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One way Mars trip miscalculation as they have to start from Mars

200,000 people who have applied for the one way trip to Mars have reacted with anger to the revelation that they'll have to make their own way to the Red planet before being flown back to Earth. One...

apepper 10.09.13 8:31pm
iPhone to release Bakelite version for retro market

Hat tip to Dumbnews...

Coco 10.09.13 8:30pm
iPhone owners angry they have to buy another iPhone 0
Dumbnews 10.09.13 8:08pm
iPhone 5 promises voice quality comparable to the 1950's 1
Dumbnews 10.09.13 8:05pm
Alsatians to replace corgis as royal dogs 0
Coco 10.09.13 7:55pm
Daisy (number 666) sues farmer for harassment by jackals 0
sillybugger 10.09.13 7:49pm
Satanism in decline as number of the beast revealed to be 09 premium line 0
sillybugger 10.09.13 7:43pm
Bob Geldof to save Africa while in space

Often ignored and unfairly represented by the western media, the continent of Africa has always relied on the front man for The Boomtown Rats to champion their cause. A spokesman for UNICEF declared:...

Wrenfoe 10.09.13 7:36pm
ITV To Investigate Claims of Non-Paedophile on TV

Michael Le Vell's career lies in tatters today, after he was convicted of working as a TV celebrity for decades without serving his apprenticeship. A court found him guilty on several counts of...

deceangli 10.09.13 6:09pm
Submitting on-line expenses now takes longer than incurring them

Company accounts departments across the country are praising the latest developments in slow, complicated, counter-intuitive on-line expenses systems. The new version of ‘Tally’ for example, is...

Midfield Diamond 10.09.13 5:38pm
Midfield Diamond
Testicles live in a blame culture

Researchers at Emory University, US, have discovered that the majority of world’s woes are caused by ‘testicular gigantum’ or ‘big bollock syndrome’ as it is more commonly known. Many...

Wrenfoe 10.09.13 5:11pm
Tian Tian, Assad and Putin continue taking the piss 1
roybland 10.09.13 4:58pm
Michael Le Vell cleared all charges of being able to act...

Sally said to be delighted...

irreverendJ 10.09.13 3:59pm
NASA Astronaut training programme to be replaced with YouTube videos 0
Dumbnews 10.09.13 3:52pm
French garage mechanic jubilant at Le Vell acquittal

'It's a great day for all French garage mechanics,' said overalled French garage mechanic Jean-Paul Badiou from the forecourt of Dave's Cars, Bolton, clutching an oil-can and a glass of celebratory...

roybland 10.09.13 3:45pm
Shock as online Satire site is taken down by humourless contributions....

Admins declare "it's no joke" Am I on the right wavelength?...

Mr Humphries 10.09.13 3:44pm
Syria puts its entire Chemical Weapon Stockpile on EBay

In a bold peace move today it is believed that Syria has put its entire chemical stockpile EBay. A look on the auction website shows Sarin, Anthrax and Mustard gases available from a seller known as...

Scronnyglonkle 10.09.13 3:25pm
Not Amused
Le Vell gives oral to jury members, and get's off on it

The teddy bear was not available for comment today as Mr Le Vell was aquitted on all counts of sexual assault at Manchester Crown Court, albeit silent he orally thanked the jury and then made a quick...

Vanburger 10.09.13 3:21pm
NHS Concern As Fracture Clinic Patients Develop Splint-Affection 4
Flugelbinder 10.09.13 2:40pm
BBC payoff man complains new bank "too far from home to laugh all the way to"

Mark Byford, the man who was paid a million pounds to not work for the BBC any more has complained that his local bank has moved. "For well over a year I have been laughing all the way to the bank...

nickb 10.09.13 2:02pm
Samsung To Enter Beverage Market

Following forays into watches and vacuum cleaners, Samsung are to start producing a new range of Smart Beverages., "We wanted to produce a beer that could both count a consumer's Alcoholic Unit...

Flugelbinder 10.09.13 1:40pm
One-way tickets to Mars now on sale: ***insert own joke here*** 2
Tripod 10.09.13 12:33pm
Not Amused
Ethelred predicts he'll be ready by 2037

Norman King Ethelred has published a revised "readyness" date of 2037. More will follow by 2015, 2026 at the latest...

apepper 10.09.13 11:25am
Not Amused
Recount of votes for IOC presidency, as brown envelopes go missing... 0
Tripod 10.09.13 11:24am
Elderly exorcists: the grannies who expel teen demons

Three Wolverhampton grandmothers claim to be bringing 'tranquillity, peace and an end to that horrible scowling' by banishing demons from hundreds of teens in the West Midlands. Octogenarians Ethel,...

roybland 10.09.13 11:10am
France Spine Implant A Partial Success Declares US Surgeon

Top US Surgeon Dr Nigel Pickes has declared himself satisfied with the world's first operation to insert a spine in to a nation., The operation, a 22 year ordeal, has finally seen France able to...

Flugelbinder 10.09.13 11:04am
Badger flights grounded as pilot cull starts to hit home 0
Not Amused 10.09.13 10:37am
Not Amused
James Blunt revealed as preventing World War III - world mourns death of satire. 3
Al OPecia 10.09.13 10:11am
Al OPecia
"Fathers tend to have testicles" report finds

more soon. After a while castration is just a load of bollocks...

Not Amused 10.09.13 9:58am
Not Amused
Prince Philip admits he may not live to offend everybody

Now in his 93rd year, the Prince is reported to be “philosophical” about the fact he may never get through his bucket list of people to upset. As he takes on a lighter workload of public...

sydalg 10.09.13 9:43am