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Government appoint vampire to cabinet; Labour find it hard to shadow

The labour party is considering a formal protest about the appointment of a vampire to the cabinet. "How can you have a shadow vampire?", said a spokesman...

0
apepper 14.08.12 5:23pm
apepper
Philatelist struggles with difficult second album 5
cinquecento 14.08.12 4:48pm
nickb
Tree company rescued by car order; "Not dead, we're pining for the Fords"

Parrots, the Norwegian tree growers, have been saved from bankruptcy by a massive order from Ford motors...

0
apepper 14.08.12 4:21pm
apepper
Hypersonic jet aims to hit Mach 6 for smoothest shave ever 0
button 14.08.12 3:19pm
button
Football fans’ relief as Olympic spirit fails to influence Community Shield

Concerns that the positive sporting messages promoted by the London 2012 Olympic games could adversely affect Premiership football were proved to be unfounded at the weekend. At the traditional...

3
Midfield Diamond 14.08.12 3:16pm
GreenCross
New uniform of "mask and swag bag" to be issued to train conductors 0
simonjmr 14.08.12 2:46pm
simonjmr
Team GB could provoke European Community backlash says Rumpoy 0
ronseal 14.08.12 2:23pm
ronseal
Tomlinson fit to return to work, says pathologist. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 14.08.12 1:29pm
GreenCross
Big Fairy Creases - concerns for laundry sector. 0
timyarby 14.08.12 11:33am
timyarby
Pukka Pies shares up 20% as Euromillions winners announced 1
tedweasel 14.08.12 10:41am
Nowherefast
"Dishonest" Tomlinson pathologist actually appprentice bricklayer, claim experts

The pathologist who wrongly diagnosed the cause of death of G20 protestor Ian Tomlinson as ‘dodgy ticker’ was an apprentice bricklayer who had forged his degree certificates, according to a...

0
Gary Stanton 14.08.12 10:09am
Gary Stanton
Call for ban on BBC News as confidence returns during news blackout

The Institute of Directors has reported a significant increase in confidence amongst it’s members over the last few weeks. Director General of the IoD Simon Walker said ‘First indications were...

0
medici2471 14.08.12 9:57am
medici2471
Sideboards are the new must-have since Wiggins success

Britain’s artisan furniture makers have reported an extraordinary rise in demand for sideboards since the Olympics and are attributing it to Team GB’s success; in particular cycling gold...

1
Duff 14.08.12 9:27am
button
Usain Bolt claims stubbed toe in an attempt to qualify for paralymic team 0
Scronnyglonkle 14.08.12 8:28am
Scronnyglonkle
Boost for economy as someone buys rail season ticket

The British economy received a huge boost when someone walked into King's Cross station and ordered a season ticket between London and Edinburgh. "That's a £12 billion injection into the money...

0
apepper 14.08.12 8:01am
apepper
Hard of hearing religious extremist regrets attempted suicide bumming 0
nyarlathotep 14.08.12 12:25am
nyarlathotep
Commuter maced in Monday morning conversation error

Canadian tourist Alan Silvers' summer holiday came to an abrupt end on Monday morning as he was temporarily blinded with mace whilst attempting to strike up conversation with a fellow Central line...

2
BAJDixon 13.08.12 10:38pm
dvo4fun
Footballers condemn 'Shameful' behaviour of Olympic athletes

Footballers from across the country have spoken out in disgust at the behaviour of Olympic athletes during the 2012 London Games. [i]"Now that the games are over, I feel that I can finally break my...

0
WatcherMark 13.08.12 9:37pm
WatcherMark
Cameron censured by 1922 committee for 'Wiggo' sideboards

The prime minister was today criticised by the influential, backbencher 1922 committee, for wearing fake Bradley Wiggins sideboards at last night's Olympic closing ceremony. Cameron was paying...

0
Alfred Noakes 13.08.12 9:10pm
Alfred Noakes
Prediction......

Flame throwers all the rage at Brazil games, 2016...

0
Jesse Bigg 13.08.12 7:55pm
Jesse Bigg
Olympic flame goes out; mother flame tells it to be back by midnight

More to follow...

0
apepper 13.08.12 6:08pm
apepper
Human dressage to become Olympic event

Human dressage is set to become a new Olympic event from Rio 2016. Typical dressage involves a posh person sitting very still on a horse as the thoroughly trained thoroughbred performs a series of...

0
kga6 13.08.12 5:38pm
kga6
Todmorden Greco-Roman Wrestling Club braced for influx of inspired youth

Brian Gloss-Paint, the president of the TGRWC has explained that their doors are open and are looking forward to increasing their membership as result of the olympic coverage. As the third largest...

1
grottymonty 13.08.12 5:13pm
Sinnick
Post Box Miracle Cures Surrey Vicar's Internet Identity Crisis

The Reverend Brian Elshaw of Carshalton's All Angel's Parish Church is convinced that God has personally intervened to guide his hand, after delivering him from a fruitless attempt to secure an...

0
Nowherefast 13.08.12 5:07pm
Nowherefast
Primary school corridors to be fitted with hurdles, says Gove. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 13.08.12 4:10pm
dominic_mcg
British rocket scientist produces creamy lettuce

More to follow...

0
apepper 13.08.12 3:46pm
apepper
Cameron's school sport plans could produce Nietzschean Übermenschen experts warn

David Cameron's plans for two hours of competitive sport a day in primary schools could produce a race of Nietzschean Supermen,' child psychologists warn. 'Within a generation,' said educational...

4
roybland 13.08.12 3:24pm
Oxbridge
Fears that London's post Olympic friendliness is fading fast

Fears are growing in the wake of the Olympics that the capital's much-praised feel good factor and friendliness, said to have been in evidence everywhere in the city during the past fortnight, is...

0
Duff 13.08.12 3:05pm
Duff
'Six inches does the job,' says poll 1
Hooch 13.08.12 2:52pm
nyarlathotep
Two solid weeks of TV watching credited for Team GB Gold medal haul

"I earned everyone of those medals, through blood, sweat, beer and scratchings" said 45 year old Dave Berrywood. "Without my Olympian endeavour I'm sure we would only have won half of those medals,...

0
simonjmr 13.08.12 1:58pm
simonjmr