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Lapdancer stripped of pole position

Yeah, I do one-liners as well...

Gary Stanton 12.05.12 7:10pm
Gary Stanton
Jeremy Hunt "has to resign three times"

Culture secretary has thrown government lawyers into chaos. A number 10 source said, "Technically, he should resign at least three times, maybe four. It's difficult to see how that's going to...

apepper 12.05.12 5:43pm
Michael Fish new heir to the throne

In a bizarre twist, Mr Charles Windsor (the weather forecaster formally known as Prince) has exchanged jobs with Michael Fish (now to be known as Prince Michael of Hurricane or, less formally, the...

apepper 12.05.12 10:19pm
Stable boy charged with grooming. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.05.12 12:59pm
Second coming of Christ postponed as he is voted out in semifinal. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.05.12 12:55pm
Big Ben bongs 'a hit' in House of Commons gift shop.

After heavy promotion by radio and TV news programmes, Big Ben bongs have finally outsold Palace of Westminster teapots in the gift shop of the House of Commons. Annie’s Bar Punch came a close...

nickb 12.05.12 12:52pm
Streatham man's Vauxhall Corsa to be deployed in Olympic terror fight

Streatham resident, Steve Gresham (23) is both ‘well happy’ and ‘gutted’ that the MoD will be deploying his ’51 plated Vauxhall Corsa Sport as a sonic weapon during the Olympics. Speaking...

Mandy Lifeboat 12.05.12 12:01pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Leveson Latest: Bucket of Driven Snow takes the stand 0
Drylaw 12.05.12 10:51am
Stevie Wonder extortion latest; identity parade chaos

More follows...

apepper 12.05.12 10:47am
Kazakhstan release Sacha Baron Cohen movie – “Talentless Jewish Bast**d”

An unlikely consortium of the Kazakhstan government, wealthy gay businessman, the estate of Muammar Gaddafi, and the frat boys from the motorhome in Borat, have banded together to produce a satirical...

Yikes 12.05.12 10:43am
Lorne Spicer's voice to be deployed as 'sonic weapon' during Olympics 3
Haywood Manley 14.05.12 7:09am
Breaking news - Duchess of Cambridge wears frock, has dinner. 0
Maverick 11.05.12 10:30pm
Proctologist's Association to launch social networking site - "Arsebook". 0
Maverick 11.05.12 10:28pm
Government suggests we 'LOL' or rather Laugh Over Leveson 0
Underconstruction 11.05.12 9:43pm
Maude Sold Shares In Jerrycan Manufacturers . . . Yesterday

More in 30 years time . . . via the National Archives...

Terrance Clench 11.05.12 9:06pm
Terrance Clench
Robert Peston chosen to be the voice of Olympic Sonic Weapon 0
Boutros 11.05.12 9:03pm
Rebekah's hairdresser always signed his texts to her with 'LOL' 1
bonjonelson 11.05.12 9:25pm
Army Bagpipe Corp on standby to deploy "sonic weapon" at Olympics 0
grumblechops 11.05.12 7:34pm
Recovered World War II mine now fit for purpose

Britain's naval defence capability has been significantly enhanced after the recovery and restoration of a German Mine found buried in mud-flats off of Shoeburyness in Essex., Second Sealord Admiral...

Underconstruction 11.05.12 7:14pm
WWF endangered species list now includes 'Crooning Lounge Lizard'

The World Wildlife Fund for Nature has added the 'Crooning Lounge Lizard' to its list of endangered species. It was once numerous, with famous specimens such the Crosby, Sinatra or Davis Jr being...

seymour totti 15.05.12 4:56pm
Government hails success of new scheme to get Prince Charles into work

An experimental new scheme to try and get some Prince Charles into useful employment has got off to an excellent start, claims David Cameron, after he successfully completed his first day's placement...

Qoxiivi 12.05.12 7:43am
Doin' The Big Nasty For Our Friends In The Animal Kingdom Can Indeed Be Nasty

Human beings appear to be the only creatures that can have sex sheerly out of pleasure. The animals seem to do it mostly as a matter of course. I mean, can you imagine a lobster having pleasure out...

11.05.12 2:59pm
WH Smith says "How Much?!?" and walks out of Clinton Cards buyout 0
Nails UK 11.05.12 2:58pm
Nails UK
Brooks; "Murdoch paid for my broomstick."

Rebekeh Brooks has admitted that Rupert Murdoch bought her a luxury broomstick and cauldron. "I was just too busy and he stepped in to call Harrods dark arts department."...

apepper 11.05.12 2:55pm
New JICTAR ratings indicate Leveson show has 'jumped the shark' 0
ronseal 11.05.12 2:49pm
Leveson agrees to move enquiry from cyber-cafe. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.05.12 2:39pm
Al OPecia
Psychic barber decides to go back to his roots

Popular psychic Gordon Smith, famously known as “The Psychic Barber”, has announced he is giving up mediumship and is returning to his barber’s shop in Glasgow. “I had seen it coming for a...

Nails UK 11.05.12 2:39pm
Nails UK
PCS union claims that 9 billion public sector workers took part in walkout

The government have dismissed a claim from the PCS union that almost 9 billion public sector workers took part in Thursday’s walkout, insisting that the real number was closer to ‘minus two...

Vertically Challenged Giant 12.05.12 7:25am
Jerry Springer sues Leveson Inquiry over TV show format copyright breach

Lord Leveson could find himself the subject of an extraordinary rendition, for stealing TV show formats from Jerry Springer. Jerry Springer is reported to be hopping mad over obvious similarities...

ronseal 11.05.12 2:04pm
Far Right London March - "was a success" says racist white Metropolitan Police 0
thackaray 11.05.12 12:37pm