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Man Utd expect Rooney to stay after being offered Childcare Nursery Vouchers

Want-away striker Rooney is expected to reverse his decision to leave Manchester United now that personnel have agreed to allow him on to the companies nursery voucher scheme...

1
grottymonty 24.05.13 5:40pm
Wrenfoe
EDL outrage at health tourists 'taking all our jabs'

more soon....

2
custard cream 24.05.13 5:38pm
Al OPecia
Chas ‘n’ Dave conservatoire opens

Michael Gove's free-schools policy has seen the creation of an East End music school based on the words and wisdom of the internationally renowned Chas ‘n’Dave. While President Obama, this week,...

7
Wrenfoe 24.05.13 5:32pm
Al OPecia
Launch of Tory bigot app eases access to prejudice

Hard line Tories and the Daily Mail have announced the launch of a new app to give instant support to bigots and bigoted ideas. Speaking on behalf of the Tory party Sir Gerald Howarth said, “The...

4
Dick Everyman 24.05.13 4:01pm
Dick Everyman
Drone strike spoils aeromodellers’ day out.

Just seen today's front page which means this won't run but as I've bloody well written it now I'm posting it anyway: The dozens who flocked to enjoy the annual model aeroplane spectacular at...

2
Boutros 24.05.13 3:52pm
Boutros
Buddhist cell had been 'plotting for months to sow a trail of peace across UK' 3
cinquecento 24.05.13 3:36pm
Midfield Diamond
“Daily Discrepancies” in Tuck Shop Takings See Osborne Hauled Back to School

In an embarrassing turn of events today, Hammersmith’s prestigious St Paul’s school have dragged former pupil George Osborne back for questioning, following an investigation into historic...

1
NorthernGravy 24.05.13 2:17pm
NewBiscuit
A man you've never heard of and a woman you've never heard of do something

A man you've never heard of and a woman you've never heard of have done something. This is highly important, which is why it is splashed all over the internet. If they have just met, they have...

0
John Wiltshire 24.05.13 2:14pm
John Wiltshire
Controversial Author Draws Blank Looks

Ultra-minimalist author Linda Hacker has won the Lemon Prize for Fiction's top award of £10,000 for her collection of short stories, the provocatively-named ‘Untitled’. The book consists of...

12
Iggy Pop-Barker 24.05.13 1:56pm
beau-jolly
Lesbian drama tipped for Cannes' Madame Palm d'Or prize

Her five lovely daughters agree...

0
Landfill 24.05.13 1:50pm
Landfill
Roads blocked by people going away who thought no-one else would be going away

Roads across the UK were blocked today by people going away because they all thought no-one else would be going away. Fiona Moffatt was trapped in her car with her two boys for five hours on the...

2
John Wiltshire 24.05.13 1:19pm
Gålgö13
Police lack resources to track terrorists "unless they move into showbiz"

Scotland Yard has admitted that the police simply don't have the resources to track suspects, unless they move into showbiz, newspaper journalism or the CID. "There's not much we can do," said an...

5
ronseal 24.05.13 1:14pm
Lindy Moone
Ludicrous Pantomime Cow To Be Known In Future As A Bercow

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/02/04/article-1353272-0D0893BA000005DC-146_468x505.jpg...

0
Titus 24.05.13 12:41pm
Titus
Azerbaijan prepares for imminent invasion, after Russian Eurovision snub 0
simonjmr 24.05.13 11:34am
simonjmr
God to recall the human race due to a design fault 0
Ian Searle 24.05.13 11:21am
Ian Searle
Wayne Rooney trapped in home for two days by baby stair gate

Rumours of Wayne Rooney’s imminent departure from Manchester United have been growing over the last few days as the star failed to report for training, but it has since emerged that he has been...

2
Vertically Challenged Giant 24.05.13 11:19am
Wrenfoe
Osborne placed UK economy in his car; "can't recall" what he did next 1
What_username 24.05.13 10:56am
Wrenfoe
Police station to open in post office in in-store chemist in supermarket

 A police station is to open in a post office in an in-store chemist in a supermarket in a hypermall in a new development in the Midlands somewhere.  The part time police station will operate in...

3
nickb 24.05.13 10:34am
Boutros
Chris Huhne first in line for Google's new driverless car 0
ronseal 24.05.13 10:25am
ronseal
Halifax Man First to Face Public Lashing Under New ‘Nom Nom’ Law

A 19 year old man from the Illingworth area of Halifax will be the first person to face a public lashing under the widely welcomed ‘nom nom’ law, introduced just yesterday. The new law, that...

13
NorthernGravy 24.05.13 9:52am
bonjonelson
BA pilot:"I knew I shouldn't have ordered the phaal" 0
topfotogmw 24.05.13 9:51am
topfotogmw
Furrory as Rafa Nadal invites Andy Murray round for Fried Mars Bars 10
PeterB 24.05.13 9:26am
Al OPecia
Excuse of 'there's no policeman at home' branded 'a cop-out' 0
John Wiltshire 24.05.13 7:38am
John Wiltshire
Steel company says Tata to assets 0
victimms 24.05.13 7:27am
victimms
President of R&A criticises Tour Chief for 'inappropriate phrase about darkies'

where will it all end?...

1
blacklesbianandproudofit 24.05.13 6:37am
Dick Everyman
UKuncut claims "Gift Aid" on donations 0
PeterB 24.05.13 5:59am
PeterB
Golf to make amends for racism, with charity drive for "Black causes. Like AIDS" 0
Andrew Alexander 23.05.13 11:26pm
Andrew Alexander
Kit Car Builder Creates a Furore 0
Titus 23.05.13 11:09pm
Titus
"It's all downhill from here" admits oldest man to climb Everest 1
Psycadelic Squirrel 23.05.13 10:16pm
Titus
"We Were Too Thick To Make A Bomb" Say Soldier-Slashing Jihadists

" let alone to be able to learn to fly an aeroplane. To be honest, we struggled to use a gun. And we didn't have the bottle to blow ourselves up." "In fact, we wanted to avoid getting hurt at all....

0
Titus 23.05.13 8:18pm
Titus