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Vast Reserves of Seaside Fun Discovered in Blackpool 11
TokyoTomato 3 years

The UK tourist industry is gearing up for a bonanza after huge reserves of seaside fun were discovered in and around Blackpool in the north-west of England. If fully developed the find could...

Spin the Bottle Ouija board slammed by spirit of deceased Puritan 0
gaijintendo 3 years

Teenagers defend the new game saying "fingering a spirit is not the same as necrophilia. Nobody is getting hurt here. Can't you old people just move along and complain about heating bills?"...

Putting fighting children in cages "likely to catch on". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 3 years
Spaghetti, shit compared in fan-metaphor test 1
nickb 3 years

As metaphors go, the one about a highly messy semi-solid hitting a rotary ventilating device has always divided users along decency lines.  Who among us has decided to use the shit version, only to...

Government stockpiles excuses in readiness for flu vaccine shortage 1
spoole2112 3 years

More later...

Jane Fonda to donate skin to the American people. 2
nickb 3 years

She’s an actress, an agitator and a ceaseless campaigner for worth-it older women. Now, in what many see as the culmination of a brilliant career, Jane Fonda is to donate her total skin area to a...

S&P reduce credit rating for Yorkshire to A-up 4
bonjonelson 3 years
Feild Of Funny Phalluses Found In Formby 0
Duff 3 years

A farmer from Formby on Mersyside who was harvesting fields of root vegetables got more than he bargained for, and was completely flabbergasted when it was discovered that every single one of them...

Pensioner arrested over napalm ‘intruder’ death 15
Dick Everyman 3 years

A Norfolk pensioner has been arrested in connection with the napalm death of a suspected intruder at her home on Saturday night. A charred pile of human remains was discovered on the welcome mat...

Massive demand for "I was Troy Davis" T-shirts 5
RJWinter 3 years

bit nasty, but humour is humour I guess...

Mini Cooper estate is more of a back yard say motoring journalists. 0
martin2381 3 years
Man-flu epidemic averted as Bird-flu wouldn't let him out 1
Perks 3 years
Junk falling from sky not our space ship say Chinese. 1
greg various 3 years
"No stairway" signs in decline in music shops as Adele tops list 0
simonjmr 3 years
Countdown contestant's submission of "felch", left a nasty taste in the mouth 0
simonjmr 3 years

Claims Gameshow host. More soon...

"Heavy Petting" investigated at children's zoo 4
nickb 3 years

Marland's children's zoo in East Sussex  may have  to regulate contact between young visitors and livestock  after health concerns were raised about small children lifting chinchilla  rabbits...

New Met boss offers Guardian journalists get out of jail free cards 0
nickb 3 years

In what is widely regarded as an embarrassing climb down by the Metropolitan Police, Guardian journalists  will be offered a six month immunity from gratuitous prosecution. The news comes after all...

Michael Winner marries himself 0
nickb 3 years

"All my life I have been looking for someone who could understand me.  Accept me for what I am.  Someone sympathetic,  giving, intelligent and in their own way, beautiful.  One night,  it came...

Mass plate-mending "unlikely to help Greece crisis" 0
nickb 3 years

You can see them in the kitchens of tavernas and restaurants the world over.  With the heady smell of superglue masking the familiar smokey fragrance of kebabs they hunch over piles of tragic...

Tesco now officially owns 'every fucking thing' 6
Oxbridge 3 years

Tesco CEO Sir Terry Leahy has announced that, after completing the acquisition of the Co-Op and the Happy Garden Chinese takeaway in Bromsgrove, it now owns every fucking thing in the whole fucking...

Beware of Greeks bearing interest. 2
rikkor 3 years
Jethro Tull, Breakup..... 1
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.To re-concentrate on development of seed drills...

"What's An Apple Pie Bed?"....... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

.Says university fresher, with big holes in his sheets...

"What's An 'Apple Pie Says University Fresher..... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years
Spectators demand money back as child fight deemed 'not dangerous' 0
Screenie 3 years

The organisers of a cage fight involving two boys under the age of ten have received a backlash from members of the public after they suggested the fight was ‘not dangerous’ to either of the boys...

World stock markets crash on news of REM split 0
grottymonty 3 years
Children celebrate only 92 sleepless nights until the Dr Who Christmas special. 0
Ian Searle 3 years

Then loads more afterwards!...

Child Cage-Fighters to be locked up and beaten if they do it again 0
Ian Searle 3 years

That'll learn em!...

Titanic Re-enactment Society Members' Conclusion.... 0
Jesse Bigg 3 years

."Leaving the lifeboats and getting back on the 'mockup Titanic', same as voting for a Tory government."...

Hospitals 'On Brink Of Collapse' only kept standing by MRSA bugs holding hands 0
Ian Searle 3 years

According to a new report - the old ones are the best - gag switching is not a crime!...