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AMan loses keys in his trouser pocket

It must be in his genes says wife...

3
zipit 09.10.12 7:45pm
FDubois
Austrian skydiver to mimic Jimmy Savile's reputation..

by plummeting to the earth at super sonic speeds....

1
brd888 09.10.12 7:32pm
brd888
MI5 sex scandal as 000's of women claim James Bond had sex with them 3
simonjmr 09.10.12 7:30pm
brd888
A man did a poo.......

sooo much paperwork he complained to his wife. Even more soon...

0
zipit 09.10.12 7:15pm
zipit
iPad Mini 'smaller than iPad' claim Apple insiders

The eagerly awaited iPad Mini will be smaller than the iPad according to Apple insiders. 'If the iPad Mini is smaller than the iPad, that really would be awesome', said Apple fan Tom Banks. 'But...

1
roybland 09.10.12 7:09pm
Underconstruction
k, hear goes!

'collins hAD a 'pedo bierd' says judges. MORE SOOON!!!!!...

4
FDubois 09.10.12 7:06pm
zipit
Manager of partially sighted football team plays a blinder

I'll get my coat...

0
Underconstruction 09.10.12 6:58pm
Underconstruction
Ex-BBC women complains she was "never touched up on air".. more soon.

Oh Dear, I couldn't help it...

1
Al OPecia 09.10.12 6:51pm
Underconstruction
"I don't know what all the fuss is about" Gary Glitter exclusive interview

Gary Glitter has spoken about his time with Jimmy Savile, they all wanted to be in my gang...

9
philthefunk 09.10.12 6:51pm
button
After even more allegations, BBC wonders how Savile managed to do anything else. 0
dominic_mcg 09.10.12 6:36pm
dominic_mcg
Government criticises new Specsavers "burglar" advert

The Prime Minister has branded a new advert by popular optician firm, Specsavers, as "unhelpful and irresponsible" in light of the government's new guidance on homeowners' rights when confronted by...

2
jamsieoconnor 09.10.12 6:17pm
jamsieoconnor
Disappointing start for new bill as man mistakes mother-in-law for burglar

A Midlands man has spoken of his horror, after accidentally shooting his mother-in-law dead, during what he believed was a burglary at his Birmingham home., After being woken at 2pm by noises from...

2
Underconstruction 09.10.12 5:45pm
sigmund
Rare sighting of Eagle in Surrey garden...

."he was amazing" said resident, "he played Hotel California and then buggered off"...

3
philthefunk 09.10.12 5:40pm
Backup Brian
Woman rejected for plastic surgery on NHS says it's no skin off my nose ...

I'll get me coat...

5
Kramaring 09.10.12 5:29pm
Gerontius
Savile scandal halts plans for Newcastle's stadium to revert to St James' Park 0
pinxit 09.10.12 4:27pm
pinxit
No hiding place: Police confident they are closing in on Jimmy Savile

Met Police commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe has promised to 'get tough' on Jimmy Savile and issued an uncompromising ultimatum to the serial sex offender. Drawing himself to his full height, the self...

2
ronseal 09.10.12 4:22pm
dvo4fun
Hamza bemoans 'dreadful hook' after seven over par first round in Cuban Open.

Muslim fundamentalist cleric Abu Hamza has promised better things on day two as he struggled to find form on the first day of the Cuban Prison Golf Open at Guantanamo Bay., Dressed in an...

0
Underconstruction 09.10.12 4:20pm
Underconstruction
Bring Back....Hanging 1
medici2471 09.10.12 3:42pm
Idiot
£50 NUFC Shirt - £35 week for 52 weeks

Wonga Finance - You Know it Makes Sense...

0
HenryMJUK 09.10.12 3:18pm
HenryMJUK
Abu Hamza to stand for president

In a shock move, the radical cleric Abu Hamza has used his recent US resident status to stand for president. "It's time for firm, decisive, radical and insane government.", said the presidential...

0
apepper 09.10.12 3:10pm
apepper
Traditional Bonfire Night to be replaced by Jimmy Saville effigies set on fire

The traditional Bonfire festival of the burning of a 17th Century man in effigy for trying to blow up the Houses of Parliament has been replaced this year by the burning of an effigy of a 20th...

0
AReader 09.10.12 2:54pm
AReader
Government outraged at duty avoidance on Nitrogen cocktails

The government have promised to act to end the dangerous craze of mixing cocktails with liquid nitrogen. A Tory spokesperson explained, "Its bad enough that an eighteen year old from Lancaster has...

3
grottymonty 09.10.12 2:47pm
Cinders
Nigella Lawson Mafia link exposed

Nigella Lawson was reported to be in hiding last night following the discovery of documents linking her to the infamous Mafia don, Beltrano Balisteri, known to the Italian underworld as ‘The...

0
Dick Everyman 09.10.12 2:38pm
Dick Everyman
Toilet doors slammed by advertising watchdog

The Advertising Standards Authority promised to "come down hard" on false claims posted on public toilet cubicle walls and doors, as a recent probe revealed that up to 80% of the toilet ads failed to...

6
The Bogs 09.10.12 2:24pm
Gerontius
Billions suffering from slow, expensive and unreliable Internet, says UN 0
Dumbnews 09.10.12 2:15pm
Dumbnews
Laser scanning reveals Stonehenge to be ancient art gallery.

Laser scanning has revealed 72 carvings, invisible to the eye, on 5 of the stones at Stoenhenge., The news has 'rocked' the art worldD'arcy Bussle says 'yah' a lot while a Russian is en route with a...

1
philthefunk 09.10.12 2:06pm
Gerontius
Daily Mail crossword solution

YESTERDAY’S SOLUTION (No 7112): ACROSS: 1 Somali. 2 Our jobs. 5 Cervical. 9 Syndrome. 12 Turkish. 14 Grantham. 16 Paris 17. Mercedes. 18 Morecambe Bay. 20 Austria. 24 Dennis. DOWN: 1 Nigella. 2...

7
antharrison 09.10.12 1:42pm
antharrison
Homeowners’ Burglary Guide released as ‘Fifty Shades of Grayling’. 0
malgor 09.10.12 12:45pm
malgor
Women who claim Savile abuse could be stripped of their Jim'll Fix It badges. 0
MADJEZ 09.10.12 12:32pm
MADJEZ
Betting closes on this year's Guantanamo Bay pantomine naming decision 0
antharrison 09.10.12 12:12pm
antharrison