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Met police advise that John Terry racisim case will be concluded in 2029 2
charlies_hat 3 years
UK in mourning as police reveal Sandringham body isn’t Fergie 3
Qoxiivi 3 years
Police to investigate "Are shotguns too dangerous to be held by the suicidal?" 1
dvo4fun 3 years
‘We've Had No Complaints’ claim Samaritans after moving call centre offshore 0
Immunis 3 years
Thrifty couple shave pounds off Virgin space flight by taking 'leftovers soup' 8
3 years

An elderly couple from Dorset are looking forward to a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday in space, after negotiating a discount for taking their own food. Until now, VirginGalactic has insisted on...

Pathetic Robots Woefully Behind Schedule to Enslave Human Race 3
thisisall1word 3 years

Mankind today was yet again able to laugh in the rubbish metal faces of the world's robots as they once more failed to enslave humanity in the previous 12 months., Despite many great advances in...

Alesha Dixon "Strictly no talent yes" 0
button 3 years

More transfer window news soon...

Eugenic gardener alarmed as swede displays wedding ring on carrot 0
medici2471 3 years
Scotland to be given independence until the wind dies down. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 years
Breast implant complaints double in size overnight 0
charlies_hat 3 years
Dry cat food subtly belittles cat 9
nickb 3 years
10 day old Turkey now too tough for main meals, admits Housewife Mrs. N Hubbard 0
Iamthestig 3 years

After a long battle trying to maximise the meat life from her 4kg Turkey, Slough Housewife Mrs. N Hubbard has had to face the music and throw her leftovers away to avoid a minor uprising within her...

Dermatologists beat dentists by the skin of their teeth. 0
kimllfixit 3 years
Shadow cabinet deeply worried by call to remove plastic tits. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years
The Izzard vs Fry Xmas TV domination battle to continue into New Year 0
simonjmr 3 years
CMO recommends fake tits to be removed immediately. TOWIE cast worried 0
simonjmr 3 years
Scientist ‘grows’ sperm in petri dish... 2
John Ffitch-Rucker 3 years

after colleague suddenly opens door to laboratory, causing him to rapidly shut laptop and pull lab coat tight, saying ‘cold in here, isn’t it’?...

John Lewis finally displays last turkey in the shop 0
Nick McCarr 3 years
Duke of Edinburgh awarded Duke of Edinburgh award 2
apepper 3 years

Surprise honour for Duke...

Parents dismayed that "The Iron Lady" is not a sequel to "Iron Giant" 3
virtuallywill 3 years

Many children and their parents have left cinemas in disgust after discovering that the new Meryl Streep film is not a sequel to the much loved 1999 Warner Brothers animated feature., One mother,Mrs...

Apple admits their webcams may judge you when not in use 0
gaijintendo 3 years
Miss Marple stymied after alleged murderer refuses to admit responsibility 15
bonjonelson 3 years

Noted amateur detective Miss Marple, from St Mary Mead, Downshire, was left somewhat embarrassed and confused after a murder suspect confronted with significant evidence of his guilt refused to...

Ed Miliband gutted that Santa didn't bring him any new policies. 0
deskpilot3 3 years

Or a personality., Again...

Makers of low energy light bulbs take dim view of criticism 0
apepper 3 years

More to follow...

True scale of faulty ego implants revealed 4
Des Custard 3 years

New evidence shows that millions of ego implants inserted into the heads of celebrities and children in recent decades may be faulty. Originally designed to prolong the careers of celebs as their...

Knighted Jonathan Ive critical of design of Queen's dubbing sword 1
roybland 3 years

Jonathan Ive, Apple's head of design who was knighted in the New Year Honours list, is said to be critical of the design of the ceremonial sword that will be used by the Queen to confer the honour on...

Great boobs of fire. Implants latest. 0
Baubo 3 years

More to follow...

Duke of Edinburgh marks Scott expedition with epic walk to church 4
roybland 3 years

The Duke of Edinburgh has been applauded by spectators as he walked 400m to church for a New Year's Day service.,  , 'It was marvellous,' said Janice Hill (23) who with hundreds of others...

Creationist urges police to charge him despite complete 'lack of evidence' 10
Perks 3 years

A creationist has confused the whole of the judicial system by insisting the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS) push forward and charge him with 'threatening behaviour' despite a complete lack of...

"Jack Dorsey and Noah Glass are big fat gayers" inspiration for twitter 0
simonjmr 3 years

A class mate of Jack Dorsey and Noah Glass today claims that his graffiti in public toilets that "Jack Dorsey and Noah Glass are big fat gayers" was the inspiration for twitter. More soon...