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Lurpak on offer in Asda, says your wife's mother at 6 in the frigging morning

According to a source close to your wife, who has just been positively identified with her mother, Lurpak is 40% off in Asda this week. The news emerged in a phone call that woke you from a dream...

5
Oxbridge 11.12.12 6:41pm
dvo4fun
Belfast greengrocer told to remove onion flag. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.12.12 6:31pm
dominic_mcg
Operation Yewtree to investigate Ventriloquist

Operation Yewtree has been widened to investigate abuse claims brought against Keith Harris, one of the UKs best known Ventriloquists. We cannot tell you the identity of his alleged victim but can...

2
beagle 11.12.12 6:31pm
Otto Jespersen
Women Bishops question moot as census shows no-one is Christian anymore

Senior Church of England officials have breathed a sigh of relief after the census has revealed their are no Christians left in the UK. "That's a load off.", said a spokesman. "So many issues don't...

0
apepper 11.12.12 5:13pm
apepper
Anonymous officially labelled "a bigger deal than Kony"

When you hear the word anonymous, what comes to mind? Some guy with no life who makes a living off of terrorizing our super efficient government of the people, some human being thing that wrote some...

9
11.12.12 4:48pm
beau-jolly
Supermarkets inexplicably still putting Brussels sprouts in food aisles 19
Oxbridge 11.12.12 4:22pm
Rootin Tootin
Cross dressing loophole paves the way for gay marriages in church

Gay marriage supporters have thrown religious leaders into turmoil over claims that at least five gay weddings have gone ahead this year in a religious setting. One ceremony was even performed by...

0
Dick Everyman 11.12.12 3:49pm
Dick Everyman
Failed asylum seeker upset at being sent to death row

Dyslexic judge admits he probably meant Heathrow...

0
Smart Alex 11.12.12 3:13pm
Smart Alex
Herod added to Yewtree list of historic child abuse suspects 0
cinquecento 11.12.12 12:10pm
cinquecento
Revelation!

Scousers called 'Nigel'never get arrested!...

2
Jesse Bigg 11.12.12 11:59am
Sinnick
Britain not in global maths Top 10 after all, admits British statistician 0
cinquecento 11.12.12 11:39am
cinquecento
Census news: falling Christian numbers due to Muslim pranksters and icy weather. 0
sigmund 11.12.12 11:24am
sigmund
Vince Cable's 'Full Monty' In Front Of All-Female Reporters - 2nd Anniversary

Voted "Best Naivety Play" of the Christmas season, 2010...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.12.12 10:54am
Jesse Bigg
Cameron and Osborne Finally Come Clean....

They love being economic anarchists...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.12.12 10:32am
Jesse Bigg
Matthew Stott in allsorts of trouble says solicitor Stephen Lickrish

Matthew Stott in allsorts of trouble says solicitor Stephen Lickrish...

0
chickenkiller 11.12.12 10:13am
chickenkiller
Clegg opposes web-monitoring, Cameron agrees not to extend it to text messaging 0
medici2471 11.12.12 9:57am
medici2471
Miliband asks "what's he hiding?" as Clegg opposes web monitoring bill 0
simonjmr 11.12.12 9:45am
simonjmr
CERN Scientist look forward to Christmas Collider Fun Day

Scientist at the CERN Laboratory are looking forward to their annual Christmas Collider Day. The day allows lab workers one spin in the Large Hadron Collider with no restrictions as to what they...

3
Sheepback 11.12.12 9:32am
Boutros
Stricken cities urged to up their profile if they want celebrities to care.

Figures from a study released today show that many celebrities are ignoring cities with increased levels of violence and poverty in favour of those suffering less but with a higher international...

0
Gaz 11.12.12 9:24am
Gaz
"Guess the Perve" is TV Sensation

The new Saturday night TV show "Guess the Perve" is attracting record viewing figures; members of the public are invited to speculate over the identity of each week's arrested man in his late...

0
apepper 11.12.12 9:08am
apepper
Sarkozy threatens 'right mouthful' for anyone claiming French sperm is inferior 0
DustyBinLaden 11.12.12 8:51am
DustyBinLaden
New bible translation finds that ‘wise men’ were actually Aussie DJs

A new translation of the bible has revealed that the baby Jesus was not visited by wise men or kings from the East as originally thought, but Australian radio DJs. Oxford University’s Professor...

1
ianslat 11.12.12 8:38am
Yikes
"Any ethnic restaurant with authentic in name is inauthentic", says food critic 0
Dumbnews 11.12.12 8:11am
Dumbnews
Irish man refuses to take down Jubilee bunting for fear of petrol bombing 0
medici2471 11.12.12 8:08am
medici2471
World Nations, Sick Of Conflict In Middle East, Build A Wall Around Israel

A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have united to build a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, having...

0
11.12.12 1:00am
World Nations, Sick Of The Conflict In The Middle East, Build A Wall Around Isra

A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have united to build a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, having...

0
11.12.12 12:59am
Supporter of duck feathers backs down

More to follow...

0
apepper 10.12.12 11:26pm
apepper
Duchess Up The Duff: Latest

While thousands of well wishers have sent cards and greetings to the Duchess of Cambridge, for the coming birth of her baby, an interesting insight into the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge’s daily...

0
Alfred Noakes 10.12.12 10:06pm
Alfred Noakes
Paddy Power reportedly now taking bets on Royal Baby being ginger

Harry shifting uncomfortably...

0
quango 10.12.12 9:44pm
quango
SBUX Rogered

Perks; Bringing you last week's satire, today...

0
Perks 10.12.12 9:40pm
Perks