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Tally-ban to outlaw counting under sharithmatic law

There attempts to integrate poorly-derived religious verse into counting is madness" exclaimed one local shop keeper, Qu'dratic, "it just doesn't add up"...

0
quango 08.05.12 10:40pm
quango
Weatherman admits that hurricane rumour was a wind-up 0
MrBen 08.05.12 9:35pm
MrBen
Man who thinks he is A A Gill 'in critical condition' 1
MrBen 08.05.12 9:42pm
Scroat
Runaway lovers Mr Cymbal and Miss Drums commit suicide at Beachy Head

Kerbumtish...

0
JohnA 08.05.12 6:49pm
JohnA
Dinosaur Extinction caused by extreme IBS claim experts

Experts have finally discovered the main cause of the end of the dinosaurs and were surprised to discover that it was due to a global pandemic of Irritable Bowl Syndrome. Professor Mike Smith and his...

0
Immunis 08.05.12 5:15pm
Immunis
Businessman says 'No Deal' to Rangers after opening blues books 2
charlies_hat 08.05.12 9:18pm
MrBen
British Boxers announce coalition inspired '12 rounds of kiss and make up'

Following their now infamous press conference which saw scenes that disturbed those who looked on and drew criticism from many saying they brought their profession into disrepute, Cameron and...

1
Perks 08.05.12 5:44pm
dvo4fun
General public step in to "keep law and order" as police stage protest march

Home Secretary Theresa May was said to be "overwhelmed" with offers from the public to help at the protest march planned for Thursday in central London. "It really does show that deep down, the...

2
Scroat 09.05.12 5:06am
Yikes
Dignitas disapointed by lack of response to customer service questionnaire 1
Iamthestig 08.05.12 5:52pm
dvo4fun
Scots diligently continuing research into doner kebab cancer cure 7
Haywood Manley 09.05.12 11:26am
Scroat
Curry cancer cure turns Birmingham into Europe's healthiest city

more later...

0
Scronnyglonkle 08.05.12 3:23pm
Scronnyglonkle
Google unveils first driverless government

Technology giant Google has unveiled the world's first fully driverless government at a glitzy press conference at a factory in Essex. 'We have completed a two-year pilot of the new driverless...

4
The Paper Ostrich 09.05.12 2:32pm
dvo4fun
Barber of Seville found guilty of grooming 0
cinquecento 08.05.12 3:09pm
cinquecento
Cameron promises no let up in tough decisions on Nick Clegg 0
cinquecento 08.05.12 3:05pm
cinquecento
French and Greek Dyslexics reject Austin Healy measures

And Belgian voters look set to reject Ostende territory measures...

0
Ian Searle 08.05.12 2:24pm
Ian Searle
Bottle of Daddies Sauce fails paternity test

After appearing on The Jeremy Kyle Show with a right Nutella...

0
Ian Searle 08.05.12 2:23pm
Ian Searle
France ditches austerity in favour of magic beans

Deluded Socialist mental-case, and president of france, Francois Hollande is to open the magic catacombs below the Eiffel Tower and extract the magic beans of Louis from within its depths. To...

1
Old Hat 09.05.12 5:17am
Yikes
Cable’s “Liz Hurley moment” steals show as Dave and Nick renew vows

Business Secretary Vince Cable was at the centre of controversy after stealing the limelight at his bosses’ re-commitment ceremony by turning up in a daring Versace number which left little to the...

0
grumblechops 08.05.12 2:04pm
grumblechops
Vatican issues yet more Papal Bull [edited re-sub]

The Papal Noncio to the UK and Ireland today spoke of his concern about some of last week’s child sex abuse cover-up stories, at a conference for childcare professionals and some unidentified men...

1
dvo4fun 09.05.12 5:32am
Yikes
MI5 discovers Miliband's leadership in locked holdall

In a bizarre turn of events, and MI5 spooks-person has disclosed the recent discovery of Ed Miliband's leadership inside a red holdall bag, "locked from the inside". Agents became concerned after...

0
ibamo 08.05.12 1:01pm
ibamo
New Health and Safety fears as expert warns underwear bombs may contain nuts 0
MrBen 08.05.12 12:54pm
MrBen
Clegg and Cameron deny renewing vows always sure sign of extramarital affair 0
button 08.05.12 12:39pm
button
Bin Laden papers show a man frustrated at getting shot in the head

Newly released papers from Osama Bin Laden’s hideout reveal a leader living in fear of the ‘mad skillz’ of the US Navy SEALs and struggling to control an unruly network, the US military says....

3
08.05.12 11:25pm
Yikes
Scientists successfully neutralise Jim al-Khalili

Scientists today revealed that they have managed to control the spread of the BBC Science guru Jim al-Khalili by the application of Jim al-Khalacid - rendering him impotent with a neutral ph of zero....

5
MaverickRat 08.05.12 12:56pm
Al OPecia
Curry cancer cure put to the test as first patients undertake Keema Therapy.

Had to be done...

14
wallster 08.05.12 9:18pm
kga6
Newsbiscuit contributor fails to read previous postings 0
bonjonelson 08.05.12 11:53am
bonjonelson
New microfibre-semtex hybrid makes incendiary panty line less visible

A new to-die-for range of incendiary panty line brief bombs threatens to fly off the shelves at outlets of the Taliban's favourite shop, Martyrs and Spinsters. The range of exploding underwear, a...

7
ronseal 09.05.12 8:51am
Midfield Diamond
London Zoo reports 200 monkeys" furiously working " on relaunch of coalition 0
Bismarck 08.05.12 11:25am
Bismarck
"Are you playing with your detonator" becomes new Gay catchphrase 0
Bismarck 08.05.12 11:23am
Bismarck
Shamed medium Derek Acorah to resurrect Bernard Manning during

ironic Black Mass...

0
Bismarck 08.05.12 11:21am
Bismarck