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The "Peston" adopted as the international unit of measurement of smugness 2
grottymonty 3 years

The International Standards Authority has to day confirmed that the Peston will now sit alongside the metre, gram and second as a unit of measure. Absolute Peston is defined as 273kP, the rest of the...

"Won't pay? Then don't pay" says Treasury's Danny Alexander 5
dvo4fun 3 years

Letters have gone out from HMRC to 6000 UK Swiss bank account holders, suspected of contributing to £14bn annual tax avoidance. "This tough no-nonsense letter sets out the options, asking two simple...

Norfolk County Council outlaws 1
grottymonty 3 years
Cambridge and Oxford universities in row race 6
Screenie 3 years
Vatican launches Home Exorcism Kit 14
Ludicity 3 years

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book...

Arab League urges Syria stop shooting civilians.."Bombing much more effective" 0
hansens-scar 3 years
Ex MI5 chief Manningham-Buller sends out for pizza during Lords debate 0
hansens-scar 3 years
Blatter holding out for 'golden handshake' claim critics 0
Screenie 3 years
Research shows Britain's pubs 'full of technocrats' 4
The Paper Ostrich 3 years

There may be hope for the ailing UK economy, after researchers found that Britain’s pubs are ‘chock full’ of technocrats. ‘After the resounding success of the new governments in Italy and...

Fears grow as Domestos forces Yakult over to the Dark Side 0
grottymonty 3 years
Am-Dram society rallies after crossbow atrocity 0
allmyownstunts 3 years

Swaffham and District Amateur Dramatic Society confirmed today that this year’s performance of Aladdin will go ahead as planned, despite last Thursday’s crossbow rampage by Wishee Washee which...

St Paul’s first letter to the occupiers 0
button 3 years

Love is patient but I'm losing mine, so I’d love it if you’d all piss off now...

Probiotic protesters occupy St Thomas' hospital. 1
button 3 years
Oxfam commends Nigerian princes for their generosity 0
Shandy 3 years

Oxfam has publicly given thanks to generous Nigerian princes insistent on sharing vast sums of wealth via online transactions with European professionals. "It's nice to see Africa giving a bit back...

Beijing: China To "Have Rhthym" By 2025 0
Textbook 3 years
ASA condemns 'child with serious head injuries' logo for Bears In Need 9
Runestone Cowboy 3 years
Lech Walesa the main prize at this years Smash Hits Pole winners party 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Latest range of Military weapons to be bio-degradable 0
Iamthestig 3 years
Osborne gaff: Virgin '747 Big Ones' payment isn't £millions but two used Jumbos 0
dvo4fun 3 years
MoD admits £564m of technical advice did not give more bangs for its bucks 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Cameron decides against German accent to tell Merkel ‘For you, the euro is over’ 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
Merkel talks moved to Leipzig after Cameron buys Easyjet ticket to Berlin 0
Duncan Biscuit 3 years
What wood doesn't float ? 0
medici2471 3 years

one from the archives...

BBC to scrap MOTD in favour of FIFA2012 0
acwanaut 3 years

In a shock move today BBC officials announced that they will no longer be showing Match of the Day in its current format and will replace the football show with technology from EA Sports'...

John Terry's Fashion Prediction for Spring 2012 : "Blind Is The New Black" 0
Mathna 3 years
Sepp Blatter opposed to racism "in principle" 0
apepper 3 years

FIFA chairman Sepp Blatter has clarified his position on racism in football; "Obviously, it's wrong in principle, but a handshake soon sorts it out." Asked about corruption in football, Blatter...

Middle East Peace Solution Approaches 0
Textbook 3 years

Obama has attained one of the proudest victories of his presidency and raised hopes for a peaceful reconciliation between, Israeli and Palestinian factions after persuasing Hamas leader Khaled...

Nick Clegg to repeal second law of thermodynamics 4
Ludicity 3 years

As part of his campaign to abolish bad and unnecessary legislation, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has announced plans to abolish the second law of thermodynamics – the law that states the...

Nail clipping and soil open sandwich is 'cheapest meal' 7
3 years
Ken Clarke to trial the "Blatter" approach with rapists and violent offenders 1
grottymonty 3 years

A spokesman at the daily briefing at the Ministry of Justice outlined the new plan this morning. "A firm handshake from the perpetrator of a crime should make the victim feel much better and less...