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Andy Murray “ecstatic” after finally opening beer bottle with eye socket

Andy Murray said it was the best day of his life after finally succeeding in opening a beer bottle using his eye socket during a New York brunch. “I’m ecstatic” said Murray with a weird smile...

1
Yikes 12.09.12 5:53am
Yikes
What do you call a cat with a hat on? A hat cat.

Hat (cat) tip to waylandsmithy...

6
Perks 12.09.12 12:06am
Yikes
National Grid To Stop Promoting Lance Armstrong......

.Switching to Amsterdam white bikes, instead...

1
Jesse Bigg 11.09.12 10:34pm
Jesse Bigg
Apple to face legal challenge over use of the word "phone"

Following the technology giant Apple's recent high profile court case against rival competitors Samsung, it seems the courts need to be braced for more patent and copyright based battles involving...

0
Fox100 11.09.12 10:30pm
Fox100
In Line With The Present Economic Mess...

..Downing Street to be renamed "Going Down Street."...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.09.12 10:00pm
Jesse Bigg
New ministers appointed in "hug a hoody" scheme

Responding to criticism of his government reshuffle, David Cameron has highlighted his bold revival of his “hug a hoody” campaign, with a scheme to offer places in government to the nation's...

6
Sir Lupus 11.09.12 10:00pm
dvo4fun
"Sarawak," Definitely Not A Scouse Term Of Endearment...

Say linguistic experts...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.09.12 9:35pm
Jesse Bigg
King Richard III Car Park Attendant Claims He Was First, Finding Relics....

"Just a hunch, though."...

0
Jesse Bigg 11.09.12 9:16pm
Jesse Bigg
Shuttlecock In Spectacular Fail

Blames tennis, Andy Murray, and miserable bastards...

1
Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 8:53pm
Ironduke
Downing Street in turmoil as Newsbiscuit starring system remains under scrutiny 0
Raptor Jesus 11.09.12 8:46pm
Raptor Jesus
Where Are They Now?

As we all deal with austerity and Broken Britain, we take a look back on the things we remember and ask “Where are they now?” The Great British Wino: Once a stalwart of every city centre, the...

18
Quaz 11.09.12 8:01pm
Quaz
Local Man Fails To Fit In

Blames tight twat...

0
Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 7:34pm
Martin Shuttlecock
More as we get it. 0
Martin Shuttlecock 11.09.12 7:31pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Scotland's footballers "still Scottish"

More soon probably for ever, in fact...

0
jamesr 11.09.12 7:30pm
jamesr
Problems for Ofqual as claims are made that prostate exams are getting easier 0
Ian Searle 11.09.12 7:16pm
Ian Searle
background checks ‘welcomed’ by plaidophiles 9
Spartacus 11.09.12 6:02pm
dvo4fun
Dazzling reshuffle marks start of Coalition closing ceremony

The closing ceremony of the 2010 Coalition government has been held at the Olympic Park in London, after a dazzling display of choreographed reshuffling by 25 volunteers last week. Creative...

7
The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 5:47pm
writinginbsl
Dog-walkers drafted in at Scotland Yard in major staff reshuffle

Major staff restructuring at Scotland Yard has seen up to 50 per cent of detectives laid off and replaced by people walking dogs. A Home Office spokesman said today:"This is a logical move when we...

2
Scroat 11.09.12 5:46pm
writinginbsl
Johnson's final tear-sodden juddering climax stains red carpet. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.09.12 5:12pm
dominic_mcg
Ofqual to revise X Factor grading system. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 11.09.12 4:55pm
dominic_mcg
Top Smear

Feel the throbbing power of the new penis car from Italian car makers Alpha Maleao,specialy designed to look just like a giant speeding horizontal erect penis,for all us macho car lovers.In bright...

11
Jeremy Klarkson 11.09.12 4:33pm
Martin Shuttlecock
Moonwalk curse may claim yet more

First Michael Jackson, then Neil Armstrong fall foul of the Moonwalk curse, there are at least another 8 worried moonwalkers out there. More soon Hat tip to Oxbridge...

0
simonjmr 11.09.12 3:56pm
simonjmr
Headteachers change Ofqual 'failure' to a pass 2
charlies_hat 11.09.12 3:49pm
riesler
$1.9m US Open win 'means the world to me' says emotional Murray 0
The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 2:41pm
The Paper Ostrich
Andy Murray: All of England mourns as State Funeral set for 'The Joke' 4
dvo4fun 11.09.12 1:49pm
dvo4fun
GB's successful sports stars to be fitted with 4G this year

It was announced today that not only have Gold medal winners been awarded a gold post box in their home town, they will also be fitted with a 4G transmitter as part of the ongoing sponsorship by BT....

0
simonjmr 11.09.12 1:37pm
simonjmr
Everybody 'already sick to death of samba', Brazil warned ahead of 2016 Olympics 2
The Paper Ostrich 11.09.12 12:14pm
pere floza
Jock o’Vitch granted honorary Scottish citizenship. 1
sigmund 11.09.12 11:04am
JETFAB
'Lawn Tennis Association coaching can deliver more semi-finalists' says Lendl 0
Midfield Diamond 11.09.12 11:03am
Midfield Diamond
"No one beats the Brits 76 years in a row", shouts triumphant Murray 0
custard cream 11.09.12 9:44am
custard cream