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Witness: Pistorius was always a vomitter

She described how he once projected the contents of his stomach out through a sunroof and onto a police officer with perfect precision. Asked if Oscar spewed like a man, the witness replied "No, my...

0
Atomised 13.03.14 9:04pm
Atomised
99p Store floatation - promises share price will be less than Poundland's 2
throngsman 13.03.14 8:12pm
throngsman
Camilla’s hat romps home at Cheltenham

The Duchess of Cornwall’s fur trimmed hat confounded the bookies today at the Cheltenham festival by coming in first at 100/1 in the Queen Mother Champion Chase. Camilla arrived at the sporting...

7
Dick Everyman 13.03.14 8:05pm
Dick Everyman
Badger Cull Latest - Cows Agree with MPs

Several cows have swung behind the cross party MPs who have called for a cessation to the badger cull. One reported that she thought the cull was ineffective, 'even if I have lost an auntie to TB,'...

0
throngsman 13.03.14 7:27pm
throngsman
'Oh, that plane', says Malaysian Air Traffic Control part 3

'Nobody takes any notice of the streaming technical data from aircraft, even if they're technically missing and subject to international concern,' said a Malaysian Air Traffic Control Offer today...

0
throngsman 13.03.14 7:10pm
throngsman
Transport for London Admit Several Double Deckers and a Bendy Bus are Missing.

Boris Johnson has acknowledged that a few buses and crew had gone missing, he said “They could be anywhere, Stoke Newington, Sidcup, we do not have a clue, perhaps they are even in Birmingham”...

1
Rumour Control 13.03.14 6:59pm
Squudge
Get your pricks on the A66. 1
Zen 13.03.14 6:43pm
Ref Minor
Missing Airliner: "Abduction By Aliens" Now Regarded As Least Improbable Theory 0
Titus 13.03.14 6:20pm
Titus
Search for missing plane to resume ‘after PopMaster’

Fresh concerns have been raised about the efficiency of the search for missing flight MH370 after it was revealed that the search was temporarily suspended to allow the search teams to listen to...

3
bookiesfriend 13.03.14 6:13pm
Electrelane
Britain triumphs with Blind Downhill Ice Archery gold

“It’s hard enough to even hit the target when you can see what you’re doing” gushed Jonathan Edwards “so you can appreciate just what an achievement this is. Yes, that’s right – flaming...

1
Damien_H 13.03.14 6:11pm
AReader
Lawrence case detectives: "It was Di wot dunnit" 0
GingerClive 13.03.14 6:10pm
GingerClive
Cameron in Dorset after aide's notes said "meeting with Abbas, giant cock." 1
Not Amused 13.03.14 6:10pm
Electrelane
World Peace breaks out - UKIP furious

The UK Independence Party have been sent into a tailspin by a sudden outbreak of world peace, with everyone being nice to each other and letting go of their grievances. First news of the development...

2
Electrelane 13.03.14 6:07pm
Electrelane
UKIP Denies That It Is "Dozy" and "Thatcherite".

"UKIP if you want to" kwipped Nigel Farage "[i]This[/i] party's not for kipping."...

0
Titus 13.03.14 6:03pm
Titus
Joke page> Middle East Peace envoy still employed

, still paid, handsomely no doubt...

0
Robert Koch 13.03.14 5:49pm
Robert Koch
Missing Airliner Mystery Deepens As Passengers' Luggage Turns Up At Beijing

"A clear indication" said a spokesman "that the airliner must have changed course, with the passengers expecting to arrive at a completely different destination from their luggage."...

1
Titus 13.03.14 5:48pm
Electrelane
Iain Duncan Smith found wandering in Downing Street with his compassion cut off

A middle aged conservative was found wandering in a confused state in the Westminster area after his compassion was removed in what seems to have been a viscious attack. The entire country has been...

0
halfironmum 13.03.14 5:05pm
halfironmum
NASA developing "fat air" so that things will stop disappearing into thin air. 0
Maverick 13.03.14 4:05pm
Maverick
Malaysia Airlines flight: David Copperfield arrested 0
sydalg 13.03.14 4:01pm
sydalg
Boeing finally admits that MH370 is a new stealth passenger plane. 0
Maverick 13.03.14 3:55pm
Maverick
Ninja banned from 'Stars In Their Eyes' 2
cinquecento 13.03.14 3:16pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Man who had sex with pig claims relationship was monhogamous 0
sydalg 13.03.14 2:17pm
sydalg
Surprising numbers still take bait from KatyHopkins says study - mostly oiks tho 0
ronseal 13.03.14 2:16pm
ronseal
"Heston Blumenthal recipe defence" fails as woman jailed for microwaving cat

no seconds please...

0
Not Amused 13.03.14 2:07pm
Not Amused
"Sea part of axis of evil" says Fox News

Renowned US Neo-Con "news" journalist Donna Undblitzen calls for dramatic military intervention following the loss of the Malaysian airliner. "If there is evidence to suggest that the sea is in some...

0
Andy Gilder 13.03.14 1:58pm
Andy Gilder
Frozen sperm fight ends in victory

Fertility clinic concedes defeat after one of its barristers was hit in the eye with cubes of sub-zero jizz...

0
Andy Gilder 13.03.14 1:48pm
Andy Gilder
Malaysian Authorities bring in dart boards, maps and straws to help search 0
Bigglesworth 13.03.14 1:18pm
Bigglesworth
Malyasian Authorities Admit MH 370 Briefing was Crap

It has now been acknowledged that the briefing was of very poor standard, but unfortunately they had all lost their notes...

0
Rumour Control 13.03.14 12:36pm
Rumour Control
Heathrow T2 opening may be delayed "Until luggage can be lost reliably"

Delays in the luggage loss systems of the forthcoming Terminal 2 may delay opening, a spokesman warned. "At the check in", he said, "labels to the destination are being clearly printed, and then...

1
steve_l 13.03.14 12:26pm
Robert Koch
Dessert thief held in custardy.

Not to be trifled with...

0
FOAD 13.03.14 11:52am
FOAD