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Relief in Balamory as Edie McCredie alive and well.

PC Plum blames confusion on some dead country singer...

MADJEZ 18.02.13 8:18pm
WikiVeg on sale at Ecuadorian Embassy

News that Julian Assange has not been idle during his 8 month stay at the Equadorian Embassy emerged today, when a range of vegetables went on sale outside the Embassy gates., A spokesman said that...

ESJ 18.02.13 8:07pm
Looking on the bright side, Felicity Kendal is available now, men realise

More soon. (RIP Richard Briars)...

rickwestwell 18.02.13 7:41pm
Backpacker who drank own Urine develops addiction to Fosters. 6
Zen 18.02.13 7:27pm
Rival shelf-stacking dynasties clash over rights to price up aisle 13

The tinned foods aisle of a Wirral-based branch of Asda is locked in a bitter blood feud over the who should price up the mushy peas, according to reports. The rival clans from Hoylake and West Kirby...

Gary Stanton 18.02.13 7:13pm
Neat-O : The Circus (use it or lose it)

The funeral of actor Richard Briers is to take place next Wednesday at a council run allotment in his home town of Kingston upon Thames., Following a short service read by close friend Monty Don,...

Gerontius 18.02.13 6:55pm
Woman seeks wild man who can do her taxes 0
Dumbnews 18.02.13 6:53pm
It's just not true Biscuit!

In the wake of the recent labelling crisis, NewsBiscuit has come under pressure from disappointed readers, angry that it contains no proper news and no biscuits. One disgruntled visitor to the site,...

lane-avenger 18.02.13 6:40pm
Audible Minority
The 'unexplained device' seen in Torquay turns out to be an aeroplane

†wo people are injured falling off a wall while pointing at it...

Ian Searle 18.02.13 6:33pm
Ian Searle
Greengrocer charges customers to look at exotic fruit in Papaya Per View scandal 0
Ian Searle 18.02.13 6:32pm
Ian Searle
Man who tried to extract gas from garden with pressure washer is fracking idiot 0
Ian Searle 18.02.13 6:30pm
Ian Searle
Residents furious as street art sold at auction.

Residents of a tower block in Tipton are said to be furious after an historic piece of graffiti has turned up in a Paris auction house. The crude drawing of a spray painted penis above the legend...

dominic_mcg 18.02.13 6:28pm
Extremist patrols in Borough of NewBiscuit impose 'Harry Hill' law

Moderate posters in the borough of NewBiscuit are being upbraided by a group of extremists who believe that only they understand the true meaning of ‘funny’. The extremists, ‘described as a...

lane-avenger 18.02.13 6:15pm
Audible Minority
Nerdy scientist comes out as straight 2
Dumbnews 18.02.13 6:13pm
Cameron puts claims 'India trip is a waste of time' on hold

David Cameron has been on a 'top-up the tan' trip to India this week to try and build trade links between the two countries. He hopes that any increase in trade will help create jobs in the UK. ...

Perks 18.02.13 6:10pm
Church bread found to contain 'Jesus DNA' 5
Perks 18.02.13 5:05pm
Pope admits he lied on CV, was never a Catholic

Major overhaul of screening process by embarrassed Vatican...

sydalg 18.02.13 4:47pm
Watersport enthusiast has a number one all over 2
charlies_hat 18.02.13 4:44pm
Human Cannonball who used nuclear power went "completely over the top". 1
seymour totti 18.02.13 4:30pm
Tess Goes
Cameron Renames England as Little India

More coming soon...

Tess Goes 18.02.13 4:28pm
Tess Goes
Supermarkets Protest as Biscuit Found to Contain Nearly 100% Horse Material 0
Titus 18.02.13 10:05am
Viewers sickened by tea-time rehash of Black Butey

Because that was a horse you've heard of, and Bute is a drug in horses that will make you sick. I'll draw a fucking picture...

Truebiscuit 18.02.13 9:48am
SA PD: Pistorius fell for "oldest trick in the book"

Inspector van Zyl: Sho, Mr Pistorius, wann did yoo stap beeting yaw girlfrend? OP: When I bloody shot her! Inspector van Zyl: Aisscchhh, yoo are nicked! OP: Shit! Shit! Shit!...

lane-avenger 18.02.13 9:47am
‘Happiness’ originally ‘A Penis’ says Doddy

Ken Dodd today sensationally confessed his 1964 hit ‘Happiness’ was originally titled ‘A Penis’, a song about his massive tickling stick. “I certainly am not a diddy man” said Mr Dodd,...

Reg Herring 18.02.13 9:40am
NASA braces for meteor "Budget cut" 0
Dumbnews 18.02.13 4:46am
Paxman and Guerin to present new It’s a Knockout

In a bid to place the BBC’s ailing light entertainment reputation in “safer hands” the corporation has announced that humourless war correspondent Orla Guerin and irritable news anchor Jeremy...

DustyBinLaden 18.02.13 1:31am
Romanians ask Rebecca Brooks "please can we have our horse back" 7
sillybugger 18.02.13 12:53am
Centaur burger found to be 70% horse 4
Sinnick 18.02.13 12:04am
Pietersen bemoans theft of Cricket Bat...

Quoted: 'If I catch the thieving bastard I'll break his legs'....

ESJ 17.02.13 11:20pm
Hg wins mercury prize. 3
godly1966 17.02.13 10:49pm