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Reporting crime to be a crime 0
ED209 3 years

Britain's chief constables have today jointly announced that anyone reporting a crime will now be charged with wasting police time. "We've tried for many years to use 'civil matter', 'crime...

Peter749400 3 years An online discussion forum today reached a unanimous and well reasoned conclusion following a week long debate among participants. The...

Rooney swears to let down nation again 5
OllieP 3 years

Genteel football fans up and down the country have reacted with disgust to Wayne Rooney’s curse-laden outburst this weekend in a match against West Ham. The normally eloquent Manchester United...

BBC, CNN newscasters welcome departure of Gbagbo as president of Cote d'Ivoire 0
3 years

Newscasters and journalists around the world have lauded the none-to-soon departure of Laurent Gbagbo. “He's been a nightmare” said CNN's lead anchor Brooke Baldwin , “Around for nigh-on ten...

Julian Assange takes out super-injunction... 1
be reasonable 3 years

no more soon...

Smell of bacon sandwiches provokes mass conversions to Christianity... 9
be reasonable 3 years

thousands of Jews and Muslims willing 'to take a gamble on it'. Who else can I upset today? Hat-tip to screenie for mentioning bacon sandwiches...

Millions of spiders released into Libya: Now a 'No Fly Zone' 0
3 years
Captive breeding programme established to halt decline of ginger gene 13
OllieP 3 years

Conservation scientists across the country have been put on red alert in response to a Wikipedia entry that claims the ginger gene is in serious decline across the UK. The website's assertions that...

New Ford KKKa to come with optional white-power steering 1
Qoxiivi 3 years

As another possible execution...

New pick-up trucks in middle-America to come with optional white-power steering 0
Qoxiivi 3 years
Religious outrage as Paul McCartney admits to burning Quorn. 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Johnson considers 'immobility scooters' to speed up London's pedestrians 0
Screenie 3 years

Scientific studies, probably costing millions of pounds, have proven that if all cars move at the same speed on the motorway the traffic as a single entity will get to where it is heading faster than...

Female market gardener sets pulses racing with "rinse my lettuce" comment 7
simonjmr 3 years

More innuendo soon...

Riots Sweep London after Muslim Cleric burns "Three Men in a Boat" 3
Ugi_Again 3 years

UN headquarters in London was under siege today amid rumours that Islamic militants in Kandahar had yesterday burned one, and perhaps even dozens of, copies of the book which many see as having the...

Rooney blames camera outburst on left on autocue saying 'you jug eared twat' 0
Basil_B 3 years
Christmas to go ahead on Norfolk Turkey Farm 0
Mother 3 years

In an unexpected and surprising decision today, it was announced that Simon Cash’s turkey farm, near Cromer in Norfolk, will be fully behind the celebration of Christmas in 2011. The decision is...

Graddafi proposes exchanging Koussa for Al-Megrahi 2
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Minister of State for Decentralisation to organise decentralisation centrally 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

The Minister of State for Decentralisation, Greg Clark, has promised to organise the decentralistion of the country., He said: 'I'm going to do it all myself. I shall visit every part of Britain and...

Female market gardener sets pulses racing: Dwarf bean beat Sugar snap peas 0
simonjmr 3 years
Recession latest: devout builders hoping for more conversions... 0
be reasonable 3 years
Female form ‘too good to be true' 1
Screenie 3 years

‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is’ is one of the favourite sayings of Agnes Rassiter of Banstead in Surrey and so her son, George Rassiter, a self proclaimed Geek's geek and Laser...

House extensions to "go through the roof" 0
Nick McCarr 3 years

. (Unlike stationary sales)...

Musicologist proves that several genres are considerably queerer than folk. 0
be reasonable 3 years
Relief as Real IRA agrees to only bomb CAMRA pubs 4
Skylarking 3 years
Children's TV latest: Ivorian Engine of Democracy fails to oust Gbagpuss 0
Skylarking 3 years
HMV profits warning found on dog abandoned outside Battersea Dogs Home 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
MoD criticised for announcing 2,600 redundancies before telling next of kin 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Stolen FA Cup tickets found in Liverpool, bags they were in still missing 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Clare Balding 'not a threat to other women's marriages'... 1
be reasonable 3 years

in other news, it appears that the Pope is not a Muslim...

Cameron promises to listen to anyone who agrees with him about NHS reforms 0
John Wiltshire 3 years

David Cameron last night promised to listen carefully to anyone who agrees with him about his radical NHS reforms., 'I'm taking a pause in the course of the legislation,' he said, trying to look...