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Sofa found outside DFS store

A sofa discovered in the home of an elderly couple in the West Midlands is believed to the only known case of a DFS sofa being sighted outside a DFS store. The sofa - described by witnesses as a...

1
roybland 29.10.12 11:28am
Oxbridge
Ghostbusters to exorcise Broadcasting House of cigar-smoking apparition

The BBC has called in a team of psychic investigators after youngsters attending a live-screening of Rastamouse claimed the lecherous cigar-smoking ghost of an elderly man had really put the willies...

13
Gary Stanton 29.10.12 11:28am
Oxbridge
Hurricane Sandy to appear in Greece. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 29.10.12 11:01am
dominic_mcg
Viewers disappointed in “predictable” ending of second episode of Savilegate

Fans of televised mysteries were left feeling deflated after police announced the arrest of Gary Glitter on sex charges. ‘It was all a bit obvious really – nowhere near as good as the pilot...

0
Yikes 29.10.12 9:52am
Yikes
Wayne Rooney stalked girls with Savile: “Is your granny at home?"... 0
Tripod 29.10.12 9:34am
Tripod
BBC Style Guide (winter 2012)

Please use this updated style guide immediately. Please place the previous style guide in the shredder, if there is room. New words [i]Savilate[/i] – the licking of lips as a 70s presenter sees...

2
Yikes 29.10.12 9:22am
custard cream
Golfer attacked by novelty timepieces survives by putting the clocks back 0
LittleSpender 29.10.12 9:22am
LittleSpender
Mercedes questioned over theft of expensive high-powered black man 0
tedweasel 29.10.12 8:48am
tedweasel
Logo overhauled as Penguin merge with Random House to form 'Pedomouse' 0
Idiot 29.10.12 8:43am
Idiot
Jimmy Savile Watched Me Masturbate!

., ., ., ., ., A 55 year old Northampton man, known only as Mr X, but whose real name is Tony Michaels, (47) of 23 Acacia Avenue, Northampton, claims that Savile(34)leered at him from the TV, as...

6
arthurminnit 29.10.12 7:07am
arthurminnit
There is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees....

There is unrest in the forest,, There is trouble with the trees,, For the maples want more sunlight, And the oaks ignore their pleas. The trouble with the maples,, (And they're quite convinced...

1
custard cream 29.10.12 5:01am
Yikes
Scientists set to reveal identity of Michael Jackson's 'Man in The Mirror'

Scientists at the Michael Jackson Research Institute (MJRI) based in Gary, Indiana will reveal the identity of the 'Man in The Mirror' within 'the next few days'. MJRI Director Prof. Cleveland...

1
custard cream 28.10.12 10:16pm
custard cream
Celebrities ‘too scared to die’ in wake of Savile affair

The days of death being the ‘de rigor’ method of future proofing a celebrities’ legacy seem to be over, with many famous people now avoiding death like the plague. ‘It used to be that the...

8
Yikes 28.10.12 10:09pm
custard cream
Pub landlord hides seven bodies on premises over busy weekend

Gary Philpott was sentenced to six months imprisonment at Leeds Crown Court after admitting he failed to notify authorities of seven deaths on the premises of his Hunslet public house, the...

5
Paddy Berzinski 28.10.12 7:44pm
Paddy Berzinski
Supermarkets to serve petrol from the Deli

Supermarket giants, ASDA, Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Morrisons have announced a unified switch in the way that fuel is sold to customers. From March 2013 petrol and diesel will only be available...

1
Dick Everyman 28.10.12 6:25pm
Stockport cyclist returns winning medal following drugs confession

Anthony Harrison, 51, from Stockport has returned his winning medal from the Manchester Wheelers 10-mile time trial in 1980 following his confession for the use of a Fishermasn's Friend lozenge...

1
antharrison 28.10.12 6:21pm
malgor
Lamborghini Driver Found To Have a Really Big Penis.

Local super=car nut Tony Michaels (43) was exposed yesterday as a "big car" driver who actually also has a large manhood., "People alwayth think i am compenthating for thomething by dwiving a big...

1
arthurminnit 28.10.12 6:07pm
malgor
Marc Bolan “may have abused himself” on TV premises

Glam rock star Marc Bolan “almost certainly” abused himself, according to doctors, and may have done so at ITV studios in West London, drawing commercial television executives into an ever...

3
nickb 28.10.12 5:53pm
nickb
Handbag museum to open in Maidenhead

The owner of a satirical website says he will be taking an increasingly ‘hands-off’ approach in the near future to concentrate on his passion for handbags., , The comedy writer and broadcaster...

6
Gerontius 28.10.12 5:36pm
Gerontius
Depressed M C Escher fans found dead in Tesselation Alley

Fifteen dead M C Escher fans were found in what locals called Tesselation Alley. Detective Inspector Alan Marsh said "Looking at the way the victims were left, we think the deaths may have been...

0
nickb 28.10.12 4:53pm
nickb
McCartney shatters Japanese woman's only claim to fame

Sir Paul McCartney has shattered a Japanese woman's sole claim to fame by stating that she was not responsible for splitting up the Beatles. 'She certainly didn't break the group up,' the...

1
roybland 28.10.12 4:48pm
arthurminnit
Savile Effect Claims Thousands of British Ash Trays

., ., ., well, he had to put that red-end somewhere! at least it wasnt up a kiddies arse! its not like he was a paedo or anything!...

0
arthurminnit 28.10.12 4:07pm
arthurminnit
Savile effect claims thousands of British ash trees 1
28.10.12 3:33pm
Tripod
Savile effect - Man Utd punish careless Chelsea 0
28.10.12 2:29pm
Savile effect ignites Romanian immigration explosion 0
28.10.12 2:20pm
Halloween goblins and ghouls 'shit scared' of British schoolchildren

Goblins, ghouls, fairies and the souls of the dead may not make an appearance on Halloween this year, according to folklorists. 'They're just shit scared of British schoolchildren', said leading...

0
roybland 28.10.12 1:21pm
roybland
Heston Blumenthal admits that using tampons to soak up juices in his mouth

may make him sound like a C&%T...

0
burnmybridges 28.10.12 12:45pm
burnmybridges
Reputation of Britain's weird people 'damaged' by Savile scandal

The reputation of Britain's weird people has been seriously damaged by the Jimmy Savile scandal, according to a survey by Weirdo magazine. 'Since the Savile story broke,' said Weirdo's editor Gary...

0
roybland 28.10.12 11:57am
roybland
Bankrupt undertaker’s house, hearse and ectoplasma TV re-possessed 0
Dick Everyman 28.10.12 11:53am
Dick Everyman
Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme split citing ‘culinary differences’

Well known herb ensemble Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme today announced they were going their separate ways. While the official reason stated was ‘culinary differences’, it is widely...

5
Yikes 28.10.12 11:46am
nickb