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If you want Greece to win

If you want Greece to win dial 09015 22 22 16 to bankrupt the country...

0
BigV 26.05.12 9:16pm
BigV
Eurovision Song Contest won by a dancing dog act. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 26.05.12 6:28pm
dominic_mcg
Disillusioned Instructor Washes Her Hands of Pilates

More to follow...

5
Iggy Pop-Barker 27.05.12 5:30pm
Thor
Queen Sells Up to Back Jubilee Campaign

In an unprecedented act of royal generosity, the Queen is to mark her Diamond Jubilee by selling her extensive range of palaces and other properties and donating the proceeds to the Jubilee Debt...

1
Iggy Pop-Barker 26.05.12 10:49pm
Yikes
Government hails success of 'Topless Jobless' scheme

The government has today hailed the success of it's 'Topless Jobless' legislation that it launched last Monday. The new law means men who have never been in employment must walk around city centres...

1
Perks 26.05.12 10:52pm
Yikes
'Heartless' Cheryl Cole slammed for not giving terminally ill teen a hand job

As he fought his brave losing battle with leukaemia, 17-year old Kyle Anderson knew what his last wish was. 'I want to be tugged off by Cheryl Cole. That would be the ultimate happy finish', he told...

8
Oxbridge 30.05.12 9:08pm
arthurminnit
Jessica Ennis sets new world record for ‘snatch ads’ revenue

Jessica Ennis, British gold medal hopeful for the Olympic heptathlon, has today signed a record sponsorship deal for so-called ‘snatch ads’. Agent Alison Sanders explained that the ads are...

4
Des Custard 26.05.12 10:44pm
Yikes
Temperatures Hotter Than A Topless Lucy Pinder Says Experts 2
Hooch 26.05.12 9:25pm
dvo4fun
Buntin' Redikulas

Somerset County Council seek, county wide, emergency powers to close all roads which have installed street lighting, until “risk assessment” completed following request to hang lightweight...

0
HenryMJUK 26.05.12 11:13am
HenryMJUK
Medical professionals baffled as mystery vomiting disease sweeps UK

Doctors across the UK have become increasingly concerned as a new mystery illness which causes sudden vomiting has spread across the UK in the past few weeks. "We did think that it was a norovirus...

18
JohnA 26.05.12 5:47pm
nickb
Vatican “hard on crime” as it jails Pope’s butler for borrowing paper

The Vatican trumpeted its zero tolerance approach to crime as the Pope's butler, Paolo Gabriele, was taken into custody for the serious offence of borrowing pieces of paper that show what the Vatican...

2
Yikes 26.05.12 9:01am
Yikes
Houmous,  tsatziki shortages caused double dip recession says Greece

Hat tip to er, someone who did a dip joke. Please claim reward...

0
nickb 26.05.12 7:26am
nickb
Confusion for Twins bemused by Martial Arts and Marital Arts training.

“I’d seen an advert in the post office window for a beginners’ course in Kama Sutra at Marlow Community Centre." says Ron Twomey "It was a new one on me and all I knew it wasn’t the same...

1
dvo4fun 26.05.12 3:37pm
Perks
Hunt deploys Clinton defence "I never had financial relations with that Murdoch" 0
dvo4fun 26.05.12 12:40am
dvo4fun
"None of the Above" Gains Global Poll Lead

In what is considered to be an embarrassment for Political parties and Governments around the world, polling orgnaisations have admitted that they have conclusive data showing that voters in the...

0
simjel 25.05.12 10:32pm
simjel
Man Who Has Fathered 30 Children By 11 Different Women Begs Judge For A Break.

A 33 year old Knoxville, Tennessee man has asked a judge there to 'give him a break' in paying his alimony to 11 women with whom he has fathered 30 children (This is true). Desmond Hatchett, who...

0
25.05.12 10:09pm
Porn actors now having to work longer and harder claims union 1
LittleSpender 25.05.12 8:32pm
RickH
Folk scene hails Jeth Barley, and instrument made from own lung

England's blossoming folk scene is hailing a new hero, who has revolutionised traditional music by making an instrument from his own vital organs. Jeth Barley And His Musical Lung is selling out cow...

9
13.12.12 7:31am
Idiot
Lloyds head of fraud receives £2.5M bonus for uncovering fraud

Jessica Harper, head of Fraud and Security at Lloyds bank, has received a 7 figure bonus. A bank spokesman explained; "I know this may seem excessive, but Ms Harper has uncovered a truly audacious...

0
apepper 25.05.12 2:51pm
apepper
Far right and gay communities unite to watch Eurovision and insult foreigners

An unlikely alliance has formed between BNP members and the UK’s homosexual community to hold an enormous Eurovision street party and be rude about our European neighbours. An ‘up and...

5
DrTurmoil 17.05.13 1:18pm
Skylarking
Footballer spit and gob statistics to be available for Euro 2012

The wait to see which players produce the most spittle, and who has the biggest average volume per gob, is almost over. A new software package, due to be launched in time for the European...

2
Midfield Diamond 29.05.12 10:57pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Humperdink looks cert to be oldest contestant to get 'nil point'.

Nominees sought for next years joke entry...

0
MADJEZ 25.05.12 1:52pm
MADJEZ
Saudi Arabian shoplifting rugby player having trouble with handoff 0
seymour totti 25.05.12 12:33pm
seymour totti
Blatter wants penalty alternative after English team victorious again

(inspired by [url=http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/18205513]this bbc article[/url]) Fifa president Sepp Blatter has asked Bayern Munich honorary president Franz Beckenbauer to come up with an...

1
Andy_K 27.05.12 8:46pm
godly1966
SpaceX Dragon successfully delivers junk mail to International Space Station 0
TerribleTim 25.05.12 10:37am
TerribleTim
£4m fake coin haul: 'We wuz just doin a bit of yer quantitative easin' officer.' 0
weematt 25.05.12 10:28am
weematt
Lloyds former Head of Fraud says she was "just doing her job" 0
Sinnick 25.05.12 9:16am
Sinnick
Crowd gathers at Blackfriars bridge on news of dispatch of Vatican banker 5
medici2471 26.05.12 12:41am
dvo4fun
Muslim Brotherhood of Man to enter Eurovison

Egypt has sensationally entered the Eurovision Song Contest this weekend, Egyptians have been polled on their favourite musical number, although as ever the traditional Eurovision tactical voting was...

27
Scronnyglonkle 26.05.12 9:48am
beau-jolly
Student arsonists welcome priority schools building programme

With the end of term just weeks away dissaffected student arsonists have broadly welcomed Education Minister Michael Gove's announcement that some schools are to be refurbished. Rick Woods, 16, of...

1
Mandy Lifeboat 25.05.12 7:00am
dvo4fun