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L'Oreal shares in free fall, PhotoShop shares go ballistic. 0
DiY 3 years
Performer responsible for diabolical one-man stage show 'acted alone' 1
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

I came back from the dead. You can too, Jesus exclusively tells Johann Hari 2
ronseal 3 years

In his first interview with a journalist from this planet, The Son of God spoke to Johann Hari about mortality, his battle with omnipotence and how much he hates the Daily Mail. "Wow, it's like, I...

Katie Price predicts she’ll have 12 husbands... 0
be reasonable 3 years

five of her own...

"London pickpockets not ready for 2012" 3
simonjmr 3 years

The Games begin one year from today but head pickpocket warns rich pickings could be missed. Lord Coe has told Britain to get ready for "an amazing summer of sporting carnival but Charles...

"Words are not for hurting," A. A. Gill is told by his mother. 0
Corrigan 3 years
Unfulfilled Cavendish targets more greenwear 0
Ado 3 years

The first British winner of the prestigious green jersey and with twenty Tour de France stage wins to his name, Mark Cavendish could be forgiven for taking the next few weeks off and even enjoying a...

Murdoch "touched" by messages of sympathy left on Winehouse phone 3
Sigmund Freud 3 years
Obama denies talks are ongoing with Ocean Finance and Payday Loans 0
Tom55 3 years

With Democrats and Republicans deadlocked on funding the US multi-trillion debt, Barack Obama has denied being in talks with well-known TV lenders. A spokesman from Payday also denied contact, but...

Harry Potter cast to get together again for the porn version 0
grottymonty 3 years

Yes, the rumours are true, there will be one more film in the series to be made later this year. Filming will take place in Amsterdam and LA and be released through Luscious Productions Inc. "Just...

New office spam filter blocks any email containing "Please advise" or "ASAP" 1
Dumbnews 3 years
Wayne Rooney's celebrity merkin rejects head 0
grottymonty 3 years

A spokesman for the £30k merkin has confirmed today that it has rejected Wayne's head. It has been confirmed it was originally much happier on his arse, but given the recent publicity, it has signed...

"I'd like to teach the world too...grnfh....". It's the real thing. 11
Al OPecia 3 years
Vince Cable to be made whip. 0
guffaw 3 years
Greece 'almost ready' with USA bail-out plan 0
rickwestwell 3 years
Title hope chokes in limerick world final with failure to rhyme Nantucket 2
FraserWords 3 years

Britain’s world limerick-writing title hope Liam McSweeney was this morning being comforted by family and close friends after sensationally choking in the dying seconds of the championship final...

Ofgem to reduce £2.5m British Gas fine 'as long as they pay by Direct Debit' 1
dicky37 3 years

[More soon]...

Painting and decorating world mourns loss of UK’s greatest painter and decorator 18
Gary Stanton 3 years

The world of painting and decorating was last night mourning the loss of one of the country's most distinguished and highly regarded painters and decorators by some distance, according to reports....

Pearly Gates nicked in spate of celestial metal thefts 2
Dick Everyman 3 years

Security chiefs at the gateway to heaven announced the theft of the Pearly Gates late last night fearing that they may already be sold and melted down for scrap. The wrought-iron gates disappeared...

Osborne responds to 'disappointing' 0.2% growth figures. 2
dvo4fun 3 years

Oops! Butterfingers.More later...

Cougar road death leads to sponsorship payout row 0
pere floza 3 years

A plucky mountain lion had completed 1800 miles of a sponsored walk from South Dakota to New York City before being tragically killed by a car 50 miles short of his destination, where a grand ticker...

Hitler Youth Movement denounces Glenn Beck as right-wing nut-job. 0
be reasonable 3 years
Arnold Schwarzenegger's plan to repace fat twin with sporty twin fails 0
guffaw 3 years

as Schriver springs him early...

Nicky Campbell disappoints listeners with flawless Jeremy Hunt interview 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

But in later interview with Nick Griffin he uses the C word 11 times...

Jack and Jill taken into care after "falling down the hill" excuse doesn't wash 2
thackaray 3 years
Obama pins hopes on PPI compensation claim. 0
Corrigan 3 years

As the American debt crisis deepens, Barack Obama has revealed his latest attempt to meet national debt interest payments: White House lawyers are said to be working around the clock to lodge a...

"Actually" says Fate, my finger is very focussed 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years
Age Concern launch their Winter campaign and urge the UK to “Wall up OAPs” 0
brownpaperreporter 3 years

“We have seen Winter fuel bills increase, deaths on icy roads spiral and more and more pensioners clogging hospital casualty wards, so walling up the old folks is the only answer. No more housing...

Two active geysers discovered in Yosodomite National Park 18
Dick Everyman 3 years
North London crematorium explodes. 0
be reasonable 3 years