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Winnie the Pooh arrested in pandaphilia shocker

"Worse than Jimmy Savile" is how Scottish authorities described Winnie the Pooh after his arrest earlier this morning as part of Operation Honeytree. Tian Tian, the panda at the centre of the scandal...

britwombat 12.08.13 12:48pm
Fat woman in nightie charged with gross negligee - 2 30
John Wiltshire 12.08.13 12:22pm
Shareholders 'furious' as ex-RBS chief revealed as latest Dragon in the Den

Irate RBS shareholders watched on in horror on Sunday as former RBS CEO Fred Goodwin, who was recently stripped of his Knighthood after the banking group recorded the largest financial losses in...

Jesus H 12.08.13 11:37am
Jesus H
Crystal Maze presenter reveals gold paper fraud

Richard O'Brien, former host of cult 90s TV gameshow, The Crystal Maze, today sensationally broke a 20-year silence to expose one of the show's most enduring secrets., In an interview with The...

clicktingstampz 12.08.13 10:49am
England 'organized bands of showers' in case the Ashes tests went the wrong way 0
Not Amused 12.08.13 10:12am
Not Amused
Pandas who eat, shoot and leave will pay child support, vows minister 0
sydalg 12.08.13 9:48am
Politician accused of "accuracies in speech"

Tesco and Next have accused a shadow minister of slipping accurate information into a forthcoming speech. "This is disgraceful.", said a spokesman for Tesco. "We thought we knew where we were; when...

apepper 12.08.13 9:25am
Sir Ranulph Fiennes abandons expedition to find Coke bottle with his name on - 2

British adventurer Sir Ranulph Twisleton-Wykeham-Fiennes has said he's been left feeling 'deflated and unfulfilled' after being forced to call off a three-month nationwide expedition to find a bottle...

Jesus H 12.08.13 8:38am
Athletes Urged To Adopt "Grayson Salute" At Winter Games

Stephen Fry is urging winning athletes at the Winter Olympics to perform the "Grayson Salute" as they celebrate receiving their medals. "With one hand placed on a cocked hip, elbow rampant, and the...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 12.08.13 8:38am
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
Hate-preacher Sheik Issa Panda arrested at Edinburgh zoo

Hate-preacher Issa Panda is accused of inciting followers to kill ginger pandas taking part in the Ginger Pride march through Edinburgh. An Al Quaeda panda spokesmen said ginger pandas better stop...

Starchy 12.08.13 2:30am
Breakaway Jocks plot to kidnap the Queen

SNP Minister says they might decide to keep the Queen after independence. English Monarchy Defence spokesman Mussaf El Assid of Dunstable, said "You Jocks can get your greasy hands off our Queen. ...

Starchy 12.08.13 2:10am
Jacob Rees-Mogg "clearly a mistake" say his parents. More soon. 3
Al OPecia 11.08.13 9:47pm
Baby Panda To Be Named George VIII

Or strictly speaking, George I of Scotland and George VIII of England...

Titus 11.08.13 9:36pm
NB Contributors Threaten Boycott In 'Nightie' Post Protest

Several regular contributors to the Writer's Page of NewsBiscuit are threatening to refrain from submitting further samples of their brilliant wit unless and until the management of the Newsbiscuit...

Titus 11.08.13 9:30pm
Scotland excitedly awaits the world's first ginger panda. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 11.08.13 9:16pm
Schrödinger's Panda

Is there a cub? Or is there not a cub?...

Titus 11.08.13 9:12pm
Cameron tells Rees-Mogg to choose one surname and stick with that.

Two surnames being too posh and two surnames and a hyphen is just indecisive...

deskpilot3 11.08.13 9:11pm
Rees-Mogg unavailable for comment.

As he is currently on holiday in Bongo Bongo land...

deskpilot3 11.08.13 9:07pm
Mandelson joins Conservatives

As Ed Milliband dithered over calls to appoint Mandelson as his Spin Doctor, David Cameron shocked Westminster by announcing Mandelson would join the Cameroons. The PM said people should not be...

Starchy 11.08.13 8:51pm
Man re-docorates after fault develops with new Dyson Digital Arse Wiper 1
antharrison 11.08.13 8:42pm
Scottish media accused of panda ring 1
Lindy Moone 11.08.13 8:40pm
Barbecues vandalised by organised bands of showers

Met Officers make no arrests and predict worse to come...

Arthur 11.08.13 5:08pm
Feminists outraged as pregnant panda appears with two black eyes - 2 35
sydalg 11.08.13 1:32pm
Belfast needs to be more 'ginger, gay and cockney'

Chief Constable Matt Baggott has said that the only way Northern Ireland can have a peaceful marching season is by sporting a red fluorescent mullet, while wearing a lycra onesie covered in 'mother...

Wrenfoe 11.08.13 11:17am
Paddy Berzinski
Humanitarian doubloons targeted by Pirates

The Department for International Development has admitted that it may have been an error to send buccaneer-themed aid to Somalia. 'In retrospective it's easy to say people would prefer food, tools or...

Wrenfoe 11.08.13 10:25am
Elderly Woman Found Living Alone In Space Station With 143 Cats 7
Titus 11.08.13 8:44am
Lindy Moone
Innovative New Scheme for Nuclear Waste

The ever-resourceful and innovative Japanese have come up with an exciting new way to get rid of nuclear waste and the solution could become an international breakthrough. A spokesman for the Japan...

Russell Grenning 11.08.13 7:18am
Russell Grenning
Prison has become gentrified complain long term residents of Wandsworth

An influx of MPs, game show hosts, TV presenters and other celebrities is changing the traditional character of Wandsworth, complain prison residents. With every Blue Plaque resident that stays in...

ronseal 11.08.13 7:09am
Pregnant Scots Panda Develops Craving for Deep-Fried Bamboo Shoots

(Re-written in an attempt to be more topical...

Titus 11.08.13 6:59am
Healthy Fag Ban Is To Stop Scots Dropping Ash Onto Their Deep-Fried Mars Bars 0
Titus 11.08.13 6:52am