, no matter how vile, if he votes Republican. 0
Griffin 3 years
Eric Pickles ‘is nuts’... about Christmas 0
Aberdeen Correspondent 3 years

Cuddly Secretary of State for Communities, Eric Pickles, has revealed in an exclusive interview for Young Fascist magazine that he is ‘the number one fan’ of the festive season. In the run up to...

Wife jailed in Harry Hill TV row killing claims she was framed 0
medici2471 3 years
Edwardian knife crime exposed in ITV documentary "Down Town Stabbey" 1
simonjmr 3 years
Rory McIlroy's Dubai World Championship hopes hit by Walrus 0
simonjmr 3 years

As Rory McIlroy seeks to top the European Tour's money list in Dubai this week Doctors have confirmed that is being haunted by a visions of an anthropamorphic Walrus. Psycologists fear that the...

FIFA Boss accused of Anti Anti-Corruption claim. 2
A.Parody 3 years

Celebration took place today in Switzerland at FIFA’s headquarters as unforeseen complications lead to delays in the publication of documentation naming and shaming official from the ISL. Blatter...

Ricky Gervais to make new disability comedy "Downston Abbey" 0
Son of Barnabas 3 years
Lathe operator wins Turner prize. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 3 years
Shock increase in 8-year-old Manchester City supporters 0
Oxbridge 3 years
Bell Pottinger to Rebrand as All Gas and Dictators 0
Drylaw 3 years
S & P put Swindon man on Negative Watch "just to be on safe side" 1
Drylaw 3 years
Eurozone launches its own ratings service 'Substandard & Pisspoor'. 0
Boutros 3 years

More substandard and piss poor tickers soon...