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hiss. 3
Kevin the Swan 21.08.13 10:32pm
FOAD
Eric Pickles to be replaced by hand drier.

David Cameron announced yesterday that Communities and Local Government Secretary Eric Pickles is to be replaced by a hot air hand drier. A spokesman for the Government explained that whilst the...

0
writinginbsl 21.08.13 9:30pm
writinginbsl
'Pop-up' Churches open in slimming clubs

In an attempt to attract new parishioners the Church has opened a new range of pop-up churches in a wide variety of slimming clubs across the nation. The Church is hoping to encourage the nation's...

1
antharrison 21.08.13 9:27pm
sponge finger
White dude eating with chopsticks not fucking around 2
Dumbnews 21.08.13 8:47pm
Al OPecia
Dominique Strauss-Kahn changes family motto to 'Honi soit qui mal y ponce' 2
sydalg 21.08.13 8:17pm
Squudge
Simon Cowell's pride at being a father to be balanced out by child's feelings

Experts in karma are expecting the universe to balance out Simon Cowell's reaction to becoming a father. "Although it's easy to criticise people for ignoring the 'do not breed from this person'...

2
apepper 21.08.13 7:56pm
Wrenfoe
Gladys Newbolt, office cleaner, plunges to death in open liftshaft. 17
Al OPecia 21.08.13 5:42pm
Arthur
Miliband Denies Alien Abduction Claim Was An Excuse For His Silence

but [i]still[/i] fails to attract any press coverage...

0
Titus 21.08.13 1:08pm
Titus
Dial-A-Con Hotline launched "and when precisely will you be out Sir?". More soon 0
Al OPecia 21.08.13 1:04pm
Al OPecia
Britain loses out to Russia in Intolerance Olympics

As judges Stephen Fry and Peter Tatchell wrap up their adjudication of the international spectacle, seasoned observers were in general agreement on the bigotry championships, i.e. that Britain made...

1
sydalg 21.08.13 12:54pm
Squudge
“Milliband as PM?”, says David Blunkett. “I can’t see it happening”... 1
Tripod 21.08.13 12:45pm
sydalg
Death threats following 1D ‘One Dimension’ jibe

Millions of fans today sent death threats to a joker who dared to poke fun at boy band One Direction. The prankster alleged Harry Styles had said in an interview that the band was going to change...

1
farmer giles 21.08.13 12:23pm
Oxbridge
One Direction's film put through 'clearing'

UCAS has confirmed a late application for a Music Technology BSc at the University of Bedfordshire. Wary that fickle fame might desert them, the Anglo-Irish pop band admitted they needed to get...

1
Wrenfoe 21.08.13 9:25am
Robopop
Schizophrenic Celebrity writes Unofficial Autobiography

injuction soon...

6
Scronnyglonkle 21.08.13 8:41am
Wrenfoe
Security services "will ascend to Guardian data cloud and destroy secret data"

The cloud on which allegedly secret Pentagon material is being held by the Guardian will be visited by GCHQ and Special Branch personnel today, and destroyed. Officers wearing special waterproof...

0
nickb 21.08.13 7:53am
nickb
Man Caught Trying to Smuggle Secret Data Says He Had Been Threatened

"I was on holiday when I met a man who befriended me. He then threatened me and told me to carry some items through customs for him and to say that they were 'food packages'." The man has since...

0
Titus 21.08.13 7:46am
Titus
Panda Still Pregnant. Or Possibly not.

In view of the complete lack of recent press coverage of the possibly-pregnant panda its keepers are considering re-naming it 'Miliband'...

0
Titus 21.08.13 7:08am
Titus
George Formby heirs seek settlement of unpaid bills for cleaning ladies' windows 1
Arthur 21.08.13 6:52am
nickb
"Most faithful reconstruction yet" of Diana crash leaves three dead 6
sydalg 21.08.13 6:26am
Lindy Moone
One Direction tourbus defeated by Swindon roundabout 1
Squudge 20.08.13 9:22pm
Squudge
It's Curtains for Montgomery Tomlinson

More than 500 jobs have been lost with the collapse of Flintshire-based curtains company thought I'd get there before the tabloids do...

0
clarksn 20.08.13 6:16pm
clarksn
Miranda held for his 'World Cup tickets'

No.10 was pressed into a humiliating admission, that Scotland Yard detectives have been forcibly detaining Brazilian nationals in an attempt to get 'good upgrades' for FIFA's 2014 football...

0
Wrenfoe 20.08.13 6:09pm
Wrenfoe
Um diddle diddle diddle, um diddle die. 0
nickb 20.08.13 5:49pm
nickb
Judge rules fake bomb detector “only good for finding fake bombs”... 0
Tripod 20.08.13 5:40pm
Tripod
Coronation Street actor sacked for only singing about rape 0
antharrison 20.08.13 5:19pm
antharrison
Miliband "crap in bed" - anonymous source

In the latest in a series of negative briefings, leader of the opposition Ed Miliband has been branded "crap in bed" and "not up to the job" by an anonymous critic with close links to the Labour...

0
BAJDixon 20.08.13 5:00pm
BAJDixon
SuperCaliDickExplodedExpectedGoodPrognosis

No more , Hat tip to Yikes, Edited from, "SuperCaliforniaDickExplodedGoodPrognosis"...

8
Not Amused 20.08.13 4:53pm
Squudge
Soap opera rap tensions heightened as Emmerdale release 'Da Dalez' grime album

Not to be outdone by their neighbours from across the Pennines, the cast of Emmerdale have released an 18-song UK grime album entitled 'Da Dalez', in retaliation to the rap video released by...

7
Jesus H 20.08.13 3:10pm
Jesus H
Counterfeit Brazil World Cup 2014 tickets seized at Heathrow "on Sunday". 0
Al OPecia 20.08.13 2:43pm
Al OPecia
Plans for Google's $1,000,000,000 London Embassy

http://www.b3tards.com/u/7fdccacbe11a69899551/ku-xlarge[1].jpg...

2
gaijintendo 20.08.13 2:06pm
gaijintendo