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Olympic terror threat level reduced after al-Qaeda outsource terrorism to G4S

There were large sighs of relief today following news that security firm G4S have been put in charge of organising all of al-Qaeda’s terrorist activities for the 2012 Olympics. ‘It just makes...

Ludicity 25.07.12 1:04pm
Unaided flight may be possible with right combination of real ale & Stagg chilli 0
simonjmr 25.07.12 12:50pm
Images from new Superman movie released of Superman with a capon 0
simonjmr 25.07.12 12:47pm
Legalisation of gay marriage in Scotland not due to ugliness of Scottish women. 0
dominic_mcg 25.07.12 12:33pm
Tesco agrees to re-imburse 'Fifty Shades' customer who cannot find her clitoris

A 49 year old Wakefield woman has spoken publicly for the first time, after supermarket giant Tesco reluctantly agreed to refund her following her purchase of the steamy sex trilogy 'Fifty Shades if...

Underconstruction 25.07.12 12:23pm
Marathon runners face disqualification if they fail to eat Happy Meals during...

race, London 2012 organisers, have warned marathon runners, that their finishing positions will be 'null and void', if they fail to consume Happy Meals given to them at feeding stations during the...

Underconstruction 25.07.12 12:03pm
Airport security introduce compulsory clear plastic bag for all 11 year old boys 3
charlies_hat 25.07.12 10:58am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Trashy sex novels blamed for decline in writing standards.

The rise in popularity of novels such as 50 Shades of Grey and its sequels is being blamed for a disturbing slip in the quality of mainstream standards of writing, according to a study by a media...

wallster 25.07.12 8:53am
Police arrest man for obscene gesture at torch relay...

A London man, Gerald Drayton, 36 has been arrested for an obscene gesture as the Olympic Torch made its way from Kingston to Hillingdon on Day 1,878. A Police Spokesman said “Mr Drayton was...

hardev 25.07.12 8:45am
Love Cats by the Cure cited in Cardiff University study.

Scientists decided on kittens as an appropriate model organism for the 2010 experiment on lazy eye syndrome after listening to the methodical lyrics of Robert Smith. Children who suffer from a lazy...

scottishbird 25.07.12 7:39am
Father discovers hallway closed for 2 months for Summer Playtime

After a council of 8 year olds voted to spend the summer playing at Martin's house, Martin's dad Pete has been informed his hallway will be out of action for the next two months. Despite Pete's...

kga6 25.07.12 7:33am
British public ‘elated but exhausted’ after trying to watch cycling for a week

Thousands of Brits have expressed their delight at Bradley Wiggins’ Tour de France win, but also admitted that they are ‘mentally and physically drained’ after pretending to be interested in...

Vertically Challenged Giant 25.07.12 7:33am
Tom Daly forced to compete in his pants after forgetting kit yet again

British Olympic medal hopeful Tom Daly has been forced to compete in a warm up event wearing only his pants, as the diver forgot his kit for the 138th consecutive time. ‘I’m really quite...

Vertically Challenged Giant 25.07.12 7:30am
Isle of Wight visit-residents 'amazed' by Queen Victoria's youthful appearance. 0
writinginbsl 25.07.12 7:28am
Prostitutes who declare earnings "Immorally right" says Cameron 1
Drylaw 25.07.12 4:59am
Entrepreneur sentenced to death penalty for abortion of unborn corporation

A man was sentenced to death today for the murder of an unborn corporation. Kurtis Drehmer had conceived a business plan to aid companies in complying with environmental and safety regulations. He...

Archibald Chesley 25.07.12 2:40am
Archibald Chesley
On-line porn pirates enjoy a jolly roger 1
button 24.07.12 10:38pm
Levison inquiry inquiry to start hearing evidence 0
charlies_hat 24.07.12 10:36pm
Did Rebecca Brooks Go Hacking On Police Horse?

This question, and more, won't be investigated fully by the Met, or any politician...

Quaz 24.07.12 10:17pm
Team GB trains in Portugal - to acclimitise to UK weather

Cos its been balmy all June and July...

Alfred Noakes 24.07.12 8:54pm
Alfred Noakes
Olympic security ready to shoot sky writing planes down if they advertise Pepsi

A guerilla marketing plot to fly a skywriting plane over the Olympic stadium has been foiled by security forces as the war on unofficial brand endorsement continues. After a tip off from a G4S...

ronseal 24.07.12 7:49pm
Princess from “Princess and the Pea” archetypal tax dodger, says Labour.

George Osborne tried to further excuse immoral and greedy behaviour within the upper classes and big business by suggesting individuals are keeping huge amounts in offshore accounts due to being...

scottishbird 24.07.12 7:36pm
Hurdles destroyed as Lord Coe’s internal memo causes confusion

There was mayhem today in the Olympic Village as contractors destroyed all the hurdles just days before the athletes arrive. The foreman at the site said, “The guv’nor emailed us saying he...

MiddleofJowhere 24.07.12 6:32pm
"Don't travel into London" letters weren't meant for athletes, LOGOC admits. 0
Boutros 24.07.12 4:58pm
'Put your wad away before the tradesman's entrance' advises Treasury minister 0
pinxit 24.07.12 2:39pm
Rebekah Wade's plumber charged with tapping for cash 0
pinxit 24.07.12 2:34pm
Image of Jesus appears on Jeremy Clarkson's teeth

An image of Jesus has appeared on Jeremy Clarkson's teeth causing confusion amongst the faithful but pleasing the man himself. 'Just because I'm on TV people seem to think I should have perfect...

Carter 24.07.12 2:17pm
Surface missiles lock on as man discovered with five polo mints in his pocket

"At any moment our Olympic trademark could have been infringed" says LOCOG...

JohnA 24.07.12 12:52pm
Tax avoidance morally wrong, claims former Macfarlanes lawyer 1
medici2471 24.07.12 12:43pm
Des Custard
Newly Privatised Spiderman Promises Great Power, No Responsibility 1
thisisall1word 24.07.12 12:10pm