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Professor Mary Beard and Sister Wendy Beckett to co-host 8 out of 10 Catholics

In a bid to address the issue of too many all-male panel shows, the BBC’s director of television has announced plans to tackle the issue head-on, by revamping existing output. In an effort to kick...

Dick Everyman 09.02.14 6:32pm
Robert Koch
Border agency offers reward for information re whereabouts of 'Cillit Bang'

HM Border Control Agency has offered a six figure reward for information leading to the capture of 'illegal' cleaning duo Cillit Bang and a second individual using the name Mr Sheen., Bang, believed...

Underconstruction 09.02.14 6:08pm
Pickles eats whole scapegoat in one sitting. More soon. 3
Al OPecia 09.02.14 6:03pm
Computer runs out of storm names and generates: Gefutzsbttx

The Met Office has announced a new naming convention for storms, after experts ran out of common names, then words in the English dictionary, last week. The new algorithm has been described as...

Squudge 09.02.14 5:58pm
BBC TV boss: No more funny pannel shows 3
Bigglesworth 09.02.14 5:54pm
Plans to scrap "all straight" line-ups on QI declared misguided 0
Bigglesworth 09.02.14 5:47pm
"the novelty of shooting humans has worn off" Prince Harry

Prince Harry has gone shooting deer and wild boar in Spain with his brother, Prince William, as "the novelty of shooting humans has worn off"...

bigyeti 09.02.14 5:06pm
Cleaner resigns after discovering boss was Tory minister 2
Not Amused 09.02.14 4:35pm
Al OPecia
Confusion as Jo Brand arrives in Sochi for judging duties

"Ms brand is not needed here" said a spokesperson for the games. "We have our own comediennes to deliver pre-prepared self-deprecating witticisms."...

Adrian Bamforth 09.02.14 3:44pm
Adrian Bamforth
Nature Notes: New crater spotted in Somerset.

A bid to drain the Somerset Levels by dropping Eric Pickles from a great height has failed dramatically, causing what many initially believed to be an 'extinction event'. Birds everywhere are...

Kevin the Swan 09.02.14 3:40pm
Cornwall branch of HS2 to be called QE2... 1
misterjingles 09.02.14 3:31pm
Kevin the Swan
Small child asks mummy "Can't they spend HS2 money on trains to Cornwall?" 3
Kevin the Swan 09.02.14 3:29pm
Al OPecia
Traces of giraffe found in Danish bacon

Zoological b**st@rds...

Dick Everyman 09.02.14 2:05pm
"Chris Smith Is A Lizard"

David Icke, the entirely rational former footballer and TV presenter, has posted a blog maintaining that Chris - or "lord" - Smith, the current chairman of the Environment Agency, is a member of the...

Mike Turbine-Hamilton 09.02.14 2:02pm
Mike Turbine-Hamilton
withdrawn, been done

.. .., .. for archive purposes ' Danish pastries found to contain 15% giraffe'. teach me to read further down before posting...

cinquecento 09.02.14 2:01pm
Mafia bestiality suspect "sleeps with the fishes" 1
sydalg 09.02.14 2:01pm
Loose Women forced to admit token tight man 3
errm 09.02.14 1:54pm
Prince defends hunting trip

Prince William has defended his decision to go hunting in Spain saying if it wasn’t for people like him there wouldn’t be an endangered animal’s list in the first place., The Prince said that...

Gerontius 09.02.14 1:31pm
Panic as portly Pickles ponders pond perusal

"There are already too many people in this particular bath", said one local...

errm 09.02.14 1:23pm
Russia Gay Festival overshadowed by outbreak of winter sports

The festival was launched with a glittering show featuring galloping white horses, flying Cossacks and shirtless bodybuilders performing ironmongery. The performance was followed by a Mardis Gras...

Adrian Bamforth 09.02.14 1:20pm
Adrian Bamforth
Eric Pickles apologises for floods but not for being Eric Pickles

Communities Secretary Eric Pickles has apologised for not dredging the Somerset Levels but has refused to say sorry for the distress caused to millions of people by the mere existence of Eric Pickles...

roybland 09.02.14 12:53pm
Paterson admits well maintained badger setts "very efficient drainage channels". 0
Ref Minor 09.02.14 12:36pm
Ref Minor
Huhne: 'I'll solve the flood problem with my experience of fingers in dykes' 0
topfotogmw 09.02.14 12:34pm
Gary Barlow to play ‘boring’ Ken Barlow’s ‘boring’ love child in new Coronation

“It’s a-b-s-o-l-u-t-e-l-y fantastic news” said Gary with his usual slow-motion northern delivery “the producers said I’m so good I don’t even need to take acting lessons, so Take That you...

farmer giles 09.02.14 12:17pm
farmer giles
Salmond demands Independant Scotland retain England Rugby Team. More soon. 3
Al OPecia 09.02.14 12:07pm
Al OPecia
HS2 to be replaced by Russian run winter Olympics to save money 0
Bigglesworth 09.02.14 11:48am
London Boroughs placed on amber alert

The London Boroughs of Kensington and Chelsea have been issued with an amber flood alert after a puddle was spotted forming on a patch of grass outside Kensington Palace Gardens., The puddle, which...

Gerontius 09.02.14 10:54am
Environment Agency claims it's not all bad news. All the badgers have drowned 7
grumblechops 09.02.14 10:53am
Studies of prison dance classes prove guilty feet DO have rhythm.

Ironically many of the inmates are there because of careless whispers...

Ian Searle 09.02.14 10:42am
Ian Searle
Marjoram revealed to be Oregano on the Witness Protection Scheme.

Damn! Just blew it's cover!...

Ian Searle 09.02.14 10:41am
Ian Searle